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'Sorry but I don't remember you'

Amane's/Hanako's memory loss

We know that Amane/Hanako doesn't remember some parts of his past, the most notable being the reason he was fixing the clock.

However, there are some other things that he doesn't remember. And those things are... his encounters with Nene when she traveled to the past.

Yet, at the same time, he subconsciously recalls them.

1. "Body remembers but mind doesn't" instance #1: The Tanabata Star Festival 

I don't think that Nene changed the timeline when she traveled to the past, but rather it was destined to happen in the previous timeline, because note that before she traveled to the past to meet little Amane, Hanako was already confused as his heart started to beat faster after Nene whacked his forehead.

Like, the whack triggered the sensations he had when Nene kissed his forehead in the past. That's why the "?" like, "Why am I feeling so nervous out of nothing because she whacked my forehead?" It's like, his body remembers what happened even if his mind doesn't.

Something interesting is that Amane doesn't remember Nene 4 years later.

Many people think that it's because he met her when he was little and then he forgot about her because he grew up, but I don't think that's the case. For example, even though Tsukasa was 4 when he first met Nene, he still remembered her when he was 12.

I think Nene had such a strong impact on Amane when he was 8.

He liked her because of her fat ankles, then blushed because she cleaned his mouth with a handkerchief, had a crush on her after this and was willing to give her his one wishing slip. Then, he told her she was his type and he even changed his wish of becoming an astronaut, to meeting her once again, writing her name in the process. Finally, he hung the wishing slips she gave him from the big wish tree and smiled as he looked at them. She was his first love!

That's why it doesn't make sense that he doesn't remember her.

It’s as if his memories were altered while he was still alive. But by whom? Could it be The Clock Keepers? Did Amane became a Clock Keeper in the ages of 8-12? Could an accident that happened during that time, make him lose his memories? (Before the one that happened at the school festival).

Or could it be Tsukasa who manipulated their "accidental encounters" through time so that they would develop their bond, but it was very important that Amane wouldn't remember Nene at the same time, hence, he altered Amane's memories so that his big plan to grant Amane's wish could work?

2. "Body remembers but mind doesn't" instance #2: Picture Perfect

At first, we weren’t sure whether what Hanako did to Nene when he locked her up was a kiss on the forehead or showing him getting closer to hug her. However, with the recent official art and the anime, it’s clear that it was a kiss on the forehead.

It doesn't seem that Hanako remembers something about her from when he was alive, though. He just subconsciously remembers the kiss she gave him on the forehead. I think it became something really special to him, a sweet gesture of affection.

3."Body remembers but mind doesn't" instance #3: The magic spell

So, this is another example of how Hanako subconsciously recalls the kiss Nene gave him when he was 8, but as I previously said, it's very clear that he doesn't remember meeting her when he was still alive.

Still, his emotions and actions scream and show how much that interaction meant to him when he could remember. It's as if those memories are trying to emerge from the depths of his mind.

It's also an example that shows that what happened in the past with Nene, is already part of the previous timeline.

I know that it started with Hanako giving a kiss to Nene as a magic spell, so she replicated it with Amane, but also Hanako seemed confused when his body reacted to Nene's whack on his forehead at the festival.

I think he replicated the kiss Nene gave him on the forehead when he kissed her cheek, but if he hadn't done it, Nene wouldn't have replicated it with Amane.

It's like a causal circle of kisses interactions. Like there's no beginning or ending. It was everything at the same time, in some way and no kiss interaction could have existed without the other (When I started to write this theory I didn't know I could be analysing these kisses interactions this deeply lol but it's very interesting).

4. "Body remembers but mind doesn't" instance #4: Love at first sight

Another example of he has memory loss but his body remembers is the day Hanako met Nene for the first time because she wanted him to grant her wish.

What if Tsukasa planned everything from the beginning? How did he know that Nene would have such a strong impact on Hanako? Hanako liked Nene at first sight!

It's as if Tsukasa knew he could take advantage of the feelings Hanako had for Nene and he made them a crucial part of his plans. It's also strange the way Hanako got attached to Nene so quickly and it's like Tsukasa was expecting Hanako to get attached to her that quickly.

I think that aside from the time travel events that are shown in the story so far, something really important happened between Nene and the Yugi twins when they were alive.

Those interactions made Tsukasa realize that Amane/Hanako's and Nene's feelings were mutual, or maybe he manipulated everything so that they could fall in love with each other (That would make him HanaNene biggest shipper lol).

(This is a "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" kind of situation. My head is gonna explode hahaha)

Either way, Hanako doesn't seem to remember Nene because his memories related to her are altered along with his reason for fixing the clock. Could his memories about Nene and the clock be related?

Tsukasa knows the full story.

I HAVE NO WORDS

Sure! Hanako have too much to work with, since he is the main character, so I’ll focus on the thing I love the most about him: His inexperience when it comes to caring about others.

Hanako put up thick walls between himself and his peers, rarely connecting to others, be they humans or supernaturals.

Helping students and keeping them safe is his duty, his punishment to atone, not something he personally wants, his own personal view is far more ‘cold’, Amane’s empathy was destroyed after he became a supernatural, beaten down after sixty years of being dead.

What he tells Kou here is true.

He has shown time and time again, people’s life isn’t particularly important to him,  he’ll exchange one life for another without guilt for the person he doomed because of personal preference, and had destroyed yorishiros since the start of the manga, knowing of the danger of doing so, for his own gains.

Before the manga story starts, Hanako is alone.

He plays with the other mysteries but he doesn’t consider anyone his friend. He keeps a distance even from Tsuchigamori, unaware Amane’s moon rock is his old teacher’s yorishiro and seemingly not talking to him much, only looking for Tsuchigomori when he needs him for something.

He is apathetic to practically everything, drowning in his own misery: Tsukasa is the only one that can break him out of his apathetic state, and he terrifies Hanako. Even though he is the titular character, we never see Hanako’s boundary because he doesn’t want to face his yorishiro, finding it much easier to hide and spend his afterlife in the bathroom instead.

Tsukasa was important to Amane, and while he is important to Hanako as well, Tsukasa is rarely perceived as his brother, his presence is mostly treated as the personification of Hanako’s guilt. Hanako hasn’t tried to understand Tsukasa’s feelings or expressed worry about his well-being: out of all his comflicting emotions, his priority is usually to look away.

Hanako has spent his afterlife in this limbo of running away and not connecting with anyone, but eventually, he met two people he got very attached to: Kou and Nene.

He loves them a lot, much more than he loves himself.

He will try his very best to face Tsukasa, the embodiment of the trauma he has been running away from, to keep them safe.

Most of the time, Hanako fails: he is too terrified to act, he panics.

He can’t help when Tsukasa is his oponent.

Even outside his past, there are still things Hanako can’t help with.

The guilt and panic and pain of having no use for someone he wants to help hurt, but Hanako doesn’t run away from this pain.

He tries to help anyways, to reach out as best he can.

And Kou’s trouble linger in his mind, when the kid gets depressed again, Hanako try to help him again.

He want Kou to feel better.

He may have said “He is kind of like you, isn’t he, No.2?” but he doesn’t care about Yako or her attachment to Misaki, his attention is on Kou the second he finish his request: interested in his reaction, not her feelings.

He is selfish though, he cares about their feelings, but he mostly listens to his own, which is most obvious to see with Nene.

In the clock keepers arc he mentioned he kept Nene’s lifespan secret because he wants her to live her best life in blissful ignorance, but he doesn’t make her the priority, he makes himself: He is aware she hates toilet duty, no one enjoys being forced to waste their evenings cleaning a bathroom, but he likes it.

He rarely enjoys things, so he can’t let go of it. He can’t sacrifice this hint of joy for the sake of Nene living “her best life”.

He adores spending time with her, and since he has very little self-worth, he is convinced she would never spend time with him by her own volition, he needs to use the cleaning duty to keep her close.

Is why he gets so happy when she calls him a friend.

This love, this care, is something Hanako really wants from her.

But is also something Hanako doesn’t think he deserves.

He can get frustrated by how much they love him, by how distorted their view is, as if he is a ‘good ghost’. He loves their kindness but he feel greedy for it, he loves their optimist but he is constantly looking down at them for it.

He loves them but he hates himself. So he sabotage himself.

He tells Kou and Nene point blank his bad traits “I am dead already. I don’t care if someone dies or not.” “I killed someone and you shouldn’t excuse it” “I am selfish, I care about you Nene, and not your best friend.” are things he only tell Nene and Kou, as if he was screaming. “I am not a good ghost!” even if he will never  tell them “Leave me alone, stop visiting me.”

Hanako is constantly fighting between clinging to what he loves, regardless of how much his behavior hurt them, and telling himself he should want them away from him.

Both of his attempts to save Nene involved being away from her, either trapping her in picture-perfect until she forgot about him, or exchanging Aoi’s lifespan with Nene’s, saving her but making it so he can’t see her again, and she would eventually forget about him.

The more Hanako’s love for Nene grow the bigger the lengths he is willing to go for her, even if at it core, his love remains selfish, he knew Nene wouldn’t be happy with his solutions, but he doesn’t care, cause she will live, and she will live by his own hands.

He acts like doesn’t know why he does this a lot of times:

And to some degree, he truly doesn’t know.

Hanako has many mental blocks when it comes to admitting vulnerability, even to himself. He looks anguished when he confesses to Nene that he wants her to live.

Hanako never had a wish, not outside his “wish” to atone, which he constantly refears to as punishment, not something he personally want, just something he deserves.

 Even as Amane he had given up on his wish.

So wishing for Nene to live is a very new feeling.

This wish makes him go against his duties as No.7 and his quest to ‘repent’, but he can’t even care because he really wants her to live. And is not like going against “god’s will” is what trouble him, since he destroys yorishiros the second he got the chance.

He just want her to not die that much. He can no longer deny he is smitten with her.

We can see this all consuming care with Kou too, even if it is more subtle it’s still very present, and just as impactful in his afterlife.

Nene is someone he loves but very rarely rely on, she is his special someone, he’ll go above and beyond to do what he believe is best for her, ask anyone and even if they disapprove of his actions, they can’t deny he cling to her, always ready to rescue her.

His view on Kou is different, he is someone he ask to fight and help. Is not that he doesn’t trust Nene, not exactly, but he had the “I’ll keep you in the dark mentality” from the second they met, while he never planed to treasure Kou, he just saw enough potential, or use, in this exorcist kid to occasionally rely on him.

Hanako plans for Kou only involved a vague “he can exorcise me later” idea, but he ends up genuinely caring about Kou after he stand up for him agaist Teru in the young exorcist arc. 

It’s no longer just “this boy is so funny! I can both make fun of him and use him”, now Kou is his friend.

Just compare how he treats Kou when he is in Yako’s boundary, and in Hell of Mirrors.

He has gotten the habit to be more honest with Kou, he is always counting on him on little things when they are together, and it hurts so bad when Kou fail, because Hanako trusts him, and he hasn’t trusted someone in such a personal way in 60 years.

Hanako is more comfortable hating himself them his friends, so he usually doesn’t let his dissapointment in Kou linger. Focusing most of his negative thoughts on himself.

Kou isn’t infallible, but he is the one Hanako trusts the most. Hanako used to trust Kou almost blindly, holding on to the feeling, but once he was let down, he gets so hurt, he resents the feeling.

He is a contradictory character. It feels like he hate Kou at times and is frustrated by Nene, but he can’t stop caring about them. He only got attached to two people, he can try, and he will, but he can’t pretend they aren’t important to him.].

We know Hanako lingered in Mei’s fake world because his deepest wish is to be human with Nene. So even though it is a big red flag for Nene to see “Amane” in her class, the supernatural couldn’t resist playing pretend.

Just for a bit, just for a taste of a normal life with her.

He is consistently selfish and irrational when it comes to Nene. He can’t let go.

His view on Kou is less frenzy but he can’t be discarded either, the kid is the other half of his reason to want to be alive after years of just accepting his death.

He have made up his mind about not going anywhere, he still refuse to follow the crew to Mei’s exit, to the moon, but he wants Kou and Nene to always come to him.

Cause even thought Yashiro was his focus, and Mitsuba took most of Kou’s time, Hanako does make it very clear he want Kou there. He even try to knock Kou out like he did with Nene the second he notices Mitsuba failed to distract him.

He risked Kou being in this world, indulged Mitsuba in his dream to be human and live a normal school life by the side of friends, which is a wish Hanako has shown to actively disapprove of in hell of mirrors (and is the very same wish that Hanako have expressed to have in this arc), because Kou is part of it.

His motives for wanting to trap Kou until he lose his memories are unclear but his anger towards Kou for giving him hope after years of nothing only to realize he can’t back up his promises to make Nene live is all over picture perfect.

And Hanako is a coward, he get angry kou want to stop him, discount his anger on Mitsuba, doesn’t explain anything, take Nene, and leave Kou confused.

Hanako only loses his patience and tell how he feels when Kou is in his way, and Hanako needs to beat him if he wants Nene to stay.

The one thing that he’ll always prioritize above all else is Nene after all.

There is a certain determination to only focus on Nene after picture-perfect, not take Kou as seriously.

And what kills me is that Hanako’s attempts to distance himself are very half-hearted.

It fails.

No matter how real his anger and dissapointment, his care is just as real, if not more so. He is still eager to play fight with Kou and spend time with him. Their overall trio dynamic isn’t affected.

Is always “Nene” and “Kou” and “everyone else”. Even when Kou isn’t in the scene, Hanako thinks of him.

There is this idea Kou is important, an implied “If I can’t save Nene, Kou will be the one to save her”, even with all the reasons and proof he has that Kou can’t do something as big as alter her fate, part of him still believe Kou can do it. Is a part of him that is illogical and Hanako hates it, and doesn’t want to deal with it.

So he focus on Nene’s lifespan, he became obsessed with it.

He has always been possessive of Nene. In any chapter they are together he is touchy and flirty and so openly attached to her, it’s insane!

He knows he is in love.

He also knows he is the ghost of a dead killed and feels like Nene deserves better than what he has to offer, but he can’t let her go.

Even when he is determined to grant her wish, to make a ‘no turn back’ decision, his determination crumbles the second they are face to face, his logic dies and he is just… Happy to see her again.

Even if he knows his plans failed, even if he knows she will die, he just… like seeing her.

His love is openly selfish and doomed to not last, which is something he understands and doesn’t know how to deal with, but just like he can’t force himself to truly hate Kou and stop believing in him, he also can’t force himself to stop loving Nene and desperately trying to find ways to make her live.

He is a mess.

mitsukou in c118 !

ouuuugh the way this scene the way mitsuba just gives up and looks like he expected kou to leave

HOLYMOLY

WELCOME BACK ALBEDO

Speed running this art, my happiness cannot be contain. I'm giddy rn