Introduction.

it’s so painful to watch yourself grow cold, bitter, and resentful, even toward small, irrelevant things, when all you’ve ever wanted was just to be warm, gentle, kind, and loving.

Kalau sudah cantik dan wangi begitu, harusnya langsung duduk di atas mukaku. Yang kamu bilang berat itu, adalah beban yang ditempa hidup pada perempuan jelita seperti kamu. Duduk, istirahatlah di atasku, biar aku bantu muntahkan emosi liar yang kamu pendam sejak kemarin.

— Gombalan Klise, pada kekasih bayangan yang belum jadi kepunyaan.

Tempat ini sudah di ujung batas porak-poranda -oh, atau memang sudah porak-poranda? (Kami rasa iya).

Tikus-tikus gembrot sibuk nikmati pesangon; rakus mengais sambil tersenyum licik macam iblis! (Sudah bukan macam lagi, tapi kami rasa mereka memang iblis).

Tangis kami dilewatkannya kuping kanan, tapi keluar kuping kiri; macam mereka dulu waktu sekolah kala dengar nasihat-nasihat ibu dan bapak guru (pantas, kan; mereka semua dungu dan tidak tahu malu).

Hidup di neraka kami rasa lebih baik; neraka setidaknya menghukum sesuai dosa kami. Tapi di tempat ini, yang bahkan iblis neraka saja macam tak sudi menginjakkan kaki karena kalah keji dengan iblis-iblis berdasi, dihukum atas dosa-dosa yang bukan milik kami. (Najis, *puih puih*).

Tuhan, bisa tidak? Kirim kami obat racun tikus paling ampuh?

# IndonesiaGelap.

henry fucking winter

Reading with Cats

@ Habitat Park, South Jakarta

And we might be a 'Richard Papen' somewhere in our life. Looking for place where we can feel desired, needed, and would never get left behind.

thinking about how richard papen was so desperate to find somewhere to belong because of the broken family he came from and he was obsessed with the exclusive class and after joining them he started resembling them, picking up their habits and their attitude, all because he wanted a family, to be included, and yet even after he joined them he still remained an outsider up until the very end. “your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing” is so richard papen

Your lips seems blurry in my mind like it was miles and miles away, and i never been this passionately miserable of missing something that was never mine to claim in the first place, the hurt caused by the absence of your touches keep bludgeoning me like a hammer to a nail, a harsh reminder of how I was nothing than a mere object in a tasteless sentence, without your presence, breathing seems missing its meaning.

Babel by Rebecca F. Kuang: English and Indonesian translation

Spent my new year eve with dead writers.

Sometimes we need poetry to endure our most painful moments for it makes everything beautiful