Hal Isn’t A DILF But He Is Canonically Both The Hot Uncle And The Cool Uncle And We Must Acknowledge

tiktok trend part 7.5! i am so sorry for this one.

PSA: the audio is a little n//s//f//w and there are spoilers for IDW Lost Light #25

reblogging this because this is going to be inspiration for a fic

(mmm adventures of tired+bitchass DILF constantine and a swearing sunshine 12 year old kid) this is a horribly long list im sorry; im adding to the "john and shazam are dating misunderstanding" hc i saw when browsing

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due to billy's reaction at canary telling him that john kissed zantanna, word gets around that john is lowkey polyamorous

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the engagement party is somewhat awkward cuz john and billy are like: ??? what????

billy, as he sees john being congratulated on his "engagement" by the members of the jl: is john getting married to zantanna?

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i said this before but when the league sees john with billy (without him being shazam/chilling in his true form), everyone assumes that billy’s john and shazam’s adopted kid

green arrow: how's life with your dads?

billy, in his true form, confused: don't you mean dad?

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when billy (as shazam) accidentally stubs his toe onto something hard, the jl hears the loudest "FUCK!" from him and thinks that he's gotten into john's swearing habits

superman: i see you have gotten some...habits

billy, who swears like a sailor all the time and thinks superman is mentioning his lessons with john: okay???

This is fantastic and cursed, I love it.

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Captain Marvel: (Injured)

Superman: (panicking) You’re husband is coming soon, just hang in there.

Captain Marvel, who is too injured to understand what was just said to him: k

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John: He’s a handful to put to bed.

Captain Marvel: Hey, it’s not my fault I want to keep playing!

The entire league, not knowing Cap was talking about animal crossing: 😶

Batman’s tongue was too good for DC so DC banned him from going down on a woman

man dumplings taste good

My fave little guy

Sappy romantic Shadow and brainrot cringe Sonic

tommy, tubbo, jack and niki: are you doing lore, george?

this has probably already been done but

Hal: Oh just so you know, it’s very muggy outside. 

Bruce: 

Bruce: Hal, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn

Hal: *sips coffee from bowl*

I can’t get this out of my head now,,,,I’m curious...

-how much thirst traps he’s made and what/who there mostly about

-his following

-the titles of his thirst traps

-there’s probably accounts simping for this dude because of his abs and looks LMAO

-Hal goes grocery shopping one day and a edgy teen and the part time cashier RECOGNIZE HIM IMMEDIATELY

-person: hey are you [account name]?

hal: *doesn’t know what to do*

-Barry finds out and tells the JL/keeps it to himself but gets caught watching a thirst trap by a JL member

-everyone in the JL finds out soon enough

-it starts off with Bruce criticizing Hal’s thirst traps on his burner phone to unknowingly simping for Hal ig

and yeah

hc:hal jordan uploads thirst traps a lot on his instagram and bruce followed him in his private acc

ches and I actually talked a bit about this here, but yeah 100%. hal (and his abs) becomes a bit of a minor internet celebrity and obviously this is a security risk that needs to be monitored. very closely. by bruce. the fact that bruce's brain melts out of his ears every time hal does anything even slightly attractive is irrelevant.

probably should have saved a handful of these for december but i’m not about to wait that long