Nerd Rage, General Hatred Of Amazon, And, Yes, A Certain Degree Of Racism Are Surely Aspects Of It For

tired of the whole movement that’s people saying ’i read 200 books in a year’ and reading as a means of boasting and hardcover books being bought and never read after the instagram picture and most booktubers reading and recommending the same books and poorly written books selling fast because they have pretty covers and tropes people like and authors on twitter being afraid to say anything serious out of fear of being divisive and the whole let people enjoy things dialogue every time someone expresses that they think something is written shittily as is their god given right to form an opinion as a reader without randos on the internet taking it personally because OMG someone else didn’t agree that this book is good!? TIME TO ESCALATE THINGS TO RIDICULOUS LEVELS 😤😤😤 and also i’m tired of book influencers setting up this false dichotomy between victorian classics or modern pulpy romcoms while vastly ignoring the existence of classics written by people of colour and people from non first world countries

Top 5 Best Funny Hobbit Lines

1) “This is what it is, Mr Baggins,” said the leader of the Shirriffs, a two-feather hobbit. “You’re arrested for Gate-breaking, and Tearing up of Rules, and Assaulting Gatekeepers, and Trespassing, and Sleeping in Shire-buildings without Leave, and Bribing Guards with Food.”

“And what else?” said Frodo.

“That’ll do to go on with,” said the Shirriff-leader.

“I can add some more, if you’d like it,” said Sam. “Calling your Chief Names, Wishing to punch his Pimply Face, and Thinking you Shirriffs look a lot of Tom-fools.”

I am particularly impressed by Sam’s ability to marshall the power of Verbal Capitalization when called for.

2) “If you turn over a new leaf, and keep it turned, I’ll cook you some taters one of these days. I will: fried fish and chips served by S. Gamgee. You couldn’t say no to that.”

“Yes, yes we could. Spoiling nice fish, scorching it. Give me fish now, and keep nassty chips!”

Poor Gollum, doomed to a world without sashimi.

3) “Mercy!” cried Gandalf. “If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?”

“The names of all the stars, and of all living things, and the whole history of Middle-earth and Over-heaven and of the Sundering Seas,” laughed Pippin. “Of course! What less? But I am not in a hurry tonight.”

What makes it all the funnier is Pippin’s sheer laziness. He spent two months in Rivendell and, going by Merry’s comments, I doubt he so much as opened a single book. But he’ll quiz Gandalf incessantly.

4) Gaffer Gamgee, on his son’s sartorial choices: I don’t hold with wearing ironmongery, whether it wears well or no.

There has never been a more quintessentially Hobbit line.

5) Merry Brandbuck, after assisting in destroying the Lord of the Nazgûl: I am hungry. What is the time?

Okay, so it’s not inherently funny, but it gets major points for context.

the hobbits organizing a blindfolded taste test with the fellowship except every single food is potatoes

Speaking of linguistics fics, an idea I’ve played with but never put into practice is using maximal Latin-rooted words when characters are speaking Quenya and Germanic-rooted words when they’re speaking Sindarin.

The effect being to make the language shift more meaningful than just a dialogue tag, (maybe even to the point where I don’t always have to say it outright) and it would work by playing on associations of Latinate words as more highbrow and polysyllabic and Germanic words as more common. (Think regal/kingly, dine/eat, or educate/teach.)

It might backfire, it might be impossible (sometimes the connotations run the other way!) but I think it’d be fun to try.

At a certain point, it’s just Feanor and Eol remaining unrepentant in Mandos.

Feanor nods along as Eol goes off about: the Valar; people usurping what is his; a disloyal wife who betrayed him by trying to separate him from his son; how, if he did any wrong, it was because his hand was forced by people stealing from him, and that is what caused his family’s deaths!

Immediately after this, Feanor goes to Namo and is like. “Okay. I see it now. I was a prick, my bad.”

Namo is so shocked that his watch on the doors of night falters and that’s why Feanor’s return heralds the end of the world. Not with a bang, but with Feanor apologizing.

Ran into my seventeen year old brother in the kitchen at 1am last night and when I asked him what he was doing he just shrugged, said “these are my roaming hours,” and walked off strumming vaguely on his guitar

You know which bit of The Fall of Gondolin made me go really, truly feral? After Tuor and Voronwë see Túrin, without knowing who it is (my heart), we get this:

The cries of the hunters grew fainter; for the Orcs thrust never deep into the wild lands at either hand, but swept rather down and up the road. They recked little of stray fugitives, but spies they feared and the scouts of armed foes; for Morgoth had set a guard on the highway, not to ensnare Tuor and Voronwë (of whom as yet he knew nothing) nor any coming from the West, but to watch for the Blacksword, lest he should escape and pursue the captives of Nargothrond, bringing help, it might be, out of Doriath.

Part of the reason that they manage to cross the Vale of Sirion (apart from the cloak of Ulmo) is that Morgoth is so concerned with keeping a watch out for Túrin that his scouts keep to the road, and aren’t bothered about pursuing two “stray fugitives” come out of the west into the wilds beyond. He is so preoccupied with Túrin that Tuor slips right through his fingers.

Without ever knowing it, Túrin helps Tuor to reach Gondolin, to deliver Ulmo’s message, to marry Idril and father Eärendil, putting in motion Morgoth’s own downfall. Cursed as he is, he is still able to play his own part in bringing that about, and all without ever knowing it. And that gets me right in the heart.

The hilarious thing about Sauron is that according to most versions of the legendarium, he was originally, like, a god of planning and logistics, and he initially supported Melkor’s plans for world domination because he regarded the world’s present state of affairs as inefficient and poorly organised. He’s literally what happens when you take the kid who’s fed up at everybody else fucking up their part of the group project and give him phenomenal cosmic power.

[ID: screenshot of tags reading, "and the fact that it was invented by a hobbit who knocked the head of an orc straight off. And the orc's name was Golfimbul." End ID]

sometimes i think about how tolkien said golf exists in middle earth and then just never mentioned it again ever

I like to imagine that if people from a fantasy world came to our world, they would lose their shit over how TINY our spiders are.

Like. Imagine going to a fantasy world where lions are the size of a bottle cap and occasionally a pride appears on your living room carpet. It would be like that.