The Silmarillion But It’s Narrated Like A Football Game With Play By Play Commentary Done By Rúmil

are you considering getting into NFTs but are on the fence due to environmental concerns or fear of being labelled a "complete douchebag"?

do you want to enjoy owning a unique piece of artwork while still enjoying the possibility of one day getting a girlfriend?

then boy, do I have the option for you!

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these gorgeous artworks are called "commissions", and are environmentally friendly AND don't look like pure shit!

if that wasn't enough, many lovely artists on the internet will, for a price, PHYSICALLY MAKE AN ARTWORK IN REAL LIFE AND MAIL IT TO YOUR OWN HOME! That's right, a PHYSICAL OBJECT that is completely unique and made just for you!

Benefits of Commissions:

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I Will Stop Fucking Your Mom!

"OP," I hear you cry, "how do I get my grubby hands on such a deal??"

don't fret, dear reader! simply check the bio or pinned post of any artist on any site for further directions! Many will have a "commissions open" or "commissions closed" sign, and often you will find a post with prices or instructions on how to contact the artist for details!

"What if I can't afford it?" you say? Well, you can also support the artist by REBLOGGING their artwork! (NEVER repost without permission, I'll kill you)

stop buying NFTs and support real artists!

the mortal LaCE loophole

Anyway fun little factoids for fanfiction writers who want to be maliciously canon compliant with LaCE are that: 1. an elf without descent from Earendil and Elwing does not have the Choice, and does not necessarily die when their mortal partner does out of grief; case to point; Mithrellas, who just left one day 2. the rule post-statute is that no elf may have more than one spouse in this world at the same time 3. even if you go by the very strictest of LaCE interpretations (it’s not a cultural document but literally biologically true, sex = marriage even if no vows to Eru/Valar are made) … this still allows for what I refer to as the Mortal Loophole 4. because mortals do not stay within the circles of the world after death 5. congratulations! your elves can practice serial monogamy with mortals and be entirely canon compliant 6. literally, this is not against any of the laws. infinite mortal spouses. 7. this can either be a horror scenario (pre-existing inequalities in the first age between elves and humans + disposable spouses? hm…) OR just an excuse for 100% canon compliant slutty elves I guess. Just with mortals. 8. No, elves don’t only marry for true love guaranteed to kill them in the event of death – as noted, again, both by LaCE and demonstrated by Mithrellas’ actual behaviour. Luthien was an exception adn should not have been counted. 9. Then why did Aegnor leave? As stated in Athrabeth; he’s Noldorin royalty and has some wacky idea about No Romance During War* (*in part because to Tolkien as a Catholic marriage = children, and children during war = big no no to Noldor for reasons that do make sense) and also he was afraid of seeing Andreth age, elves are capable of living more in memory etc. 10. Anyway not every elf is highly principled Noldorin royalty. 11. Unfortunately the outcome of elf/mortal pairings = default mortal child unless you’re a descendant of Earendil. Somewhat traumatic for an elvish parent 12. But as Eol demonstrates shitty elvish parents exist, and also having a child is a conscious act for them anyway. So they could just. Not.

Thinking about a re-embodied Maeglin looking up at the night sky and realising that it contains a star he never saw before he died. And one day he asks about it and hears how it's Eärendil and how he ended up up there

my life has been comedy hell for the past 48 hours. so this tiktok zoomer used my email address to sign up for a tiktok account. how tiktok allowed them to do this, i have no idea. aren’t real, respectable social media sites supposed to force you to validate the email before it is used? smh. but i noticed this about a week or so ago. i sent tiktok a ticket telling them to take my email off to no avail. okay, so after receiving the 20th tiktok notification in my email i decide to take matters into my own hands. i reset the password on the account and logged in to make it stop.

then, i posted a tiktok telling the user to POST THEIR EMAIL IN THE COMMENTS so I can change the account ownership over to them. sounds simple enough, but it is here that i truly learned the failure of the american education system. the original user and their friend posted hysterically about how they were going to “text tiktok” to get the account back, i’m a hacker, their username only has letters and numbers in it, how did you change the password, etc. i explained, over ten times, simply and nicely, that this person signed up with my email, and i simply need them to read the instructions and post their email so i can change the account ownership.

whoever is raising zoomers have failed. mfers can’t even read anything more complex than a tiktok caption anymore. stop letting these ipads raise your children or i will call copmala harris. this is the living result of politicians defunding public education. anyway. after an hour, i suppose the two and a half braincells they share rubbed together and an email was provided, but the email is already attached to another account!

i realized this absolute child prodigy signs up for tiktok accounts with emails they have no control over and she makes new accounts when she needs to reset the password. she’s in Fr*aking high school and by that age I know yall have to use your email for stuff. wtf. like this is some shit i’d expect my over 70 year old internet savy-less grandmother to do, and not even she does this! Anyway. Maybe I will receive a functional email at some point today. They are probably asleep because they need to wake up early to attend the grade school that is not teaching them how to read. 😎🔫 WAIT NO THEY ARE NOT IT IS THE WEEKEND. 😎🔫

Gotta love fics where people just move into the shire and become honorary hobbits. Thorin? Let him reshire. Maglor? Shire. Fuckin Feanor? Put him in the shire. Now I want to see it with Morgoth and Sauron. Depower them and stick them in the shire and watch them become the old married couple of very tall eccentric hobbits

consider this: given how much the hobbits are said to love legalese and documentation, I think when the shirriffs tried to arrest Frodo and company on their return Frodo should have just refused on the basis that they have no official proof that he is, in fact, Frodo Baggins

sir these are my emotional support 120 tabs of unread fanfiction

I absolutely love that hobbits have such a low threshold for weirdness or "not like folks round here" that a Ringwraith doesn't register as more than just a rather odd customer. because everyone is a rather odd customer. you're already tall and dressed funny, sure, you may as well have no face and hiss at people

It's when Elrond shouted profanities in Quenya that Aragorn and the twins knew they were in deep shit.

—The Book of Very Lost Tales, pt. III