My Darling Muse (iii),

Pedge, Painter, Poet...

I feel like Dieter's expression communicates my evolving thoughts on this piece. What can I say? I like it for Bi Visibility week? And I certainly like it better than the small cold I procured this weekend...

Happy Pedro Hours Bouquets of Pedro!

Gosh, I wanted to do so much more for Valentine's but here we have arrived. I DO enjoy writing for Din, as per @beefrobeefcal Christmas Prompt. But I currently have my hands full with Pedge's Bookshop "Crime and Punishment" Series completion and Din deserves our full attention. I'm not sure if it's Platonic Love or not, but I always found Din to be ace-coded, so I enjoyed some beautiful @auteurdelabre coloring + a bitty poem to celebrate this Pedro Boy. Hope you are enjoying Valentine's and all things Love! Thanks @happypedrohours for the fun activities!

Platonic Love

Come, my love, and wrap the tendrils of your soul around mine Anchor yourself to the port of my storm Reach out for me, with the Divinity within, as I reach within for You I do not tether myself to you anymore Than we are already inexorably linked I do not entitle myself to a Love already realized And if we must lie together, let’s do so quickly, As though racing towards a reality already observed Reveal yourself to me, as I already know you, So that I may better divine myself Let us layer our bodies on top of The unspeakable euphoria and horror we must endure Let us divorce ourselves from ourselves, Taking one another without judgement or force Shed your armor and step into my ocean I will encase you, enhouse you, as unto myself, Forever relinquishing and forever devouring

*thanks @dollywons for the cool dividers

@joelmillerisapunk @i-own-loki @oliveksmoked @inept-the-magnificent

WIP Poll Pike's Place

This is my first writing year on Tumblr and as per @burntheedges "Roll-a-Trope Challenge" . I love Pike. And I love the cinema ALMOST as much as he does (did you catch some of our holiday movie references in Episodes 1-3?). Looks like Pike and I are both going to be watching Die Hard. What would you watch?

NewYorkNewYork

Okay Broadway Babies, Tumblr may have finished this trend, but Pedge and I are going strong! If RPF is for you, check out my most personal work yet, and first series. It's a fantastical journey through my professional time in NY, and what better way to celebrate than with Pedge at our side!

Triggers: Set in 2014, it might progress to some lite smut, but this first episode only includes a slightly tipsy trip and mild profanity. NYC is rough enough--save the drama for your llama...

New York, New York Series Moody Thespian Pedge Tweets Masterlist Moody Theater J's Jams

The One That's Personal

Triggers:

This is a WAY overshare, but if Pedge and I keep encountering all these naked bodies on Tumblr, this seems mild in comparison. Therapist Pedge has RPF vibes, but he's really just an avatar that helps me process scary or unfamiliar feelings...AND we have Pedro Pascal for everything else...A little personal chat about the asexuality spectrum, profanity, SH, pleasuring yourself, post-hysterectomy health problems, and all other things Papi Pascal....

Oh wow. Okay, leave it to Pedge and I to have a surprising sexual experience and immediately sit down to write something about it. My personal journey has been a bit meandering, but as I've discovered over my 45 years of existence, EVERYONE is on a unique journey, so I'm no more inhuman or ill-fitting then the rest of humanity.

I didn't pleasure myself until I was in my 30's, and there wasn't anything immediately pleasurable about it. It was a solid 2 weeks of trial and error, confusion and self-loathing until I discovered a buried component of myself and breathed a relative sigh of relief.

It's odd being a virgin, without a uterus or cervix...at the age of 45. I feel like a f*ckin' unicorn. While I had enjoyed a solid decade+ of pleasurable self-moments, it was pretty perfunctory. I've nurtured many a crush, but I'm not sure if there is a bridge between my physical desires of self and my emotional/spiritual desires from others. So I've started experimenting with a tentative ace label...or more accurately, a "sexy celibate"...But until I had my hysterectomy I thought I could just jam myself into the standard heterosexual, Western convention of relationships, marriage and children, receiving the emotional support and structure I wanted, while deftly sidestepping any sexual "eccentricities".

But after I had my hysterectomy everything was harder. At first I blamed my non-existent cervix, and employed more...vibrational means of enjoyment, and that was a revelation. Seriously, anyone that wants to self-experiment--Pedge and I couldn't encourage you more.

But after about a year, my pursuits started to feel more self-destructive than self-celebratory. Honestly, it felt like my SH narrative of yore, as I tried to vibrate my way into feeling human. Feeling self-acceptance? Feeling "normal". Soon, I was dealing more with pre-existing health problems and a hyptertonic pelvic floor, and all my toys went to the nearest landfill (can't donate those to Goodwill). My body was crying out for self-revelation, but I still don't always know how to give it to her.

2025 is my year-o-health and it's had a bumpy start. Four different doctors and I'm mostly making progress with my own research, extremely regimented diet and new routine. But after several weeks, I was feeling hungry in more ways than one. Maybe I had drowned out my still, small voice in such a vibrationally overwhelming and confusing world.

So my experiment resumed....with the F4 Trailer. Mind you, I didn't realize that at the time...All I can tell you is, I woke up in a foggy haze to Pedge's midrift digitally nuzzling against my tum-tum and decided I wanted more, and I f*cking got it. For the first time in my 45 years of existence I came under my own fingers, and we all have the F4 Trailer to thank for it.

That's not EXACTLY true, though that interview was a sight for sore eyes. Honestly, that overwhelming outfit of pattern and joy with the smallest bit of tummy peaking through....really just pushed me over the edge. Here is a man who seems to have joyously accepted himself and I bet I can learn how to do the same.

So here we are. Nothing has really changed. Just one, single, possibly ace, emotionally and spiritually confused level 45 human who joins the rest of the world in loving Pedro Pascal...and maybe getting one step closer to really loving themselves :)

It was very good for me.

And Pedge approves.

Euphoria

I've decided to try a therapeutic series that is purely self-indulgent, but might resonate with some other peeps. This series is going to be very emotional and highly descriptive. Whilst containing a fair amount of smut, relates more to concepts of intimacy and self-loathing so please proceed at your own risk.

Triggers: 18+, smut, female reader, oral s@x, difficulty w/ orgasm, self-hatred, pic is a mood board only, attempt at Spanglish, this is the Pedge Universe so no PP characters on the cuddle couch...

It had been about a month. You looked in the mirror, pouting as you ran your hands over your body. Failure. A month of sexy-time operations and you felt dry as a bone. Your friends had recommended all the latest literature, toys, lube and more, but the problem was you. You were always the problem. Not your dreamy boyfriend. If anything, he was the bright spot in a dark horizon of frustration. Endlessly patient, supportive and emotionally available, you were starting to wonder what you did to deserve him. Almost on cue, you caught a puppy dog expression nosing his way into the slightly ajar bathroom door.

“Occupied?” he mused, lightly drifting his fingers over your waist and eventually draping himself around you in a bear hug. You continued pouting at your reflection in the mirror. “That’s a lot of heavy sighing for a Saturday” he pondered, setting his chin on your shoulder teasingly.

He broke into a bit of a smirk, poking your rib, “Do we get to continue our weekend explorations? I know what an academic you are, and I’ve been doing some research…”

Your eyebrows raised quizzically as you twisted mid-hug to rest your hands on his chest. “Is there any way to make that NOT sound like porn?” you joked, resting your forehead on his sternum. You heard a soft rumble, breathing in a scent of cologne, nicotine and mint.  “I mean, that’s not the WORST idea I ever heard, but what do I need with porn when I’ve got such a beautiful guinea pig here in my bathroom?” You smiled into his chest, starting to sway together absentmindedly. 

“I know I’m not supposed to be apologizing…” you began, but didn’t get very far, before he gently lifted your chin up, coaxing your eyes to meet his. He ghosted his lips over yours and moved lower to nibbling your chin and dragging his lips over your neck. “Unless you’re sorry for making me miss the new episode of Euphoria, I’m not sure what we’re doing here…” he mumbled into your clavicle.

You gently pulled his face up with both hands to get a better look. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately, it doesn’t have anything to do with you.” He huffed in comical frustration, widening his stance so he could get nose to nose with you, “Nina impaciente…good things cum to those who wait…” You forced a tight lipped smile. 

“Honestly, I know I’ve said so before, but it’s not a race. It’s not like washing the dishes, hermosa.” You snorted into your hands, covering your face with embarrassment.  “Maybe if we took a little break, and just enjoyed ourselves? Movie? Cuddle?” he started swaying again, lulling you into submission. You brightened slightly at the suggestion. His eyes twinkled with recognition, “Snacks?” Sold.

Ten minutes later, you were piled up on the couch, in your pjs, popcorn in hand. “Thank God! I’ve been thinking about Euphoria for like a WEEK!” Pedro teased, as you tossed a handful of popcorn at his face. Somehow this man was forcing you to relax despite your own insecurities. How did he do that? You settled your feet on his lap, as he immediately began a gentle massage. “Let the suffering BEGIN!” he noted, grabbing the remote, eyes alight with interest. Your mouth began to twist in amusement at his golden retriever-like optimism. The lights of the tv flashed across his attentive expression. Such a nice profile, and his shoulders were so ridiculously broad. You felt a light throbbing as your womanhood tried to communicate through Morse Code. Shifting under the blankets, you pinched your legs together in protestation. 

“You okay over there?” a voice interrupted, now moving his thumb up your leg and resting on your thigh. “Just getting comfortable” you squeaked, confused at your body’s unpredictable reactions. The two of you had all but conjured spells and incantations to reach your now elusive climax, but that didn’t seem to dim your desire or confusion. “Why does she insist on TORTURING herself???” Pedro now exclaimed, throwing a gummy bear at the tv.

Why did she? Why does she? Your lower lip began to tremble involuntarily. It’s my body. Why can’t I force it into submission? Why is it so hard to surrender? A big fat, salty tear dripped down your face, now buttering your popcorn.

“Hey, hey…what’s happening over there? The episode hasn’t even started yet…” Pedro’s eyebrows wrinkled in concern as he reached over to catch the newly falling cascade. It was all too much, as your face distorted in pain, amid squeaks and sniffles. Cupping your face with both hands he pleaded quietly, “Please let me help, hermosa…” grabbing your waist and pulling your hiccuping body close to his. “Can we try things my way, please?” His weight was comfortingly boxing you in and anchoring you down. “I know you want to be a ‘wham bam thank you ma’am' kind of gal, but some of us need a little more coaxing…” he joked as you dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“I just don’t know what’s wrong with me” you acquiesced. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you. What we’re looking for is a different kind of ‘Euphoria’” he chided. Then, honest to God, the man booped you on the nose with his. Reaching over for the remote he silenced the tv, and interlacing his hand in yours, he locked eyes with you, slowly drawing you into the bedroom. “It’s time to take our time”.

This euphoric evening was eventually termed, “The Great Awakening” but it didn’t start out that way. As he seductively removed your oversized sweater you stood slightly shivering, awkwardly covering your breasts.

“Your audience is requesting more VIP access” he teased, dragging his fingers over your collarbone and down your sternum. Rolling your eyes comically you helped pull his white t-shirt up and over his head, revealing his smooth, honeyed skin. Moving his hands lower he pulled at your sweat pants to reveal a red lace thong you had desperately purchased at Victoria’s Secret. His mouth went slack in surprise. “What do we have here?” he rasped, cupping the orbs of your ass and bringing your hips dangerously close to his steadily hardening self.

“Clothes make the woman?” you sniffled, sighing heavily into his chest and resuming your characteristic couple’s sway.

“This time, a LACK of clothes may make the woman…” he joked, wrapping his arm around your waist and taking your hand in his. You felt yourself melt into his body as you swayed in a slow dance at the foot of the bed. Reaching down, you attempted to finger his boxer shorts, but he deftly maneuvered out of the way.

“No hermosa, we’re doing you this evening…all evening.” he whispered, now inches from your ear. Shuddering in his embrace, you tried to slow your breathing, closing your eyes. 

“That’s it…No more racing to the finish line, let the pleasuring begin…” he growled, setting you down on the bed and stroking one finger from the top of your forehead to the soft flesh of your inner thigh, where he started lightly kneading in circles. A shaky breath brought another shudder to your body as he began kissing your knees, thighs, hips and stomach. Drawing your hands above your head, he gently pinned you to the mattress, moving his knee just below your crotch. “I’m going to kiss you now, for an impossibly long time, so get a big breath…” he smiled, and before you could chuckle, he did just that. Tongue. Teeth. Lips. Warmth. Honeyed sweetness and moaning breaths. It was the exposition to a beautiful poem, tumbling verse upon verse. Interlocking lips, stuttering sighs, quick intake of air and hands, hands, hands. Hands everywhere, dripping down your side, feather light touch to your face. Palming your stomach and thumbing your belly button.

Your entire body bucked underneath him as you felt pools of desire gravitate downward. You gasped into his mouth as he massaged your breasts, pinching both nipples in a firm tease. He started licking into your mouth, coaxing moan after moan as you began to lose yourself in the rhythm. White noise. White hot. Searing white heat, as your mind went blank and your body writhed in ecstasy. You mewled like a child as his hands and mouth intentionally moved south, nibbling at your tits and sucking a quick trail from your sternum to your navel. 

Heavy lidded eyes flew open in confused distress as you propped yourself up on your forearms, “Wait, I’m not ready down there! She’s not…uh….trim…” you sputtered, trying to form a coherent sentence. It was nearly comical catching him with tongue poised and eyes wide as saucers. Quickly catching his breath he teased, “The best part of a treasure hunt is when sex marks the spot…”. Eyeing him with incredulity you were about to offer a quick retort until he licked a long stripe from the base of your fourchette all the way up to your clit…and you were gone. 

Trick or Treat!

Pedge has been complaining that we're not doing enough Spooky Season activities. I tried to tell him that we are very busy with work, but he's very insistent, so for the rest of October, we are going to "Trick or Treat". Just DM me and Pedge with:

1.) Pedro "Bad" Boy (listed below) 2.) Candy Selection 3.) "Trick" or "Treat"

From L to R: (Max Phillips, Joel Miller, Veracruz, Maxwell Lord, Oberyn Martell, Dave York, Marcus Acacius, Dio, Agent Whiskey)

*thanks @thecutestgrotto for the cool dividers!

Moody Dio

OMG I haven't even seen this episode. This is what it looks like when you are avoiding your tax preparation, but I don't even care. Look how cute our goth criminal is! I want to squish him...

OMG it happened. 100 followers, one day late. WE'RE FAMOUS. Pedge is famous.

*much like an orgasm I need to announce it before it goes away...

Pedge's Cinema

Trailer: Inspired by @auteurdelabre and the VHS Club, we are going to deconstruct these favorite movies and write some analogous fics taboot. Javi will be our theatrical custodian, but other Pedro Boys might join us for cameo appearances...

Concessions Stand: Don't forget to grab your sweet treat before heading into Pedge's Cinema. Check out @grogusmum and their recommendations for why our fella is a real "Snack"...

The Trailer; Pedge's Cinema The Trailer; All About Eve The Trailer: Thelma + Louise

Sequels:

Movie Poster

*thanks @sweetmelodygraphics

Pedro Pascal's Top 10 Movie Recommendations