”wait- i die??”
van my love oh my god.
her entire existence really is media. it’s all a performance. shes watching her life through the television and reacting to the plot twists as an onlooker. and she dies at the end. the twist is that she dies at the end and now she’s watching herself die and fuck it’s just so real.
"If I were orpheus I wouldn't look back"
But we look back everyday- rechecking emails, making sure a friend is still behind you, checking to see if you remebered to pick up your keys. It's second nature, a habit of care.
It was second nature for him too. He looked back, not out of weakness, but love. For what is love, if not to look back?
i feel like im the only one who just feels fucking sad about lottie this episode. shes a mentally ill unmedicated girl trapped in the wilderness trying to live up to the insane impossible expectations put on her by a bunch of scared teenagers. she's trapped in the throes of a twelve month long psychotic episode. she's scared, paranoid, and delusional. she's existing in a state of unreality exasperated by the fact that everyone around her is feeding into her delusions and encouraging them, because if they don't, what do they have ? there's no false hope, right ? only hope. and the only people giving her any pushback or trying to ground her are constantly attacked and ostracized for not prioritizing "the good of the group". and she just fucking killed someone. she's 18 and she killed someone.
nat being the one to find out abt misty destroying the 'transponder' is exactly how it was always going to go and i LOVE its where we ended up. its why adult nat is so cold and jaded and wary around adult misty, its why she knows inherently that misty cuts her battery cable, tampering w something again to be close to her. why nat is not completely surprised at misty spying on her in her hotel room with a camera. like sorry, since nat's s1 misty hallucination its always been them, intertwined in this resentful and twisted and devoted red string of fate they keep tugging and tugging on until misty eventually strangles her
fuuuuuuuu k
adam parrish looks different every time you see him. that’s partially demonstrated in the first chapters of cdth, but sometimes his hair is red. sometimes it’s a spunky strawberry blond, or a golden brown, or hay colored yellow. the skin under his eyes is so thin that it gets all purple and veiny, especially when he’s tired but that’s kind of always. sometimes his skin is a sickly sort of grayish yellow but others it’s a dusty tan, a product of working on his cars in the virginia sun. his clothes always seem to fit him differently, it’s the way they hang or perhaps the way he holds himself. every once in a while he has these scary, angry, blue eyes, an inherited gift from his father — but more often theyre the same muddy grey as the sky he looked up at, clouds rolling in overhead, from when he was young. he is stringy and small and six feet tall at the same time. unlike gansey, this has never been “all there is.” and it never will be.
Natalie’s entire life was about giving everything she had to others and getting nothing in return.
She hiked for miles in subzero temperatures just to find something to hunt and feed the group, and instead of being met with gratitude, she was blamed when the food ran out.
She extended compassion and support to everyone else when they needed it (comforting Lottie in the middle of the night, holding Shauna’s hand and never leaving her side throughout her labor, understanding Travis’ grief when no one else would) and yet she is always completely alone in her own moments of suffering.
She took on the burden of leadership even while still reeling from the trauma of Javi’s death and the cabin fire, guiding the group out of one of their darkest times. She guided them in building shelter and creating a thriving community. And they repaid her by pushing her to the ground, calling her a murderer, stripping her of her leadership role, and forcing her to butcher the body of her only father figure— whom she had just killed out of mercy and necessity for the group, so that no one else would have to bear the burden of his blood on their hands.
She risked everything to carry out an elaborate plan to get everyone rescued—climbing a mountain, contacting help, ultimately saving all of their lives—and still, in the adult timeline, they treat her like she’s beneath them.
She literally died as a sacrifice so the rest of them could keep living and all she got was a 1 minute funeral.