Sometimes Words Destroy More Than Blows....

Devin Elle Kurtz on Instagram

UKIYO

Living in the moment, detached from the bothers of life.

¿Dónde estás mi pequeño yo? ¿Sigues ahí o ya te has ido? Te busco pero ya no te encuentro He crecido, lo sé pero te necesito ahora. Necesito volver a tener esa facilidad que solías tener en sonreír por las pequeñas cosas, en vivir el día sin pensar demasiado en el mañana. Necesito inventar nuevos juegos para divertirme como cuando construiste casas falsas con los cojines del sofá de la abuela. Te recuerdo ¿sabes? Feliz te hacía encerrarte allí y hacerte buscar solo para llamar la atención y recibir un abrazo. Sí, yo lo recuerdo, recuerdo lo limpio que estaba tu corazón; sin heridas, sin enojo o rencor. Siempre sonreíste No esperabas experimentar todo este dolor, ¿verdad? Lo sé, y lo siento mucho Me gustaría poder abrazarte créeme Te extraño mucho pequeño yo

*Shock*

Luz admitting she wants to win Amity’s heart.

King unlocking secret powers.

Eda accidentally attacking her father.

Reada being confirmed canon.

Reada breakup five seconds later.

Eda getting a new form.

Lumity going canon.

Mysterious Figure responding to King’s video.

Hooty eating the letter.

Todo es caos y con el vacío se complementa, la vista se torna borrosa, todo alrededor se vuelve más lejano y desconocido. Mis palabras ya no eran mías, estaba fuera de mi cuerpo, mis ahora acciones mecánicas seguían una pista predeterminada, todo en un modo automático. Solo podía escuchar. Escuchar lo que dije y lo que me respondió la gente. No sentía emociones, no sentía nada... solo una sensación de insuficiencia y un caos dentro de mí al no entender nada

Espero pronto mejoren las cosas en Cuba...

Update: The Cuban government is now breaking into people’s houses and forcing children as young as 17 to perform their mandatory military service to the country and to fight against protestors. Many people have died today, a woman was beaten to death by police officers.

Dreamers who dream by day are aware of many things that elude those who dream only at night.

- Edgar Allan Poe

another year of pain and suffering 🥲

I have no words for this... but I quite liked it!

Dear Ellie Chu, [Epilogue]

Our story is far from over.

“It’s beautiful, Mami!” Five year old Susan Marie Flores-Chu said with a soft sigh as she glanced out at the hot spring she stood beside, eyes wide in delight.

“It is, and look, there are deciduous trees.” Ellie teased, pointing at the trees that surrounded them before she began to pull her shirt up and over her head. A blue one-piece swimsuit sat underneath her clothes. 

Aster laughed lightly, before turning to their daughter with a soft smile. “They aren’t, don’t believe Mommy.” She corrected, Ellie gave a squawk of disapproval as Aster teasingly pushed her towards the water’s edge. 

“They could be.” Ellie feigned a pout as she dipped a toe into the warm and calming waters, stripping her pants off before slipping into the spring quickly.

It had been fifteen years since their very first trip to the spring, and while nothing had changed in the little slice of heaven that Aster had kept all to herself (with the exception of Ellie), a lot had changed in the girls.

The first and most glaringly obvious, was how comfortable Ellie had become in herself. Gone were the days of wearing three layers to go swimming in, and hiding her eyes from Aster. Ellie wasn’t shy anymore, modest maybe, but definitely not shy of herself, of her body or of talking to Aster.

I mean, they were married now, and had been for almost a decade. The time for shy was long gone.

The second, was how Aster had changed. Gone were the days of being quiet, and following what everyone else expected her too. College had been the thing to start a change. Her relationship with Ellie saw hate from the people who were supposed to love her unconditionally, this furthered her want to be herself.

Marriage took the change and ran with it. With Ellie endlessly supporting her, Aster no longer felt the need to compromise to fit in or appease people.

Motherhood was the last nail in the coffin though. The moment baby Susie was placed in Aster’s arms, the woman had known she would do anything to make her know how loved she was. Nobody elses opinion mattered except for her child. That was that. 

The final change, was the way Ellie and Aster acted with each other. The first time they went to the hot spring, there was all that barely repressed longing.

Fifteen years later, there was still longing but absolutely none of it could be called repressed.

“Here, Susie, let Mami help you.” Aster smiled, her daughter holding her arms up so that Aster could help her slip her dress off and over her head. “There.”

The little girl beamed, twirling in a circle to show off her rainbow swimsuit as Ellie smiled and held out her arms for the little girl. “Come to Mommy.”

_________________

After Ellie helped their daughter get into the hot spring, followed by Aster stepping in beside them, the three Flores-Chu women finally got to relax.

Aster brought out the old CD-player, but instead of using the radio part, she slipped in a CD that lit up Ellie’s face almost immediately with a smile.

“Is this-?” She trailed off, catching Aster’s eye.

“’Seventeen’. Sharon Van Etten. I also put ‘If You Leave Me Now’ from Chicago, but that plays later.”

“I haven’t heard this song since our wedding.” Ellie closed her eyes with a smile, Susie leaning back against her Mommy’s chest to shut her eyes too.

“It’s like my memories come flooding back with each note and chord, plucking a symphony of days lived so long ago.” Aster whispered softly, her eyes not leaving Ellie’s other than to look down at their daughter.

Ellie cracked an eye open. “Who said that?”

“I don’t know.”

Ellie glanced towards Aster, a soft look mirrored as she echoed the words spoken what felt like both yesterday and a lifetime ago. “Then you said it.”

They stared in silence, smiles on their faces as they lost themselves in the music for a moment.

If they had known, how monumental their lives could have been so much sooner, their day at the hot spring fifteen years ago may have gone so very different. No confessions in front of everyone at church, no looks of betrayal, no having to chase Aster down with an apology later, words left only partially said.

They might have been able to make that day at the hotspring the only explanation necessary in the tale.

“Mami… Mommy…” A small voice broke through. 

But then, they might not have had Grinnell and University of Iowa. They might not have had the theatre troupe. They might not have had that fateful party, or being each other’s anchor to hold to, or moving in together to avoid a return to Squahamish.

They might not have had Susie.

“Yes, sweet girl?” Aster broke the silence first, moving to pull the child out of Ellie’s arms and cuddling her close to her chest with a contented sigh.

That was not an option, everything had gone exactly how it was supposed to, Susie was proof of that.

“Is this where you and Mommy had your first date?” The child asked, hands reaching up to play with her mother’s hair as she floated safely in her arms.

“Yes.” 

“No.”

“Sorta?” They both finally agreed on.

The five year old glanced between both of her mothers with a confused look on her face before shrugging with a happy exclaim. “Well it’s very pretty!”

This time Ellie answered, swimming the distance between her and Aster to wrap her arms around both of her girls. “I agree, Susie, you couldn’t be more right.”

_________________

A couple of hours later, Ellie and Aster finally pulled their waterlogged and pruny kindergartener out of the hot spring and wrapped her tightly in a towel.

“Aw.” The child yawned, wrapping her arms around Ellie’s neck as her Mommy carried her away from the water. “I wanted to stay longer…” She whispered, fighting exhaustion the entire way to the car. “It’s fun.”

By the time Ellie got her buckled into her carseat, the child was fast asleep, a knowing expression exchanged from Aster to Ellie. “Think she’ll sleep the whole way back to Dad’s?” Ellie asked, a playful look in her eyes as she cornered her wife against the car.

“Definitely.” Aster breathed out, smirking into the kiss that followed, arm coming up to wrap around Ellie’s shoulders as she pulled her closer to deepen the kiss.

Ellie laughed against Aster’s lips with a giggle. “Finally, adult time.” She whispered, pulling back from Aster quickly, the brunette grumbling at being left as Ellie pointed at her with a smile. “Sylvia Plath quotes, the first incorrect quote has to do the dishes. I’ll go first.”

Aster’s mouth fell open for a second, staring as Ellie moved to the other side of the car before a triumphant sound exited her. “You are so on, Chu!”

“Love life day by day, color by color, touch by touch.” Ellie said getting into the car. “And it’s Flores-Chu.”

Aster waited until their seatbelts were on before putting the car into drive, turning her head to her wife with a simple yet deliciously evil grin. “Opinions are like orgasms…mine matters most and I really don’t care if you have one.” Ellie’s mouth dropped open.

“Rude.”

“But a good quote, nonetheless.”

“Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.” Ellie bit back.

“Oooh, that’s a good one.”

“Thank you, thank you.”

_________________

The end of the night saw Aster winning the Plath-off, after Ellie’s quote of “It is so much safer not to feel, not to let the world touch me.” was interrupted by Susie waking up and loudly asking when they were going to be there because she was sooooo bored.

It also saw, Ellie reluctantly doing the dishes, only to be helped by Aster who felt bad about how she won.

Most importantly, it had Ellie and Aster watching in delight as their five year old not only stumped her Grandpa in a nice game of Scrabble, but also her Uncle Paul. The former claimed that he let the child win, the latter though, they all knew it was a genuine win for Susie, when he loudly proclaimed how unfair it was to go against a kid with ‘book nerds’ for Moms.

His words, not theirs.

As the sun fell and the night rose, Edwin Chu and Susan Flores-Chu fell asleep on the couch together, a movie on in the background, as they cuddled.

Paul eventually went home to Christie and their three kids, two of whom were down with a flu that nobody wanted Susie to catch (they made plans to get Susie together with her cousins at another time) and the wives made their way out to the train station, cramming into the station box for old times.

“Did you picture it would go this way?” Ellie asked, her arms wrapped around Aster who was perched on her lap… the only way the two would fit together in the small glass station box. “The first time we kissed?”

“Oh, you mean when you kissed me?” 

“You kissed back you know.” Ellie retorted.

“Yes I did.” Aster laughed, leaning back against her wife, head lolling onto her shoulder. “I did know it would turn out like this… Because the first time you kissed me, I knew I never wanted to be kissed by anyone else ever again. I just knew it was big.”

“And yet you still let me leave?” Ellie pressed her lips against the top of Aster’s head with a soft kiss.

“I couldn’t stop you…” Aster paused. “Besides, why do you think I texted you the very next day?”

“I don’t know…” Ellie admitted, with a shrug.

Aster leaned up, pressing her lips to Ellie’s chin for a moment before reaching her lips as well. “I may have let you leave, Ellie, but I wasn’t about to let you go.”

LOVE THIIIS!!

Era justo y nescesario uwu