A Boy Named Skylar

A boy named Skylar

You ever think about someone you'll probably never meet again?

A few days ago I couldn't stop thinking about an old friend I met back in 2010. He was a boy named Skylar, we met on Gaia Online and he used a female avatar and presented as a boy. At this time I knew nothing about being transgender and transitioning, so to me he was a girl who was crossdressing and insisting he was a boy... Everything in my life up to that point had lead me to believe that was how things worked, so even though I had a female avatar and I presented feminine, I insisted that I was a boy too, since I didn't know better.

I remember his favorite dinosaur was a pterodactyl, and I remember showing him Quetzalcoatlus and Hatzegopteryx, the largest pterosaurs. I remember that he was a big fan of Tegan and Sara, and the song 'Back In Your Head' to this day still makes me think of him. I remember him showing me a drawing of one of them and me asking if that was him, and him saying "I wish!"

I remember feeling embarrassed when the topic of what I don't like about my body came up. I admitted to him that I had body hair and I felt so ashamed and embarrassed and uncomfortable with that fact, and he just laughed, not because of my agony but because it was such an innocent thing to be embarrassed by. Of course I had body hair, I was going through male puberty.

I remember we talked a lot over AOL and MSN, he explained being trans to me and that I could change my body through Hormone Replacement Therapy and suddenly everything just clicked. My bleak outlook on life changed to having a glimmer of hope, and from then on I was a girl, even if I didn't tell anyone and guarded it as my deepest darkest secret.

I remember him calling me cute whenever I'd roleplay giving him kisses and I remember developing a crush on him, and him rejecting me because I wasn't his type since he was gay and only attracted to men. I remember feeling sad and confused while also feeling validated because when I offered to be a boy for him, he told me no because he knew me better than to ever expect that.

I remember him helping me to pick a name, I ended up deciding on Sophie, and he suggested it be Sophia and I just go by Sophie. I was Sophie for years and years up until I finally actually went through with making the appointment to start HRT. Between then and when I finally decided I wanted to be Monica, I was Sophie online and my deadname in person.

I've lost all contact with him... I don't even remember what his username was or where I could look to find him. I'll probably never speak to him again, but he changed my life and I'm super grateful that I met him. I think about him a lot every once in a while and I really miss him. I can't help wondering how he's doing, I wish so badly I could see him again and show him how far I've come.

I'll probably never see him again, but I'll never forget him.