LISTEN UP AGAIN KIDS STOP REBLOGGING THIS FUCKING GARBAGE POST. IT IS 100% FUCKING BULLSHIT AND CAN AND

I saw Cats last night and I still haven’t recovered. Here is a play-by-play of my experience

The movie begins. The audience is rife with anticipatory giggles. Some lady in the back row loudly says “can we be quiet now, please? let us watch the movie in silence” in a displeased Russian accent. 

We will inevitably disappoint her

In the first 5 minutes, while crying with laughter, I decide this movie is actually about a human who gets genetically engineered into a cat and is exiled to a furrykin community.

5 minutes after that, I think about how good a movie this would be if it was hand-drawn animation and not CGI people-cats, and I become absolutely furious

Mice and cockroaches have human faces and bodies. The audience is screaming.

This film comes VERY close to having a dog on screen. I start sweating in dread of what it might look like. The dog is never shown.

None of the humor is funny

During the slow parts I start to imagine other celebrities in full cat CGI to amuse myself

Cat Idris Elba sexily Thanos-snaps another cat out of existence. Audible confusion ripples through the audience.

The cats do some extremely horny body work involving their tails. The audience is making disgusted noises. Several people yelp “oh NO” very loudly

At the end of a song, the throng of cats start “applauding” by slapping their hands on the ground and saying “meowmeowmeowmeowmeow”. This instigates a fight-or-flight response in me so strong that I nearly bolt out of the theatre.

During an awkward silence the camera cuts to a cat making a “yikes” kind of grimace and the whole theatre laughs because that is the exact emotion we are all feeling

A cat helicopters into the ceiling and is vaporized by cat Idris Elba. A man in the audience yells “GOTTEM!!” at the top of his lungs

Most cats are naked but somehow cat Idris Elba manages to be far more naked than all of them. The audience is screaming, again

Memoriiiiiiies. All alone in the moonliiiiiiight. “Please,” begs the Russian lady in the back of the theatre, sounding defeated, “don’t laugh. Not now.”

The actor who plays the main character gray cat who never gets a song explaining who he is (I am told he is Munkustrap) is DEAD SERIOUS about this role. He is a PROFESSIONAL. He is feeling being a cat so hard. Look at his face at literally any point (but especially during the final epilogue song) and I guarantee he will be having an intensely invested serious face journey. His shoulders must be aching from carrying this entire film.

110 minutes later, or maybe years: the credits roll. The audience cheers raucously. We exit the theatre in a daze. One of my friends goes home with a high fever. 10/10

And in that order.

Sexting? Nah. I’m into spexting. Spooky texting. Ever seen a ghost? Hmu.

to my beautiful son, i leave this picture of a sweet dragon i found on google images when i typed in cool dragons

Some past works

Reblog this

If you love Iron Man

BECAUSE

Of

THE

MAN

THE GENIUS

The protector

THAT CREATED IT

IRON MAN WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT TONY STARK. TONY STARK CREATED THE SUIT OUT OF A BOX OF SCAPS IN A CAVE WITH NOTHING BUT A WILL TO SURVIVE AND A DETERMINATION TO FIX HIS MISTAKES AND TO HELP PEOPLE.

AND THAT IS WHY HE IS EARTH’S GREATEST DEFENDER.

have y’all ever had communion bread that was just so….nasty? like i know we have to suffer as christians, but do we really need to have whole wheat bread as the body of christ?

Anemone runs from starfish

Shark finning infographic by ripetungi.

hello these gifs were made to help during panic/anxiety attacks. some are just basic breathing exercises and others use emdr (a technique that reduces or controls panic attacks or feelings of anxiety). bon appetite