Title: In The Palm Of Your Hand

Modern AU where Obi-Wan is teaching a class (probably linguistics or poetry but NOT classic lit miss me with classic lit Obi ew, but possibly a few others possible but not for this AU cause he needs both a classroom and an office connected) and he’s one of those professors that has their office connected in the back (some schools do it and consider it nicer on the faculty) and halfway through the lecture the door to his office pushes open (him being the only one not noticing) and a small four year old tumbles out and goes up to him, handing him up a snack pack for him to open. He takes the pack without pausing, starts to open it, pauses… looks down… and his left eye twitches. ‘Leia where did you come from?’ *toddler points to his office* ‘did your dad put you in there? Where’s your brother.’ ‘Dad had an emergency PHD meeting with Doctor Windu. Luke’s sleeping.’

Obi-Wan sighs, counts to ten, and opens up the snack pack for the kiddo, pats her on the head and calls her his secret favorite (he tells both of them that constantly) and sends her back to her brother.

This incident is never talked about during that class but since she mentioned a dad who’s getting a PHD who put her and her brother in there, AND the students know he’s gay and has a cute partner, they just assume it’s his kids. Someone asks him about his kids next class and he thinks they saw Cody dropping him off with Mara (off to preschool) and Ahsoka (off to her classes as a sophomore) and answers about them very honestly.

There are so many mistakes being made. When they see Anakin with ‘Obi-Wan’s’ kids one day and ask him about him since they saw the kids in class one day, and Ani mentions that the academic thing runs in the family even tho they’re all adopted. This just cements it for them that Anakin and Obi-Wan are married with adopted twins.

Actually. No. Their generation was the one that partially broke the tradition. Whoops.

ONE of the most important rules of the Galactic Federation concerns humanity. If a human ever says “Hold my beer”, either stop them, or run.

i spent way too long on this story

The only human in our crew - one of our mechanics, Jedd - had seemed happy enough. He was respectful, clearly always trying to watch his smiles when he was with us, although his laughter was, according to him, uncontrollable. It took the crew a while to get used to the fact that the human made loud yelling noises and bared his teeth when he found something extremely amusing. Humans, though, made good mechanics - their combination of dexterity and strength meant that they could handle a wider range of potential issues than almost any other known race.

And, like all humans, he was brave, strong, and sometimes did things most people would consider unwise. Sometimes we would find him working on the hull while the ship was under countdown for launch. He would frequently add cosmetic improvements wherever he deemed necessary about the ship, hoarding junk materials in his quarters which would only reappear months later as part of a new project. Occasionally he would even improve existing machinery or electronics, which, strangely enough, he would forget how to use soon after installation - often, he would leave sticky slips of paper on the machine in question with instructions written in his native human language to remind himself how to use the new upgrade. 

He was the “extroverted” type of human, as far as anyone could tell. The symptoms were obvious: he did not spend much time in his quarters besides the third of the day spent in energy-recharging stasis, and he often invited members of the crew to talk with him while he worked rather than only engaging with them at mealtimes or downtime. In fact, he seemed to like it better this way, since he knew that his toothy smiles wouldn’t be seen if his head was buried in the mechanics of the ship. He didn’t seem to find it at all difficult, either - the human ability to perform several high-focus tasks at once is astounding.

But when the Federation requirements were updated and advised all Class-OO ships to have a biological generalists, our captain conducted interviews and hired a human named Stella. The regulations were put in place after a series of unrelated incidents involving accidental deaths caused by medicines that disrupted the functions of certain species. A biological generalist, with a wide knowledge of the internal biologies of nearly all of the Intergalactic Species, would be able to effectively advise the resident doctor on what was safest for the crew.

Stella was much like Jedd, in a way. She enjoyed spending time with the crew in the downtime space, telling jokes and stories about her childhood on Earth or her time in school. She was unusually brightly colored for a human, but she assured us that it was an artificial, cosmetic alteration, and that humans did not grow hair that was as blue as hers. She was extremely intelligent, also, and had an impressive memory for a human. Unlike Jedd, who often forgot the names of his crew members, Stella explained that she possessed what the humans called a “photographic memory,” where she simply had a much larger memory storage capacity than most other humans.

After a human week or two, one of us noted that Jedd had been lingering around the medbay much more than usual. We all rushed to ask him whether he was in pain or in danger - by that point, we had all heard the stories of humans cursed by their own constitution, suffering for days or weeks after exposure to toxins before finally dying. Jedd calmed us, saying that he wasn’t in any danger. He simply enjoyed talking to the other resident member of his species. They became friends very quickly, and we noticed Jedd seemed somehow even happier than his usual happy self, but in a different kind of way. 

Jedd and Stella originated from separate human countries, but, improbably, spoke the same native human tongue. They told us that to each of them, the other had a distinctive accent which told them where they were from, but none of us could notice the difference except in a small number of words. It was remarkable, however, how much more comfortable they seemed when speaking it; they never seemed to stumble over their words or misplace syllables in the signature human style of speaking the Federation language. The two would speak to each other in their human language in the downtime space, often increasing in volume as the conversation continued and the humans became more and more enthusiastic until they both laughed uproariously. Occasionally, they had a conversation with a different undertone, where Jedd would shrink into himself strangely as he spoke and Stella would reach for his hand, grasping it in hers in a motion that was clearly a form of affection. 

One day before we were set to land on Tlaapon, one of us injured in the medbay noticed an odd exchange between Jedd and Stella. Jedd had been covering Stella’s eyes in a very hostile motion, although her body language indicated that she was relaxed. Upon freeing her vision, Jedd showed Stella the new regulation caffeine dispenser he had installed in the medbay for easy access to the brain-altering drug. While deadly to almost thirty percent of the Intergalactic Species and a carefully regulated form of medicated therapy among most of the other seventy, humans are able to use caffeine as a mild performance booster, and even have the constitution to withstand daily doses for years or even decades on end. 

However, when Stella saw this, she did something strange: she pressed her mouth to his cheek, and they both smiled at each other. This was not one of the human behaviors known by the crew, and so it was only later, when we consulted the guidebook, that it was revealed that it was an act that signaled a human’s feeling of romantic attraction. And, most importantly, the lack of screaming or other human displays of displeasure indicated that the feeling of attraction was most likely mutual! This was cause for great rejoicing, as humans are usually very selective with their life-partners, and a human life-partner bond often mutually improves emotional state and well-being in general.

After only a few months on the ship, we noticed the signs of attraction beginning to increase in frequency. They would often walk together holding hands, and began to show each other their previously isolated realms of interest; Jedd loved to tell us about how he was teaching Stella how the engines worked, while, unbeknownst to him, Stella would excitedly tell us all she had learned from him the very same day. They would often demonstrate their affection via the exchange of shiny or colorful objects, which all humans love. Jedd made Stella bracelets or rings out of polished bronze and silver, and Stella would select vibrant flowering plants from the greenhouse and meticulously arrange them in a wrap of paper before gifting them to Jedd with one of their toothy human smiles.

One day, Stella sent a hidden message to a number of the crew. It was soon to be Jedd’s day of birth, and it was human tradition to conduct a celebration commemorating the survival of another human year wherein the human in question recieved gifts and the partygoers indulged in sweetfoods. She wanted to prepare the festivities in secret, however - yet another strange human tradition. However, she knew the human culture best, and so we followed her instructions, awaking before the shift change and spending much time making the downtime area as blindingly colorful as possible. Colorful strips of paper on the walls, colorful banners with traditional phrases, colorful cloths over all the tables, where Stella placed a traditional human sweetfood. The most prevalent color was yellow, as Stella explained it was Jedd’s favorite color, which confused us. How could one color be preferred over any other? They were all just wavelengths of light - but perhaps it was another human oddity. 

Stella then instructed us to hide and burst out yelling when Jedd arrived, but our camouflaging skills were not on par with that of the humans. After seeing us hidden, Stella laughed, saying that we “looked like elephants hiding behind streetlamps” (none of us knew what that meant), and then decided that it would be acceptable for us to simply wait for his arrival normally. 

When Jedd saw the preparations – the banner, the wall papers, the sweetfood, and the shiny, paper-wrapped box that Stella proudly held out for him – he breathed loudly, a look of shock on his face. We were momentarily worried that he was frightened or overwhelmed by the amount of color (as many of us were), but to our relief, he and Stella embraced. Jedd then spoke to her in their human tongue - as he said it, his face became unusually red. We all knew this was a symptom of human embarrassment or shame, but Jedd rarely displayed it, and so whatever he was saying must have been special in some way; perhaps another element of the festivities? To our surprise, Stella made a very high-pitched sound in response to his words and initiated the human mouth-press of affection! We all bobbed and whistled in delight as Jedd and Stella translated: Jedd had asked Stella to enter the life-partner trial period with him, and she had accepted! It truly was a joyous day!

Was a plo koon warmup initially as suggested by @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life when I encountered this dialogue idea from @totallycorrectjediorderquotes and it went overboard from there! The “Protocol” number is indeed a reference to something in star wars, so I’m curious to see if anyone figures it out!

And that's that on that.

The thing is, with our skeletons the way they are, humans can bend. We make a point of becoming more flexible, bending this way and that and sometimes it for sure can look like we’ve got no structure. A lot of alien races are fascinated with how we move and bend because sometimes its so fluid. 

Especially in fights. 

They see us thrown against walls, flying through the air, our limbs bending in, what to us is unnatural ways, but the aliens don’t know we aren’t supposed to do that. To them, we seem like ragdolls, our bodies flopping and waving all over the place. They’re not gentle with us, throwing us over their shoulders in the rush to retreat and get back to the base, and even when not in a fight, they tend to throw us around with wild abandon (its usually no big deal, most humans think its hilarious and fun and no one really minds.)

And then they find out about our bones. 

Its a quiet, tense moment. A team had been dispatched to ‘ease the switch in political leaders’ on one of the more difficult inner planets and the current monarch was not having it. In a final attempt to keep control, the monarch had thought using one of the humans on the team as a  hostage was a good idea. They’re holding the human in a way that would look painful, arm twisting too far and the monarch is shouting, demanding that they be left in control. The others on the team are just grinning because if the monarch is threatening to break the human, they’re in for a big surprise. Humans don’t have a structure. They flop around as they please, held steady as simply a mass of meat!

The monarch, it seems, doesn’t like to be laughed at. The pull, and twist and-

SSS-NAP

And the human is screaming, their face contorted in pain. The monarch jerks the arm around. An audible -pop- fills the room, and the team hear it just over the screams of their friend. Then comes the other arm -SNAP- and the leg -CRACK-

The human is bent, but…its in a way that the others have seen often and isn’t that…isn’t that fine? Aren’t they supposed to do that? What was that horrible snap? As it turns out, one can’t hear very well the snapping of bones in the pandemonium of battle. 

Everyone’s a bit quiet, struck by the shouts of pain and sobs coming from their human before finally, mercifully, they pass out. Then all hell breaks loose. The rest of the team dispatch the monarch with unusual ease and entirely too quickly. Then, as gently and slowly as they can, they pick up the human. The angles of their limbs look sickening to them now, and they bring them back to the base where, for once, they actually stay in the medical bay to watch them be patched up and their bones reset. 

From then on, they are much more careful with their human companion and feel the proper amount of horror and concern upon seeing them thrown about in a fight. Still, it takes some time to convince them that yoga is an alright thing to do and that no, Susan is a contortionist, her body CAN do that. 

AAAAAAAH ITS SO CUTE!! Thank you for blessing my eyes with this!

For the 150 words can you do something with Jimmy spending time with Tom and Hermes? The last one was super cute!

"Pa, why me and Hermes look not the same?" Tom tugged on Jimmy's sleeve. Next to him, Hermes also stared up at Jimmy with wide eyes.

"Oh," Jimmy blinked. This was not a conversation that he thought he was going to be having, without either Joel or Sausage present.

"Yeah, Pa. Why are we so different?"

"Well, Hermes you remember how you asked if I could be your Pa too?"

Hermes nodded.

"You both started with two Dads, then got a bonus one. You both started with your Daddy, but Hermes had Papi and Tom had me," Jimmy tried to explain.

Hermes face scrunched up. "So I don't look like you?"

"No, you don't."

"Can I though?"

Jimmy thought a bit before pinning a spare Deputy's badge to Hermes' shirt, "Here, now people will know you're with me."

Hermes grinned and hugged Jimmy, Tom joining in on the hug.

ok… strap in, because it’s going to be a WALL of text as @kalm5​ and I came up with Rally racing modern!AU

The idea is “split” into 2 parts:

1. Anakin meets Rex and they form a rally race team (Anakin – driver + Rex – navigation)

2. Ahsoka begs Anakin to mentor her + Rex becomes the young woman’s navigator to see if she’s any good.

The bullet points (that are under the cut/read more) are for the “1st part” of the plot, and are NOT everything @/Kalm5 and I came up with (I might add more stuff if I decide to draw more artworks for this AU)

Enjoy!

Keep reading

Some ideas for those taking commissions.

Interviewer: So, how would you describe your relationship with your Jedi?

Rex: *long, long, long, long sigh* Idiot siblings.

Cody: don't get me started

Rex: to clarify, I'm not the idiot.

Colt: *wordlessly pulls up sleeve to reveal "I-heart-Mom" tattoo on his bicep*

Cody: I have sympathy for Rex because Skywalker just DOES things but Kenobi, he, he thinks things through, and then he STILL does those things even if they're HORRIBLE IDEAS—

Fox: *chugs coffee, slams cup down so hard it breaks* bold of you to assume I have a Jedi

Gree: Not family, but definitely close friends.

Cody: —reckless, ridiculously self-sacrificing, no regard for his own safety—

Grey, dead serious, no hesitation: caleb is my son

Whatever clones are in Master Tapal's battalion: *chanting, one of them holds Cal up like Simba* BABY BOY BABY BOY BABY BOY

Cody: —can't even leave him alone for two minutes because he goes and loses his lightsaber in the middle of a battle—

Ponds: I'd like to say we're blood-brothers bound through the heat of battle because that sounds neat, but honestly, Master Windu and I, we're—we're fire-forged coworkers.

Wolffe: I can neither confirm nor deny that I bought Master Plo a Galaxy's Best Dad mug

Cody, staring vacantly into space: I'm so underpaid

Bly: no comment