Me When I Actually Go Through My Inbox And Follow People Back:

REBLOG IF THIS RELATES TO YOU:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Person A: "How did you find my address?"

Person B: "Oh, well, I asked your mom--"

Person A: "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY MOM."

Marauders Reacting to Scam Calls:

Lily: Answers the phone, but once she realizes it’s a scammer, she rolls her eyes, hangs up, and blocks the number.

Remus: Answers and grabs a metal bowl, places it on top of his phone, and bangs on it repeatedly until the scammer hangs up. It’s awful but Remus thinks it’s absolutely hilarious.

James: Tries to keep the scammer on the phone as long as possible. He’ll do whatever he can to keep the person on, from pretending to be a super confused old lady to telling a fake, random story that goes nowhere. His current record is one hour and 49 minutes.

Sirius: Immediately starts flirting with the scammer. “You want my credit card information? Oh, baby what kinda man do you take me for? Buy me dinner first and then we’ll see, hot stuff.”

Peter: Actually fell for a scam once but learned from his mistake immediately. His friends still make fun of him to this day that he got scammed.

Pandora: Picks up the phone and then somehow ends up having a deep conversation with the scammer. “John, is it? You know, I think you just need to tell her your feelings. If you never confess, you’ll regret it deeply.”

Regulus: Doesn’t answer his phone, like ever. His montra is if it’s important, they’ll leave a voicemail. But even then Regulus most of the time won’t call anyone back.

Mary: Once she knows that it’s a scam call, she tries to get the scammer as mad as she possibly can. She thinks it’s a riot when they start screaming at her and then furiously hang up on her.

Marlene: Answers and also tries to keep the scammer on the line as long as possible, as she and James are competing to see who has the longest record. James is currently winning, but Marlene is only a few minutes behind. She’s extremely determined to win.

Dorcas: As soon as she realizes it’s a scammer calling her, she starts belittling the scammer. “Seriously? Out of all the things to do, you chose scamming? Do yourself a favour and get yourself a real fucking job. God, this is just bloody embarrassing for you.”

Barty: After answering, he ends up scamming the scammer and getting their credit card info instead, as well as all their personal information. Barty loves it when the scammer gets all scared and starts to plead for forgiveness.

Evan: Tries to make the scammer so uncomfortable that they hang up. “You have an amazing voice. I’d love to slice open your throat and examine those pretty little vocal cords of yours.” Scammers always hang up right away.

SHE was a punk. HE did ballet. #woke #truelove

Creep hitting on Regulus @ the bar:

GUY: What’s your body count, beautiful?

REG: That depends.

GUY: On what?

REG: Wether you’re asking how many guys I’ve “taken home” or how many I’ve taken out ☠️

REG (whispers): Both are higher than you’d think.

JAMES: …I want him in a way that’s concerning to my life expectancy.

refusing to legally recognize queer identities historically has not stopped people from being queer. try to erase us all you fucking want. if you ever take me down, i’m going down with your flesh between my teeth and love buried in my goddamn bones.

nobody tears through library books quite as fast as a 12 yr old girl with no friends

yes, just ignore me fucking sobbing in a corner over this

i never thought of it that way😭😭

Thoughts on Rosestarkiller?

YES ANON YES MY THOUGHTS ARE SCREAMING TO BE LET OUT

they are such lovely murderous psychopaths. regulus the cockslut, barty the attention whore and evan who is happy to satiate both of their needs.

I'm talking regulus down on all fours on the bed getting his throat fucked by evan's cock (huge) while evan let's barty fuck his hand while he whispers to him so filthily. Regulus isn’t getting focused on but he can't seem to care when he has a cock in his mouth.

Evan fucking regulus so hard he's shaking the bed while barty has to sit and watch because he misbehaved. Evan gets barty to fuck regulus and make him come but barty himself isn't allowed to even though he's aching.

they're murder husbands ofc. Barty especially loves seeing regulus come home, sweaty and bloody with a manic look in his eye. He licks the blood off regulus until his own lips are red, then eats him out and fucks him as a reward.

regulus getting fucked by evan and sucking barty off at the same time. Evan spanking him and calling him a cockslut while he's gagging around Barty’s cock. Or barty fucking evan while regulus sits on evan's face. There's an infinite number of ways they could and would do it.

Sometimes evan will come home to the other two already naked and engrossed in each other, kissing and biting roughly at each other. Sometimes he punishes them for it by telling them what to do to each other but refusing to join in until regulus is whining for his cock and barty is pissy evan is giving him physical attention.

I need other thoughts on them please I beg

propaganda i'm not falling for:

straight remus lupin

the MCD tag on ao3

kittywater

lily evans hate

the marauders hated peter

dumb sirius black

halloween 1981

the new hbo tv show

james cheating on lily

straight marlene mckinnon