In One Of His Books, Kantor Offers Insight At Other Facets Of AvPD That Exist Beyond The DSM Criteria,

Do you have any advice for how to approach a situation where you find out that the system is much bigger than you originally thought and there has been like another group of people functioning deeper inside your mind because I just found out that our system runs so much deeper than I thought it did and it's kinda freaking me out.

Thanks

(Also I love your blog)

Hey anon,

I've had this in my ask box for a few days trying to figure out how to answer this in a way that would be helpful and insightful. A big goal of mine for my future is to be able to educate people and help people with and without CDDs who are in places that I or my wife/friends may have been in the past. This situation you're describing is something I went through right around mid August. The only reason I actually know when I started learning these things was because I have a frantic email I sent my therapist with the subject line "Ah shit, here we go again" with a screenshot of that very quote from GTA. It's an inside joke between our therapist and I because it seems like whenever something really wild happens that I really didn't see coming I preface with "Ah shit, here we go again." and that's how she knows it's going to be a doozy of a session or email.

(small TW ahead for mentions of unaliving oneself, nothing detailed, just mentioned)

So in all honesty I feel like I don't have super proper advice for you in this regard. Not in the way you may have been hoping or wanting, as I am still new to learning parts and subsystems. I know about four subsystems right now, other parts keep alluding to something else that's hidden from me that's like a Big thing, and it's a...it's a lot! I understand how you're feeling to some degree here. The very first time I started piecing together the subsystem stuff I swore I was ready to do the unalive. And uh, unfortunately, I almost did because of parts who were created to commit suicide in this very instance. I wasn't supposed to know about that stuff. Past suicide attempts seem to line up with that same narrative. Every time I was learning something I was not supposed to know, one of our secondary gatekeepers would throw a suicidal alter into the front and essentially let it happen. Thankfully, we've had either our spouse or other alters be able to step in at the last second, parts that don't want these things to occur. We're working on deconstructing that particular program now and it's been fairly successful, thankfully.

I talk about that not because I think all systems with subsystems or whatever happens going on in your system have suicide programs, but because this information you are suddenly learning is likely meant to be hidden. Subsystems typically don't occur for shits and giggles. From my limited knowledge (reminder, I am not a professional at this so if anyone has better info than me or any additional info or resources, please say so) of subsystems, typically they form for specific purposes. One purpose could be to separate various traumas at different time periods of the system's life. So for example, we have an entire subsystem (our largest subsystem as far as I know) dedicated to our very early life trauma that began long before our RAMCOA type abuse occurred. Those things happened likely around the ages of 3 to 5. The RAMCOA abuse occurred around age 7 or so, as far as I'm aware. None of the main system or any of the other subsystems were aware of the early life subsystem, only our gatekeepers knew about them.

Other reasons subsystems can occur is to separate a specific type of abuse that the system/brain finds particularly disturbing and needs to be separated from the rest of the system. We don't have these, but I've heard of folks whose main system typically has the "less severe" trauma and subsystems hold "more severe" trauma OR trauma that needs to be kept completely deep down and away from the front area, like CSEM production OR incest with a member of their household that they have to live with all the time. If you're around that family member all the time you're not going to be able to function if you have even an inkling of those things occurring, so your brain might separate all of that into a subsystem to keep the rest of the system safe. While the rest of the system might deal with other forms of trauma such as neglect, medical trauma, emotional abuse/manipulation, bullying, etc.

The last reason that subsystems might exist, and this is only our personal experience because I have never met another system whose subsystems are like this, but subsystems may exist to keep certain parts of memories separate from the rest of the system. Which, I've mentioned I was going to go into our system structure in more detail before and so I'm not going to do a deep dive in this ask, but essentially as abuse was escalating, our system realized that a single alter cannot hold the entire memory of abuse that was occurring, and so what happened was we'd split a fragment (which our system labels as "china dolls" even though they're really not that) and they get cracked apart and split up, essentially. So one subsystem holds only the pain of that particular memory, another subsystem holds only the emotional toll of that particular memory, another subsystem holds only the visual or auditory sensations of that particular memory, etc. So, in essence, for a single occurrence of trauma, a splitting pattern happens where we end up splitting anywhere from 2-5 fragments to hold bits and pieces of a single memory. So those subsystems keep those fragments separated so that we don't have to be overwhelmed by the entire memory being whole.

From all of the above information it's probably going to make subsystems sound like a super horrific thing, and while I really want to be comforting and help you through this with some encouragement, subsystems are typically because something happened that needed to be kept completely separate from the rest of the system, which is usually not a good thing.

However, to actually answer your question, how to cope? Um. Good question, because I'm barely coping with my own situation right now. BUT, one thing that has helped me kind of stop freaking out about it is that I have accepted that I will learn things when the time is right. Every time I've tried to go digging or I got curious or something I regretted it. I learned very quickly WHY these things are separate. I learned as a host that I really really should not fuck around because I WILL find out, and it has pretty much every single time been far more devastating that I could have even imagined.

So my advice to you is "Don't go digging!" Because often, system information (especially if you're currently in therapy with a specialist) will become known with time. Be patient. Don't do the "nosy host" thing unless you are in an environment where you have someone who knows what's going on and can keep you safe in case you learn something very distressing that will make you want to go down the sewer slide. Being a system is not a fun time when you're discovering this stuff. I'm very open about loving our system and loving our parts and thanking them for what they've done for me, but that doesn't erase how difficult and scary it can be when you start learning things that you never knew you never knew. Hang in there, anon. DMs are open if you want to discuss this further. Anyone is free to DM or send asks about these things and I'll answer when I can. :)

-Dorian

(Note: Endos please do not interact with this post, as subsystems are a product of serious trauma and are not something that I think could ever be replicated in the way that a traumagenic system's subsystems would occur. They require extreme levels of amnesia and are typically complex, something that a created system would very likely not be able to replicate in the way like OP and I are talking about. This post is for folks with trauma-based CDDs only, not other forms of plurality.)

Feel free to reblog for sample size & add comments in the tags.

RAMCOA stands for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, & Organized Abuse.

Halloween has rolled around, and that means an inevitable rise in “Halloween is bad because of SRA” stuff, and while the temptation to joke about and poke fun at that type of content is overwhelming, I think it is a great opportunity to draw attention to how many RA awareness efforts center around a Christian narrative. People see RA as a spiritual issue and not a physical one. RA is an issue that comes from a need to control people through brutal methods as other people in power selfishly turn their backs on the well-being of children and abuse victims. The guilty protect the guilty, and this involves a lot of people who are powerful, wealthy, and well-respected (although it is important to avoid baseless accusations against anyone – looking at those of you who find random Democrats to shit on and decide they are Satanic ritual abusers because their pupils looked weird in a video). But the rise in SRA accusations in the 80s and 90s poured fuel on an already existing widespread panic about Satanism, leading to everything from Dungeons and Dragons to furbies being declared as part of the problem. Instead of focusing on the pervasiveness of institutional and cult abuse as well as the corruption of people in power as the problems that are central to RA, Christians began to view Satanic and occult influence as the problem. They heard the “Satan” in Satanic ritual abuse and decided that was the main issue. Essentially, Christians were using the problem of ritual abuse as a tool to push their own religious beliefs, as they do with many other things.

And this pattern continues to this day, with people deciding that Satanism and the occult are the main sources of danger, not the systems that were built by and for abusers and actively work against victims. Instead of fearing abusers, they fear Halloween, heavy metal, and plastic devil horns from costume stores. All of which are pretty fucking awesome.

If the people who were targeting Satanism targeted these issues instead, more people would be aware of and care about RA, and so many victims wouldn’t go unheard. Make no mistake, it is Satan they fear, not child abuse. And the way they are fixated on Halloween and Satanic imagery in music videos instead of bringing about real systemic change and drawing attention to evidence…that is proof.

**This is not at people who genuinely struggle on Halloween or are triggered by the holiday**

hi,i was wondering if you have any tips on figuring out wether i might have alters/more distinct parts/a system or ”only” experience dissociation + memory issues + unstable and changing identity/sense of self (i dont mean that those are lesser problems or less severe, idk a better way to word this sorry) i know a therapist would be ideal but im unavailable to get one, at least for a few years.

Hey anon,

I'm sorry you had to wait a bit for me to answer, I really hope you'll still find this post! 😊

Though honestly I don't really have a clear cut answer. I think you can only find out by experiencing - and honestly I wish I'd done more experiencing myself, rather than trying to figure everything out by reading any and all literature I could get my hands on.

Regardless of what the right diagnosis/explanation for your symptoms would be (and I'm assuming it's psychological - but please always get memory issues checked out with a doctor if possible), the workbook by Janina Fisher could perhaps help a bit (it's called 'Transforming the living legacy of trauma').

I'd suggest trying some tools for what you're experiencing, and that's really a hit and miss. By which I mean, you'll probably try a lot of things and some of them will work and some of them will not, and some may not work now but when you try them again a year down the line, they may be useful then.

Some things that you could try to see for yourself if it helps a bit:

Practice grounding exercises (and there's LOADS of these, google can offer a lot), and for instance the emotion wheel (google has images) can help familiarize people with what feelings they are experiencing

Keep a diary/planner, something to keep track of your days. This can be as detailed or not as you want. Personally I'm really attached to my paper planner in which I just note down all my activities (I also add in spontaneous plans afterwards so later I can look back and remember what I did on which day). Other options are online agendas (like google for instance), apps like daylio, etc.

Writing. More like a diary. Stream of thoughts. What do your different sides of self have to say? Regardless of how "defined" your sides/parts are and what "label" would fit them, it doesn't do any harm to just write. Many mentally completely healthy people use language like "well partially I felt X, but partially I felt Y!" and stuff like that, you're not gonna do yourself any harm by approaching different sides of yourself that you experience with curiosity.

Try 'practical' things for any other things you struggle with. Usually this boils down to working towards a healthy sleep hygiene, creating a nice/safe space for yourself in your (bed)room/house if you can, finding things you enjoy doing (hobbies etc.), basic self care (hygiene, food, moving your body a bit if you can etc.)

Depending on the situation you're in currently (e.g. whether you still live with parents/carers or whether you have your own space, whether trauma is ongoing or not etc.), not all of these things may be possible for you and that's okay too.

Honestly, anything you can do to work towards general taking care of yourself is great. Also, if you can, write down what you experience. Write down how you experience dissociation and the other things you mentioned without diving into "but what diagnosis is this!!" (though yes I am fully aware how hard it is).

Despite what tumblr and other social media may show you, it's extremely common and normal for people with complex trauma disorders (such as CPTSD, DID, OSDD, etc.) to not become more aware until they're in a safe space, which often correlates with adulthood. And also despite what tumblr and other social media may say, it's totally fine to explore "parts of self" without knowing whether you have DID/OSDD or not. Honestly many different kinds of therapy are aimed at teaching people how to listen to all of themselves. It's just that for people with DID/OSDD/CPTSD, there is more dissociation between these parts.

Okay long story short, there's not really a lot you can do but at the same time it's a LOT you can do. You can read things (though this can be triggering and destabilizing), you can practice general mental health self care, you can work on some skills such as grounding. And I think maybe these things sound small, but actually they're massive and working on these things can be really difficult already. And working on these things can also cause a LOT of improvement already!

For now I'd suggest trying to approach your experiences as "parts [of me]" and just adjust along the way based on what you experience. It's okay to be wrong, it's okay to self-diagnose, it's okay to not have access to therapy (though I wish I could everyone that wants it a good, reliable, safe therapist), it's okay to not know what you are experiencing. And regardless of what you're experiencing, you can take tips/tricks from different places. I don't have DID, but a lot of tips/tricks for people with DID help me too. Some don't, but that's okay too. And regardless of what you're experiencing, you're not alone and things can get better.

Good luck anon, and feel free to send me another ask if you have more questions! <3

PS - just to be clear here, everything I just wrote is based on my own experiences. I am not a therapist, I am not a mental health professional, and what I say is not "the only truth" or whatever. I'm pretty sure I forgot a bunch of useful things, and it's also okay if people don't like this reply or don't relate to it or don't agree with it. Just wanted to add that, sorry 🙈

Do you know any credible sources on “programming” specifically? I am unclear on the actual definition, I think I went through some things that could be described that way but I don’t understand the difference between “programming” and “grooming” trafficking victims. I previously have only really heard explanations on what programming supposedly is from untrustworthy, conspiracy-ish sources talking about like government mind-control in pop music, but I don’t want to disregard the whole concept if there is better information or research on it.

The term "programming", as I understand it, has fallen out of academic favor due to the connections you mention. Because of this, its definition is somewhat fluid, but I'd generally define programming as:

"The process of using trauma-induced dissociation to implant specific sets of instructions, messages, learned associations, and triggers to produce desired behavior in a victim. It is, at its essence, an extreme form of conditioning, and relies on the use of dissociated parts (alters) to effectively control the victim's mind."

Another source, ra-info.org (one of the oldest sites about RAMCOA on the internet) puts it this way:

"Programming refers both to the process of teaching part of the mind unquestioned obedience and to the content of what is taught. Thus you can say that a person has been programmed to suicide under certain conditions, or you can talk about a suicide program that is triggered (activated) by certain words or conditions."

Grooming for trafficking purposes may or may not use programming methods, as programming requires a level environmental control that not all situations can muster. Programming also typically involves... Well, weirder, more intense stuff. For example, most trafficking operations are not going to use spin programming, but rely more on basic cause & effect. Additionally, grooming may have more of a focus on positive reinforcement, while programming typically doesn't.

And programming is just one end of a large spectrum that encompasses many forms of conditioning, grooming, and abuse; some cases may have some elements of programming (like manipulating dissociative responses to create alters) while not having the structure necessary to do a good job of it. (That's what our case looked like!) Trafficking organizations may not have the money, access, space, or time to implement full programs.

But sources that mention programming by name do exist, and most give their own definition of programming. I'll throw them under a cut because this post is already getting long.

Dialogues With Forgotten Voices by Harvey Schwartz (2000). Generally a great resource so far, I haven't read all of it but what I have gone through is enlightening. Programming is mentioned all through the book but 330 is where more specifics are discussed. Index starts at page 499 so you can peruse topics by your own discretion. His other book, The Alchemy of Wolves & Sheep, covers similar ground (RAMCOA) but with a unique focus (forced perpetration). It's in my pinned post.

Both of Alison Miller's Books, Healing the Unimaginable (2011) and Becoming Yourself (2014). Many survivors swear by these books, and they use the term "programming" throughout. I haven't read these yet but you'll see them referenced constantly.

Safe Passage to Healing by Chrystine Oksana (1994). Another "classic", another book I haven't touched yet. Discusses programming quite a bit and is meant for survivors.

Many of Steven Hassan's works use programming in a slightly more "casual" manner from what I can see—referring to brainwashing at any age in the contexts of cults, as that's Hassan's focus—but helpful for many regardless.

Spin Programming: A Newly Uncovered Technique of Systematic Mind Control by John Lovern (1993) and Common Programs Observed in Survivors of Satanic Ritualistic Abuse by Neswald, Gould, and Graham-Costain (1991). Lumping these together despite the different authors because they're in my "I can't 100% trust these but the information is, in general, useful and many survivors share these" category. The first also includes sketches by survivors, but we're partial to the second one because we don't have spin programming.

On top of this list, there are HUNDREDS of sources that do not use the term "programming" but regardless, refer to similar processes. Too many to list. I hope this is a good starting point though!

Alter Roles

Host -  Co-Host can also fit into this definition. These alters handle day to day life for the most part by fronting the most. These alters can also grow up being completely unaware to the system growing up. This however, doesn’t apply to every host but can due to the foremost fronting.

ANP - Short for apparently normal part. Almost if not all systems will have an apparently normal part. These are grounded and rational individual alters.

Protector - These alters handle protecting the system. Mostly from trauma but other situations can and do apply. 

Trauma Holder - Alters who hold onto trauma are labeled as such. They handle often the memory of the trauma or emotions that come with dealing with said trauma mentioned.

Caregiver - This term is most popular with systems that have 1 littles. They are in charge of taking care of the littles and their needs. They also commonly help others in the system, especially the body.

Gatekeeper - Gatekeepers are in charge of managing switches, triggers. Another common thing gatekeepers control and or help take care of can include access to memories.

Helper -  Those who assist in the helping managing the system. Similar to gatekeeper.

Introjects - Alters who split off and resemble a fictional character and or often times real people as well.

Middles - Child alters. Except, this can fall under only 12-17. Age range may vary from system but it used to describe tween to teenage alters rather than tiny children. 1 Littles - Like Middles, Littles are a term to describe child alters. This however only includes babies, toddlers, and kids. E.G. 1-11 year olds. Again, age range may vary by system and doesn’t apply to everyone but that’s the typical standard.

Persecutor - An alter that typically harm the body. This can be siding with an abuser, negative. These alters can also commonly be introjects of an abuser. They typically have protective or protective induced logical behind their actions. They not to be demonized and are fully capable of healing, their actions however are not to be blatantly excused. Non-human Alters - These alters are - as self explainable - non-human. They can present as an animal, religious figure such as an angel or demon, or even a ghost or spirit. They are however not limited to these.

Sexual Alters - Alters that are formed to handle sexual abuse, trauma, so on. Do not guess their toleration to sexual acts because it varies between systems and alters. Just because they split off to handle sexual trauma does not mean they are comfortable with it.

System Internet Safety (Resource Post)

System Internet Safety

System Internet Safety

A Quick & Dissociated Guide To: System Internet Safety

Be Careful What You Share About Your System

How To Keep Yourself Safe From Fear Mongering & Misinformation

How Social Media Can Distort & Misinform when Communicating Science

Understanding & Avoiding Armchair Psychology

Understanding & Protecting Yourself From Syscourse

System Responsibility

Tips From a Tumblr Vet (10+ Years on this Hellsite)

Tips for Kids Online

Social Media Tips for Teens

Online Abuse Resources

The Online Harassment Manual

Speak up & Stay Safe®: A Guide to Protecting Yourself From Online Harassment

How Doxers Find Your Info & How To Protect Yourself

How To Stay Safe From Doxxing With A VPN

Tip Sheet: Keeping Adults & Kids Safe on the Internet (TW: csa)

Behaviors To Watch Out For When An Adult Is With A Child (TW: csa)

How To Asses How Toxic A Group is

Warning Signs That a System is Toxic

System-related Abuse

Reporting Online Abuse

Reporting Cyberbullying

Reporting Online Child Exploitation

Do you have sources for any of the things you've been talking about lately (the different programming types, hc-did, basically all of it)? I'd really like to do some more reading on this stuff but I've found a grand total of One book and most of the rest of the stuff is social media posts with no references, or references to other social media posts :(

Our top three “sources” are usually our system, late night conversations with irl friends, and social media.

The biggest issue isn’t actually a lack of resources, but a lack of good resources. Survivors put out material before they realize they got something wrong. The clinicians that work with us are the same, and the first generation of papers were shots in the dark and fear of lies that hadn’t been exposed yet.

There’ll be a lot about a big, networked Cult, usually either the Illuminati or Luciferians. Plenty of government conspiracy theories, references to projects that sometimes do get evidence. Then there’s the regular racism and Christian lens.

If you’re looking for overviews and definitions, they got taken down here are some good websites:

https://www.ra-free.org/complexities-of-identifying-ritual-abuse - not a lot of information, lists studies and professionals

https://endritualabuse.org/full-article-index/ - lots of good articles, some really helpful, others had me cocking my head

https://www.cherylrainfield.com/articles-cult-abuse/ - more about the author than the issue, some useful links on that page

There used to be more. Two others, one about spin programming and one about colors, are still up, but a little out there. You’ll know if you see them

Some books with more details. Not good books, just books:

https://ia803208.us.archive.org/34/items/BecomingYourself.Miller/BecomingYourself.Miller.pdf - the single best thing I’ve found and I still have complaints, this version is unformatted but free

https://ia803400.us.archive.org/28/items/chainless-slaves-annotated/Chainless%20Slaves%20-%20Annotated.pdf - I didn’t like it, lots of certain language for iffy concepts, has a list of programs and alter roles

https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=89e823aedc9c69ffd8d715757c86878af27c37c9 - not a fan, also lots of funky ideas and hate-based rhetoric, has lists of programs and cues

There are lots of survivor autobiographies and outsider opinions, but I don’t have free links to those

Keep in mind that getting out of a high control group sucks ass, and most accounts (even if they claim to have healed) have the remnants of the abusive ideologies.

I still prefer hearing from other survivors what happened, and I find it easier to validate people I can easily contact. I’ll keep the webpage if I find anything I can’t just Google, but this is what I can pull right now.

It’s not great, buddy, but it’s something.

Emotional Abuse

What is it?

Emotional abuse is "any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth." This is also known as psychological abuse.

Signs and Examples

Humiliation, negating, and criticizing

Name-calling and derogatory nicknames. Blatantly calls you “stupid”, “a loser”, or other insults. Maybe they use terms of “endearment” that actually highlight things you’re sensitive about and ignore you when asked to stop.

Character assassination. Includes the word “always” (always wrong, always late, etc.).

Yelling, screaming, and swearing in order to make you feel small.

Patronizing. Belittling you with mock pity.

Public embarrassment. Picking fights, sharing your secrets, making fun of you in public.

Dismissiveness. Can include snarky replies (e.g., “Who cares about that?”) and/or dismissive gestures (e.g., eye rolling, smirking).

“Joking”. Reacting strongly to your discomfort with something they’ve said with phrases like “It was just a joke”.

Insulting your appearance. Phrases like “You’re wearing that?”, or saying that they’re lucky they chose you because no one else would have.

Belittling your accomplishments. They may shrug them off, say they don’t matter, or claim personal responsibility for your success.

Putting down your interests. Suggesting your hobby is a waste of time, feeling offended that you’d do something without them involved.

Pushing your buttons. Repeatedly doing something that they know annoys you, ignoring your requests to stop.

Control and shame

Making threats.

Monitoring your whereabouts. Always needing to know where you are, maybe even showing up without notice to the place you said you’d be at.

Spying on you digitally. Demanding to have all of your passwords or making you have no passwords. Repeatedly checking your email, social media, texts, etc.

Gaslighting. Denying that specific events, arguments, or agreements happened. This can leave you questioning your own memory.

Making all the decisions or insisting that they make all the decisions. Controlling as much of your life as they possibly can.

Controlling your access to finances. Financial abuse. Making you have to ask them for money. Making you account for every bit of money you spend.

Emotional blackmailing. Attempting to get you to do things by manipulating your feelings. They may play the victim or guilt-trip you.

Lecturing you constantly. Making it clear they consider you inferior by listing out your mistakes and dragging it out as long as possible.

Giving direct orders. They expect you to do everything they say with no question.

Having frequent outbursts. Getting enraged that you didn’t or did do something, no matter if you knew to do it or not.

Feigning helplessness. Making you think they don’t know how to do something so you do it instead of them.

Unpredictability. Getting enraged one minute and taking you on a romantic dinner the next.

Walking out. This is a control tactic that leaves you absolutely helpless. Parent/partner leaving an outing without you. Employer walking out in the middle of a meeting.

Stonewalling you. During an argument or disagreement, they shut down and refuse to respond to you.

Accusing, blaming, and denial

Jealousy. Accusing you of flirting/cheating or insisting that if you loved them you would spend all your time with them.

Using guilt. Guilt-tripping you into doing things.

Unrealistic expectations. They expect you to meet every expectation they have set, no matter how unreachable they are.

Goading and blaming. Making you upset on purpose and then twisting the blame back to you.

Denying the abuse. On par with the gaslighting, will deny any inclination that they could do any harm to you.

Trivializing. Accusing you of overreacting or misunderstanding when you tell them they’ve hurt your feelings.

Blaming you for their problems. When things go wrong, they always blame you.

Destroying and denying. Destroying your belongings and then denying that they did it.

Emotional neglect and isolation

Dehumanizing you. Making you feel inferior or subhuman.

Keeping you from socializing. Changing plans or begging you not to go out with friends.

Invalidating you. Not caring about your needs, boundaries, and desires, and making you feel bad for having these things.

Trying to come between you and your family. Telling family you don’t want to see them, making excuses as to why you can’t make it to family functions, telling you your family doesn’t care.

Using the silent treatment. Ignoring your attempts at conversation.

Withholding affection. Refusing to have contact with you if you offend them.

Shutting down communication. Waving you off, changing the subject, or ignoring you when you want to talk about something.

Actively working to turn others against you. May tell others that you’re lying, having a psychotic break, or having an emotional breakdown.

Denying support. When you need emotional support they shut you down, tell you to deal with it, and/or insult you.

Interrupting. Getting in your face and/or taking away whatever you’re doing to make you acutely aware that your attention should be on them.

Disputing your feelings. Whatever emotion you’re feeling, they insist you shouldn’t be feeling like that.

This is not a comprehensive list.

These signs of abuse are the same as the signs of “narcissistic abuse” which are paraded around the internet. “Narc abuse” people fuck off.

SOURCE

How to Recognize the Signs of Emotional Abuse - Healthline

I’ve been having a bit of a rough time the past couple weeks so I’ve decided to make a self care post of things I do when I’m feeling crappy for other people going through a rough time!

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious then breathe in slowly and deeply for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds, then breathe out slowly for 8 seconds and repeat til you feel calmer. I’ve been told this way of breathing makes your heart rate slow down. It’s helped me not have panic attacks before

Drink water drink water DRINK WATER!!! Honestly a lot of the time when my body is feeling crappy, I just have been drinking enough water (if you struggle getting yourself to drink water then try getting flavor packets to put in it, it’ll make you more likely to want to drink it if it tastes good)

If you’re stuck in one of those vicious cycles of feeling sick because you haven’t eaten and then not eating because you feel sick, then seriously just force yourself to eat a piece of bread or toast or saltine crackers, even if it’s just a few bites. It’ll seriously help you feel just better enough to stomach eating more things a little bit later

Sprite helps settle upset stomachs (this is my go to method for car sickness)

Coca Cola can help with migraines

If you’re congested take hot showers or boil some water, place a towel over your head and lean over the pot breathing in the steam

If you have phlegm in your throat, gargle salt water, it can help clear it out. Doing this consistently for a few days is really helpful

If you’re feeling under the weather at all then drink orange juice or take vitamin c tablets or gummies, vitamin c boosts your immune system

If you’re about to have a panic attack find something physical to focus on or ask someone to bring you something if you can’t yourself. Something that you can feel is a very good option like an icecube to hold or a cold water bottle to press against your face

Drinking cold water when on the verge of a panic attack or coming away from one is helpful too, the sensation of cold water going down your throat can be very calming

If you don’t have anything like those around you then try to list things you can hear or see. Also physical movements can keep you grounded, this is especially helpful if you have someone to talk you through it. Start by rolling your wrists, then flex and unflex your fingers, try doing this with individual fingers, and alternate between these, even adding in more things like rolling your head or shoulders

If you’re feeling lightheaded, especially if you think you might pass out then sit down and put your head between your knees for a while

If you’re going through a depressive episode, if you can’t muster up their energy or motivation for anything else, at least go outside for a few minutes even if you’re in your pajamas. The sunlight and fresh air will help immensely. If you can’t then at least open your window

Open your windows periodically to freshen the air in your room

When you’re feeling crappy take showers! Even if you have to drag yourself in there and just sit in the tub with the water raining down on you, even if you can’t find the motivation to wash your hair (you can even just tie it up and out of the way) just get yourself in there, it’ll do you a world of good to feel at least a little more hygienic

Along these same lines, brush your teeth! Even if that means doing it for half the time you should or even without toothpaste. One of my roommates even just kept a toothbrush on her nightstand and on bad depression days she’d brush with that, where she could do it in bed

Get dressed! Don’t spend all day in your pjs! Even if it’s just changing into sweats or other comfy clothes! Do it! And take the time to dress up nice for yourself once in a while!

If you have any motivation at all for it, clean your room!!! Even if this means just picking up one item of clothing or throwing something on the floor away, it’s a million times better than nothing and you’ll feel better for it even if just a bit

Anyways, I love you all! Take care of yourselves! If you ever need advice or someone to talk to I’m here for you! I love and appreciate all of you! I’m proud of you for everything you’ve accomplished even if it’s just getting yourself out of bed!