I'm Just A Shell Of A Person. I Have No Desires. I Don't Want To Do Anything. Get Attached To Anyone.

“…she felt so old, so awfully old and worn, and so young all at once, raw as a wound.”

— Catherynne M. Valente, from Deathless (via luthienne)

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my trauma didn’t make me stronger it made me addicted to escapism and terrified of facing reality

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urgent

making this post to support the campaign of @kawlafamily7 who is @fidaa-family2 ‘s sister

kawla has three young children. her daughter was injured from falling shrapnel and rubble and also has a glucose allergy. she needs special milk without glucose which is very expensive.

“She needs glucose-free soda milk, and her growth is bad so far. Her teeth will not grow due to allergies and lack of growth, and she is one and a half years old.”

please take a second to share and donate to this campaign. people are living in unbearable conditions, every donation makes a difference

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Donate to Support Khawla's Family in Gaza Crisis, organized by Abi Lass

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SOTE spoilers:

with all the new lore about Marika and her people, Maliketh becomes even more of kicked puppy.

Sure, he can probably go berserk at any moment if the Fingers want him too, but he is also the only thing in all existence that loves Marika unconditionally. Enough to be entrusted with the Rune of Death and bear eons of mindbreaking hunger and fight to the last for her Order.

I wonder how she felt about her half-brother, and when exactly he came into the picture. If we assume you're born an Empyrean, he might very well be the only survivor of the village besides Marika/Radagon. Maliketh was a shadowbound beast given to his Empyrean. Marika's sole need of her shadow was a vessel to lock away Destined Death. Even then, she betrayed him. -Remembrance of the Black Blade

BRO

No matter what potential backstory I come up with for Maliketh, it just makes the whole thing even more sad. It's entirely possible that he grew up with Marika in the same way that Blaidd did with Ranni.

On the other hand, there's a theory I heard awhile ago (I think it was from smoughtown on youtube) speculating that Maliketh was his own person before he was "tailored" to fit the designs of the fingers. Specifically, he was a beastman priest named Gurranq. According to this theory, Gurranq isn't an alias that Maliketh is using -- instead, Maliketh's memory is deteriorating and he's reverting to his old identity. When he loses control and attacks the tarnished, he's reverting even further to the bestial state he inhabited before the dragons uplifted his race. When he says "I will not forget again," he means that literally.

There's a lot of fanfic potential in exploring how Gurranq could have met Marika, how much of their bond was due to the fingers' compulsion and how much was of their own free will, exactly how much of his old life Maliketh remembers, etc. Is he the reason she, out of all her people, was the sole survivor? Barring direct divine intervention by the Greater Will, I'd say if it wasn't the Mimic Veil that saved her it had to be Gurranq/Maliketh. For how long was he her only friend, or the closest thing she had to one? When did she stop seeing him as a brother, a friend, or a protector and start seeing him as a tool?

I'm tempted to add a second chapter to A Powerless Upstart, a Gnawing Curse where perfectly normal beast-clergyman Gurranq is out doing traveling friar things when he feels an inexplicable urge to take a detour down a particular stretch of backroad. Imagine him finding a kid curled up and bleeding in a ditch with more wounds than skin. Imagine him trying to carry her out for a proper burial and realizing she's still breathing. Imagine him sitting with her and doing what little he can to help, despite the fact that she surely won't last more than a few days. Imagine her clinging on to life with supernatural vitality, refusing to die until at last she regains consciousness. Imagine Gurranq seeing her eyes go dull when he offers to take her back to her family. Imagine him realizing, "Oh, this is my kid now," without ever knowing if the choice was really his.

Beautiful Lies.

@thearcanagame

That hurt :’0

neverafter spoilers //

I find it hard to articulate my full thoughts on the baron of bricks but what I'm about to say is gonna probably sound quite controversial. He had the same general objective as the princesses, just slightly different.

They both want to reverse the inevitable, due to being consumed by grief and pain, and take out their rage on the reality-transcending beings that they deem as having brought this pain upon them. The third pig sought control over the narrative and so do the princesses. As of now its still a little unclear what the full plan of the princesses IS, but we know they're going against their 'fate'.

I think a few of the readings I've seen on the baron have been... idk how to describe it, I guess shallow ? They all come to the conclusion that he was just greedy and an asshole and wanted to inflict pain on the wolf, but it's so much more interesting than that. I might be reading into things too much, but it's glaringly obvious that he was stuck in mourning and had been for years now. He's gained awareness over his entire existence and beyond and we don't even know how long he's had it. He knows he will always be the only survivor in his story and he feels *guilty*. He feels angry at the wolf but he also seemingly feels angry at his brothers, who died because they couldn't be bothered with building a well-structured house, but he can't allow himself to feel that anger because his brothers are gone and he loved them. It hurts feeling anger that will never end, and love that manifests as guilt. So, tormented by all the emotions he can't allow himself to feel, he directs his anger at the only thing within his reach. The wolf. He's cowardly and cruel, but it's all he has left.

I don't disagree with the party's decision to kill him, but this story is a complex one and everyone has their own perspective. The baron doesn't have the context Ylfa does, to him the wolf has only ever caused pain.