Jirai Blogs

1/20

Hey guys! ٩(ര̀ᴗര́)

Heres a short vent:

Tw: ana/sh/crybaby

Hey yall, im struggling like usual! /srs tho.

Im falling back in the ACTUAL PITZ OF HELL i crawled out of, i relapsed (sh) and every inch of confidence i had, got snuffed out this weekend. I got kicked out for 4 days and all my friends told me i was annoying/called me ugly x2 or just said sm that hurt my feelings.

Context: my best friend (hes my best friend, im not his) called me annoying for alway following him around while we’re in the city hanging out, plus just talked shit abt me. All my friends call me ugly, like i just get voice messages of people calling me a ugly bitch.

Lolz idk why either because i literally try to be the nicest friend; i go to their sport events, i buy them food when they don’t have any at home, i inquire about their personal life, and like so much more.

It literally hurts my feelings so bad that they don’t care about me like i do them. I’ve LITERALLY gave these people ALL i have, both physically and emotionally. But they just don’t like me, i dont know whats wrong with me, its just like everyone automatically hates me. It makes me feel so guilty for being alive, it makes me feel so weak.

Im kinda giving up on friendships, Sometimes i think like, what about me makes me everyone hate me? I think, why do i make everyone want to hit me? I wish i could just be invisible all the time so i couldn’t be annoying and bother anyone. Idk, even just saying this stuff makes me want to say sorry,

im sorry. :p

Honestly, life’s been great ever since i started measuring time i had to wait in songs XD

Why does being really sleepy either make u feel mellow and content or like you're going to actually kill yourself for real this time & no in-between

(￣∇￣)

Everything hurts, i have chronic pain everywhere. I dont want to do anything. It huts, it hurts. Where is your humanity for me? Am i sub-human in your eyes? Dont you get it? IT HURTS. I cant eat, i cant sleep, i cant do anything without pain. Do i deserve it? Is that what you think?

Are you 18+? If so, can we be mutuals? :3

Yea sure