Tony: *Kicks The Door Down Looking Panicked*

Loki reminds me of Interpol songs

Stephen: Where are you going? Tony: Hell, eventually.

Billionaire Tony…

Does things like:

Making smoothie for his team

Chopping wood for a teammate

Repairing a tractor for the teammate

Playing paper football

Doing dishes

Tinkering in the garage

Building a bar with his science bro

And does not know what art is

Nobody:

Absolutely no one:

Kate just accidentally setting the training room on fire: Oops?

Clint, who just knew that special fire arrows are bad idea: Tony's gonna kill me.

Tony, being used to it because Peter blows up their lab every day: Kids.

Peter: You're not...

Tony: I love Stephen, not his body!

Peter: what is his favorite tea?

Tony:

Peter: Favorite movie? Or at least a song.

Tony:

Peter:

Tony, who noticed Stephen standing in the doorway: Good, good! I don't know any of this, but do you know why? Because it doesn't matter. I know that your favorite tea is in that blue jar with incomprehensible hieroglyphs and it never ends, because you keep track of it yourself, and I just learned how to brew it better than anyone. I do not know your favorite movie, because you are a bore and you disassemble each of them into some small details so that you are interested and you know what? I love listening to these reflections of yours, although you are shy and try to be silent when we watch movies together. And you don't have your favorite food, because your magical stomach digests our food worse and worse, and now you only eat some incomprehensible tentacles in the mucus.

Stephen, who had not slept for several days because of his magical affairs and just came into the kitchen for coffee: baby, I never doubted your love.

Tony:

Peter, who just wanted to know more about the Doctor: sorry, I'd better go.

[ Someone says something 15/18+ ]

Steve: The children are here.

Kate: I'm twenty-fucking-three.

Wanda: I'm russian.

Tony: Peter is from Queens.

Peter: I've got nothing to say abt that.

Harley: I'm much worse then all of you.

Wade: You're not counting me as a child anymore.

Clint: Why the hell we adopted them?

Kate: *blink blink*

Clint: Oh yeah, nevermind.

Bonus

Sam: I thought the hawk girl is like, twelve.

Bucky: How they all ended up here?

Natasha: Since when there's so many kids?

apparently the Still Not Funny deleted scene is about Bucky ‘bringing a treat to Sam's family gathering’, and after talking to @logicheartsoul about it, i obvs had to write something

It was a joke.

Sam’d—very casually, if he’d say so himself—invited Bucky to the cookout. He’d been trying to relax into Bucky’s lone armchair, the TV on and playing something he’d never seen before.

Bucky, who had been sitting on the ground and leaning into the side of the chair, had froze, very minutely, then relaxed, asked what he should bring.

Sam had, very dryly, said, “Ice cream cake,” because Bucky’d tried to make them breakfast that morning and almost burned the eggs to a crisp. Sam was just being cautious, and yeah, okay, maybe also a little shit, but mostly cautious.

Bucky, the biggest little shit to have ever existed, took it personally, apparently, because here he was now, sunglasses on, wearing Sam’s Henley, driving Sam’s truck and joking with Sam’s nephews, carrying a lopsided ice cream cake that was very bravely fighting for its life in the heat of the afternoon.

Sam’s stupid, stupid heart did a stupid, stupid somersault.

He went on taking pictures and joking around and filling up his plate, feeling light and happy and on the edge of something wonderful, then Bucky was close, sunglasses hanging from the collar of his—Sam’s—Henley, his cheeks a bright red from the setting sun.

“Hey,” he said, voice light and so soft.

“Hey yourself.”

“Want a piece of cake?”

Sam gave him a flat look. “You’re not funny.”

Bucky’s smile went bigger, brighter, like he immediately knew what Sam was talking about.

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” he said.

“You’re full of shit,” Sam said, “and, still not funny. You’re not funny.”

“I just couldn’t come empty-handed, Samuel, I have manners.”

“You brought an ice cream cake.”

“It was a no-brainer, honestly.”

Sam rolled his eyes, fighting back a smile, then he turned back to watch the gentle waves and the sky as it changed colors.

The music was dying down, the day slowing and easing into the evening. Bucky was still standing just a step behind him, and Sam could feel his eyes on him.

His heart skipped a little as Bucky knocked his knuckles against his shoulder.

“Come on,” he said, so soft once again.

And Sam turned, gave into the urge and wrapped his arm around his shoulder to pull him closer.

Bucky came easily, his warmth seeking into Sam’s alright sun-warmed body, until it was almost too much.

He didn’t pull away.

Story Time - AstraLowelle - Marvel Cinematic Universe [Archive of Our Own]

“I still think this is a really bad idea.”

“It was either this or picking up litter from the parks, and-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know, beneath your dignity. Would you come out of there already? We’re going to be late.”

“I was under the impression that you didn’t wish to go at all, Anthony. Besides, you’re the one who told me to take special care in the choosing of my attire today.”

“I told you not to wear your battle armor. We’re going to a library and you’re doing Story Time with a bunch of six-year-olds, you don’t need it. And if you traumatize them you’ll probably end up with even more community service. Okay, let’s see-”

“So, will this suffice?”

“No. There is no way you’re wearing that. How many knives do you have on you?”

“Two. And these are from the four which I wanted to bring with me-“

“You don’t need two knives, Lokes! We’re going to a public library! You’re sitting on the floor and reading to kids! You don’t even need one!”

“I have never left my place of residence without at least one blade on my person and I certainly do not intend to start now.”

“...fine. One knife. The smaller one.”

“Very well. I’m rather partial to it.”

“I know. I made it for you myself. Now c’mon, we’re going to be late.”

rosekiller idk

Landing on top of Sam, then rolling off with this expression on your face?? Sir?? 🤨