Latest Posts by oblique-lane - Page 3
Holy shit i finished reading your tf2 fic yesterday and im so invested its literally all i can think about. your writing is AMAZING and so inspirational, and really thank you for diving into the horror of tf2 clone concept. ive always loved that concept, and thought it was such an underutilized idea. i mean, can you imagine how terrifying it is discovering you have a clone of yourself, without your knowledge?? or how even worse it is for the clone themself? its just so AAGGH its hard to describe in words,, but you did it perfectly
fic in question
https://youtu.be/TRNxVwK66PE?si=4bTKvzfpNo38uGD0
Here’s the animatic! Sorry for the couple hour wait
THIS IS SUCH A BIG GIFT GUYS!!!
I am mentally healing. I am ascending. I feel God's light flowing through my veins.
I wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your artwork and your "Anomaly Diversion" fic, and I sincerely hope you continue it.
I understand that it's a huge undertaking to write something so detailed and beautiful, and there is no pressure for you to keep going if you can't, but I just wanted to tell you how much I love your work <3
This made me tear up... I feel so seen.
I really appreciate that you see how it is, indeed, very hard... But it's worth it. I've recently started making a Miro board for it (so I stop forgetting stuff...)
I'm not in a very good place of mind right now which prevents me from working as efficiently as usual, but I'm working on it. Slowly but steadily. Thank you so much for checking </3
I couldn't draw much lately but here! Take these unfinished pics of a fic concept I was trying to explain lol
(CLONE THEORY 2nd Edition)
Observee
(Skyghost // Umbrella man from INTERLOPER ARG)
This is the biggest thing I am interested in at the moment. So sad that Interloper doesn't have a fandom in the conventional sense... We only have a Discord server for the investigations (a couple thousands of people who as confused at what's going on as I am) but there's... no FANDOM. You know what I mean?
There are many characters in this story who, as people (and not people?), are SO INTERESTING, yet there are barely any fanart or them. All with the biggest potential of telling the most heart-wrenching sad story that would compromise our understanding of "human-ness" as we know it... Come on, people?? I'm crying and climbing walls at the Anomidae//Eidamona parallel and the implications...
PLEASE let's make it a fandom. You, yes, you. GO watch it, all episodes, RIGHT NOW!!!
Not a question but your art and whole blog remind me of Goya’s black paintings. like if Goya was a tf2 fan. Keep it up brah
!??
TF2 Mugs
Because I can't stop thinking about their daily lifestyles!
Scout's one is a limited edition Benny The Rabbit™ cup, "high quality plastic", he says, "can hold cold AND hot drinks... NO, IT'S NOT FOR CHILDREN, Benny is clearly a cartoon for adults!"
Pyro, surprisingly, didn't make their mug themselves (they have problems at the "firing" part) but instead this one was obtained at the local thrift market. Pyro loved this one silly handmade clay mug so much and, not quite understanding how money works, they put on the counter a sum worth the salesgirl's entire year's work.
Engineer, apparently, doesn't use things (in this case, mugs) that he didn't make himself. We asked him why, expecting him to not trust the quality of mass market or something but it turned out to be much funnier: when something is not at hand he makes it himself, and then he loses this self-made one too, and the cycle repeats itself. There are several of these mugs lost on the base apparently...
Demo's mug Is a party mug! You can never know what's inside!.. Yeah no, of course you can. He got this one from that time he hanged out with hippies. It was all fun and chill and groovy until Demo mentioned where he works. Got kicked out immediately. Hurt, he took this mug with him as a revenge move.
Despite being otherwise tidy with everything, Medic never washes his mug. He says that the periods when there's no coffee inside are too short to pay attention to them. He also said that we should stop sticking our noses in his "abfalleimer". (Hold on, isn't it a beer mug..?)
And the Spy's cup is the most interesting... He never uses it outside of his room, no one saw him drink out of anything but glass. But this one is a starry tea cup. Why are there stars? Does it mean anything? Maybe there's a metaphor that he's far away but the bright star will always show him the way home... Someone is always waiting him behind the seven seas, someone who would pour him some tea in this cup... We will never know because when he found us breaking into his room, he kicked us out at the gunpoint.
(I want people to talk more about what the mercs' life on their base is like, more detailed headcanons about them being neighbours and stuff like that...)
Just read your fic after reading your entire blog and I must say that you have such a big sexy brain. I mean, the writing is immaculate, the character analysis is top-notch, and the art pieces filled with symbolism are also incredible. You truly are a blessing to this fandom.
uughuhhh wuuhuww huhuuh ughhuhwhuuu
Mourning what's not lost
Who are you, ugly face?
A scene from my fic...
Daisy, daisy...
Supervisor
(This is NOT a tsp blog! Please don't follow for The Stanley Parable!)
Just played tsp for the first time yesterday oh goooddd this is good. No, I mean, I knew it's gonna be good but I didn't think it would be LIKE THAT?? Like, that's more than just breaking the 4th wall, it's getting rid of it at the very beginning and talking to the player DIRECTLY directly. Complete lack of rules. They broke fucking everything that could be broken. There's also yaoi. How better can it be???
idk if youve done it yet but i would actually lose my mind if you did an analysis for demo
Aye aye captain 🫡 Time to overdramatize again!
Let's address Demo's wounds
(Demo's backstory was changed through the years but I'm sticking to the older version because I find it more grounded)
Demoman's story is easily one of the most tragic of all the mercs. Imagine you have been abandoned from birth, your parents simply rejected you for what you are. But luckily you have been adopted by some good people who replaced your parents and made you a relatively happy child.
And then you accidentally kill them. You're 6 years old. How does that feel?
I can't even imagine how a child's brain can't comprehend the idea of being a murderer. It was an accident, of course, they were blown up by a big explosion he created (genius kid found out how to do that, huh?) but still. His parents were dead and he knew it was his own fault. He learned he was dangerous as he is.
How was it like pondering about it in the orphanage?.. "I didn't want this! I want to go back and fix it, I'm so sorry", something like that. But he couldn't go back in time, so being covered in such an avalanche of guilt, he learned he needs to repress himself.
Demo have always had an explosive temper (no pun intended), it was his true nature, pure emotion: if he's happy, it's 100%; if he's angry, it's a full blown storm. If he loves, he loves with all of his heart, and he has a big one.
Living on the impulse, all or nothing, that crucial accident revealed that letting his true nature go will only end up as destruction in the end. Irreparable damage.
We don't know what exactly was happening to him during his orphanage years, but if I'm to guess, repressing everything about him: his interests, his character, his whole nature, was a thing to choose. He thought that he had to become still and quiet as to not to repeat that kind of tragedy ever again. He probably didn't have people to be friends with either, either because people rejected him for his past, or he avoided them himself due to his internalized shame, at least that's a guess.
But everything repressed returns to the surface sooner or later. As a child, living for so long under overwhelming guilt, grief, hate, pain and sadness, under the skies that are almost never sunny in a all-year-long damp and coldness of the Ullapool. Incomprehensibly grey. It was depriving.
He was always fascinated with explosions. He didn't touch it for a long time, but maybe something like seeing fireworks again one day made something inside him tremble... And to remember.
Explosions. Launch... Acceleration... Release. And every time the release happens, his soul fills with excitement, the body feels lighter and shivers go up the spine. Release happens inside his head too, for the explosions make his worries and pain go away for a moment.
He couldn't find another way to release his bottled up emotions, so gradually he returned to make explosives again.
It was something like an addiction. Similar to pyromania, except no one bothered to research this one. At the moment of explosion he could let his anger out, he could scream, he could run around freely, he could sense heat in his chest; he could be himself. As he once was.
Everything was cold. But the explosions were hot.
He thought it was under control, just a little bit of KABOOM after school, but he craved more and more every time, more vivid, more violent...
That's how he lost his eye. (...Was it a subconscious act of selfharm?)
The missing eye was a forever reminder of how deviated he actually was. He learned that he couldn't repress or change what he truly is - a monster. A Black Scottish Cyclops, wether it were his peers who called him like that or he himself, out of misery. There was indeed something seriously wrong with him.
It seemed like the only thing he was capable of is destruction. Destruction is the only environment he's comfortable with. Peace was always so anxious and depriving, and breaking things felt calming, so he figured it must be right.
And then his birth mother came and took him back, "now that's he's a worthy DeGroot". It was unexpected but... Pleasant. So he wasn't THAT worthless after all, huh? Turns out, it was really familial, the destruction thing. At least he found out that there was a reason behind all of this.
His new mom was, saying honestly, pretty cruel with words. She was not at all gentle, she was very strict, demanding and straight up abusive. It was never enough for her no matter what Demo did. She didn't want results from his work, she's just always wanted to mess with his brain.
And for whatever reason... This setup felt right for him. To be thrown around like that, to be humiliated harshly, it felt fitting, it wasn't causing anxiety or anything. He has to be a scapegoat, he had to forget about being a child and to start working as an adult, at the same time somehow replacing a father he still didn't have, but it felt good enough. Confusing relationships felt good enough.
Destruction was his habitat, and his heart could no longer accept anything else.
Cruelty wasn't warm though, just familiar, just an environment to not to go insane. But he craved warmness so badly... Yet every time he would get close to someone and receive a little gentleness and care, it would feel sickening. It felt unnatural, it reminded him of his lost parents and of everything that's wrong about him.
The only warmness his body could accept was alcohol, making him bubbly and comfortable and relaxed. He almost felt normal, happy even. Alcohol heat made him melt, and he felt so fulfilled as if he was in paradise, back to the womb.
Yet after the effect wears off, he feels lonely as ever. Quickly, existing without alcohol becomes pain. Existing at all. He became an addict.
Not that everyone he met rejected him, rather, he subconsciously reached out to those who would be cruel to him. Again, gentleness hurts wether he knows it or not. He's only good in destruction.
Lonely and clingy, ready to overshare, overall mess yet carrying a big baggage of love that has no one to give it to. Maybe because he can't give it to himself in the first place. There's so many issues unresolved because he can't handle them alone, yet there's no one to help since he was already trapped in a closed circuit of self sabotage.
He will keep acting like a party beast, always crazily emotional and overdone upbeat, a simple drunken man who will not be taken seriously that way. Maybe that's what he wanted, to not be seen as deep by anyone for not be reminded of his misery once again.
Seems like we bought that too.
...
The enemy Soldier might be an exception though. The man he really treasures his friendship with turned out to be an enemy; repeating the rule again: it's only acceptable when dangerous. Soldier deeply cares for Demo, however he's not gentle or pitying, he's as destructive and explosive as Demo is, and these two are a very rare perfect combination of destructing each other in the act of love. Both broken beyond repair, soul on soul, forever to be misunderstood by the outsiders. This is something about this relationship that looks like a golden lining.
They will not fix each other, but they sure are going to have a good time!
Jesus fucking Christ????????
Every time you post art 20 years gets added to my lifespan it’s so good !
Oh my that's a lotta years I'm sorry you're trapped in this flesh for so long because of me
Last post's timelapse
Thank you SFM, with you I'm able to cheat with everything...
That erotic tension between an artist and the urge to delete their works.........
Regarding the previous post
more mercenary analysis, whichever merc you want <3
Not a mercenary but... Okay!
Let's dissect Pauling
Always so collected, responsible and efficient. The one who is not afraid to get her hands dirty for the sake of a goal, and her performance is always one hundred percent. What could possibly be not cool about her?
Well, maybe the fact that this all is, in fact, an act. Of course it is.
I'm not saying her determination and dedication to her job aren't sincere decisions of her heart, she really enjoys it and shines in her work. It's just a matter of WHY and WHAT she's doing it for. And on what scale.
For her, her job is EVERYTHING. Eagerly working 364 days a year with barely any rest, masochistically putting herself in so much danger, blindly following the boss's instructions, not even hesitating to kill people standing on the way...
Wow, there's gotta be something going on here.
Well, obviously the Administrator plays A HUGE role in this situation. Why would Pauling trust her so much? Referring to the comics, Pauling trusted her wholeheartedly on whatever the Administrator was planning, even though she didn't know what it was. This blind following that vaguely resembles nothing less than a weird somewhat child-to-a-mother attachment. It's just a Boss, just a job, why?
Because that's what it is. Mother issues. Very apparent.
We don't know anything about Pauling's past, so there's where the headcanons begin:
I'm assuming her birth mother was very neglectful and dismissing, never acknowledged her daughter's accomplishments and struggles. No matter how hard Pauling tried to become "worthy" in her eyes, it seemed to be never enough, as if she didn't even exist at all. Maybe her mother was a substance addict or something and their household wasn't safe and stable, so Pauling had to become an adult early and run away from home as a teenager and find a job to get by.
(I assume that because I believe there was a mention in the canon lore that Ms.Pauling had been working for the Administrator for long long years (don't remember exactly), indicating that she started working when she was still a minor).
So, being taken under the Administrators wing, her young wounded brain found a substitute for a very thing she was lacking, subconsciously clinging onto the Administrator as a newly mother figure, in order to "get it right this time".
Administrators Strictness, responsibility and demandingness were the most favorite qualities of a person of authority in Pauling's eyes, in contrast to the laziness, unaccountability and indifference of the environment in which she grew up. She could finally strive.
This time she would show the mother figure that she's worthy, she's important and irreplaceable; she exists. She would prove that no amount of hardship is too much for her if it means approval for the Administrator.
And the Administrator kind-of-sort-of gave Pauling this pseudo-love in return, encouraging her to sacrifice herself even more for their work. Which is at the very least unfair, and at most just predatory. Administrators "love" was conditional, in contrast with when the real motherly love Pauling unknowingly expected. Administrator was too immature for a mother figure, too much in power for a partner or a friend, yet too close for a formal boss. What is this!? Something not nice.
The Administrator doesn't love Pauling for Pauling, she loves her working qualities. And thus, Paulings subconscious guess was confirmed that "I'm only important when I'm doing the job. I AM the job."
Tying your worth to what you DO instead of what you are is a huge dangerous existential rout one could choose. But she never really knew her importance outside of her skills, so she wouldn't know.
Now imagine how actually painful that character arc was for her, when the Administrator proved herself to be unreliable and secretive, and when Pauling started to question her intentions for the first time.
"... Because I trusted you!"
"Then why are you questioning me now?"
It wasn't even the real conversation between them, just Pauling's mind torturing her.
It reminded me of the crisis of a 4-year-old when they realise that their parents aren't perfect; they don't know anything and they CAN hurt you.This shattering illusion of almighty love. When a child stops believing that the "harsh love" their mother treats them with is simply an abuse.
Wouldn't it be terrifying to realise in your 20s thar despite running for "the mother's approval" all your life, you will never truly get it. If your mother failed to provide it to you at such a young age, nothing will truly substitute that, especially now, when you're an adult, no one will love your inner child the way it was supposed to be loved.
Unless you yourself decide to take that role.
...
Realistically speaking, it's not nearly that sever with Pauling! She's happy in the environment she's in, there's lots of interests for her to explore (Guns, fights, killin'!) So many adventures every day! Even if Pauling has her inner suffering, it's not that bad aa I describe it. Her mother problems may actually be an advantage, a reason she is such a good and caring boss for the mercenaries.
I'm just edgying things down for the sake of the clearer analysis. But still...
If the Administrator will be gone and Pauling loses her life-dedicated job... What will be left? Who is Pauling once Mann Co is no more? Can she answer that?
References:
– A video that helped me better understand the Good Girl mask:
– "Lise Bourbeau's 5 soul wounds model: Injustice"
tysm for the mediscout I owe you my life
Ok
🤲 ← Please put your life in here.
Tyrosine
Rubber Touch part 2....
Just a bunch of biblical paintings more and I'll finally start drawing yaoi
Last post's timelapse
//Somehow this work made me SO tired, even though the last session lasted only about 3 hours I suddenly felt so weak I immediately dozed off (even though I had enough sleep hours before that and it was definitely too early to go to bed). And then I napped for 7 hours, still feeling like my blood have been sucked off as I'm writing it. Yeah low-key feels like I'm dying right now.
Maybe this piece is cursed. Be careful.
