Another Humans Are Weird/space Orcs Idea That Came To Me While Trying To Drink Water Upside Down:

This is amusing.

Aliens watching out for their humans

So most of the stories I’ve seen in the Humans-Are-Weird/Space-Australia/Space-Orcs have had aliens being completely accepting and mostly one human explaining things.

So what would happen when the alien crew who loved their human and easily accepted that their brain didn’t always work right encountered as absolute asshole?

“Human Katyleen, I do not understand why you are upset about Human Sarah traveling with our crew?”

“Because psychos like her should be locked up Galthor! God first it’s rude to call them nutjobs when they are now they get to take the spots that people like me deserve!”

“Do you have the ability to lift a Bilibithor above your head?”

“No but-”

“Ah! You must be able to out-talk a Fiffifin then!”

“They use so many alliterations it makes no sense!”

“Are you able to correctly change speeds to prevent a hyper speed collision that is, the earth term is inches correct?”

“She is still a psycho! She could snap at any time and kill you all!”

“I believe Human Sarah told us about your kind.”

“What did she say?”

“I believe the terms used is cunt.”

More “wtf are humans, please leave the rest of us be” stuff:

Human reactions to fear!

No, I’m not talking about screaming or freezing in one spot and pissing yourself. I’m talking about the weirder, more specific-to-only-humans fear reactions.

Like singing.

Idk how many of you have watched people play horror video games, but a surprising amount of people start narrating what’s going on in a sing-song voice.

Imagine being an alien, walking in a horrific, dark tunnel with these weird gangly creatures, you’re all scared out of your wits and then one of them starts fucking singing.

In a dark cave. While everyone’s terrified.

“ ♫ ~We are all gonna fucking die, this is terrible and I wanna go hooooome~ ♬ ”

More Humans Are Weird

Okay, but this: we’ve established that humans have an odd perception of injuries. But what about how many are afraid of doctors? 

Alien: Human Alana, that is a lot of blood. Are you okay?

Human, with cut foot: It’s just a cut. Hardly feel anything. *looks closer* Oh, cool. Hey, is that my tendon?

Alien: By my knowledge, if you are able to see the bones or tendons, you need stitches. Should we not get you to the medical bay immediately?

Human *uncomfortable*: Or… what would happen if I just, you know… didn’t? I mean, I’m fine with a bigger scar. Scars are cool.

Alien: But does your species not get infected wounds??

Human: We do… but I really don’t want to get stitches.

Alien: Human Alana, I believe I must insist! It is for your well-being!

Human: *starts to panic*

Alien: *Freaks the fuck out because they don’t know what to do*

Okay, so going off the whole space Australia thing, imagine aliens would think of ACTUAL AUSTRALIA. Humans are batshit insane, we do some crazy shit, but a decent amount of us are shocked by the mere concept of living in Australia. That place is no joke, it’s a death trap of a continent that somehow became a badass country. You don’t fuck with Australia.

Alien: what is a kangaroo?

Human: oh, it’s an animal from Australia. They hop around and the carry their kids in pouches. They may be cute, but don’t get them angry, they can kill you.

The…the human is actually WARNING them of something? The human is AFRAID?

Human: that’s just Australia for you, though. Literally EVERYTHING on that continent can kill you, so I guess it’s not THAT off. Be careful if you ever go to Australia, though. It’s a very dangerous place.

And this all of the aliens avoid Australia at all costs because if the fucking HUMANS are scared then it must be the most dangerous and frightening place ever.

lol how do you think aliens would react to finding out about identical twins?

Okay so at first I was like… human diversity in looks is pretty unique (to my knowledge with the exception of species we’ve tampered with i.e pigeons) and speaks to our historical lack of serious predators. But then I thought about aliens knowing this but then huMaNS SUDDENLY LOOK THE SAME?!?!?!IS THIS A “PRANK”???THEY’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE DEVELOPED SUCCESSFUL CLONING TECHNOLOGY YET?!?ARE THEY SICK?!?

Followed by the human twins in question just going off on the standard answers with a sigh. “Yes we’re twins, yes we’re identical, no we can not feel each other’s pain, yes we do argue occasionally, no we do not have psychic powers-” at which point the alien just cuts them off because wtf some humans havE PSYCHIC POWERS!?!? Clearly some do, seeing as these humans are so used to being asked if they’re one of them. And there have been accounts of it in written form - the various YA novels descriptions come to mind. A human once said these were written lies, but with so many accounts of it, that sounds less likely than it just being something they want to keep secret.

Identically looking human psychics are quickly added as point number 492 to The Grand List of Reason NOT to Mess With Humans.

This seems to relate to the ability humans have relating to the 4th dimension.

Humans are Weird: That One feeling

Im talking about the ‘I know someone is there’ feeling. You could haveyour back to something, but then just /know/ that theres someone/something behind you without seeing or hearing anything. You just /know./ Like, imagine how weird that’d be to Aliens

Bizarinvin: *Walks up to Ava slowly and quietly, maybe trying to see if xey can surprise them somehow*

Ava: *Immediately turns around* Yo Biz. Trying to scare me?

Bizarinvin: Yes but how did you even know I was there! I made sure I was silent!

Ava: I have eyes on the back of my head

Bizarinvin: Really?!

Ava: *Laughs* Nah. I just felt you there.

Bizarinvin: But you havent touched me.

Ava: I just sensed you there I guess then

Bizarinvin: What? How?

Ava: *Shrugs* I dunno. Humans can just… know if theres someone there without looking or hearing them sometimes

Bizarinvin:….Ok. *Goes to update the Human Guide with this new info 

This "Bon Jovi" is a conquerer and unifier of Terra Prime? And has created a neural network that cause humans to randomly burst into song?

Bon Jovi, Earth’s Global Unifier

The result of reading possibly too many ‘Humans Are Weird’ stories while also listening to Adam Hills standup

So, two humans from different countries with different languages are both seperately brought onto alien ships somehow.

These two ships come across each other, and open a hailing frequency. In the background, one human is quietly singing to themselves as they work. “Tommy used to work on the doooocks~ Union’s been on strike, he’s down on his luck, so tough~”

And then a voice pipes up from the other end of the hailing frequency. “Gina works the diner all daaay~”

All of a sudden these aliens have their respective humans practically yelling something they’ve never heard before over the frequency in perfect union and synchronicity, despite the impossibility of them having ever met.

The aliens question for a good while if their humans were lying when they said humans do not have a hivemind.

REBLOG IF YOU AGREE

Id be your friend even if youre gay. Id be your friend even if youre lesbian. Id be your friend even if youre bi Id be your friend even if youre ace or aro Id be your friend even if youre transgendered Id be your friend even if youre genderfluid Id be your friend even if youre any part of the SAGA community (lgbtq+) Id be your friend even if youre depressed Id be your friend even if you have anxiety Id be your friend even if you are suicidal Id be your friend even if you self harm Id be your friend even if you have mental illnesses Id be your friend even if you aren’t socially accepted Id be youre friend even if you were straight Id be your friend even if you went through abuse Id be your friend even if you’ve been raped Id be your friend even if you have flashbacks Id be your friend even if youre up all night Id be your friend even if you like rap Id be your friend even if you like rock Id be your friend even if you are black Id be your friend even if you are white Id be your friend even if you are latino Id be your friend even if you are native Id be your friend even if you are asian Id be your friend even if youre Christian Id be your friend even if youre Atheist Id be your friend even if you are Muslim Id be your friend as long as youre you and deserving of it.

This is a sign for blogs to put up and continue the list so that people know no matter what we can be there for each other. Please reblog…make people feel comfortable being themselves.

Human: *juggles* Alien: !? Human: Oh, yeah, it’s just a trick I picked up. Just for fun. I’m not, like, a real juggler Alien: ‘Real’ In these contexts indicates a profession? There are people who do this for money? Human: Oh yeah! I got a friend who’s a professional juggler *finds YouTube video* Alien: !! Human: Yeah, and also there’s combat juggling Alien: This is a metaphorical combat, yes? For social dominance? You do not injure each other? Human: Well, I mean, some injuries are gonna happen. That’s why my friend – the guy in that video – he can’t do combat juggling very much. He can’t risk injury, cuz he has to perform. it’s super fun, though.  Alien: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??