Stressed? Have A Relaxing Time Lapse

Shout out to @messy-does-cosmology for putting in work, and being a good friend.

29.3.2021

This date is kinda fraudulent because it's past midnight now, but I'm giving myself a pass on being accurate because I am exahsted and I did about 10 hours of work today. I don't know if I've ever done that much work before in a day. Anyway I've been working on my research project report, and it's at 5500 words now out of about 6400 I need as the minimum for a first, so I only need to do roughly another thousand words to be in the clear (bibliographys don't count). I had a bit of a breakthrough because I worked out how to use the proper SDSS explore tool and it has been... life changing. I'm definitely going to be able to write another 1000+ words about my topic before I hand it in on Wednesday.

Day 29: Name your own aesthetic! What's an aesthetic you'd like to try out? I don't want to pretend to be a complex human being here but I really struggle to "try out" new aesthetics, because I feel very dismorphic about my own appearance often enough as is. Dressing like myself involves lots of primary colours, big jeans and a little shirt, or big jeans and a big shirt. I don't recognise myself otherwise. And if I were to name an aesthetic, it would be called astronomercore. It would involve a lot of fleece jumpers and thick jeans and gloves. And like maybe a big duvet stuffed in your backpack. Any fellow astronomy bitches will know.

The beauty of mathematics

An assortment of computer models rendered employing variations of the Lorenz equation.

15 March (linear algebra study session)

Today was rough, I was constantly fighting tooth and nail to study, and ultimately didn’t get much done. As much as I love being neurodivergent, it definitely has its drawbacks. However I am going to be headed back to the doctor soon to try and help with my focus.

Just because someone looks alright doesn’t mean that they are conversely, don’t assume that people who don’t look the best are struggling.

I love all of you beautiful creatures

🎧 The Internet x The Chopstars - Ego Death

28 April (Diff Eq.)

The struggle has been very real over the course of the last week. I failed a test (it was in the teens), my mom is still in the hospital, and some days are definitely better than others, but I am holding on.

I can’t in good faith give up everything that I’ve worked so hard to build. I have also been procrastinating. The Howard deadline is 30 April, and tbh I haven’t put my all into it (despite really wanting to attend the school).

Small update, but that’s all for today.

Stay up✌🏿

🎧 Trappin in Japan 4 - Ryan Celsius

12 March (Calc 3 Pain)

I normally try not to post in color, but today I feel that it’s warranted. I just finished my last lecture with my calc 3 professor and I couldn’t help but be a bit sad.

We all have that teacher whom we don’t expect to make a difference in our lives, but upon getting to know them you come to find that they are a giant breath of fresh air.

With the toxicity of school leeching itself into every orifice, nook, and cranny it was nice having that one class I could count on to be invigorating.

This one is for you Mr. Lewis. I can’t begin to repay you for your teaching service, but the least I can do is show my genuine appreciation for you.

Today was rough. Throughtout this time lapse I “finished” 1 assignment ONE it’s day’s like this that really make me dread going into STEM. Diminishing returns are regular, and the burnout is real. However, if my neurodivergent ass can sit in one spot and be miserable, then you can too

2 April (Calc 4 and Diff. Eq)

These classes are the embodiment of a toxic relationship (but in the best of ways). The overall course load is a lot and most days I am struggling to get done by 10pm, but I can confidently say I FEEL LIKE A MATHEMATICIAN.

The math I’m doing now has real world applications. Yeah finding the slope of a line is cool, but when you find the vector tangent to the curve that accurately depicts the heating or cooling of a particular environment per mile THAT’S ACTUALLY USEFUL, AND HELPFUL TO THE WORLD.

On one hand, I have late nights followed by early mornings, and a fair amount of stress.

On the other, I have an overwhelming sense of validation, pride, and comfort.

This post goes out to @juicycupz, she was hands down the best partner I’ve ever had. While we may not be together now, she definitely played a major role in who I am now.

Stay up ✌🏿

🎧 Trappin in paradise 65 - Smooth Sounds

One of my favorites (and there are a few pictures)