Noitsforthebetter - No, Its For The Better

sorry i can’t take your touch, man. it’s not you it’s just that i fell in love with a war

when i feel a slight crisp breeze and suddenly the voices are telling me it’s time for a full flanaverse rewatch

when i’m going about my day listening to the oppenheimer soundtrack and suddenly i am become death the destroyer of worlds

Went into The Raven Cycle for the vibes, came out with an unshakable love for Adam Parrish. Send help.

i just can’t escape them

just found the most insane rosekiller/past bartylus fic idea in my notes app. it’s gonna be all over for everybody if i ever decide to write it

too many people forgetting blue is a glorious and fearless animal. too many people forgetting blue sargent main character of all time. what if your girl shredded and crocheted her own wardrobe and covered her room in various crafts and wanted to study ecology and needed multiple pins to keep her hair back and worked 1 million odd jobs including teaching penmanship to third graders and agreed to ride in a helicopter with strangers on a first date and kissed a ghost bc she realized she could and slipped her hand into her friends’ hands whenever she felt like it and joined their quest with the same wonder and loyalty as if it were her own and LITERALLY breathed life and energy into the people around her. you would never shut up about her probably

Richard Papen is the kind of guy to say “i know a spot” and then take you to a run down apartment with a hole in the roof in the middle of winter

Episode 5 of the Haunting of Bly Manor makes me sick. Hannah, sweet Hannah, spending the episode in confusion slowly realizing she’s dead. She’s dead and she’s been dead and yet even in death she isn’t free. The cruel irony of discussing a future in Paris with Owen. And yes she turns him down but even if she hadn’t, it wouldn’t have mattered. None of it matters cause nothing could be avoided. She speaks of the mouse and the glue trap and that was always supposed to be her fate. Things change and life moves forward and sometimes you can’t move with it. And what are you supposed to do with that? What can you do?

The parallels in Adrianne Lenker’s album Songs never fails to destroy me. For example,

“I don’t want to be the owner of your fantasy, so just want to be a part of your family” (anything)

“And your dearest fantasy, is to grow a baby in me. I could be a good mother, and I want to be your wife” (not a lot, just forever)

The first song, anything, is gentle, it’s intimate. It shows the quiet parts of Adrianne’s relationship, her longing to stay and belong with her lover. Throughout the whole song she speaks of the intimacy of relationships and how this is what she was craving. She wasn’t this version of herself that her lover fantasizes about, and she never really will be. She just wants to be a part of her family, to be her wife.

The second song, seems to take place during or after the breakup. Adrianne has gone past the soft, quiet grieving that we see in the other song. Instead, she is taken over by desperation. She misses Indigo and what they had. She is willing to do anything to get it back. She mentions again this fantasy of Indigo’s that we see in anything. Adrianne doesn’t necessarily want a family or to be a mother, but Indigo does and perhaps this is the only way to get her back. We see her offer up a bargain. Let us go back to what we had, and i’ll be this version you wanted. I could be a good mother. She doesn’t want to be, but she will because she wants to be Indigo’s wife.

There is something just so inately sad about the use of the word could in this instance, the depths of her grief and desperation.