Hug The Homies Goodnight. Maybe Even A Smooch

the idea of Ruth as a trans allegory has me crying in the club

(SPOILERS FOR NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE GO WATCH IT ITS AMAZING)

the idea of discovering something more to yourself that you want to show the world, but feel stuck in what people say you need to be rather than what you really are hits really close to home

Max Jagerman saying “you’re a nerd cause I said so. i willed it into existence.” represents how the more acceptable, “normal” people project what someone is supposed to be onto them without considering what they truly are, to keep them in a box, a box that Ruth is trying to break out of

when Max is presumed dead, it represents those expectations being lifted off of those who were affected, allowing people like Richie to be confident in who they are and make friends

even though Ruth doesn’t know exactly what she is yet, she finds her passion for being in the spotlight at the beginning of “Just For Once”, singing about how she now knows she wants to be in the spotlight

lines that talk about her character growing old, talking about how she’s disappointed with where her life is, maybe reflects how she’s feels about growing up herself, being scared of a future where she has to live as someone she isn’t or with someone she doesn’t want to be with

her repetition of “just for once,” in the song reflects many of the thoughts that other trans people have, often imagining ultimatums like “if only I had a button that turned me into a (preferred gender)” or “if I could just wear this outfit just for one event,” or “if I could just be a (preferred gender) for one day”

“just for once I’d feel the spark that I once knew” reflects feelings of many trans people who realized they weren’t cis around high school, where Ruth is, and searched to find that feeling again, but felt trapped by expectations by parents or others

“should I flip the burgers now? should I double check it’s well done on the outside, not within?” her indecisiveness reflects one of her main character traits, that she is riddled with anxiety, a common struggle that trans people experience, her anxiety makes scenarios that even though people are starting to accept her after Max’s death, that she’d still be ridiculed, or that it isn’t right for her to be who she is

her musicality shows her in bursts of confidence, like at the end with her lengthening the last note and letting it trail off, setting it free, only to go completely silent, highlighting the duality of her confidence in her new self, and fear of change (the last note always kills me it makes me tear up everytime)

what makes it even more gut-wrenching is that she isn’t able to feel the freedom of living her dream

the trailing off repetition of “i used to dance” after talking about giving away her tap shoes, representing her surrender to anxiety and fear, giving up on her dreams of being a performer, before being killed by Max

“Life is fine, if only it were mine.”

can’t justify anymore time on this but i love my babies

This is a bit of personal post mostly meant for me to see my own progress in the future, but yesterday I was granted sick leave by my doctor for my depression. Basically I started uni last fall and just,,, I don't know what happened but I just completely crashed and burned and could not do ANYTHING. I went to see a doctor last month and was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and now I've been on antidepressants for the past three weeks. And now I'm on sick leave.

It's really strange, being on sick leave. I'm 20 years old, super young, barely have any work experience and I'm already just,,, on sick leave. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to other people, but I feel kinda guilty about taking a break from studying. It's not a fair comparison because those other people aren't ill like me. I have a mental illness, and I'm most likely ND too so that makes studying extra challenging for me. If I go back to uni next fall, I'll have to slow my pace significantly and try to get some accommodations. And in general I'll have to be more open about how I'm feeling and be willing to take support from the people around me.

One good thing about being on sick leave is that I'll have more time to write my stupid fanfiction afgdigyuyieu stay tuned for that :DD

This will all pass, I know. It isn't the end of the world. Like my doctor said, depression is a real illness and it has to be treated the same way that you would treat a broken foot, for example. There's no shame in it. I'll try to keep that in mind.

Feast or Famine

I'm a day late but happy Black Freiday Starkid!!!

This one is actually almost a year old, but I never got around to posting it anywhere. I’d definitely do some things different now (the first thing that comes to mind is resizing the text), but for the most part I’m still proud of it.

sunny is my favourite show ever. it’s the worst thing i’ve ever watched. it’s woke. it’s problematic. the characters are completely irredeemable horrible people. the characters are multilayered and complex and misunderstood and even though they’re bad people they can still have good qualities and intentions. they’re evil and you shouldn’t ever relate to them otherwise there’s something wrong with you. every human has bad qualities and something wrong with them and its natural to see any part of yourself reflected in fictional characters. you shouldn’t sympathise with them. the characters have deliberately emotional moments in the show and trauma that deeply affected who they are which should make you feel sorry for them. macdennis is canon. macdennis isn’t canon. my interpretations of the show are delusional and completely off the mark of what the show actually is. i literally understand the show on such a deep level. its hilarious. its tragic. you’re crazy if you try to analyse the peepee poopoo show beyond surface level jokes. the show has a lot of details intended to be critically analysed. sunny is my entire personality. being into sunny goes against everything else about me as a person. i love rcg. i hate rcg. sunny ruined my life. sunny was once the only thing keeping me going. i hate sunny. i love sunny. etc etc etc

it’s always sunny in falsettoland

charlie kelly one of those characters of all time where he's so complex but also deceptively simple so everyone can relate to him if they want to. you think he's asexual? he is!! you think he loves to fuck? he does!! or maybe his relationship to sex is too complex to put in a simple sentence? absolutely! you believe he's a trans man? of course! you think she's transfemme? just look at "the gang solves the bathroom problem"! you think they "dont do gender" or "doesn't identify"? that's quite literally canon!! boyfriend to some, girlfriend to others, they have the range!! you think of him as a sweet, silly little guy? he's in fact a lovable rascal. you prefer to think of him as an amoral disgusting violent man? he's in fact also that. whatever you think of charlie kelly, you're probably right and that's delightful to me

Are there tales in those walls ? finally finished colouring my Cinderellas castle tribute piece and I'm so happy with how it turned out. This will be debuting at MCM London comic con next weekend with some other goodies