Who Am I Going To Tell That I Needed You More Than I Need Air? That I Knew That I Was Going To Be Okay
Who am I going to tell that I needed you more than I need air? That I knew that I was going to be okay but I needed you to tell me in words, I needed you to know I'd be okay and say it to me. Who will I tell that your prayers would have gone the longest to soothe me? No one, so I'll write it here.
I'll write here that in the moments when you didn't answer, in the dead of the nights when you could have met my needs, my hope dragged on and on. I had important things to do but I kept hoping your name would pop up and that you'd say the magic words and everything would get better, that you'd reply just at the right moment for everything to go back to being good. This is important to me, you know it is, I've spent months spooling myself up so I can be ready for this. Who better to have seen how tightly my spools had gone round and round? Who better to check if they'll keep that way, till after the critical moments?
Not you, I guess. Not you at all, that's fine. I've been taught a lesson I already know but in my knowing I've found experience with you. Romantic love will make your heart pound but only your friends will save you. I didn't have to be experienced in this tho, you could have made sure I only know it, not felt it.I know now that I don't need you, I never did. Not in the literal sense of the word. I want you, so acutely it presents as need. Each time I feel it more strongly than the last and I don't meet you in those moments, I come away knowing that I can need you and not get you and still thrive. That's not a good thing to know if you're in love, I guess but I guess everyday I need you less and less and now I just have to find other things to love about you, the fact that you fulfill my need is no longer part of it.
More Posts from No-mes and Others
I miss running to Tumblr everytime I have a thought, I stopped using my free will properly, it's annoying. This space is mine and mine alone, it's not like I can run out of ink or anything.
Actually really really hate how spiteful my mom is. Towards herself and most especially towards me. I tell her I didn't move in with her just to pay for my own transport to school and pay for my own food too and she starts acting like I smell.
Move away from the same seat as me and wrinkles her nose when I pass. She's acted like this for so long, I hate that I loved her so much I didn't see it for what it is.
Don't know when and how it happened but I've slowly come to terms with my adulthood. From a child who didn't want to turn 13 because she was sure that was when adult's problems started to a 19 year old calling herself an ex-child.
I can't relate with most sentiments and call it a journey but there's more to me than there was last year, may be the more isn't admirable even but I'm no longer at odds with the words 'adult'. I accept it, I'm responsible for stuff now, it's on me, most of it is. I won't let that thought weigh me down, it's rather liberating when I think about it. I, not anyone else, get to decide what I can be and when it should happen.
Oh, what wonder, I'm not an empty canvas, neither am I finished. I'm in between an incompleteness and perfection; an incomplete yet perfect being.
Structuring Your Fight Scene
adapted from <Writer's Craft> by Rayne Hall
Suspense
Show your characters gearing up, readying themselves.
The pace is slow, the suspense is high (use suspense techniques)
Provide information about terrain, numbers, equipment, weapons, weather.
May have dialogue as the opponents taunt each other, hurl accusations, or make one final effort to avoid the slaughter.
Don't start too early - we don't need to see the hero getting out of bed, taking a shower and having tea.
2. Start
Fighters get into fight stance: knees slightly bent, one leg forward, abdominal muscles tensing, body turned diagonally, weapons at the ready.
Each side will usually try to be the first to strike, as this will give them advantage.
The movements in this section need to be specific and technically correct.
3. Action
This section may be quick or prolonged. If prolonged, no blow-by-blow descriptions are needed.
Focus on the overall direction of the fight
Make use of the location to make characters jump, leap, duck, hide, fall, etc.
Mention sounds of weapons
4. Surprise
Something unexpected happens: building catches fire, a downpour, relief force arrives, staircase collapses, bullet smashes into the only lightbulb and everything goes dark, hero losses his weapon, etc.
Add excitement, raise the stakes.
5. Climax
Both sides are tired and wounded
The hero is close to giving up, but is revived with passion
Move to the terrain's most dangerous spot: narrow swining rope-bridge, a roof-edge, sinking ship, etc.
Don't rush the climax! Hold the tension
6. Aftermath
The fight is over: bes buddies lying dead, bandaging, reverberating pain, etc.
Use sense of sight and smell
The hero may experience nausea, shaking, tearfulness or get sexually horny
Fight scene length
Historical/adventure/fantasy: 700-1000w
Romance: 400-700w
You are not overwhelmed, you know where to start, you gain speed, you understand, clarity comes, in bursts, in a flood, you know, direction is available, nothing is too difficult, you have ease, you have rest.
I believe and I know, I do not see results from what I have worked for but from what Christ has worked for. I know, I being in the way, the Lord leads me, now, tomorrow, forever. I am confident, I am not confused, blessed is my knowledge, my memory. I have direction. I read from a place of rest, I do not panic. All of these and more as the Spirit prays for me by the finished work of Christ.
I always thought girls acting out, being cold and doing weird things in a relationship was weird. You like this boy, what are you doing? What do you mean you don't pick up until he calls the second time. What do you mean you wait for a minute or two to text back? What's going on? Who wrote these rules? No double texting, no public confessions, just alluding to the fact you are in love and no one needs to know the details.
Sadly, I understand now. Like mad. It's a silent shouting for receiving affection first, you want to be needed the way you need. You want to be liked just as much as you like the other person or even more than you like them. That way you know your affection isn't wasted. Because what is more comforting than knowing that you love and you're loved back in return?
When your love is reciprocated in the actions just as much, when they do call back the second time, double text you, put up with the attitude even you know, is silly, you are comforted. 'I love and I'm loved. All is right with the world.'
I see you, you don't want a love that's complacent, comfortable in a way that is lazy. You want to be pined for in the way you pine, nothing is more human than that.
I do not like sex.
Two occasions now and I'm not impressed. Really glad my partner cared enough to make sure I finish before penetration but that shit is intrusive af, do not recommend.
I hope to God it feels better for him cos God forbid we are both pretending to be cool and I'm suffering for nothing.
I'm trying to restrain myself from complaining about my results here but that's just making this space redundant. This is my diary, no one knows me here. No one ever will.
Here goes:
What. The. Heck? I didn't slave through notes and PDFs and PDFs on end to see my results and be groaning in pain. It's an ugly little feeling when my hardwork doesn't translate to my grades and I hate it here.
