"can Men Be Lesbians?" Bestie In 100 Countries Women Can't Be Lesbians Is This Really The Most Pressing

if your primary source of information on transmascs is by anyone else but a transmasc, it's not a reliable resource. it's currently viewed as perfectly okay for everyone BUT transmascs to talk about our experience- and in fact, it's encouraged for people to listen to everyone but us, because according to other people we're unreliable narrators, we "skew the truth," we "lie", that transmascs "already have too much space and too many people talking about transmasc issues", and that testosterone turns us into "irrational monsters".

i get it: people's internalized misogyny makes them treat us like we're too stupid to relay our own lived experiences because we're just "dumb, confused women." we get it- your misogyny is palpable. it morphs into a new, heinous experience- transandrophobia- once people begin telling us testosterone makes us evil, antimasculism begins to bleed into the misogyny that built this experience and turns it into something even more insideous.

people will do everything in their power to listen to everyone else talk about our experience, but when it comes to us advocating for ourselves, that's not allowed. everyone wants to speak for us, to tell us what their perception on transmasculinity is based off of a few passing experiences with transmascs so they "know what it's all about".

please seek out transmasculine people to listen to about our lived experience. everyone who attempts to speak for us has an agenda. don't listen to anyone but the source. outside speculation has no place when it comes to discussing the transmasculine experience, especially when it comes to saving young transmascs from feeling lost and totally alone

no one can tell our stories but us. stop being okay with people who aren't transmasc spreading lies about what we live through. our experiences need to be heard. let us speak for ourselves. stop putting words in our mouths and telling US how we live our lives

The same system that oppresses intersex people oppresses perisex trans people. I don't understand why whenever intersexism is mentioned perisex people lose their shit..

These people act like the road to trans liberation is paved by stepping on the voices of intersex people, but if you don't care about us then you care about none of us. The same system oppressed us. Ignoring that is counteractive to any activism you try and do. There will be no liberation if we do not learn to fight for one another.

This sinking vessel has many holes, if you only care about the one under your feet, you will still drown.

Friendly reminder that you don’t owe anyone here a debate.

Person thinks trans men can’t reclaim “tranny”?

Wow, that’s stupid. Block ‘em.

Some asshole believes that trans men are uniquely misogynistic or privileged or whatever fun discourse buzzword they’re using today?

Their prejudice is not your problem. Block ‘em.

Random blogger says trans men don’t experience (insert common form of transphobia here)?

Don’t try to prove them wrong by sharing details of your trauma. Just block ‘em.

The worst offenders aren’t going to change. They’re not going to listen to you, or engage in a good-faith debate. Speaking from experience, showing them any vulnerability will just result in it being used against you.

It’s sad, but these people are stuck in a discourse tar-pit that makes them see their trans siblings as enemies. They have to pull themselves out; they won’t hear a word you say, not when they’ve already made up their minds about you.

Don’t give them a platform. Don’t waste your time and energy on bad-faith arguments. Spend it with people who don’t make misunderstanding you their favorite hobby.

And remember:

Make sure you've blocked fite-club/rittz. Like half of the inane discourse yapping goes away when you do, it's great.

alert alert a trans man expressed enjoyment in being a man for a moment and didn’t feel sorry about it y’all gotta do something about it how dare he say “men are cool” without stating he knows oppression and patriarchy exists and he’s sorry before that

I figure when you’re involved in any discourse you’re more likely to see the best of the people you agree with and the worst of those you disagree with. So I’ve been trying to follow “both sides” of the discourse. Not because I actually agree with the anti-transmasc crowd, dear god no, but so I can have an easier time keeping an eye out for transmisogynists on our “side”

Buuuuut

I rarely see any actual transmisogyny?? Most of the time it’s strawman arguments accusing the entire transmasc community of something or other, or trying to police what words they can use.

The rest of the posts are stuff like “these vile transandrodorks HATE all trans women and think we should SHUT UP and DIE FOREVER” with no screenshots to back it up or show who said it.

Over and over: “transandrobros think trans women aren’t oppressed!” and “transandophobia-truthers are telling trans women they’re all lying about their experiences!” and “transandrodorks say transmisogyny isn’t real!”

WHO IS SAYING THIS!?

They can’t keep telling people this is what we believe without any proof! And if a substantial of people on our side are really saying this shit, I can’t find them!

I’ve blocked like, a handful of actual transmisogynists in the transandrophobia tag. Two of them were obvious cryptoterfs. One of them was cis. Please tell me where all the rest of these transphobic people are so we can report and deplatform them, jesus christ.

It’s also so much harder to find them when these assholes cry “transmisogyny” every time a trans man tries to talk about his own oppression. Or points out something they’re saying is hurting transmascs. Or breathes.

And for the record I’m not talking about the transmisogyny tag. Transmisogyny is absolutely real and a huge problem in queer circles. I’m looking at discourse blogs in particular.

It’s just… ugh. :/

The only transmisogyny I've seen from within the trans community has been from other trans women/fems, accusing trans women/fems who speak out against transandrophobia of being secretly men, or brainwashed.

Never seen a trans man act like that towards a trans woman/fem.

crazy to me how some people think conversion torture/forced detransition is actually a privilege when it happens to trans men/mascs

to transcend both male and female is to be, and I thought this was obvious, transgender. everyone I've seen pushing against nonbinary inclusion in the trans community has used transphobic narratives to make their point. of course, no one should force all nonbinary people to identify with the word trans specifically (or binary people for that matter), but we all need to understand that that's what being nonbinary fundamentally is.

when laws are passed against nonbinary people, it's because they're trans. when they're disrespected for being nonbinary, it's for being transgender. when there's no space for them in society besides cringe compilations and jokes, that's happening to them because they are trans people. when people refuse to believe that their gender is nonbinary, it's because they are a part of the transgender community. the people doing these things to them are transphobic and they see nonbinary people as super [t slur]s. they are threatened by even the mere suggestion that there's more than 2 options because all forms of transness threaten cissexism and heteronormativity, even the entire concept of gender. you could say that they are phobic, even. ya know, of the transition. from binary to nonbinary.

if another trans person tells you that you don't count, that what you go through is disqualified just because you're nonbinary, it's because they're suffering from a severe case of internalized transphobia (as well as ignorance of trans history, ideology, gender theory, and purpose). they need too much help themselves to stand by you, do not engage with them. you are not taking from the community by increasing the demand for rights, support, and resources, that's not how supply and demand works. there is no limit to how many types of people can receive kindness because respect for other people is a renewable resource. in fact, if more people ask for more rights and respect and put effort into facilitating that acceptance for others, it's way more likely to increase the level of joy in the world. it's like a collective pursuit of happiness, and everyone will be better off working together.

also, if you're wondering how a person, even a binary one, who would usually be considered trans could not identify as trans (in a non-transphobic way), all you have to do is go "lol no" and boom. not trans. just think "I'm transgender to YOU" and "am I transgender? no, it's the cis people who are trans, identifying as made-up genders and shit," and there you go. welcome to cis manhood, womanhood, and/or nonbinaryhood. as Ms. Frizzle would say, "take chances, make mistakes, get messy!" it is the "do what you want the rules are fake and baseless anyway" community after all

My tattoo artist told me his teenage son came out to him as trans by giving him a bunch of blue cupcakes and a greeting card that said "it's a boy!"

"That's cute," I said.

"It was NOT cute!" he snapped. "I thought he was pregnant."

I'm gonna be real with you and say that it's not really progressive when you see black characters/POC coded characters and instantly talk about how cool they are because they piss of bigots.

I'm sorry but like, can I draw the joy of myself and my racial identity without thinking about how politicized my existence is Thanks.

I know I've said this before but I really don't think constantly talking about trans women & fems who are assholes to other trans people is productive. it's fine to call out behavior that sucks but I don't think only focusing on that is going to do much besides further radicalize the people you're talking about

it also waters down our terms to internet discourse and makes it harder to talk about bigger, life-threatening issues. if someone is curious about what issues we face and when they try to look into it all they see is people complaining about trans women & fems it's kind of understandable to see all of us as reactionaries tbh

I get it's easier to talk about intra-community issues. a leaky pipe in your house is always going to suck. but it's kind of like only complaining about the leaky pipe and your plumber during a flood. it's fine to talk about the leaky pipe but we should focus on the bigger problem here