"a Notification Cant Be A Drug"

"We all deserve to be wicked, now and again." - Mother Superior Shadowheart

Me, as a baby teenager trying to convince myself I really fuckin LOVE Alistair while watching my brother be utterly obsessed with Morrigan and being jealous???

Me, as an older teenager finally allowing myself to be obsessed with Leliana (me when I was like SHE GOT WITH A WOMAN???)

Me, meeting my gf of seven years shortly after realizing I'm down bad for women

Me, as an adult loading up BG3 for the first time and KNOWING Shadowheart was the only one of these wonderful fuckers I'd romance EVER

Me discovering lesbianism through gaming is funniest (saddest) thing ever ngl

Got shadow banned on cod, guess that means I have no choice now but to spend my weekend writing (as if I didn't already want to write anyway)

your honor, it was a crime of passion

✨this✨

I really don't hear enough people talk about the fact that Shadowheart was not only brainwashed as a child, but had her memories repeatedly wiped. This isn't just your run of the mill reeducation. Like we're talking about having your brain literally tampered with by magic on a metaphysical level which is so incredibly violating and just on a completely different level than the typical indoctrination you see an average cultist goes through.

Your memories and lived experience is fundamentally responsible for shaping the kind of person you are. We see how important memories are with Durge because once they lost their memories, they were no longer the same person and became someone entirely new. Shadowheart was frequently subjected to memory wipes since she was kidnapped as a child, forced to adopt Sharran dogma, and every time she started remembering things about her past or strayed from their teachings, they'd take her memories away again. Imagine the only memories you're allowed to keep are the ones your abusers let you, as they continue to alter your perception of reality in order for you to stay obedient to their control. This is gaslighting on a level we have literally never seen before irl.

It's no wonder Shadowheart says the things she says, and yet, somehow, against the strict doctrines and manipulation that's been hammered into her for decades, she always ends up reverting back to her true self. From Viconia's journal:

No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't erase the good in her. It's honestly impressive Shadowheart is able to fight the brainwashing to this extent. And when she's left alone for once with people who are patient with her and make her feel safe, when she's given enough time to find herself again without being reset back to square one every time she gained an inch? She thrives.

I need her

Tav, the idiot who somehow managed to be cool enough for Baldur to save

Baldurs Gate 3 is so wild when you realise how vastly different the game is depending on if you choose Tav or Dark Urge

Dark Urge Playthrough: you’re the child of Bhaal, but unlike the Bhaalspawn, you are created solely by Bhaal himself. The first true child of Bhaal. The daughter of one of your father’s previous Bhaalspawn turns on you, attacks you and tries to kill you. In your dying state, she infects you with a parasite so that you’ll die an incredibly humiliating death, and become her slave.

By some miracle you end up on the same nautiloud ship as a Sharron Cleric who happens to to be carrying a gith artefact that contains Baldur himself. Baldur, who was made a mind flayer and is now calling himself the Emperor, realises there’s an incredibly powerful Bhaalspawn on the ship, and that he can use them to his advantage. The power you have will help him destroy Gortash. Of course he picks you, it makes so much sense.

On your way to Baldurs Gate you find out through an unsent letter that you used to be into Gortash. When you get to Baldurs Gate, the man you used to fuck turns out to be an absolute loser and with horror you realise he is still into you. It’s okay though, he’s very easy to kill.

You end up facing off against Orin, your niece, and kill her. Your father appears to you and offers you the chance to become his Slayer. On the high chance you turn him down, he murders you in front of your loved ones, and leaves you to rot.

Then Jergal, the actual Lord of the End of Everything, the original God of Death, who was the very being that turned you father into a God all that time ago, who’s been in your camp for weeks pretending to be this undead scribe called Withers, appears next to your corpse and brings you back to life, basically adopts you, states that he will protect you from Bhaal, and announces that as long as he lives, you will never die. You’re essentially immortal.

Tav Playthrough: you’re a random nobody that was unlucky enough to get kidnapped by Mind Flayers. The Emperor must pick one of the many idiots on the ship to be his pawn. He sees Tav and thinks “ugh, yeah this one will do”.

Reposting to add that the Emperor be like hmm I got this cool Sharran lady AND there's a Selûnite on board, let's cause ✨drama✨ and get them to bang

Baldurs Gate 3 is so wild when you realise how vastly different the game is depending on if you choose Tav or Dark Urge

Dark Urge Playthrough: you’re the child of Bhaal, but unlike the Bhaalspawn, you are created solely by Bhaal himself. The first true child of Bhaal. The daughter of one of your father’s previous Bhaalspawn turns on you, attacks you and tries to kill you. In your dying state, she infects you with a parasite so that you’ll die an incredibly humiliating death, and become her slave.

By some miracle you end up on the same nautiloud ship as a Sharron Cleric who happens to to be carrying a gith artefact that contains Baldur himself. Baldur, who was made a mind flayer and is now calling himself the Emperor, realises there’s an incredibly powerful Bhaalspawn on the ship, and that he can use them to his advantage. The power you have will help him destroy Gortash. Of course he picks you, it makes so much sense.

On your way to Baldurs Gate you find out through an unsent letter that you used to be into Gortash. When you get to Baldurs Gate, the man you used to fuck turns out to be an absolute loser and with horror you realise he is still into you. It’s okay though, he’s very easy to kill.

You end up facing off against Orin, your niece, and kill her. Your father appears to you and offers you the chance to become his Slayer. On the high chance you turn him down, he murders you in front of your loved ones, and leaves you to rot.

Then Jergal, the actual Lord of the End of Everything, the original God of Death, who was the very being that turned you father into a God all that time ago, who’s been in your camp for weeks pretending to be this undead scribe called Withers, appears next to your corpse and brings you back to life, basically adopts you, states that he will protect you from Bhaal, and announces that as long as he lives, you will never die. You’re essentially immortal.

Tav Playthrough: you’re a random nobody that was unlucky enough to get kidnapped by Mind Flayers. The Emperor must pick one of the many idiots on the ship to be his pawn. He sees Tav and thinks “ugh, yeah this one will do”.