Bitch This Is All You’re Gonna Get. This Life, This Face, This Body. You Better Not ‘maybe In Another

Real toxic historical period piece Old Man Yaoi about two bitter old men who have spent their entire lives in the closet, who married and raised families as expected, and are now trying to arrange a marriage between their respective adult children (who are not interested in each other) in order to have a permanent plausible excuse to spend a lot of alone time together in order to fuck like feral sodomites discuss the futures of their mutual grandchildren.

Morning routine before Greek class 🏛️ 📖

I think artworks are too kind to Richard’s hair, here is my lore-accurate nail scissors haircut for him.

She gave him the piece with the happy face and then he gave it back to her because he wants her to have it and I'm crying because this is exactly what they want each other to be— happy. They are so in love with each other that it's making me emotional. They deserve the world and more.

bunny and marion

Francis visits Henry’s grave every year. Alone.

No one else does — no one else wants to. Charles avoids the topic entirely. Camilla sends Francis clipped replies when he brings it up. Richard pretends he never gets the messages. But Francis marks the day like a liturgy. Like a holy feast. Like penance.

He books the same suite in a faceless hotel. Wears the same black coat. Packs the same silver lighter — an old one Henry once admired in passing. It’s all performative, of course. But what is Catholicism if not grief wrapped in ritual? He fasts before the visit. Doesn't drink the night before. He makes the trip feel like confession.

The grave is unmarked, just a patch of earth in a neglected corner of a rural cemetery, the kind no one visits on purpose. Francis had to dig to find out where Henry was buried. Had to call someone’s widow and lie. But now he knows, and he treats it like a secret shrine.

He kneels every year. Gets the dirt on his trousers, on his coat, lets the damp seep into his bones because suffering feels closer to prayer when it’s physical. And he talks.

Not to Henry. Not really. To God. To himself. To something between the two.

"You ruined everything, you know," he says once. "And so did I."

He breaks off. Lights a cigarette. Doesn’t smoke it. Leaves it burning at the grave like incense. The first year he did this, he left a bottle of scotch. Last year, he left a page torn out of a Latin prayer book. This year, he doesn’t bring anything. He just sits.

And he waits. For something. A sign. An answer. Forgiveness.

But Henry is silent. Always was. Even now, dead and buried, he’s still the one with the upper hand.

And Francis — Francis goes back to the hotel, vomits in the sink, lights another cigarette with shaking hands. He doesn’t cry. Not anymore. It’s been years. But his hands won’t stop trembling.

That night, he goes to mass. Sits in the very back. Doesn't take communion.

He knows better.

"Dazai's expression as he placed a finger on his forehead and approached the enemy - that of a child about to burst into tears - remained burned into my eyes."

mr secret history francis abernathy and hobie being friends in the goldfinch my love

You know you’re fucked up when Regulus Black is your comfort character