Listen.

listen.

aziraphale made the only choice he could make. From a narrative perspective, yes, but primarily from a character one. He would never have been happy if he'd run away with Crowley. He wouldn't even have been content.

however much he loves Crowley, Aziraphale has never been the impetus in their relationship. It's always been Crowley, nudging, urging, pushing, tempting and Aziraphale, for all the progress he's made over the millennia, still retains a deep-seated and not wholly conscious horror of giving in to temptation. The more he wants a thing the more bad he believes having that thing would be, and while he can rationalise the food and drink and clothes and books as harmless earthly pleasures, to turn his back on his devotion and his duty and give in completely to what he wants more than anything--that remains unthinkable, impossible for him even to contemplate.

he's a true believer, and true believers cannot be swayed by arguments. The more convincing the arguments are, in fact, the more the true believer refuses to consider them. The only way Aziraphale can find his way back to Crowley is through a crisis of faith. He needs to see the truth for himself and independently reach his own conclusions. If he didn't then he would always feel, deep down, that Crowley had manipulated him, that what they were doing was wrong, and that he, Aziraphale, had failed by giving in. Those kinds of doubts are the ones that kill you, slowly, by attrition, and by extension destroy everything you love.

but just think how much more powerful it will be when (not if... projecting) in Season 3 Aziraphale chooses Crowley with full willingness and his whole heart. Not because Crowley talked him into it but because he knows himself at last and knows what he wants. And is finally unafraid to take it.

"i choose you" is, has been, and always will be the most powerful declaration of love.

More Posts from Nessicaa and Others

nessicaa

4 months ago

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nessicaa

2 years ago

So true

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nessicaa

1 year ago

Have we appreciated yet how inevitable the breakup really was? The truth is, whether the metatrash orchestrated it or to what extent he did, Aziraphale going back to Heaven and Crowley refusing to go back to Heaven was the only way that situation could have played out. The minute the metatrash offered Aziraphale the chance to right the wrong of Crowley's Fall, it was over. Offering Aziraphale the supreme archangel gig was just insurance.

Aziraphale was always going to want to redeem Crowley because he doesn't (yet) understand the Fall, what it cost Crowley, what it's actually done for Crowley, and how Crowley was fundamentally changed by it. Aziraphale does not yet know what Crowley knows of Heaven - and Aziraphale can't have known it yet. But he will, and this breakup is how he gets the opportunity to learn what he needs to learn to finally, finally understand what it means for him and Crowley to be on their own side.

And Crowley,who would follow Aziraphale anywhere and do anything for him? He cannot follow him back to Heaven, he cannot pretend to "be an angel" again for Aziraphale, because it is literally impossible. Crowley can't undo the millennia of growth he's undergone, he can't be un-cast out of the fold, he can't be un-unwanted by God and he can't be un-unloved. That's his lived experience of being fallen and nothing could change that for him.

There's no world where Crowley accepts the offer, and there's no world where Aziraphale refuses it. Not with them as they are right now together and separately in their arcs. And maybe that's part of why it's so painful to watch and dissect, because they hurt each other so badly and they don't want to, but it's actually inescapable. They're in a trap that they can't see until it springs. Snap. The elevator closes.

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nessicaa

2 years ago