This Is The Funniest Fucking Thing, God Bless Elton

geraskier fic recs: feral jaskier

1. Frantic by AvoidingAverage

Geralt was hanging limply against the rough bark. Two daggers kept him pinioned like a bug in place and left dark streaks of drying blood down his arms and exposed chest. Silver hair was matted close to his forehead from a sluggishly bleeding would that left golden eyes hazy and unfocused. Worst still were the bruises littering every inch of exposed skin like a collage of torment.

His Witcher had been tortured.

———

There was a name for the emotion burning like fire in his blood, eating away at the dandelion bard that had made his living seeking the pleasure of others. A simple phrase that barely encompasses the new tension in his bones and made his mind focus with singular, violent intent.

Wrath. _________________________

Geralt leaves Jaskier to go on a hunt that quickly goes wrong. Jaskier decides to take matters into his own hands.

~~~

Whoo boy this one was good. Gave me literal chills the first time I read it. Still just as good as the first read, gotta love me some Feral!Jaskier. Jask is so cool in this one I love it a lot.

2. a bit of violent delight by violaceum_vitellina_viridis

“I’m looking for the Witcher."

“Ah, you’re here to ferret him out for us, are ya, bard?”

“I’m here to do no such thing. I’m here to see if he needs any assistance and tell you to fuck off.”

Jaskier happens to be in the right place at the right time to help an injured Eskel.

~~~

I'm not sure if I've uploaded this fic already or not but its still really good so you should read it again even if I have recommended this one before. Always love me some well written dynamic between Jaskier and the other wolf witchers (Coën too!).

3. and in triumph, live by violaceum_vitellina_viridis

The first time Jaskier properly meets Lambert, the Witcher nearly breaks the bard’s nose.

Jaskier is in the right place at the right time again, and a little violence isn't about to stop him from doing exactly what he wants: to take care of yet another Witcher.

~~~

Haha stubborn Lambert and chaotic Jaskier go brrr. Love these morons a lot and Lambert and Jaskier's dynamic almost as much as I love Geralt and Jaskiers.

4. this action will have no echo by andrewminyards

“What are you doing here?” Geralt flicks his gaze over Jaskier, who’s suddenly acutely aware of the hidden blades under his clothes. “Where’s your lute?”

“My - what are you doing here?” Jaskier deflects, trying valiantly to hide his panic. With Geralt here, how is he supposed to kill the lord now?

“The lord hired me as a bodyguard.” Geralt looks around uncomfortably, clearing his throat. “Apparently someone’s trying to kill him.”

Jaskier’s stomach drops. Well, shit. If the lord knows that someone is after him, Jaskier will have a harder time getting close enough to kill him, and with Geralt acting as a bodyguard… that complicates things. A lot.

*

Jaskier is an assassin, but Geralt doesn’t know that. When Jaskier is sent after a cruel, corrupt lord who has hired Geralt as his bodyguard, Jaskier tries to figure out how to assassinate the lord without Geralt finding out his secret.

~~~

Ah, chaos and misunderstandings my beloved. 10/10 would read again I love the concept of this fic so much. Also this author is a really good author I'd totally recommend checking out their other fics (I'm subscribed to them!).

5. damned saint, honourable villain by violaceum_vitellina_viridis

“I’m Jaskier, or Dandelion, a – ”

“Bard, professor, infamous thorn in the side,” the Witcher finishes for him.

Jaskier is the one saved, for once. Though that hardly stops him from helping the Witcher who helped him.

~~~

Vesemir my beloved <3 <3. Wow this really giving found family vibes huh, totally not being called out here. Vesemir as a father figure? Yes please.

6. the fume of sighs by violaceum_vitellina_viridis

Jaskier can be very patient when he needs to be.

But Gods is he tired of Geralt’s shit.

Jaskier not-so-gently bullying his favorite Witcher.

~~~

Haha Jaskier and Geraly dynamic funny. Love these stupid boys so much. Also like, mood Jaskier, honestly. I too, am sick of Geralt's shit lmao.

7. Don't Leave Me by AvoidingAverage

Jaskier’s hands tighten around Geralt before slowly losing their grip, spasming where they fall limp. “Ger--geralt--”

“Don’t you dare,” he snarls back, “Don’t you dare try to give me your fucking goodbyes. You are not dying.”

“S--silly man.” Jaskier’s smile is full of painful fondness. “Would you fight death for me?”

Geralt swings him up into his arms and nearly weeps at the sound of familiar hooves running in his direction. “Every. Fucking. Time.”

~~~

Haha ouch. It's angst with a happy ending but it still hurted. Also poisoning is involved so theres that I guess. This stressed me out a bit lmao was on the edge of my seat far too many times.

hey, don't cry. one cup heavy whipping cream, two tablespoons granulated sugar, three tablespoons cocoa powder and whisk until stiff peaks form for three ingredient chocolate mousse, okay?

Finally finished it :D

I need mental intervention bc I’ve had this fake arctic monkeys song stuck in my head for like five days now

For all those who served

JD Vance: *is from the midwest, claims to be for the working class normal folks, went to Yale and is a venture capitalist*

Tim Walz:

Gosh dammit muffin! Now I can't get the idea of long haired andorogynous zuko out of my head, and I'm like "what if he'd never done the bald ponytail thing and just let his hair grow back, so by the show he had long ass hair" and then I was like "what if he joined the gaang after crossroads and figured that the best way to go incognito was as a woman since people were looking for the PRINCE. Anyway now i'm staring down a blank google doc so thx.

Yesss.

💗

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