From My Hero Academia: Smash

Chapter 85: Nothing But Fools

hellos and goodbyes

016. CARNATIONS

The first month Touya spent without you didn't feel real. He felt like a kid waiting by the door for you to come back every night. And with every day that passed, your absence was a cruel jackhammer into his heart that reminded him you weren't coming, no matter how much he wanted you to. His mind felt like it had been unplugged, a dull melancholy beating in place of it instead.

He spends a lot of his time thinking about you. Touya knows how much people can change in so little time. So, he wonders what will have changed about you when he sees you again. It's like a fairytale playing out in his mind whenever he thinks of you—because all he can see is himself flying through these next few months and straight into your arms. He's not afraid of forgetting the sound of your laughter or the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, because those very things were permanently etched into his soul. You were a tattoo kiss that couldn't be erased, serving as a silent reminder of what he was fighting so hard for.

His mind is a broken record player that only shows him moments in time with you—moments where he had felt true happiness for the first time in his life. He'd wake up with his heart beating fast and his eyes stinging like they'd been washed with the hottest of spices.

The second month is when the chilling realization that Touya got you fired finally settles in. He never really thought past the fact that you didn't have a job here at the hospital anymore—he chose to stay blissfully ignorant rather than thinking too hard about it. He felt the guilt bubbling and burning in his chest, how had he not been more worried about your well being? Truly, Touya was stupefied. Why hadn't you expressed even a shred of anger towards him? Just a few sharp words would be fine, Touya wouldn't mind at all. Because it would make sense. You were jobless, thanks to him.

And it's not like you'd been fired from just any job, it's not like Touya's father had placed him in just any hospital. This hospital laid in Japan's most beautiful lands, on acres of endless greenery. It was the best institution for hundreds of miles in every direction.

Touya can't help but go down the rabbit hole in his mind, crawling deeper and deeper into the infinite number of possibilities your kindness made. And Touya was unfamiliar with being around people who didn't have ulterior motives, so much so that he had trouble simply understanding that maybe you not getting mad at him was just a show of humanity. Something he wasn't familiar with.

The third month is when Touya is handed a calendar. The numbers and months are all scripted in cursive, spanning multiple pages that felt like the softest silk between his fingers. After flipping through the calendar, Touya decides he wants to hang it on the wall. Your gel pen hangs loosely from Touya's lips as he bites down on the end of it, his hands working to carefully pin his calendar to the wall. Gradually, the boxes fill up with red marks crossing out each one of them. There's still a great number of pages to go, but Touya's release day is regarded with a small smiley face he drew.

The fourth month is when Touya has his first nightmare since you left.

He went to bed that night as he always did. He did his nightly routine of washing up and combing through his hair until it was a fluffy cloud atop his head. He stared at his slowly healing scars in the mirror for at least fifteen minutes before changing into his night clothes and settling down to write his letter of the day to you. Some days, his letters would span pages—stray papers would be strewn all over his bed as he tried to organize his thoughts. And other nights, he'd only write down a sentence or two before folding up his letter and filing it away. All the letters he wrote were kept in a small box Akari gave Touya to keep near his bed. Touya has a feeling you'll be proud of how much his handwriting has improved when you read his letters.

His nightmare was unexpected. It was dark and heavy in a way that made it feel like his lungs were collapsing and someone was stepping on his throat. He woke up the moment it became too much for his heart to handle, sitting straight up in his bed with a strangled gasp as his hand moved to clutch his night shirt—trying to ease his breathing.

A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face, and Touya's tongue darts out to wet his dried lips before he glances at the emergency button beside his bed. He's not completely sure if he's having some sort of a heart attack, but his throat is closing up, and he feels terribly dizzy. He swings a leg over the edge of his bed, cradling his head in his hands as his eyes squeeze close.

But, he'll be fine. Because he remembers your breathing exercises. Like clockwork, Touya breaths in and out—he counts and he thinks about his senses; what he feels, hears, smells—and then his erratic heart slows to a calmer melody. After that, Touya is able to lay back down, though shivering, and go back to sleep. It takes him a bit of time, but his head feels like its been stuffed with cotton. Soon enough, his pale lashes are fluttering close.

Dabi would have broken down. Dabi wouldn't have gone back to bed, he would've stalked out of whatever shitty hideout he was camping in and find something to burn. Maybe an abandoned car lot so he could melt the cars that sat stationary and forgotten‚ because melting metal looked like liquid gold sometimes. An illusion of a drug all in its own, destruction had been Touya's escape at one point.

But now, Touya sleeps like a baby in his room—with a trickle of drool running down his chin as he snores quietly. His bed head was a mess, too—but despite it all, he resembles an angel that had regrown its own wings. Touya has shed Dabi in the same manner a snake sheds to reveal the new layer of skin beneath, untouched and pure.

The fifth month is warm. Touya walks in the recreational garden a lot more as the sun begins to shine more, and his cactus has been growing a lot, too. Touya feels stronger—not physically, though he is proud his body isn't anywhere near as weak as it had once been. Mentally, his head had ceased its constant screaming. It was like all the noise had come to a screeching halt. And although he doesn't know what change there was in his chemistry that made him feel this way, he's grateful. Every day is a day closer to you—every breathing second a second closer to the home he knew.

The sixth month is when Touya starts getting emotional. He's so close—he can almost hear your voice calling out his name. He daydreams about you constantly, wondering how hard he's going to hug you once he sees you again. Tonight is one of those nights where Touya pours his heart and soul into his letter. He only had a few more days left until he'd see you again. The doctors had run multiple tests and evaluations on him, and he'd exceeded their expectations. Just like he promised you he would.

Touya's eyes squint when he realizes his words weren't forming on the page in front of him—before realizing his pen had run out of ink again.

He fights the urge to let his eyes close as he quickly caps the old pen and tries reaching for another one—but his hand misses the pencil case twice. His eyelids were heavy with sleep—blurry too, and he couldn't even manage to grab another pen for himself. Touya didn't even hear Akari enter his room—all he felt was a gentle pair of frail hands helping him stand. His legs felt like jelly, and he regarded the older woman with squinted eyes.

" 'm not a baby, Akari." Touya mutters as he gently removes Akari's hand from him. His voice is hoarse, and Akari laughs lightly at the sight of Touya's sleepy smile. If she didn't know better, she'd say he was drunk. Simply put, he was acting silly. But he was just high off of the prospect of seeing your face again.

"Let's get you to bed, Touya." Akari responds softly as Touya nods groggily. He's about a foot away from the bed when he speaks up, the worlds tumbling from his lips in something close to a whine. He was delirious from lack of sleep, but even then—he was only thinking of one thing.

"I miss my Y/n,"

Akari mutters a quiet oh dear when Touya suddenly loses all his will to stand. Touya crumples against her completely, his larger frame moving sluggishly as his head fell with a quiet exhale. Akari lets out a started yelp before carefully helping Touya lower himself onto the bed. His words were slurred with sleep, and it was clear that he hadn't gotten enough rest these past few days.

"She's waiting for me out there. I...I really can't wait to see her," Touya admits breathlessly, and Akari hums as she pulls his blanket over him. Touya doesn't move an inch, resorting to staring up at the ceiling above him as he presses the back of his forearm against his forehead.

"Night, Akari. Get some sleep, yeah?" Touya yawns, finally rolling over to get comfortable in bed as he presses his cheek against his pillow. Akari rises from her chair, gently patting Touya's shoulder as she bids him goodnight. Touya keeps an eye on Akari until he can confirm she's safely left the room before finally allowing his eyes to close, succumbing to his fatigue as he falls asleep.

Touya feels like a little kid all over again. He felt like he could face the world and come out on top—and it was an incredible feeling. He hadn't felt this type of hope in a long time, but you inspired something youthful in him—rekindling a flame deep inside he thought had been put out so many years ago.

CARNATIONS MASTERLIST.

a/n; everyone say thank you taylor swift. carnations would not be a thing without her, this girl got me through every chapter 😭 i can't write a single word unless she's playing...i think i'm crazy...💔 alsoo touya is so in love in makes me fawking sick. OH btw, y/n cried cause she missed his b-day after getting fired. but this guy was giggling in his room while writing u love letters because he literally forgot it was his birthday and was just minding his own business completely unaware until akari brought him a cupcake. anywho we are getting close to the end of carnations... i can feel it 🥲 i'm still not sure how i feel about this chapter. hmph.

tags!

@kawaiidemoneart @porusuniverse @starrmage @lilbeatlebear @bokukenmakuroo

@summercreolefanfictioner @dija200 @phtmmsqrde @sunaraii

@c-lunette @gh0stgirl333 @skullkittens @gurl-pls-evn-the-sharks-fear-me

@hawkwithsocks @suresnips @sugurusmoon @matchablossomsss @moonlitmorganite

@redr0sewrites @muimuiwisteria @sukunaspillow @starsryi

@eidolonwriter @dabislittlemouse @rueclfer @kelin-is-writing

@shugs1801 @imaginationmess

@lasa27 @sophiathefrog @etaerealboy @kooromin @sourbbyxo

@hvnares @ephmeraloblivion @lost-seraphiim @quokka-ina @jesuschrist2006

@stoned-anime-babe @qatiee @shadowsingers-redhood @alycat171

@21-princess

@xileonaaaa @rylerboi @blurryperrtymoonlight @mrcleans4headwrinkle @accidentpronedork

@exquisitenesss @miniatureempathknightpony @afterlife11

important discussions

maybe cld u do like not an smau but yk how u made like insta/twitter profiles for all the bnha characters cld u maybeee do smth like that and then like headcanons for what they wld post etccc. 🫨

.ᐟ bnha tweets

a/n: two gummies deep and ts is way too funny to me but i digress i hope this was okayyyy anon

m.list

have i taught you nothing??

Themmmmm

reconciliation of some sorts. happy yaoi friday

lil guy

redraw with Chisaki