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One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m working there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.

Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?

Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?

Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?

***

Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.

Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?

***

Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?

Customer: …I’m pretty good.

Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee* 

***

Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?

Customer: ….they’re okay.

Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.

***

Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.

***

Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.

***

Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!

***

Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.

***

Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!

Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates appropriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.

We abducted humans.

To be fair, we abducted members of every new race. Abduct a small percentage of the population, expose them to some galactic prisoners, and we get a good idea of what germs, diseases, and viruses will make the jump between races. Do this over the course of a [roughly equivalent to a century], and you get a good idea of what there is, how quickly it mutates, etc. You also have the time to develop vaccines for any races that might be affected by the new race (including itself- we’re not heartless).

But we underestimated humans.

It was [roughly equivalent to four decades] into our testing of humanity. We picked up a human from his transport and placed him in a containment cell. He had some nutrients with him, and we picked that up too: less we had to feed him later.

But we underestimated the resourcefulness of humans.

Something went wrong- we think it was a door malfunction- and he escaped the cell. He disabled the guards easily (we suspect they were less alert than they should have been) and took their weapons. We locked all hatches, hoping to seal him in the laboratory wing. Unfortunately, he hacked the shipboard computer, gaining control of all systems. He made his way to the bridge, where he took the captain hostage. We offered him riches, technologies beyond human understanding.

But we underestimated the stubbornness of humans.

He was paid us no mind as he wrestled with the controls, as if on some quest. He punched numbers and figures into the console, and mumbled something about ‘being lit on fire’ by a superior. He set the ship down on the other side of the city from where he was picked up and opened the doors. We braced ourselves for a military confrontation, but it seemed like we were outside another human’s abode. He jumped out, carrying the nutrients with him.

We underestimated Domino’s 30-minute or free guarantee.

Exist, 2020. By Jessica Andersdotter. Click here for more of my art.

Just got back from a much needed vacation in San Juan, Puerto Rico. ❤️

In honor of #BlackHistoryMonth, we’re celebrating queer pioneers! Ernestine Eckstein was one of the first Black women on the forefront of the LGBTQ+ rights movement in the 1960’s, putting her knowledge from the Civil Rights movement to good use. . After college, she moved to New York City where she grew into her identity as a lesbian and decided to join the movement for LGBTQ+ rights. After a friend explained the term “gay” to her, she said, “Then all of a sudden things began to click … the next thing on the agenda was to find a way of being in the homosexual movement.” . Eckstein often demonstrated for LGBTQ+ rights as the only woman of color among other white protestors, connecting the dots between Black Civil Rights and LGBTQ+ rights. She eventually became a leader in the New York chapter of Daughters of Bilitis, as well as other Black feminist organizations like Black Women Organized for Action (BWOA). She was in favor of doing away with labels, and uniting people together as people alone. “I’d like to find a way of getting all classes of homosexuals involved together in the movement.“ 💪

How's Everyone Feeling, Philosophical?

I wanna discuss stuff- from the ship of Theseus, the new designs for the Aph UK bros, to Autism. Let’s start a conversation- you first. 

GRACE KELLY FOR LIFE MAGAZINE WEARING THE GOWN DESIGNED BY EDITH HEAD THAT SHE WORE TO THE 1955 ACADEMY AWARDS.

© PHILIPPE HALSMAN