Something Something Omega John Price Has An Attitude, Something Something, Alpha Nikolai Fixes It Something

Might have to go M.I.A in a few weeks bc UNFORTUNATELY I’m trying to be the responsible 19 year old I am and study for these fuckass exams..

I haven’t had any ideas as of late(likely due to stress), but I’ll try to pump out a few tibbits before splitting for a couple of days.

Y’all know those days where you just sit back and start to reminisce on the shit you let people do to you in the past and just think.. how the fuck did I let them get away with that?

Like.. no fades were caught? Nobody ran up?? No nothing???

…

Ts haunts me in my dreams bro😓

As much as Nikolai loves himself a feral, bossy John, he also loves to see the more domesticated John too. The John that doesn’t stay up doing paperwork til’ Christmas or check over his shoulder every now and again because, frankly, anything could happen. The John that checks on everyone ten times a day to make sure they’re alright and that they’ve eaten a filling meal even though he’s had two sticks of gum and three whole pots of coffee.

When they’re at John’s or his(many) flats, he loves to watch a softer, more rounded version of his husband patter around doing simple tasks like laundry or going to get the paper. He loves watching him read a long, boring novel while smoking a cigar(even as mundane as it is). He loves these kinds of things because he knows that his husband is at peace. And the fact that he knows he can have it whenever Nik is around makes it tens times sweeter.

Not that anyone cares, BUT:

My recent Pinterest collages!^^ I’m especially proud of the Grey one because of how full it looks. The red one is cute, but not as much as the latter.

Somewhere out there, in the infinities that exist, there probably exists a version of John Price who hates himself for liking men. More than he ever does in this one. (Religious trauma btw)

He hates himself for loving Nik, for letting down his defenses in front of him. He watches the man slip through his office door, and the gap in his heart widen when the russian slips off his jacket.

He shouldn't be doing this. This is a sin against god. He could hear his father's boots getting closer somewhere in the background. The belt clinking echoes in his mind. He looks at the beau in front of him, all warm and inviting, yet disgust could only bloom in place of whatever romantic feelings he would have felt for him.

It felt wrong to enjoy the man's attention, to crave him so deep in his heart, he's afraid he can't tear it out and stop it. It feels like a crime against god, against his father, a man he could never compete with to let the man disarm him so easily. Dirt and sweat might not stick to his skin, but no amount of scrubbing under hot water could remove the disgust he feels for himself for even wanting Nik.

He doesn't look up at the pilot as he sits opposite him, talking about something irrelevant. John feels fucking dirty for even wanting Nik's eyes on him. What was he? A proper slut waiting to be appraised? He wants to set himself on fire, to remove his skin entirely, to be laid out under the sun, tortured, only if it means stopping the feelings he has for Nik. He wants to pray for forgiveness for a god that has long since abandoned him, and every second of smelling Nik's cologne so close to him only serves as a reminder that he was disgusting.

"Get out. For Christ sakes, get out"

He doesn't look up, his hands never stop as he writes and writes. A confession to some higher being, to cleanse him of all sin. A recycled prayer he heard from conversion camp years ago cycles through his head, the guilt all consuming in his heart. He deserves to rot in hell for his delusions, that Nik would ever like him back, that he would accept John for what he is. He ignores the confused russian muttering opposite him, focusing his attention on an uncaring god for cursing him with these feelings.

He doesn't look up as he hears the door close with a soft click after Nikolai.

Hours later, John sits alone in his office, halfway through a frantic prayer. A plea for help, a guidance to change his ways. The cross sits heavily across his chest, a reminder of his illogical feelings towards Nik. He thinks about what he's done, how it had all led up to this moment, his breaking. John doesn't move from his spot from the window, tears quietly streaming down his face as he mumbles out another prayer. His throat is sore and his knees are aching, yet the internalized disgust doesn't go away, nor does his feelings for Nik.

He avoids Nik the next month in a futile attempt to curb the feelings before they get out of hand. It doesn't work, and the longing for his the pilot's (when did he start to refer to Nik as his? Christ he must be cursed) attention only grows stronger each day he denies himself of Nik. His attention feels like a need now, an ever growing sense of guilt and shame blanketing over his need for Nik. The need only grows stronger when he sees Nik chatting up some guy years younger than him, unfamiliar jealousy grows in him as Nik ushers the man into his car, disappearing from view.

He would rather carve out his heart and serve it to god himself before ever admitting to wanting Nikolai in his life, in his bed though.

Cosmic brownies are fucking DELISH when no one’s in your ear telling you otherwise👌🏾🤤

(More on the teenage Price thing because I suddenly have a whirlwind of ideas)

Back in the fake universe where John’s family wasn’t either dead or shitty, I feel like a teenage John Price had the most hardcore Emo phase ever. I’m talkin’ spiked jewelry, I’m talkin black on black on black, I’m talkin messy hairdos with the most coolest dyeing you’ve ever seen, and I’m talkin the most dirtiest rebellion phase ever.

His parents are heavily Catholic but try to be understanding about their children’s different perspectives and lifestyles and what not, but the day John came down for breakfast dressed in full Grunge attire, the table erupted in chaos.

“What’s on your face? Are those piercings Johnathan??”

“Why the spiky jewelry? A-And the skull on your shirt, is that satanic?”

“Who influenced you to do this lad? Tell me so I can drown them in holy water!”

John’s two older sisters(who found this to be hilarious), filmed the entire thing on a handheld camera, which now lives within Nik and Price’s shared apartment in a little box in their closet.

One night when the boys are over at Price’s place, they ask to see what their captain looked like young, and before he could object, Nik was already grabbing the box of memories and hooking the handheld camera up to the T.V.

Yes, the lights add onto the Holiday Card feel(now I’m back in the Christmas spirit damn it).

Actually, scratch the Holiday Card feel thing. It reminds me of those AI Holiday pictures you see on Christmas music compilation videos.

A bit unrelated to COD, but it’s snowing where I am and I’m curious about if it’s snowing where you are too. Do you get much snow? I don’t, and I can barely remember the last time it did snow, so this is pretty cool for me.

Maybe I’ll make snow cream if I get enough😋

Aw man, I wish we had snow right now. It's gonna freeze tonight, I think.

For Scotland, or at least where I am in Scotland there truly isn't that much snow. Like ever. Which depresses me greatly but whenever there is snow it's maybe just enough for you to step in and leave a footprint in.

Regardless of how pathetic the snow is, I'll take a photo of it every time, lmao.

Love the photo, I love it when lights do the thing [I can't remember the word].

I feel like Nik has a tattoo of John’s name somewhere on his chest. Whether that be on his left tit, right tit, or smack dab in the middle, none of that matters to John when he’s kissing his husband’s torso and working his way down to the bulge in his pants.

I also feel like John has a tattoo of Nik’s name on his lower back just above his ass. Whenever the two are alone and he has his shirt off, Nik will trace the design gently with his left hand while the right is fondling his husband to the point of no return.

Something something John gets kidnapped yada yada Nik goes fucking ballistic and flips the world on its ass just to find him blah blah blah.