Discovering Your ABDL Partner’s True Identity And Supporting Them To Not Hide From It.

Discovering your ABDL partner’s true identity and supporting them to not hide from it.

For some ABDLs, this is just a sexual fetish where they’ll wear once or twice a week for sex and that’s it. However, for the majority, it’s much more than that and you’ll know this if your partner wears a diaper outside of sex-oriented times and especially if they talk about how diapers make them feel better/happier and less stressed/anxious.

Realizing that this was more than just a fetish for my boyfriend was a big turning point for me and I made the decision that I wanted to help him accept and embrace who he was rather than him being ashamed. The mental health improvement for him of me doing this was greater than I could have imagined and is the main driver why I produce this content to try to help others.

The vast majority of ABDLs struggle with the feelings of shame and fears of their secret being discovered which often develop from childhood and their early teenage years. This comes from a general lack of acceptance of non-conformist lifestyles and it’s although it’s something we’re seeing change positively for LGBTQ+ people, widespread acceptance of ABDL is still a while away. This shame causes stress, anxiety, binge/purge cycles, and other mental health issues.

The crazy thing is ABDL is in no way “bad” or “wrong”, they have a preference to wear a different type of underwear which makes them feel better and enjoy not having to use dirty toilets all the time. Some might also like acting younger to destress or like the feeling of being forced to wear/use diapers. But crucially none of this has a negative impact on themselves as they aren’t causing harm to their bodies (unlike alcohol, fast food & drugs do) or harm to others around them. Equally wearing diapers isn’t even at all uncommon in the general population, in most western countries more adult diapers are sold than baby diapers now and it’s estimated that up to 10% of adults are wearing some sort of incontinent product on a daily basis.

I believe strongly that you should treat this as being part of their identity and not something that should be restricted, shamed, or avoided.

A big challenge for partners though is because of this shame and feeling of guilt your partner is likely hiding some or all of their real identity from you.

Discovering their true identity

Below are the key and common elements to ABDL identity and hopefully the questions under each section should help you identify which applies to your partner. You might be able to ask these to yourself but also don’t be afraid to directly ask your partner as well.

Diapers

Do they enjoy wearing adult diapers?

Does wearing diapers make them feel safer or more comfortable?

Are they less stressed or anxious when wearing diapers?

If nobody would find out, would they always wear a diaper?

If they’ve answered yes to 2 or more of these then it’s clear that wearing diapers is a key part of their identity.

Diaper usage

Are they happy to wet their diaper at home?

Are they happy to wet their diaper in public?

Are they happy to mess their diaper at home?

Are they happy to mess their diaper in public (as long as nobody is inconvenienced)?

Does the idea of being a bedwetter appeal to them?

Does the idea of being incontinent appeal to them?

These are straightforward but look for signs of hesitation. They might be embarrassed to answer these truthfully, especially the ones about messing so push hard to get an answer and tell they you just want the truth.

Middle Behaviors (4- 12 years old)

Do they like acting like a child?

Do they enjoy childish activities such as coloring, playing with lego, and watching cartoons?

Do they like to dress in childish clothing such as bright colors & printed t-shirts?

Treat these responses as a way to work out how “middle” they are. Think of this like a spectrum from not a middle at all to they would love to live life as a middle.

Baby Behaviors (1- 3 years old)

* Do they often wear baby-themed adult diapers?

* Do they like to wear patterned onesies?

* Do they have or would like to wear other adult baby clothing at home?

* Do they feel more relaxed when sucking on a pacifier?

* If they could choose would they like to drink from bottles or sippy cups?

* Are they able to regress and act like a baby or toddler?

* Do they enjoy watching baby and toddler TV shows?

* Would they like to add AB furniture to our home, like a crib or high chair?

Treat these responses as a way to work out how “baby” they are. Think of this like a spectrum from not having baby tendencies, to they would love to like life as a baby if they could. Most people will be in the middle area of these extremes.

I’d divide this up into 5 levels:

No AB tendencies = answered no to all of the questions

Novice AB = Answered yes to the top two questions and maybe one other question

Intermediate AB = Answered yes to 4 questions but potentially struggles to regress fully

Experienced AB = Answered yes or potentially to most questions

Full AB = Answered yes to everything

Forced Diapers & Regression

* Do they like the idea of being forced to wear diapers?

* Do they like the idea of being forced to use their diapers?

* Do they like the idea of being forced to be a baby?

* Do they like the idea of being treated as / dressed as a different gender? (e.g. man dressed as a baby girl)

* Do they like the idea of being restrained such as through bondage or locking clothing?

If they answer yes to a question, ask how often they’d want to feel forced. Is it just occasional or all the the time. It would be quite common for someone to answer they’d like to be forced to wear diapers all the time but only occasionally forced to be a baby.

What’s next?

Asking these questions to yourself or them directly should now give you a good idea of their ABDL identity.

Diaper wearing and usage

Let’s start with the first two sections on diapers and usage. Seeing as you’re reading this I’m sure they answered yes to most of the diaper questions. It’s also likely they like using their diapers for at least wetting.

Given you now know that wearing and using diapers makes them happier you should ask yourself what is stopping them from wearing all the time. The answer is likely a combination of:

* They’re worried you won’t approve

* They feel guilty about having these desires generally

* They feel awkward wearing around you or asking if they can wear

* They’re worried they’ll be discovered

* They’re in a period of low self-worth after an orgasm

The first three you can solve by actively encouraging them to wear as much as possible, you know this makes them happier and have better mental health so for me at least this was a no-brainer.

The fear of discovery is massively overblown, give them assurance their diaper is hidden when leaving the house and in the extremely unlikely event someone does notice you can easily say their having some waterworks issues. People however unless very close friends or family won’t mention anything.

This final one is extremely common in men and the best way to solve is by making sure either they have no choice but to stay diapered after an orgasm or use a chastity cage to prevent them in the first place. The latter I’ve found to be very helpful for my partner if you’re open to it and it has lots of benefits for you too.

So I overall I cannot recommend highly enough that you encourage or force your partner to be diapered as much as possible. You might want exceptions for work and family initially but your goal (knowing that the time in diapers helps them) is to keep them diapered as much of each day as feasible.

If they didn’t answer with a hard no to any of the first 4 usage questions, then their diapers should be their toilet when wearing. If they do have a hard limit on messing then that can be accommodated but make sure it’s not just them saying what they think you want to hear.

Regression

If they identify as middle then this is easy to accommodate and just make sure you let them know that you want them to explore this side of themselves and they shouldn’t feel embarrassed to do childish activities at home. Buy them coloring books, lego sets and put cartoons on tv for them without them asking are easy ways to show this support.

Most will have identified with baby activities to some degree. If they’re in the novice or intermediate categories then your main role is to be supportive and encourage them with these simple baby elements. Help them pick out baby-themed diapers for the day or buy new ones online together. At night always have them dressed in a baby onesie and encourage a pacifier to be used before bed. Giving them a nighttime drink in a bottle will show your support and is convenient to drink in bed.

If they’re in the experienced or full ab categories you will need to consider more significant involvement. At these levels you should try help them get into a baby headspace lasting several hours at least 3 times a week. When in this headspace you should treat them completely as a baby, helping feed, check and change them and giving them baby toys or shows to watch. This time will massively destress them so it’s worth the effort. Outside of these times baby clothing and diapers should be the norm at home with pacifier usage encouraged at any time they want. If you have a spare room and can afford it, creating a dedicated nursery for them can be life-changing for them and keep everything in one easy place which can be locked when you have guests.

This might feel extreme to you right now but our experience is people become more AB over time so you should prepare the slowly move up the bands.

Forced Diapers & Regression

I don’t think this element gets talked about enough but many ABDLs are driven by the desire for it to be forced upon them.

If they’ve said they want to be forced to wear and use diapers occasionally then make sure that a few times a week you present them with diapers and tell them they’re in them until you say so. Forcing them to use their diapers can be achieved through making sure they drink plenty and using laxatives or suppositories.

If they have said they’d like to be forced all the time then the solution is clear. Read our article on making the decision for them and return them to diapers full time, make it clear you’re forcing this decision for them as you know it what they want and it will be good for them. They will resist at points but stand firm, they’ll thank you later.

Even if they’re in diapers full time with no toilet privileges, you should still force them to truly lose control twice a week. I recommend doing one suppository a week; before watching tv or a film together, before sending them out of the house to go shopping or randomly in the daytime when their next change is a few hours away. And also using a tablet laxative once a week which can be given in the evening to ensure they lose control overnight.

Depending on their answer to being force to be baby, use this to dictate the frequency. If occasionally, then a few times a week make sure you treat them as a baby at the more extreme end. For example have an evening where you feed them their dinner while they sit in AB clothes and a thick diaper. Or surprise them with a whole day at the weekend where they must act like a baby.

If they’re like that more permanently, use the same guide as above but make sure they’re always in baby attire at home. You should also seriously consider creating a nursery room if possible.

Gender is easy as if that’s something they want just switch the types of diapers and clothing you buy for them and call them your baby girl, etc.

Bondage elements should generally be included if forced diapers is something they need. At a minimum use restrictive clothing to prevent them from accessing their diapers, rear zipping onesies or all-in-ones are ideal. Even adaptive clothing combined with padded mittens works well. When unsupervised access to their diapers should be prevented where possible and they should get used to asking to be changed or released if they’re changing themselves.

A locking diaper cover or belt is a good addition. Finally, they should experience times when they’re completely restrained and using their diapers is forced upon them. For daytime a straightjacket is ideal and it is perfect to watch TV together or prevent them from using their phone. My favorite is using bed restraints combined with an overnight laxative so they experience a true feeling of helplessness.

Summary

Hopefully this has been helpful and helps you understand what your partner identifies as. If this all feels too much I’d recommend starting with the diaper and usage elements first as this is normally the most important step and then layer in the AB and forced elements over the next couple of months.

I’m also conscious that I’ve likely missed off a big section I should have covered so let me know in the comments.

Discovering Your ABDL Partner’s True Identity And Supporting Them To Not Hide From It.

More Posts from Mummy-loves-crinklybottys and Others

mummy-loves-crinklybottys

3 weeks ago

Hi! I’ve been going around Tumblr wanting to ask this question to a few Mommies to get a better understand of how I should go about this, but do you have any tips for new Mommies? My boy friend recently came out to me about his fetish and wants to start incorporating it into our lives every now and again. Though… I’m quite submissive in my own right and not sure how I should go about acting or feeling about any of this. I want to be what he wants and enjoy it too. I think I just need some help. Thank you in advance 🧡

Ok so there's no short answer to this.

First things first: in my opinion, the most important foundation for any kink-related activity is enthusiastic, informed consent from everyone involved. Please make sure you’re not being pressured into doing anything you don’t truly want to do. Consent isn’t just about saying “yes” — it’s about feeling safe, comfortable, and excited about what you’re participating in.

If something makes you uncomfortable or you’re not enjoying it, don’t do it. I strongly advise against engaging in anything that doesn’t bring you some form of pleasure or fulfillment. Your enjoyment and wellbeing matter just as much as anyone else's.

It’s tricky to offer detailed advice about the dynamic without knowing more about what your partner is interested in exploring, but I’ll do my best.

The "Mummy" in me has always been there (I just didn't recognise it as that until it was introduced to me by an ABDL).

I've always been nurturing and caring and I like being in charge, I was born to lead- but gently, which is why being a Mummy suits me- I adore it. Also I don't know if your partner is interested in exploring diapers but sadly, I know that many DL's feel a lot of shame around this desire. I have always been passionate about creating and celebrating joy- regardless of how 'weird' other people may think it is- my number one priority as a Mummy is to empower and encourage my little to embrace the diaper-loving side of him without shame- in fact we celebrate it!

I could easily delve into all the amazing reasons I love being a Mummy, but that is not what you asked!

I would recommend having a very open discussion with your partner about what parts of the MDlb dynamic appeals to him, and talk about how you can incorporate into your relationship- in a way that you enjoy also- are there any parts that appeal to you?

For some it's just sexual, for others it's a lifestyle. No two Mummy's are the same and two little's are the same.

The most important thing to remember is that as long as everything is ethical, respectful, and all parties involved are consenting adults, there is absolutely no shame in exploring this "adult playtime".

I’m not sure if your partner identifies as AB, but what I will say is that there can be a lot of shame and misunderstanding surrounding this. It’s important to remember that interests like this often stem from a need for comfort, emotional safety, or stress relief — not something “wrong” or unhealthy. Like any kink or identity, it deserves the same respect and acceptance as any other. If your partner has shared this, it probably means they trust you. Try to meet that vulnerability with curiosity and empathy. You don’t have to fully understand or participate right away — or ever — but approaching the topic without judgment helps build a safe space for you both.

My tips to start:

• Ask your partner what this dynamic means to them. Everyone experiences it differently — for some, it’s about emotional comfort/ regression; for others, it may include elements of kink. Understanding the “why” behind it can help you feel less uncertain. Is it about diapers or regression? Is it about loss of control or humiliation? Just make sure it’s not about removing all responsibility in the relationship — you deserve to be considered, respected, and prioritised as a partner.

Yes, as a Mummy, it’s my job to make sure my baby feels cared for and looked after — but he also has a responsibility to completely adore and worship me, and to do his best to make me happy and proud.

• Set boundaries. Don't feel pressured to do everything at once. It’s okay to take your time, and set limits. Consent and comfort go both ways.

• You don’t have to ‘roleplay’. When I'm a Mummy it's just an extension of who I am. I know some people are put off by the idea of being a “caregiver” because they assume it means doing everything for their partner. Let me be clear: being a Mummy does NOT mean becoming a slave to this man.

• Learn together. If you’re unsure or feel awkward, communicate with your partner and remember- it's ok to laugh!- sex is hilarious when you think about it. Kink doesn’t have to be serious.

Continue to read blogs, watch videos, connect with people/communities online- to give you a broader understanding of the dynamic and 'cherry pick' what works for you.

• Aftercare and regular check-ins are essential in my opinion. This dynamic often involves a lot of emotional vulnerability for both parties, it blurs alot of lines.

Make time to check in with each other — not just about what felt good, but also about what didn’t. Feeling safe, seen, and heard is important for both of you. Communication is so important, don't be frightened of it.

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mummy-loves-crinklybottys

2 months ago

1K notes View Post

mummy-loves-crinklybottys

2 months ago

Not physically possible to get any closer but still desperately pressing my face into her cunt because it’s not enough.

141 notes View Post

mummy-loves-crinklybottys

1 month ago

I hear the soft whimper of my little one in the night and immediately rush to the nursery. The room is still, but your small cries are enough to make my heart ache. When I find you, you're tangled in your blankets, your face flushed with fear, eyes wide and filled with distress.

"Hey, hey, it’s okay," I whisper, my voice soft but firm as I gently pull you into my arms. "You’re safe now, Mommy’s here."

You cling to me tightly, still shaking from the remnants of the bad dream. I feel your hands gripping onto me as if you never want to let go, and it makes my heart ache with love. I gently rock you back and forth, soothing you with my warmth and presence. "It was just a dream, little one. You're safe with Mommy, always."

I rub your back in slow, comforting circles, feeling your body begin to relax just a little. Your breathing is still quick, but I can feel you starting to settle, your grip on me loosening. I kiss the top of your head.

You take a few shaky breaths, and I know it’s time to make you feel even more safe. I pull you closer and press a gentle kiss to your cheek before I reach over to the nightstand, grabbing the warm bottle I’ve prepared just for moments like this. It’s the perfect comfort, the soothing liquid to calm your nerves and give you the reassurance you need.

"How about a bottle, sweetie? A little milk will help you feel better, I promise." I guide the bottle to your lips, and you suckle eagerly, your hands gripping the bottle in that adorable, trusting way you always do. The warm milk seems to work its magic as you settle against me, your body slowly relaxing further.

As you drink, I continue to gently stroke your hair, brushing it back from your face with soft fingers. My voice is a steady murmur, "Mommy’s right here. Nothing will hurt you. You’re safe in my arms, little one."

Your breathing steadies, becoming slower and deeper as you finish the bottle, and I pull you back against my chest. You’re still close, so close that I can feel the little flutter of your heartbeat, now peaceful and calm. You’re already starting to drift, and I can’t help but smile as I hold you even tighter.

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mummy-loves-crinklybottys

1 month ago

Now listen to Mummy.

I’m going to be super busy with work this week, so I won’t be around much—but you know just how much I care about your wellbeing and stress levels, don’t think for a second that my absence means you're off the hook...

So here’s what you're going to do.

I want you to make sure you relieve yourself, I want you to do cummies, but only when I say so.

Don’t let all that tension build up too much—self love is important to Mummy remember? But we have standards in this house, don't we? ...and I expect you to meet them.

I want you feeling good, not frustrated, and my poor baby struggles if he's pent up, doesn't he?? Not that you recognise it...

That little brain of yours just doesn't work...

But first, you’re going to sit there and show Mummy exactly what you do with those silly little fumbly hands. Go on—don’t be shy.

I want to watch you try and make cummies.

It’s adorable, really, how seriously you take it, like you actually know what you’re doing...

Oh and I’ll be stopping you when your breathing gets all funny and your little face goes all blushy...oh baby, you're just the cutest...

Don't worry, I'll be pointing out every little mistake, telling you to put more effort in for Mummy, setting the pace, maybe some words of encouragement—because clearly someone needs a lot of help!

Good thing Mummy’s here to teach you properly…I want 100% effort...as always.

Tell Mummy, on a scale of zero to five...how close are you to cummies?

Ohhh, only a 4.5?

...try harder for Mummy...

Faster.

Keep going baby...

That's my boy...⭐❤️