Medic X House Edit

💥Head count!💥

Dick-click is my new favorite term.

I was watching the Saxxy finalists with my husband awhile ago.  After watching DEFECT he turns to me and asks, “So what’s Heavy and Sniper’s dick-click?”

“What the hell is a dick-click?" 

"What you call their relationship. Like Freedom Fries or whatever.”

And then I was just uncontrollably giggling.  He now gets sent any cute heavy/sniper pics I find with “CUZ VEGEMITE SANDVICH IS YOUR FAVORITE DICK-CLICK”  in the subject line. Because if you can’t troll the one you love, you’re probably with the wrong person.

Mercs if they had modern day cellphones!

Heavy:

The screen is too small and his fingers are too big.

The screen also tends to hurt his eyes after a while but he absolutely refuses to turn down the brightness, saying it would make it even harder to see than before

His main favorite functions are video calls with Medic or his family and listening to music.

His life is complete when he discovers E-books

He can’t read them on the screen but he loves being able to clean Sasha while having his favorite book read to him

Medic:

Really doesn’t use it for much else than phone calls and the occasional google search at first

When he discovers mobile games that takes his interest though!

He becomes a candy crush mom.

Oh you have a broken arm? Wellll…You can tough it out, champ. He’s on level 7,229 right now.

He would make all the other men get Life360

Scout:

Total social media zombie(I say as if I am not one)

Surprisingly he’s very popular on apps like Twitter and Tik Tok. People think he’s hilarious!

Unfortunately somewhere along the way he says something less than respectful about something and his account gets banned

Eventually he’s on account number 6 and trying to regrow his following

It never recovers

He finds out about NFT’s

Sniper:

Mainly uses it to watch youtube and play music

His phone is always on silent and Do Not Disturb

He loves those videos where those guys go out into the middle of the woods and just start building a fucking house out of clay and sticks.

He prefers texting to calling, finding it much faster(he just like me fr)

Baffled by just how much porn he has access to now….

But he’s not complaining.

Soldier:

He doesn’t use it because he just keeps breaking his phones.

They’ve been dropped, blown up, set ablaze, dropped in water, eaten by a bread-tumor monster, eaten by Soldier(???) and run over.

Even if they didn’t get destroyed within 3 days he still wouldn’t use it for much else besides setting alarms and sending confusing group texts.

However, with each new phone he has gotten he asks Pyro for stickers and sticker bombs his phone just for fun

Has an American flag wallpaper

Pyro:

Watches a lot of Youtube!

They love art tutorials, cooking tutorials and those videos with the guys that put molten hot metal balls into water and those videos of people crushing things in Hydraulic presses

Their search history is so fucking strange:

“my little pony free episode”

“my little pony movie free”

“how to draw clouds”

“gasoline cheap prices”

They follow Scout’s pages and always send him nice comments and like his videos

Engineer:

Loves listening to music and watching movies on his phone

Eventually learns how to code and make his own apps

This is also how he discovered he could jailbreak his phone and turn it into a universal remote for his sentries

Very slow texter

Uses way more emoji’s than needed

“Hello yall 👋🏻 going to the hardware store today 🔨let me know if yall need anything while im out👋🏻🚶🏼”

His most used app is the settings app

Spy:

Of course all of his phones are burners.

He never uses one for more than one week

Loves pirating movies on it and watching them in bed

He has no contacts. No personal information and keeps his location off at all times

Likes to pretend to be different people and play around with Google and Youtube’s targeted ads and algorithms

One day he’s an 86 year old woman that’s recommended nothing but metal bands and funeral home ads

The next week he’s four years old and getting recommended Mario and Minecraft let’s play videos

He uses twitter

He’s doxxed many people on Twitter

Like Scout he has MANY banned accounts and has also hacked and stolen many accounts

…He hacked one of Scout’s accounts and got it permanently banned

Demoman:

Loves watching Top 10 videos

Also loves having so much ease and access talking to his lads

He video calls his mother often even she just nags him the whole time and keeps accidentally hanging up

Is frequently texting the other team’s Soldier and laughing at what he says back

Uses Discord and Reddit and is in many servers and communities that focus on paranormal activity, urban legends and cryptids

Actually makes his own youtube videos searching for said cryptids

Frequently comments “cringe” under Scout’s posts

vegemite sandvich december week one

Pair so rare you’d sooner find a Carolina parakeet it’s kinda fun drawing heavy. Just something nice. He is big friend 

We should be fine as long as we do not reblog bread.

OGH MY GOODNES GE PJBSDKNLMZ< HELP????EVDSD BDa

Ficmas Day One: Cooking Together ⭐️

Character: Scout's Ma x Reader [WLW]

Themes?: suggestive! Nothing too extreme..in this one😏

A/n: Hi Hi all!! I'm finally back to posting!! And here i bring Ficmas! It'll be 15 special Holiday themed fics with all your favorite mercs (and More!)

"Oh don't worry darlin'! I made sure we had everything we needed for today!"

"Are you sure? I can run down to the store and buy more-"

You were cut off by a kiss to your cheek, making you melt as you watched your girlfriend Sashay her way into her kitchen. You follow behind with a dopey smile on your face.

You don't know how lucky you were to get a woman like her in your life. Cathyrn, or Cathy as you loving called her was just a bombshell, a bostonian women with a Strong personality to her. She absolutely swept you off your feet when you first met.

You were just a simple bakery worker, who met her one day when she came in to get some sweets to send to her son, who you learned was a Mercenary that day. You met Jeremy many times since them, and even have lovingly gotten called Mom or Ma #2 by him.

Cathy laid it on thick. She let it be known that she wanted you that day.

"Hello ma'am! What could I help you with?"

"Mhm..are you on the menu, Sugar?~"

Cue you turning a bright red as you fumble out a response.

Since then, the two of you have been going strong for nearly 3 years now.

And today you were going to be baking with your girlfriend as Jeremy was coming home for the holidays. You shake off your coat, hanging it up and heading into the kitchen.

There Cathy was setting up all the ingredients for the brownies you'd be baking. You rolled up your sleeves and went beside her, preparing to some of the ingredients.

"How long is Jer staying, Babe?"

"Ahh, two weeks! He's off for the holidays! And you already know he's demanding those brownies of yours~!"

You chuckle as you watch her melt down the chocolate, and prepare the rest of the wet ingredients before you get started with the dry ingredients.

The two of you go on with small talk as you get ready to combine the ingredients.

"Honey! Taste this!" You blushed as she places some of the chocolate on her finger and places it infront of you. You look at Cathyrn and you see that smirk of hers begin to spread.

"Oh no no Missy..we got to finish before Jer gets here!"

"Aww..but a little fun won't hurt..will it?.." She purred as she leaned towards you, you pout but take your girlfriends finger into your mouth. The chocolate was good! Creamy and not too sweet, perfect for what you were going for.

"Mhm..look at my good girl~"

You pull away embarrassed by her words and yelped. She giggles at your shyness before pulling out the mixer. You pour the wet ingredients in first and slowly start the mixer.

Cathy stands behind you, humming as she watches as you slowly begin adding dry ingredients. She smiles as she places her hands on your hips, her head in the crook of your neck.

"You look so good doing this darlin'..I could just eat you up~" her hand trails down to press against your lower region, making you jolt slightly. "B-babe.."

"Shh..~, i think we have another hour before our boy comes home.."

She let's you move to bend over and places the brownies in the oven. Her hands never leaving your hips. She chuckles as she gives your ass a small grab making you stand up straight as you close the oven.

She sets the timer and starts pulling you away to the bedroom.

"B-but the brownies!!"

"We have an hour before Jeremy comes and 45 minutes before the brownies are done..~"

She smirks as she looks over her shoulder at you.

"And I can make you cum in 20..~"

the text for this is something like ? why do you smell like pee boy

STOP HERE IF YOU LIKE TF2 LESBIANS

okay so I saw a really kool post by lennylink on Twitter/X ( _lennylink_ ) about Miss Pauling and the Fried Chicken tramp ( girl ), right?

and I just got to say.

it got me thinking.

so!! here are some random things I started thinking about.

( Fried chicken girl will be called Stacy like how it was in the Tweet + be spelt as Stacey bc I have an American brain and that's what its telling me to do. )

First thing, I got to send some love to the og person who made me think of all of this ( I don't know them ) and the way they made Stacey act is so... perfect.

like girl I know there was barely any of her speaking but the thing she did say was perfect.

"Sweetheart"??? STOPP. Miss Pauling has never been called that. EVER.

okay time for the real thing I want to talk about.

how would they date.

more specific how a date would go between them.

ALSO!!! adding ZHANNA because they lesbian power wasn't enough. ( I also just want to write more and make more pain for myself. )

Okay first off, Stacey and Pauling

Me thinks that Stacey would be like "hey you wanna go shopping?" and Pauling is like "oh sure" makes time for her or whatever and thinks shes going to a mall for clothes and is like "okay at least I get to hang out with the prettiest girl I've seen other than my boss" and then they drive there and...

its not actually a mall

they go to a gun store <3

listen, Stacey may not know where Europe is but she certainly knows gun stores with shit her girlfriend likes. probs knows a place where you could engrave stuff in your gun. Most likely from her dad. I think she gets most things from her dad. abit side tracked but she defo learned how to at least shoot a deer from her dad. ( gets her fashion from her mom, DUH. )

anyways Miss Pauling now has a beautiful new gun with Stacey's name on it.

okay lets add Zhanna into the mix.

Pauling and Zhanna

honestly.

i don't know.

im really dumb okay so like

ive been stuck on this for like a day.

im sorry people who really wanted this

Stacey and Zhanna

Remember when I said Stacey's dad thought her how to hunt dear?

Now her stone butch girlfriend is teaching her how to hunt bears.

and Stacey has her first bit of bear flesh.

She fucking loves it.

in tie with those burgers from her childhood that she'll never find again because she was too young to remember the name of the place.

Zhanna may be bored of bear from when she was stuck in Russia but will gladly feed it to her gf.

Now Stacey is full of different bear meat recipes (Zhanna learned it all from her mom [ her mom forced them all to learn ] ) and is craving more.

Please don't judge me if this is bad It's been a damn hot minute since I wrote anything.

I mayyy make a part 2.

Two pals and the guy they bring along on their trips.