One Of The Biggest Struggles Of Being Borderline, At Least In My Experience, Is That I Hate The Idea

The present study examined the utility of meaning to differentiate between depression and grief in a sample of suicide survivors (N = 555). Three regression models were tested, each with a different measure of meaning predicting depression and grief. Across three models, meaning was negatively associated with depression but positively associated with grief. Additionally, grief and depression were negatively correlated across all models. Results support a conceptual distinction between grief and depression, with the presence or absence of meaning in life as a key distinguishing factor between the two in a population with a relatively high risk for pathological grieving.

What’s the Real Lesson?

Here’s something that happens to ADHD children a lot:  Getting pushed beyond their limits by accident. Here’s how it works and why it’s so bad.

Child says, “I can’t do this.”

Adult (teacher or parent) does not believe it, because Adult has seen Child do things that Adult considers more difficult, and Child is too young to properly articulate why the task is difficult.

Adult decides that the problem is something other than true inability, like laziness, lack of self-confidence, stubbornness, or lack of motivation.

Adult applies motivation in the form of harsher and harsher scoldings and punishments. Child becomes horribly distressed by these punishments. Finally, the negative emotions produce a wave of adrenaline that temporarily repairs the neurotransmitter deficits caused by ADHD, and Child manages to do the task, nearly dropping from relief when it’s finally done.

The lesson Adult takes away is that Child was able to do it all along, the task was quite reasonable, and Child just wasn’t trying hard enough. Now, surely Child has mastered the task and learned the value of simply following instructions the first time.

The lessons Child takes away? Well, it varies, but it might be:

-How to do the task while in a state of extreme panic, which does NOT easily translate into doing the task when calm.

-Using emergency fight-or-flight overdrive to deal with normal daily problems is reasonable and even expected.

-It’s not acceptable to refuse tasks, no matter how difficult or potentially harmful.

-Asking for help does not result in getting useful help.

I’m now in my 30’s, trying to overcome chronic depression, and one major barrier is that, thanks to the constant unreasonable demands placed on me as a child, I never had the chance to develop actual healthy techniques for getting stuff done. At 19, I finally learned to write without panic, but I still need to rely on my adrenaline addiction for simple things like making phone calls, tidying the house, and paying bills. Sometimes, I do mean things to myself to generate the adrenaline rush, because there’s no one else around to punish me.

But hey, at least I didn’t get those terrible drugs, right? That might have had nasty side effects.

FBI Vault Files on Serial Killers

Andrew Cunanan (3 parts)

The Atlanta Child Murders (24 parts)

Herbert Baumeister (164 pages)

Ted Bundy (3 parts)

Jeffrey Dahmer (19 parts)

John Wayne Gacy (1 part)

Jack the Ripper (1 part)

Charles Manson (1 part)

The Zodiac Killer (6 parts)

Adhd things that need to be talked more about (because adhd is more than just not being able to focus)

Short term memory loss. Seriously, I forget things that are said to me 5 minutes ago or will forget I opened a soda and will have 3 open cans by the end of the day with none of them finished. A lot of people don’t know about this, and so they think that I don’t care enough to listen to what their saying (which I do!!! I just can’t remember it) or that I’m lazy because of all the things I don’t end up doing because I forgot I had to do them.

Lack of motivation. Listen, I honestly can’t do anything on my own for the most part. I have to have someone else tell me to do something or have them set goals for me because it’s so damn difficult for me to do it myself. Again, I’m not lazy, I just have trouble doing things on my own

Language processing difficulties. Sometimes, English and words in general don’t work out in my head. Reading or even listening to someone talk can be extremely difficult for me to understand because my brain just won’t work. Why? Can’t tell you 99% of the time! It’s not that I need to focus, it’s that my brain is just buffering.

Needing multiple forms of stimulation at all times. I have a tin of putty that I keep in my book bag and a smaller one I keep in my purse at all times because of this reason. If I want to learn anything at school, I have to be able to look at something, hear something, and have something to do with my hands. Otherwise, it’s probably a big nope for me. What’s frustrating is that since this isn’t talked about enough, I often get called childish or get looked down upon because I have to play with silly putty in a highschool class.

Hyperfixation. Adhd can mean not being able to focus, but it’s also focusing too much on something! This can mean anything from a certain interest someone is in to at that moment, to something like a song that has been stuck in your head for a week. People seem to not understand this and think that we’re boring and have nothing else to talk about or that we’re annoying because we keep bringing the same things up over and over again but that’s not the case. Trust me, I’m annoyed with the hit or miss song too, but at least it’s not playing in your head constantly like it is for me

These are all the ones I can think of right now, but it’s really important we talk about this stuff more. All of these things that come with adhd can be very frustrating for those around us because they don’t understand that we can’t help it. To an outsider, it may just look like a person with adhd is just lazy and doesn’t care, when it’s actually just how our brains are wired. None of us want to be frustrating to others!! In fact, all of this frustrates us too!! But since adhd is just known as “not being able to focus”, people don’t realize what all comes with it and how it can really fuck everyone over.

Please add more if you can think of anything else!! I’m horrible with lists lol

When the fuck did the social model of disability go from "the way society is structured makes disabled people's lives harder than they have to be" to "the only thing wrong with you is capitalism"?????

Different Thought Disorders Common With Those On The Schizophrenia Spectrum / Psychosis Spectrum

Thought disorders are when your thinking process is impaired, often affecting your speech! They’re common in ADHD and autism, but also can appear in those in the schizophrenia spectrum or psychosis spectrum. Let’s talk about them!

Remember, none of these are done on purpose!

Alogia - randomly stop talking in the middle of the sentence, slurred consonants, being unable to grasp the right word, and trailing off into a whisper before ending the sentence

Blocking - suddenly stopping in the middle of the sentence, forgetting what the sentence was about, and then starting a new topic after the blocking

Clang Association - Rhyming or doing alliterations in the middle of the sentence. An example would be “So yesterday when I went to the store door floor more … I mean, yesterday say lay may..”

Echolalia - Repeating what someone says right after they say it or repeating sentences heard earlier. An example would be a mom asking “Do you want icecream” and a child responding “Do you want icecream…. yes!”

Pressure of Speech - speaking rapidly without pausing, loud, and hard to understand

Word Salad - Using a series of words in an odd order making it impossible to understand the sentence, some of the words not having ti do with the sentense at all. An example would be a woman asking “What kind of coffee did you get?” and her friend responding “Several, several berries. Strawberries. Steaming, colours, fruits, red blue pink”

(word salad is often confused for manipulative behaviour, please know that nobody displays word salad on purpose. It is not manipulative. )

Tangentiality - going off topic before answering the question. An example would be, your friend asks “when did you start gardening?” and you reply “My garden has three main vegetables. I love vegetables but my brothers don’t. I haven’t seen my brothers in years, I should call them.”

Stilted Speech - spoken in a formal essay format rather than casual speech, more information than average when explaining, repeating information

(also common in autism spectrum disorder, if you’re on the spectrum you may find yourself doing this more while info-dumping about a special interest)

If I happened to miss any! Feel free to add on!

who else mourning the person they could've been if they were treated kindly as a child

When a new cafe opens on the high street, Yuki’s constant fears and worries finally catch up with her – will Beniko remain by her side, or is her role as the authoress’ muse finally over?

Read/DL at the Google Drive link above!

The Miseducation of Cameron Post (Desiree Akhavan, 2018)

If you don’t have means to a therapist or mental health professional

Check out therapistaid.com. There’s worksheets there that you can download for free.

Of course it would be a lot more beneficial if you have a therapist to help you through it but not everyone has access to one.

It’s a free site where you can have free downloads of worksheets on many things.

If there’s something there that you think would be helpful, print it out and complete the worksheet on your own.

It’s hard to be accountable for yourself but at least there’s a way for you to have some insight and work on yourself.