I Never Talk About This But I’m Feeling Especially Sad About It Cause I’m On My Period So I’m Gonna

i never talk about this but i’m feeling especially sad about it cause i’m on my period so i’m gonna rant to you all!

i have several physical disabilities and recently my neurologist presented the possibility of seizures being the culprit causing my fainting spells. i took the last year of school (10th/sophomore) off and resting and healing, so i left public school and started online. obviously that sucked cause i didn’t get to see my tc who for now i’ll call W. it was hard, he is one of the greatest people i’ve ever known and after a year in his class we became close so i continued to email him throughout my past school year away.

this year the plan was to return to school, i would be at a private religious school (im not religious but it is just one of the better schools in my area) and i would most likely be placed back into W’s class given how small of a school it is.

that whole plan might be thrown out the window. my mother is considering the idea of “home bound” it’s a government thing that is free schooling where a teacher would come to my home three days a week to teach. i, under no circumstance, would be able to work along side W ever again. which is devastating.

in all honesty i hated school, i was bullied, i was severely su!cid!al, and it worsened my health, leaving last year was a great idea. but i’ve been entirely alone most days all year, given my family works and i do not. i don’t have a car or license and if i have a seizure disorder i never will. again devastating.

basically this is all to say i won’t get to see W, he and i used to have what he called our “book club” every lunch. he’d sit at his desk and id usually pull a chair near his desk and he’d read while we ate. he read me great gatsby, he read a few nonfiction books, he read poetry, he read so many beautiful books and i would sit and listen and it was truly the most amazing experience i’ve had at a school.

i want to go back and be in his class and see my friends, but i also hated the school, the nurse and several teachers tried to force me into confessing i was lying and never passed out and was just trying to leave school. i had many fainting spells, migraines, i have ehlers danlos syndrome (eds), so on multiple occasions i had dislocated joints in pe. but through all the awful shit that school put me through, W was there.

he would have days in class where he’d put on an educational film, he taught geography and history so usually something along those lines, and we’d all lay on the soft carpet in his room and he’d sit down on the floor with us.

he was so sweet and always so worried about me, i’d come in and he’d ask if i was dizzy or felt bad and always let me lay in the couch in his room if i wasn’t feeling well.

he was such a safe place. and now i might never been in his class again.

ig all i’m saying is it sucks losing my life to stupid shit like my disabilities. i was so happy at the idea of seeing W every day again and now i’m not sure i’ll be able to leave my home again.

it all sucks.