Ku Ren He

did some painting this weekend (me vaping in the bathroom on university campus, abstract)

My great grandma, Violet Leib. It runs in the family.

Iriee Zamblé (Dutch 1995)

LOVERS ROCK (2023)

oil on canvas (240 x 150 cm)

i guess i’m just obsessive and weird. and in denial. i’ll figure it out.

Astrological Generations ~ Uranus, Neptune & Pluto

~Uranus in Capricorn 1988-1996: the sub-generation capable of finding ways to capitalise on unique talents & create a demand only they can supply.Politically active & conscious. Conservative in progressiveness, likes to keep the wisdom of old in the new; maintains individual identity in identity politics

~Uranus in Aquarius 1995-2003: Desire to turn the world upside down and rattle every existing structure for the one that could be. Politically active & activist - often form friendships with likeminded individuals within these groups who believe in the same causes

~Uranus in Pisces 2003-2010: Blue/green/mermaid hair; low limb tattoos; neon black style. Experimental with belief systems, prefer individual pursuits such as the occult/astrology/tarot. High utopian ideals & compassionate conscience, want to change the world overnight

~Neptune in Aquarius 1998-2012:- Share the core wound of exile/ separation from humanity as a whole; don’t feel ‘normal’, or ‘like everybody else’ despite not knowing how it feels to be anybody else. Friendship/social groups are forms of redemption, often underpinned by a deeper spiritual urge and desperation to belong

~Pluto in Virgo 1957-1972: The generational legacy is the innovation of new practices, techniques & outcomes that transform the profession for decades to come- especially in health/wellness/tech sectors. Virgo/6th house rules domestic pets; this is the generation of every man with a dog

~Pluto in Libra 1972-1984: The generational legacy is the transformation of human relationships; a re-evaluation of ‘commitment’ -with significantly more importance placed on satisfying/intimate/truthful connections, and being able to walk away from compromising people and bad love

~Pluto in Scorpio 1984-1995: The generational legacy is uncovering of hidden, lost, and ancestral knowledge buried in the collective unconsciousness. These are the ones who recite the alphabet of symbols and the alchemic table, the Chemists & Sorceresses mixing old physical & psychic healing potions

~Pluto in Sagittarius 1995-2008: The generational legacy is the composition of new belief systems & castes of connection that provide the meaning, mysteries, & higher purposes that will carry the inner Spirit of humanity through the secular age

-Cherry

Grey heron/gråhäger. Copenhagen, Denmark (July 14, 2019).

what in the actual fuck.

i thought i had met the one. no, for real this time. i say that every time i meet a guy. i swear.

my chart

his

he was chubby, just my type, and we did the same drugs. grew up in the same part of town. he had a house and a job. bingo.

i ask if he knows his moon sign, he responds that he doesn’t know what it’s currently in. i had to ask him to repeat himself because of how disbelief i was in. i coulda melted there on the floor.

later he shows me his printed out natal chart and i examine it on his bed.

unfortunately i do our synastry chart and he only had one key aspect. most of my exes usually have more than one. first red flag, i ignore.

keep telling myself maybe he only has one because he’s the one key for me. even though the key aspect was a bad one.

he’s a cancer sun like me. my lilith is also in cancer and supposedly that means you attract the darker aspects of that sign. that would line up. his moon is in gemini, mine is in virgo. kinda at odds there. he constantly wanted to argue. like to the point where it didn’t make sense. like pulling arguments out of thin air and kept running out of ideas.

all his personal planets are in cancer. mine are in gemini. his moon is in libra 7th house, my uranus is in 7th house. i have a tattoo of uranus glyph on my ring finger because it’s my favorite planet for what it represents in astrology. supposedly moon in 7th makes needy for like constant social interaction and having people around. also adds up. he has a lot of friends, and he’d use that to hurt me.

he had pluto in 11th house. i have mars, mercury, and venus there. i really feel like he livened me up. helped me see a light and grow comfortable in my skin and environment. pluto is power and i definitely felt empowered.

my sun is in 12th house, his was in 8th. compatible houses. we talked about spirits and the occult. he told me he had seen a demon one time. it made me fall for him harder. i have a vacant 8th house so it really piqued my interest. i thought it was cute, sexy. an 8th house sun.

he had outer planets in the 12th house, and a bunch in his 1st and 2nd. i have a vacant 1st house. not my favorite house to be honest. could explain why he’s such a dick and ok with hurting others. i feel like first house is a self centered house.

2nd house, i have my moon there. another placement that makes sense. i thought i could make a home with him. i loved his home. i wanted to learn everything about him and spend years with him. i looked at him and saw a husband.

but it got so sour so fast. he wouldn’t let up. it makes me think he was sabotaging it, us. for reasons unknown. maybe he’s just a bpd narcissist and there’s no sense to make. maybe it’s cuz his ex died and his mother is also deceased. i have no clue. maybe it’s just because he’s a big ol bottom.

but i really thought he was the one. i hate that so much of his chart made sense, but i’ve felt like this before about someone. it really hurts having to constantly let go.

we also had north node and chiron conjunct. i thought that was interesting because not a lot of people have that placement ? or maybe they do ? but his were located in gemini in the 7th house. mine are located in libra in the 3rd house. isn’t that so ironic? it’s like it’s mirrored.

he was also born in 1984 which was so sexy to me because george orwell. but he is kinda small minded and i feel diminished my shine in some ways. im just so upset. this doesn’t make any sense to me.

if you’ve read this and have any observations or insight, i’d love to hear it.