Reblog If You Want To Be Hypnotized Into A Brainwashed Bimbo, A Horny Pet, Or Just A Needy, Helpless

I don't know if anyone knows what's going on in Austria right now except for the, like, three Austrians here, but a) it's objectively hilarious and b) can maybe serve as a lesson to our German neighbouring conservatives how NOT to go about this.

So. We had parliamentary elections on September 29th, 2024. The FPÖ, the far right party led by a guy named Kickl, won with about 28% of the vote. The conservatives had about 26%, and came in second.

What usually happens then is that the Austrian president then nominates someone to form a gouvernment. By law, he can name ANYONE he chooses. He could name some rando from the streets. He could name ME. Traditionally, however, and because gouvernment should have a majority in parliament to be effective, he names the leader of the party that just won a majority in the election. But since nobody has over 50% of the vote, they need to form a coalition to have a majority in parliament.

The thing is, Kickl is a very divisive figure, even for a far-right party leader. His followers love him. But not only does the president despise Kickl, but the entire 72% of the Austrian population who didn't vote for him hate his guts with a fiery passion. This includes most other politicians and definitely the then chancellor and conservative party leader, Nehammer. They all think he's an unreliable, arrogant asshole.

So the president basically says to Kickl, "Look, prove to me that anyone will even consider forming a coalition gouvernment with you, and I'll nominate you to form a gouvernment."

Kickl fails at this because, have I mentioned this, everyone hates his guts. He spent the last five years insulting and degrading everyone and now nobody wants to work with him, surprise Pikachu face.

So the conservatives, who for parliamentary math reasons know they HAVE to be in the next gouvernment, are like, "Yay, now we're up." So they start talks with the socialists and the liberals. Talks drag on. It's Christmas by this time, and they're all, Yeah, we love each other, it's gonna be FINE.

Shortly after the new year, news breaks that they can't agree and negotiaions are off, mostly because the business lobby part of the conservatives were all, "You know what, the FPÖ's economic programm is more to our liking, we should deal with them."

The chancellor, Nehammer, who's also leader of the ÖVP (the conservatives), nopes out at this point, because he hates Kickl's guts and he actually seems to have a conscience (gasp!). So the ÖVP elects a new leader and starts negotiations with the FPÖ.

At this point, Kickl does a victory lap, talks about how he WON (he got 1,5% more votes than the ÖVP, and the vast majority of Austrians, like I said, HATE him), and how he was first and therefore he has a MANDATE and the ÖVP needs to recognise that they're second place and how they should basically bow down, kiss his feet and thank him for the mercy of exisiting.

That's the point where we make popcorn and see how far the ÖVP is wiling to humiliate itself to stay in power (which, btw, they are GUARANTEED to do because, you know, parliamentary math). In the beginning, everything seems rosy. There's harmony because both hate women, the queers, foreigners and poor people, so there's a lot of common ground here. Meanwhile, we all slightly panic because the things that are leaking out are BAD. Like, BAD. Like, 'ignore the European Court of Human Rights' bad. Like, 'Vote against Russian sanctions' bad.

So some people in the ÖVP are like, You know what, this isn't FUN for us. Last time you guys were much nicer, seems Nehammer was right, you guys ARE dicks. And some of the things you want are, yanno, kinda nuts. So dial it back a bit, ok?

FPÖ is like, nope, our way or the highway. ÖVP are like, ok, so let's be serious here, guys. We need an absolute minimum of guarantees that you won't turn completely nuts.

So Kickl does what every seasoned party leader with the unique and once in a lifetime chance to become Austria's first far right chancellor (barf) would do. He takes his ball and goes home.

So now, guess what's happening?

We're back to talks between the ÖVP, the socialists and the liberals.

And this time it seems the ÖVP is actually taking it seriously because they realised that hey, the crazy Nazis are actually, you know, crazy, and, you know, Nazis.

So we might actually have a gouvernment before Easter.

And now our ÖVP probably future chancellor is in the news being all, "So shocking that the far right won big in Germany, but they're all unreliable jerks who can't govern constructively anyway." Which. Like. Surprised nobody. Except him.

I hope for our German siblings that your politicians will spare you this comedy of errors and won't discover the hard way that the far right are *checks notes* bad. Also Nazis, which are also *checks notes* bad.

In case you're wondering what the fuck is going on in Germany today:

After our government imploded last week, current vice chancellor Robert Habeck (Greens) was the first to announce that he is going to run for chancellor in the upcoming election. He did this with a picture in which he was seen wearing a bracelet that spelt out "Kanzler-Era". He then proceeded to properly announce his candidacy in a video, filmed on a set designed to look like my mum's kitchen in the 90s, where he said, and I quote,

"I am ready to offer my experience, my strength, and my responsibility. As chancellor, if you'll have me."

He also encouraged people to invite him into their homes so he could listen to their problems. His party is currently polling around 10-12% btw. Ambitious to the point of delusion, but mad respect. Just look at him.

The title translates to "My application as a candidate for the people in Germany". The Greens are always so goddamn earnest, you just gotta love them.

So anyway, this prompted a random dude from the Cologne CDU (that's the conservative party) named Gundolf (no, really) to post on twitter that, should the Greens win, we should "inofficially" rethink women's right to vote. He also called Habeck a "political marriage swindler".

German twitter, predictably, replied with a very well-deserved "The FUCK, bro".

Then, Gundolf goes on an absolutely unhinged rant about how, actually, historically women weren't discriminated against because they were "rightfully" considered more emotional and fragile, and also, women's suffrage was a result of higher literacy rates (???), and ALSO, have you, the reader, considered that Robert Habeck is the true misogynist here because he presents himself as emotionally available in a clear effort to manipulate the girlies??? With his good looks and political competency and raw sexual appeal. NOT GUNDOLF of course. HE is immune to all that. He's just concerned for women and their fragile little brains.

(Okay, I may have exaggerated that last part a little but that's the vibes. Gundolf, do you want to tell us something?)

Anyway, that's the party who will most likely head our government next year 🙃

“Melanie Joly is hot AF that I can’t stop thinking about her and I honestly would pay anything to watch her sextape.”

Und zack, der nächste Schlag in die Magengrube, die nächste Enttäuschung,

- „Man möchte brechen.“ (Severus Snape)

things i wish i had known when i escaped my family household and couldn't ask my parents for help

invest in a good mattress early on. there are many other ends you can save on - sleep is not one of them. this is key to how much energy you'll have throughout the day

you don't need a bedframe but you do need a slatted bed base (even if it's just pallets)

opening a bank account is easy

there's youtube tutorials for everything. how to install your washing machine, how to use tools, fixing stuff around the place. channels like dad, how do i? are a godsend

change energy provider as soon as your old deal runs out. you'll get better offers elsewhere and avoid price gouging

assemble a basic first aid kid at home: painkillers, probiotics, alcohol wipes, bandages, tweezers, antihistamine tablets - anything you might need in a pinch

and an emergency toolkit: flashlight, extra batteries, a utility knife, an adjustable wrench, multi-tool, duct tape

set your fridge to the lowest temperature it can go. the energy consumption is minimal in difference and it'll give you +4/7 days on most foods

off-brand products are almost always the same in quality and taste, if not better, for half the price

coupons will save you a lot of money in the long run

there's no reason to be shy around employees at the bank/laundromat/store; most people will be happy to help

vegetarian diets are generally cheap if you make food from scratch

breakfast is as important as they say

keep track of your budget in a notebook or excel file - e.g. rent, phone and internet bills, food, leisure so you'll have an overlook on your spending over the months

don't gamble

piracy is okay

stealing from big stores and chains is also ethically okay

keep medical bills and pharmacy receipts for tax returns

also, file your tax returns early

take up a hobby that isn't in front of a screen. pottery, music, going for a run every now and then, stuff that'll keep you busy and sane

and most importantly... you're allowed to get the stuff you want. treat yourself to the occasional mundane thing. a good scented candle. a bath bomb. that body lotion that makes you feel like royalty. the good coffee beans.

you're free and you deserve to be happy.

ukrainians on trump's international politics:

"why does the existence of my country have to depend on a failed humanisation of a dried out orange"

When you accidentally remove the load-bearing pierogi and the entire contents of the freezer come spilling out

I don't know who needs to hear this, but especially with the end of the school year coming up soon, and a bunch of people about to leave high school or about to leave college, I just wanted to say:

Being an adult can be really nice, actually!!!

Like, okay, yeah, life can be fucking stressful sometimes, and there's definitely an annoying amount of paperwork.

But me and just about every single adult I know will agree: I would never choose to go back to being a teenager, even if I somehow could.

Insert obvious disclaimer that nothing is universal. But for people worried about aging or graduating into the next chapter of life, here's some words of reassurance:

When you're a teenager, your brain is extra mean to you. Like, neurologically. All of the changes it's undergoing really, really increase rates of depression/anxiety/etc. A lot of the time, literally just not being a teenager anymore is really good for your mental health

Less than five months out of high school, everyone I knew my age was like "Thank fuck we're no longer in high school." Once you leave high school and adolescence there's really just such a dramatic drop in petty bullshit. Shit that would have been a huge social humiliation or gossip in high school is really often just like, "Hate that for you, man." Boom, done.

When you're a teenager or a brand new adult, you're encountering so many problems for the first time ever. When you're older, you just. Have learned how to handle a lot more things. You know what to do way more often and that builds confidence

When you're an adult, other people generally don't care if you don't do things perfectly, because jobs and life don't work like grades. This was such a trip to learn, honestly? But when you are an adult or have a job the bar for success is usually just "Did you do the thing?" or "Did you do the thing well enough that it works?" or "Did you show up to work for your whole shift and look like you were doing things?"

Similarly, if you're about to graduate college and you're really stressed about it, fyi just about everyone I knew in college ended up very quickly going "wow, 'real life' is way easier." Admittedly I went to a school full of very stressed out perfectionists and the like, so I can't promise this is universal, but there's a very real chance that life will in many ways get easier when you graduate

WAY MORE CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE

Literally I cannot overstate that last point. As an adult, you are (barring certain disabilities or shitty circumstances like abusive family/the criminal justice system/etc.) able to make most of your own decisions. If you want to rearrange your furniture, you can. If you want to eat tater tots at midnight, you can. If you want to get yourself a little treat, you can. You can sign contracts and make your own legal and medical decisions and not need a parent or guardian signature for just about anything ever again

You generally learn how to give fewer fucks

The people around you have also generally learned how to give fewer fucks

Even when things are shitty, being able to choose what kind of shitty a lot of the time can really be worth an awful lot