Lonely St. ✧ Chapter Vii : The People Who Care

a/n:I saw this on tiktok too and couldn't help but do it

Bang Chan is for the girls who...

❝Bang Chan is for the girls who don't put themselves first and care more about others.❞

❝Bang Chan is for the girls who are listeners instead of talker and are ignored when they speak.❞

❝Bang Chan is for the girls who overthink everything and make themselves sad even for the smallest things.❞

❝Bang Chan is for the girls who even though they work hard, they don't get any appreciation from anyone.❞

❝Bang Chan is for the girls who think they don't deserve love but on the contrary, they deserve all the love.❞

❝Bang Chan is for the girls who love night walks and road trips. For girls who hide all their troubles behind music and find the solution to even the slightest sadness in music.❞

❝Bangchan is for the girls who long to be understood, for those who love deeply but are afraid of being hurt. He’s for the girls who need to hear that they’re enough, just as they are, flaws and all. For the girls who have been told they’re “too much” or “too quiet” but are simply trying to navigate the world at their own pace.❞

❝Bang Chan is for the girls who are searching for a home in someone else’s heart, but are slowly learning to find it in themselves.❞

❝Bang Chan is for the girls who dream of more but are too scared to ask for it. For the girls who believe in fairy tales but have been let down enough times to question if they exist. He’s for the girls who don’t need a prince, but who wouldn’t mind someone who makes them feel safe, cherished, and understood.❞

HEYYYYYY I'm new to your blog and I just wanted to say that I L O V E your writing!!!!! You have no idea of how much comfort it gives me 😭

aww tank you sm . . . as writers we love this sort of encouragement, it encourages us to keep going and writing for you guys <3 glad you like the fics, anon ><

hope it continues to help, asks are open if you wanna have a tailored fic written for you <3

HAN / AS I TOLD YOU (말하자면) ⋆ 221216

Inspired by 'relight me' so feel free to skip if it's too similar! request for a 9th member sitting down the guys/or just channie if you prefer, to ask for their support/help bc she feels herself slipping back into unhealthy habits/scared to eat/feeling so icky about it, angsty angsty but they're so proud she's asking for help

hihi~ similar request to 'relight me' but just channie and reader hehe . i liked the idea of this one too . you are loved, everyone x

what you're worth - (bang chan x 9th member!reader)

pairing: bang chan x 9th member!reader

summary: you decide to tell chan about what you've been going through. his reaction isn't what you expected...

genre: super soft, really angsty, idol!au, soft channie, mentions of ed, not being able to eat, drinking water in place of food, reader is brave for opening up, chaotic binnie, hannie, and minho, mentions of eating, drinking, lighthearted stabbing joke (no skz was harmed in the making of this fic)

a/n: this is pretty much 'relight me' in a different font . div by @strangergraphics

skz masterlist

"Minho, eat your food."

"I am."

"No, you're not. Stop stabbing Jisung with your chopsticks and eat quickly. We have a dance practice to get to."

Minho groans and slouches over the table, mimicking Changbin's voice in an extremely overexaggerated, high-pitched drawl. "We have a dance practice to get to."

"Shut up."

Jisung laughs as Changbin throws a tissue at Minho, who retaliates and lifts his water bottle, threatening. "Calm down, seriously..."

You're watching as the three of them bicker from the other side of the table, head leaning on your crossed arms. Normally, you'd be the first to initiate these sorts of petty, playful arguments, but you're weighed down by a heavy, drooping tiredness. And it's not letting you do anything.

At all.

"Aren't you gonna eat, Y/n?" Jisung asks, peering around Changbin (who is currently attempting to headlock Minho). "You haven't eaten at all today."

You sigh and sit up, downing the contents of your waterbottle. Ice fills your stomach, freezing its soft lining. You feel stiff.

"I'll eat later," you say. "Promise."

You cross your fingers under the table. Jisung shrugs and looks away, wolfing down the rest of his food. Minho and Changbin, seemingly blind to the interaction, eventually pipe down and do the same.

You sigh and watch as Minho shamelessly stuffs his face, and the sight makes you smile as Jisung and Changbin do the same. At least they're eating properly. But it quickly fades, and you snap out of your thoughts just as Changbin pokes your side.

"...Hey, Y/n. You're not listening."

"O-oh," you stutter. "Sorry."

"Why did you zone out? You always listen to me," he whines.

You always listen to me.

The phrase sparks a dangerous idea in your head. It's so immediately distracting that you stand up, scraping your chair across the floor. Minho and Jisung both look up in surprise at the sudden movement.

"Where are you going?" Minho asks curiously.

"I gotta go," you say, and promptly turn away to leave.

The three members stare after you in confusion.

.

You knock on the door to Chan's studio. The hallway leading to his door is dark, and you trail a hand along the wall as you wait for the call to come in.

There's shuffling, a thump, and then the padding of footsteps as Chan comes and then opens the door. His hair is wild, half of it skewed from his headphones. One of the muffs is placed over the back of his ear so he can hear without taking them off entirely.

"Hey," he greets, unruffled by his very-much-ruffled appearance.

"Hi," you say, suddenly feeling vulnerable.

Chan pauses. "Everything okay?"

You pause for a split second, mind whirring. Why are you here, anyway?

"Um..." you begin feebly, trying to compose a singular thought.

There's a a few seconds of quiet between the both of you before Chan takes your hand gently. You exhale, knowing that he knows something's wrong.

Leading you inside the studio, he sits you down on the black couch behind his desk, taking off his headphones entirely. The cold water from earlier sloshes unpleasantly inside your stomach, doing nothing to quieten the hunger pangs gnawing at your insides. Like filling up a bathtub without the plug in, it can never truly be full.

And neither can you.

You watch as Chan begins to click on files at his desk, dragging and dropping and typing things quickly before he closes down the software entirely. You rise from your seat on the couch, suddenly feeling guilty.

"Chan-"

"Sit." He pushes you back down gently with nothing more than a flick of his wrist. You sigh and try and relax into the cushions, but it's like trying to untense limbs made of rock. You shift uncomfortably as Chan turns around.

He's so much taller right now as you're sitting down; the blue glare of his screen dims slightly as the computer goes to sleep, sending a warm halo of light over the fluffiness of his unbrushed curls.

You gulp as he sits down next to you, sliding down on the couch slightly as he tilts his head to look at the panelled ceiling. The lights up there are off; the only source of illumination comes from a small table lamp in the corner.

"Something's wrong, hmm."

He says it not like a question at all; rather than something he already knows, and he's waiting for you to confirm it.

So you do.

"Yeah." You can't stop fidgeting.

A gentle smile caresses his lips, his gaze still locked on the ceiling. "Are you going to tell me what it is?"

You exhale, a low whoosh from your very core. You're in it now.

"I- I can't eat." Your voice sounds thin, dissipating as soon as the words leave your mouth.

Chan is still looking up, but he's silent for a moment. "When was the last time you ate a full meal?"

You can't answer.

He does look at you then; for the first time you see the true softness of his gaze, the way it seems to reach out and caress your jaw. Your cheeks warm from its steady intensity.

"Don't be ashamed, Y/n," is all he says.

You can feel tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, but you will them away. You don't want to cry in front of him.

"But I am," you say, almost inaudibly. "There's- there's something wrong with me, Chan, and I can't-"

"Hey, hey," He sits up and cups your face, heat flooding into your skin. His palms are warm and dry, slightly rough, but you relish the touch anyway. "There's nothing wrong with you, okay? Nothing at all. Sometimes we just forget how much we're worth, and our habits follow."

You sniff. "I don't have a worth."

"Yes, you do." He scoots closer on the couch, folding you into his arms. "You always have had a worth, and you'll continue to have it. Sometimes you just forget it. And that's completely okay..."

You lean into his shoulder, squeezing your eyes shut. "Chan..."

He continues. "See it like this," he reaches across, letting go of you slightly, and pulls the table lamp closer to him. "Tell me what you see."

You sniff again, feeling a little stupid. "A lamp."

Chan nods. "What's inside the lamp?"

"A light bulb."

He hums and reaches across to the powerpoint, trailing his fingers down the wire til they meet the plug. He rips it out of the socket, the light flickering and dying. The room dims, so much so that you can only just see the outline of Chan's hands around the cord. "Now what do you see?"

You look at him, confused through your misery. "It's still a lamp."

"And what's inside it?"

"A- a light bulb?"

Chan nods simply and sets the lamp down on the floor in front of you, still holding the cord in one hand. "No matter how we change the lamp, no matter what shape, size, colour, or texture it is, the light bulb inside remains the same.

"Even if we damage it, or forget to take care of it," he turns to you then. "I've had this lamp for three years, and I've knocked it over countless times, spilled coffee over it, scratched it, done all sorts of damage to this thing."

You can't fight a tiny smile. He really is clumsy.

"Nevertheless," Chan continues, "It's still working. It's still shining and bringing light to this room, to me. And, like I said, no matter the damage, no matter how the outside changes..." He reaches over to the powerpoint again and plugs the cord back in. Warm light floods the room once more. "The same light keeps shining."

You don't even realise how wet your cheeks are until he swipes a gentle thumb across your face. "Even if the light turns off, it's still there. Sometimes, Y/n, we just need someone to help us bring our light back."

He wraps his arms around you. "It's okay if you can't eat. You don't have to force yourself overnight. Just take it step by step. Snack a little. Have sliced fruit. Keep hydrated, and take breaks during practices. You'll find that eating comes normally once your body's system realises that's what's missing. It's nothing to do with your worth."

You sniffle, wiping your nose on your sleeve. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," he says simply. His voice is solid, steady, as warm as the light emanating from the lamp. The oversized hoodie draped over his torso is pillowy against your wet cheeks.

Chan is still talking softly, and both of you know that you don't have to listen. All you need to do is bask in the glow of the light and his comfort. You can feel the soft, deep vibrations of his voice from within his chest, along with the steady pulsing of his heart.

You close your eyes, and relax.

a/n: man it's been so long since i wrote something (it's been a week)

ttokki's taglist: @emilyywhyy @galaxy4489 @hyuneskkami @justsomekpopstuff @wavetohannie @strayingawayy @its-stayville-forever @batty-barty-crouchjr @wickedbutlovely @headfirstfortoro @lov3yv4mps @possum-playground @bear8585 @astraystayyh @m-325 @gnabnahcbby @mbioooo0000

send a dm, comment under the taglist post, or send an ask to be added !

Low-key can I pls request Chris comforting reader on her period because I'm on my right now and I want him as my personal hot water bottle.

Thank you!!

omg first request!!

hopefully this meets your expectations hahah... i wrote reader having a really bad period... hopefully that's fine for you <3 feel better!

he comforts you on your period - bang chan

pairing: bang chan x reader

summary: you're struggling with your period and chan helps you out

genre: fluff, non-idol! au, comfort, lil bit angsty. mentions of undressing, feeling nauseous & dizzy, cramps and period pain, reader has a period (obviously)

a/n: comments are appreciated... and whoever's reading this, feel better! and eat some dark chocolate <3

You groan for the fourth time as another debilitating cramp whacks you right in the gut, followed straight after by a dizzying wave of nausea. You're helpless to do anything but whine and writhe weakly on the bed, tangling the sheets and causing uncomfortable lumps of the blanket to pool up around you. It's too hot, too cold, too much pain, too sharp, too dull, never-ending.

You can't even call for Chan.

He's working from home today due to the severe weather, shut in his little studio down the apartment hallway. The rain clatters and thunders against the windows and balcony door, speckled with tiny crystal shards of hail ice. He's probably busy working away at some song while on call with the rest of 3RACHA. You can picture him busily writing down song lyrics in his notebook, headphones and black cap askew on his head, and hand messily smudging the dark, scented ink of his words on the page. His pretty, dark eyes shining, wide and focused as he does what he does best.

That pleasing mental image of your boyfriend is quickly chased away by another wave of nausea and you curl in on yourself, fighting the desperate urge to scream with whatever you have left. You didn't bother taking painkillers when the first cramp hit this morning, thinking you could muscle through it. Every time, you think you can handle the pain, and every time, you're proven completely and utterly wrong. And now you're immobilised on the bed, unable to do anything but face the bloody wrath of your monthly cycle.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Groaning, you shift achingly slowly to the side, trying to alleviate the pain. For a moment, you consider calling for Chan, but you doubt you'd be able to shout loud enough, and more so, you don't want to disturb him. The comeback is soon, and he was stressed enough at not being able to go to the company after seeing the state of the weather. He'd woken you up with a kiss, ordered breakfast to be delivered to the door, and disappeared, only pausing to throw on a hoodie and his usual cap. The studio door had shut and you had heard no more. He's been working all morning. He had said to try not to disturb him unless you really needed something, but you understood. He had a lot to do. But...

Biting your lip guiltily, and then wincing at the dull pain pooling in your stomach, you do your best to slide off the bed. It doesn't matter how much it hurts; you need painkillers. And right now, Chan can't afford to be distracted, so you muster up all of your strength to sit upright.

One foot touches the cold floor, and then the other. Both hands fly to your stomach and you double over, hair brushing your knees as you wait for the dizzying nausea to pass. It feels like you're being slammed in the gut with a sledgehammer set on fire. Attempting to regain your bearings, you sit up and wait for a few minutes. The pain dulls for a few moments and so does the headache, so you shakily stand, reaching for the wall in case your knees give out. Walking to the kitchen is a colossal effort, and a slow one at that too. The short walk down the hallway feels like a year.

Finally slumping against the counter, feet numb from the cold tiles, you take a glass from the dishrack and fill it halfway with water, spilling most of it on the counter in your hazy, aching state. Your vision is spotted with stars as you reach up on tiptoes and open the medicine cabinet to reach the painkillers.

You swallow two and move to make your way back to the bedroom. Turning, you're suddenly hit with the most awful, searing, intolerable pain. You jackknife to the floor, knees throbbing from the solid impact as they thud against the tiles. Leaning heavily on the cabinet, you rest your forehead against the cool, slightly chilled surface, and feel a liquid smearing onto the cupboard door. Pulling away slightly, you realise you're covered in a sheen of sweat. Your clothes stick uncomfortably to your body. It's too hot, too cold, too much pain, too sharp, too dull, never-ending but even worse than before.

Your breath comes in short, sharp gasps, every heave sapping your energy. Sagging forward, you rest your face against the cool tiles, trying to stay conscious. Your surroundings blur out, replaced with an unpleasant echoing ring and the sound of Chan's footsteps.

Chan's footsteps?

He's holding his drained waterbottle in one hand and his phone in the other, eyebrows furrowing as he reads some lyric notes he typed earlier. Feeling quite pleased with himself, he turns into the kitchen and is immediately met with the sight of you slumped on the floor, coated in sweat and curled up like a dying insect in the summer.

His eyes widen and he drops to his knees, phone clattering to the side and waterbottle clanging loudly. The sound makes you wince.

"Love? Hey-" his warm, calloused hands run over your shoulders, panicked and wide-eyed. "What happened?"

You can't even respond.

Chan swears a few colorful, fluent phrases as he stands and dashes down the hallway, returning with a damp rag. He gently but hurriedly mops the sweat off your forehead and nape before tossing it aside and carefully lifting you into his firm, toned arms. Deadlifting you from the floor, he carries you back to the bedroom and sets you down gently, pulling the rumpled covers back. He rushes out of the room for what feels like hours but is probably only a few minutes. Hurrying into the bedroom, he sets a few things down on the bedside before gently freeing you from your sweaty clothes.

In another scenario, you would be embarrassed, but right now you can't care less. It feels freeing and the cold air in the apartment seeps into your body, providing a welcome coolness. He lifts a hot water bottle and places it onto your lower stomach, tucking it slightly into the waistband of your underwear to keep it in place. He presses down lightly and you groan weakly, the heat providing almost immediate relief from the aching.

You don't register what happens after that; only the feeling of the damp cloth sweeping over your forehead and neck and Chan's warm, gentle touch keep you connected to consciousness. He begins to sing softly, lulling you into the heavy, dreamless sleep of the sick. HIs voice floats in the air like a wisp, light and airy and lilting, yet deep, accented, and rich. You gather all your remaining strength.

"Channie," you croak.

He looks up, brows knitted together in worry. He stops his ministrations, hand hovering over your shoulder.

Tears well in your eyes. Whether it's from the jumbled mess that the morning has been, the maelstrom of hormones, emotions and guilt in your system, the debilitating pain, or Chan's seemingly endless love, you're not entirely sure. Your voice is an almost inaudible whisper.

"I'm sorry i disturbed you. I went to take painkillers so i wouldn't disturb you because i know you're busy with the comeback-"

He cuts you off, expression gentle yet concerned. "I know i was busy, but you should have called me, love. Look at the state of you."

A hot tear spills down your cheek. "I'm sorry, Channie."

He shushes you, stroking your hair back from your forehead. "Don't apologise, yeah? If you need me, i'll come to you. Please don't ever feel that you're a bother to me or that you're disturbing me. Especially when it comes to things like this," he rubs your hipbone softly with his thumb, in soothing, relieving circles.

"Channie, can you cuddle me?"

He smiles softly. Pressing himself to your back, he bends his knees, spooning and tucking you into his chest. A surge of intoxicating warmth seeps pleasantly into your body and you sigh contentedly. His toned arm snakes around your waist, pressing the hot water bottle to your stomach so you don't have to hold it there yourself. Kissing your neck softly, he nuzzles into your shoulder, telling you to sleep and that he would be there when you wake up. It feels so warm, so cosy, so safe. But the guilt of having tore him away from his work doesn't slip your hazy, fatigued mind.

"Channie, i'm sorry for being a bother."

He exhales a small, sincere chuckle through his nose, tucking his head further into your shoulder.

"You're never a bother to me, love."

a/n: how'd i do? do we like it? likes, reblogs, comments are appreciated <3

minty - bf!han jisung x female reader

pairing: han jisung x female reader

summary: when everything bursts into flames, there will always be someone to put it out.

genre: fluff, idol! au, heavy on the angst, panic attack, sensory overload, anger outburst out of frustration, negative thoughts, inferiority complex, feeling left behind. this one is a little sadder, not my usual writing, so read ahead at your own risk.

a/n: kinda having a bad time rn so i wrote this. also my masterlist just deadass stopped working so i have to remake it TT new masterlist will be up soon don't panic guys

You're laying on the floor face-down when Jisung comes home from the company.

He enters your shared bedroom, humming a new unreleased track, and finds you near to the floor-to-ceiling window, curled up in a ball. Your jacket is tossed somewhere behind you and you're not even aware that Jisung is home until he bends down and taps your shoulder.

"Jagi," he says, smiling in greeting.

You don't turn. Your head feels like it's made of lead and you can't seem to find the energy to even twitch a finger. And you feel bad because you know Jisung is tired too, and here you are, ignoring him because you're selfish and lazy and not good enough for anything-

"Y/n," Jisung says again, a little softer.

You do turn your head then. It's not much of a turn, to be honest; more like a slow, sluggish effort to move your head to the right. Your look over your shoulder and he's sitting there, knees to his chest, smiling down at you.

His headphones are slung around his neck as per usual, the headphone cord wrapped loosely around his wrist. His blue hair is flopping attractively into his eyes and the neckline of his band shirt slips a little to the left, revealing a sliver of collarbone.

Some of the skin there is slightly red, and you know it's because he probably worked out his shoulders and torso before coming back home.

You feel even worse at the thought of him working out; why can't you be the same? Why can't you just get up and be productive and multitask and live a good life and be happy like everyone else? Like him? Was that sort of thing not meant for you? Success and friendships and contentment and normalcy?

Because here is Jisung, so many achievements under his belt, so many talents and aspirations and thoughts and dreams, and there you are behind him, struggling to keep up with even the simplest of tasks in your own life.

And it's not just him; lately it feels like everyone else is sprinting ahead, while you're lagging behind, confused. Winded. Out of breath.

Losing energy.

It feels the same even now. Usually making eye contact and being close to Jisung fills you with strength, but today it seems even he can't wash away your thoughts. You wonder how bad it can be if even Jisung, your number one supporter, can't seem to even slightly unclasp the boulder shackles from around your ankles.

And the yet-again nagging thought of always being left behind culminates the peak of your bottled desperation.

And everything is Wrong.

The floor feels rough and uncomfortable all of a sudden, grating against your skin, scratching at the pores, and your clothes are too tight and restricting, digging into the soft curves and peaks of your figure, tightening around you like a python winds about its prey.

Jisung is still sitting there next to you; he must have realised you didn't feel like talking. He's staring out the window, still singing softly to the track, gaze unfocused but content. He understands; he has days like yours too. But right now it feels different, and suddenly you want nothing more than for him to just leave. To just go.

And that thought makes you feel awful.

You feel all hot and irritated like you've been put into an oven on high heat, and you rake a hand through the limp strands of your hair, the tickling flyaways suddenly causing a sudden surge of boiling hot frustration to pour through your veins.

Everything goes up in flames and before you know it, you're shoving Jisung's hand away and storming into the living room, throwing yourself down on the couch and then violently tossing yourself about because even touching the couch feels Wrong too. The leather sticks to your skin and the shuffling sounds are too noisy and sound more like nails being dragged down a chalkboard.

You let out a half-hearted scream and even that feels pathetic. Like you've tried to blow a whistle and all that came out was a sad little wheeze. The noise floats into the air and absorbs into the stillness. You want to scream again but it won't help; no matter how much noise you make, it will never be enough to quiet the wildfires searing across your nerves and seemingly into the core of your brain.

But the flames begin to sizzle, and like all fires do, it begins to die down.

You're left in the smoldering aftermath; the human form of it, anyway, which consists of sobbing like a child face-down in the couch, your body draped uncomfortably across the lounge.

It's almost an hour before Jisung tiptoes into the living room; he peeks over the back of the couch before cautiously moving to sit in front of you, about a metre away. And it's not that he's afraid of your sudden outburst, no, not at all. He knows not to touch you for now, to keep a distance, so as not to trigger you further.

He's silent for a moment; you miserably raise your head, a picture of defeat, eyes puffy and red with tears. You sniff and scrub at your face, wanting to get rid of the Feeling, the one that makes your jaw feel all sour and your head dizzy, the way it always feels after you cry.

Jisung chides you softly, gently reaching out to smooth a singular finger over the irritation you've caused across the delicate skin of your cheekbones. He's testing the water, so when nothing bursts out to bite his hand off, and the temperature seems reasonably cool, he moves just a little closer and gently pats your shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he says softly, almost inaudibly.

"Everything," you sob, the sound causing a terrible racking pain through Jisung's chest. It sounds so hollow, so lonely and desperate.

And yet so filled with hope, but hope that is slowly dying, losing its intensity, like you know in your heart that utilizing it won't really help anything. At least not anymore.

You don't expect Jisung to understand. How could he ever, when the terrible, tumultuous storm of horrible thoughts and feelings in your head is making it hard to understand yourself in the first place?

And you're right. Jisung doesn't understand. He looks bewildered but also empathetic. He looks the way people look when they sort of expect something to happen but it still shocks them when it does.

So he sits, not understanding but also knowing, and strokes your shoulder, keeping the rhythm of it, smooth and constant and flowing, dousing the flames, ever so slowly.

And you can't even try to explain how you feel, or what's wrong, and you can't even find it in yourself to apologise for so violently bursting out at him, but the look in Jisung's eyes tell you that no words are necessary. Not from you anyway.

"I love you," he says quietly after a while, still soft, still a little bit bewildered. But there is no doubt in his words.

And a weak, watery smile manages to tug at the corners of your mouth. At least you think it does; in reality, your face doesn't move an inch, still drawn tensely in rife and despair. But something in your eyes shifts slightly and Jisung knows you well enough to know what that shift means.

The searing flames die down completely, the ash rising and dissipating into a quiet, still, air, and when Jisung draws his hand back, his fingers are stained in still-warm charcoal.

You look at him, still heaving and exhausted; he smiles a tiny bit, like he's not sure whether it might set you off again or make you feel worse. But he does anyway, and the air begins to feel a lot cooler around you as he speaks.

"I brought you something from the company," he whispers, his fingers dancing along the thick seams of the leather couch.

You blink once, slowly, the movement taking a ridiculous amount of energy, which has dwindled to its last stores.

Jisung smiles, almost uncharacteristically shyly, and draws a little rectangular tin out of his dark, worn jeans. He lifts it to your eye level and holds it out on his palm.

On closer inspection, you see it's a little container, the plastic dyed a cool blue-green. There's a small flap on the top for flicking open and dispensing what looks like little sweets.

"Peppermints," Jisung says softly, a little shyly. "They help me when I feel all shaky and irritable. Chan-hyung keeps a pack in his bag for me too, just in case I start feeling anxious at events or concerts... maybe it'll help you too."

You sniff and let him put one of the mints on your palm. You lift it to your mouth and the sensation is immediately refreshing, a growing, almost cool-burn that seems to ease the aching tension that's set itself into your muscles.

It tastes slightly salty from the sweat on your palms, but it disappears as you roll it over your tongue. You exhale a tense breath you didn't know you'd been holding.

You blink again, even slower, hoping that Jisung knows it means thankyou. And he seems to understand, because he tips the container up a little, taking one of the mints himself with a grin.

a/n: hello yes i would like to order one jisung please

asking skz maknae line - "would you still love me if i was a worm?"

pairing: ot8 maknae line x reader

summary: you ask skz maknae line if they would love you if you were a worm.

genre: fluff, non-idol! au, crack

a/n: here's the hyung line version <3

han

bursts out laughing

pokes fun at you "why'd you turn into a worm of all things?"

squints at you and pretends to think

googles pictures of worms to show you what he thinks you would look like

an absolute clown

"A worm? Where did that even come from? Hmm... I guess I’d keep you in a little terrarium and make sure you have the best worm life ever. I’d give you the fanciest dirt and the coolest little rocks to crawl around on. But y'know, if you were a worm, I’d still find a way to love you. I’d probably talk to you all the time, even if you couldn’t respond. And hey, maybe I’d write a song about my worm partner. It’d be weird, but it’d be our weird, and I’d love you all the same. Maybe I could even change the lyrics of my songs to be about worms for you!"

felix

also a soft boi

think about it for three seconds then responds

is trying not to giggle

hes so silly pls

does his best worm impression afterwards to demonstrate his worm-loving capabilities

"A worm? That’s a new one! Well, if you were a worm, I’d make sure you’re the happiest worm ever. I’d keep you in a little jar with the best soil and maybe even decorate it with tiny things to make it cozy for you... maybe even a mini Bbokari so you won't be lonely and you have something to cuddle with! But sunflower, I’d still love you. It doesn’t matter what you are because my love for you goes beyond appearances. I’d probably carry you around everywhere with me, so you wouldn’t be lonely. We’d still have our special moments together, just in a different way. And who knows? Maybe you’d be the cutest worm ever. I’d love you no matter what."

seungmin

deadass stares at you

this man is thinking up the most savage reply but then decides not to

bc he doesn't want to hurt your feelings too much

is soft about it but also threatens to use you as fishing bait if you get worm slime everywhere

also hopes that you don't actually turn into a worm

"A worm? You’ve really outdone yourself with this one. If you were a worm, I’d probably keep you in a little terrarium with all the best dirt and leaves you could ever want. I’d make sure you have a comfortable life. But in all honesty, it wouldn’t change how I feel about you. Love isn’t just about physical appearance or form; it’s about the connection we share. So even if you were a slimy worm, I’d still care for you. I’d find a way to talk to you and spend time with you, even if it’s different from how we are now. You’d still be you, but a disgusting, stinky worm, and that’s who I love."

help

jeongin

is genuinely horrified at first

a worm?? of all things??

does eventually laugh at the idea

finds a picture of a worm and draws your face on it

keeps it in his phone case bc he thinks it's funny and cute (but he's macho so he's not gonna tell you that)

"A worm? That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day! But if you were a worm, I’d make sure you have a nice little home. I’d probably keep you in a small, safe place where I could always see you and make sure you’re okay. I’d still love you, you know. Love isn’t just about what you look like; it’s about who you are inside. So even if you were a worm, I’d still find ways to spend time with you. I’d probably talk to you all the time, telling you about my day and everything. It’d be different, but I’d still care for you just as much. Maybe I could even find you other worm friends to hang out with!"

a/n: i laughed so hard writing seungmin's

lonely st. ✧ chapter iii : the walls

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader (y/n)

warnings: mentions of injuries, hyunjin is clumsy, sad y/n, mentions of blood, nothing too graphic, descriptions of a panic attack

a/n: chapter three hehe, still going strong >:)

series masterlist | skz masterlist

Y/n trudged into the library, slumping down into her usual chair. Placing her forehead over her folded arms with a huff, she closed her eyes and tried to rest. It had been a particularly rough day, with the usual feeling of isolation eating at her more than it usually did. It wasn’t unusual for her to go whole school days without so much as saying a word, but it felt stranger today for some reason.

She figured it must be because of Hyunjin.

They had talked yesterday, when she had slipped him the little chicken bandaid, but she hadn’t seen him in the morning before school, or in form classes either. She found she strangely sort of missed him. It was like walking outside one morning, expecting it to be sunny, but instead it was raining.

No, pouring down.

Sighing, she nuzzled further into her arms and dozed for a while, inhaling the scent of her jumper. Turning her head to the side to get more comfortable, she noticed a pair of white and black basketball shoes under the table next to her own polished black shoes. Her heart thudded and she raised her head sleepily, her eyes meeting Hyunjin’s.

He was busy working on something yet again; some sort of essay. Y/n realised it was the one that had been handed out in class earlier that day. She swore she’d seen him finish it halfway before shoving it into his backpack and practically bolting to the gym. He’d been scribbling incessantly then, clearly in a rush, but here he was, sitting quietly next to her, writing with precision, his pencil pausing every few words to think out his next phrase. Y/n had never seen him so focused.

Resting her head cautiously on her forearms, Y/n watched him mutely, the sound of his pencil scratching against the paper the only sound in the otherwise silent library.

“Hi, Y/n,” he said quietly without taking his eyes off the paper.

Y/n flushed, not expecting him to catch her out. Her face flushed red and she sat up, unnecessarily adjusting the oversized sleeve of her dark blazer.

“Hi.”

A gentle smile graced Hyunjin’s lips. “Were you watching me?”

Y/n glared at him coldly.

He laughed, his eyes slitting. “Okay, alright, chill. I thought you fell asleep until you turned your head.”

“I did fall asleep.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry if I woke you.”

The question that had been in the back of Y/n’s mind suddenly sprung from her lips before she could hold herself back. “Why do you always sit here, Hyunjin?”

His head snapped up, pencil stilling in his fingertips, looking surprised and a little hurt. Y/n immediately regretted it, realising how harsh she’d sounded. Not knowing what to do, she pressed her mouth into a line, waiting for him to reply.

His voice was quiet when he spoke. “Do you not like it when I sit here?”

Y/n blinked, taken aback. “It’s- it’s just that you’re one of the most popular people in the grade, but you choose to sit here every lunchtime instead of playing basketball with your friends, or, I don’t know, being anywhere else except here. Hyunjin, I- it just doesn’t make sense.”

He sat up straighter. “It does make sense.”

Y/n shook her head. Hyunjin grabbed the bottom of her chair, turning it forcefully towards himself, so that he was eye-to-eye with her. Y/n’s shoulders tensed, her hands clenching the seat as Hyunjin leaned forward. His eyes were dark, captivating. Y/n gulped, her back straight against the chair, as Hyunjin’s arms rested on the sides.

“It does make sense,” he whispered sincerely. “I want to be friends with you.”

Y/n slammed the cubicle door shut behind herself. Sliding all the way down to the floor, she gasped, head falling into her hands.

Why did I run away?

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to forget the past few minutes. He’d just been talking to her, telling her he wanted to be friends, and she’d pushed him away, bolting from the library.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. You’re so stupid.

Maybe it had been the forced proximity. Maybe it was the way Hyunjin had locked at her, dark, slitted eyes gazing into hers with the most kindness she’d been treated with in a long time. And it had scared her, felt so bizarrely unfamiliar, that she couldn’t stand to be near him any longer.

It was too risky. Hyunjin was too risky. All of it was.

Y/n’s back began to hurt from the curled up position, so she stretched a leg out and rested it on top of the closed toilet seat, eyes idly tracing the stitching on her shoes. A hot tear slipped down her cheek, followed by a few more, each one making her sink deeper into her thoughts. The only sound that could be heart from the otherwise quiet bathroom was muffled sobbing and gasping, echoing from the cold, lonely cubicle at the end of the row.

Hyunjin was probably just pulling some elaborate dare, trying to get her to open up so he could expose her and make her look like a total idiot. He was popular, sporty, handsome, so it made no sense for someone like him to be hanging around someone like her.

Y/n wiped her tears, and made a mental note to keep her distance.

Meanwhile, Hyunjin stood in the library, frozen. He’d gotten up and tried to stop her from leaving, but she’d fled like a wild hare, and now he wasn’t sure what to do. He was standing, hand outstretched, and now there was no Y/n to take it.

Stupid, Hyunjin thought. What was I thinking? I scared her off and now she might never talk to me again.

He leaned against the solid wooden table with a sigh, his hands clenching the edge. Dropping his head, his mind whirred as he tried to think of a way to make her understand that he wasn't a threat, he wasn't making fun of her, he wasn't trying to pull off some stupid, popular boy dare.

Hyunjin stumbled as the table behind him shifted and his lower back knocked against the solid surface. Wincing at the dull pain, he put a hand over the ache and hissed out through his teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut, sinking down to the floor, and tucked his long legs to his chest, grumpily blowing a bang out of his eyes.

What Jisung had said earlier in the day began to make sense. What was it he had said?

I'm just worried about you getting caught up in something you don't understand.

And he was right. So, so right. Hyunjin had to admit it to himself; he had no clue what Y/n was going through. If he was being honest, he didn't even know what sort of person she was. Maybe Jisung was right; maybe she chose to be alone, maybe she didn't mind the whispers behind her back, or simply chose not to pay attention to it. Maybe it was just a lifelong thing, and she was used to it, or perhaps didn't even realise how alone she was.

But surely, no one wants to be alone for that long.. He had no clue. His head spun with the possibilities. Maybe it was something at home, or a mental thing. Or she had trauma, or maybe she just didn't mesh well with most people. But Hyunjin had seen her with some of the girls, Sangmi and Ha-eun for sure, and Yeji too... if she had friends, why didn't she hang out with them? Why did she spend every single breaktime in the library alone, and avoid talking to anyone

"Maybe she's just scared," he said quietly to himself.

The bell rung.

"See you later, Hyunjin!"

Jisung jogged off to catch the bus, Felix at his tail. Hyunjin watched the chaotic pair shove each other onto the bus, fighting to scan their cards first, and simultaneously clashing heads. Hyunjin chuckled, rolling his eyes, and then turned and walked away in the opposite direction, down the street.

He trudged a little as he went, still feeling remarkably downcast. He wasn't sure why Y/n's rejection of the offer of his friendship had stung so much. Maybe it was just because he wasn't used to having people reject him. If anything, it was usually the opposite.

He pondered this as he walked. He couldn't really remember a time where people hadn't wanted to talk to him, or had at the very least rejected his attention. Girls liked him, and vied with their friends for his attention, his teachers and his basketball coach liked him very much, singing his praises, and he was a popular figure both in his friend group and at home. He wondered if it was all going to his head.

No, he told himself firmly. If it had all gone to my head, I wouldn't be thinking about it in the first place.

Hyunjin was so distracted by his thoughts that his foot caught on a stray tree branch lying near the edge of the pathway. He stumbled unceremoniously, arms flailing, scraping his knees painfully on the concrete.

"Shit," he swore. "Fuck, ow..."

Groaning, Hyunjin looked ahead, calculating how far he had left to walk home. He spotted a familiar figure up ahead, trudging into the distance like he had a few minutes earlier. His heart lifted.

Y/n.

Wincing, he stood up, his knees crying a sharp protest. Chiding himself for the unexpected fall, he took a tentative step forward, trying to ignore the stinging pain radiating from his joints. How was he supposed to play basketball like this? The championship was soon. He didn't have time to be messing around with knee injuries.

Hyunjin inhaled sharply and braced himself for the pain, beginning to run. Forget about the scrapes. He had to fix things with Y/n, let her know that he actually wanted her around, and meant no harm.

Probably not the best idea to chase after her like a psychopath, his rationality told him sensibly. But it sounded so far off, and frankly, Hyunjin just wanted the logical voice to shut up. Even if it meant his knees would be screaming for the rest of the night.

Being a basketballer, Hyunjin's footsteps were light and agile, so Y/n didn't hear him coming. She stopped and turned around just as Hyunjin did, so that they nearly collided, his nose brushing hers.

Y/n recoiled sharply, flinching, and Hyunjin immediately took two paces back, not wishing to scare her. Her hands lowered themselves slowly and pressed themselves over her heart like she was in shock.

Hyunjin stopped dead in his tracks. Her face was streaked with tears, her eyes puffy, and her nose red from presumably rubbing it repetitively. Without a word, Hyunjin reached into his pocket and drew out a tissue, holding it out to her slowly.

Y/n glared at him. She looked about as defenceless and intimidating as an angry kitten. She turned and began walking away, her hands gripping the strap of her bag tighter, knuckles turning white.

"Y/n, please. Just wait."

Sighing, she stopped. Turning around, she regarded him with a wary, suspicious glare. Her voice was cracked and broken. "What?"

Hyunjin sighed, holding out the tissue and stepping just a tiny bit closer.

Y/n took it with two fingertips like she was afraid he was going to jump on her. Her eyes never left Hyunjin's face, and it reminded him strangely of the way birds at the park would cautiously take a breadcrumb if you scattered it near them.

She blew her nose, sniffed, and then scrubbed a hand under her eyes, the skin red and raw.

Sniff. "Happy?"

Hyunjin nodded. "I'm sorry I scared you at breaktime, grabbing your chair like that. I just- I really do want to be friends with you."

Y/n sighed dully. "I know this is some stupid dare, Hyunjin. Can you just leave me alone?"

Hyunjin spluttered, taken aback. "W-what? Dare? No, no, I mean it."

Y/n's brows furrowed. "That makes no sense, like I said earlier."

A pang of subconscious affection coursed momentarily through Hyunjin's veins. His eyes softened.

"Like I said too, it does make sense. Just because we're from different friend groups doesn't mean we can't be friends."

"It's high school, Hyunjin. That's exactly what it means."

He shook his head. "Nuh-uh."

Y/n huffed, still glaring. Hyunjin was almost impressed with how long she'd managed to retain the same laser-focused, disapproving gaze.

"Don't you have enough friends?"

"You aren't the only one who feels lonely, Y/n."

She went silent. Hyunjin bit his lip in slight panic, wondering if he'd overstepped a boundary. Was he making too many assumptions? Had he made her uncomfortable or worse, come across as someone who 'knew' everything about her? His heart sank, already knowing what her reply would be.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, almost inaudibly.

Hyunjin's head snapped up so fast he was sure it would be sore later. His head swum for a second as he fought to register her words.

"What?"

Y/n repeated herself, though a little irritatedly. "I'm sorry. I didn't realise that you were- you know. Feeling alone or whatever..."

She's choosing her words so carefully, he realised. She's so wary around me, and she still thinks that I'm faking. That all of this is some elaborate dare. Y/n, I would never.

Hyunjin's rationality piped up in the back of his head.

Tell her that, idiot!

He continued. "I, um... I mean it. It's just that- I've seen you, um, by yourself a lot, and I wanted you to know that my door is always open... and maybe we could be friends. Or at least classmates who talk to each other..."

Y/n raised a cautious eyebrow.

Hyunjin rushed to correct himself, waving his hands frantically back and forth. "S-sometimes! We can talk sometimes, or, I don't know, as much as you want if you're not that much of a talker-"

Y/n's brain whirred. Either Hyunjin was being genuine and he actually wanted her around, or he was just a really good actor. And Y/n was perceptive, knowing exactly when and how someone was lying, but the suspicion just didn't kick in as easily with Hyunjin as it normally did with everyone else.

Maybe he meant it.

But being friends, or acquaintances with him is still incredibly risky, Y/n reasoned stubbornly. It gives him an opening to hurt me. He could potentially strike as soon as he realises that I've let my guard down.

She glanced at him. A sorry sight, with his hair ruffled from the wind, and the chicken bandaid across his cheekbone beginning to unstick a little at the edges. His eyebrows were creased in worry and anticipation, his eyes slitting a little with the expression.

His bottom lip was caught between his teeth and she could see him wringing his hands, the faint sheen of sweat making them slip together. His bag was halfway off his shoulder, uniform shirt disheveled. One shoelace was untied and oh, fuck, Hyunjin, what did he do to his knees?

Y/n exhaled slightly, perhaps a little desperately.

It's not like I've got much left to lose.

Every instinct she'd build up over the years screamed at her not to reply, but the words fought themselves out of her mouth anyway, hesitant and shaky.

"Fine. We can be... classmates. Who talk, or whatever."

Hyunjin smiled so brightly Y/n thought his face would split in half. She felt an unusual warm, fuzzy feeling settling suddenly in her stomach. Maybe she was ill. She never felt like that.

"Thanks," he grinned. It softened to a little smile. Clearly his relief at her grudging agreement was profound. He must have been really hoping she would say yes.

A few stones crumbled down from Y/n's walls, letting in a ray of sunlight.

"So, um.. your knees."

Hyunjin winced, hauling his bag a little higher on his shoulder. The other strap hung, pressed against his back as he walked. Y/n wondered idly why backpack companies didn't just manufacture bags with one strap. It's not like anyone used both straps, not even Y/n herself.

"Yeah," he said, huffing it on an exhale. "I, um, fell."

Y/n looked up at him. "When?"

"Around ten minutes ago. I got distracted and tripped on a tree branch."

Y/n sighed, glancing at his knees, then his shoes.

"Your socks are stained."

Hyunjin swore and swiped a tissue from his pocket, dabbing at the stream of blood dripping from his knees. Y/n frowned in concern.

"You should really get that checked out."

Hyunjin glanced up at her, exasperated. "I have to make it home first. Speaking of, I didn't realise you lived around here."

Y/n nodded warily. "I think it's a few streets down from where you live. I think."

Hyunjin nodded quietly in reply. There was silence but for the sounds of their pattered, slow footsteps and a soft jingling. Hyunjin realised it was coming from Y/n's bag. She had so many keyrings. A couple Sanrio characters, a coupe anime-related badges and pins, and a silver chain pinned to the top of her bag, hanging down to be pinned again at the front pocket. There were safety pins and beads and Hyunjin found himself wondering how long it'd taken her to collate all of the items.

"That's really cool," he said quietly to her. "All of the badges and pins and stuff."

Y/n stuttered, clearly not knowing how to respond. Truthfully, she'd been nudging it more to her right side, away from Hyunjin's gaze as he walked on her left side. She was half-afraid he would judge her or think she was trying to be quirky or something like that.

She cleared her throat and looked down at the pavement as they walked.

"Thanks."

Hyunjin tilted his head curiously. "How long did it take you to put on all of the stuff?"

Y/n hummed. "Don't know. I just add them whenever I feel like it."

Hyunjin gave her an admiring smile. "I bet you'd have to be really careful since it's fiddly. It probably took a lot of focus."

Y/n let a tiny, rueful smile escape. "It took a lot of pinpricked fingers too."

Hyunjin threw his head back and laughed, the sound joyful in the afternoon light. Y/n's depressed spirit lifted just a tiny bit.

He really was interested. But she toned it back, not wanting to scare him off, or worse, come across as overenthusiastic or cringy.

They kept walking until the end of the street, where it rounded a corner in front of a large willow tree. Y/n stopped walking.

"My house is round that street," she said vaguely, still a bit wary.

"Oh," Hyunjin said, feeling suddenly downcast. Had the walk really been that short?

He gave her another smile anyway, hoping to ease her worries. "I, um. I'm gonna keep walking. My house is just round that corner and down the street there."

Y/n nodded, apparently having nothing more to say.

Hyunjin nodded back awkwardly. He turned and began walking away from her, the leafy, soft strands of the fallen willow leaves chasing at his heels. The throbbing in his knees suddenly became more apparent; he hadn't even realised he'd been in pain, too distracted with talking to Y/n as they had walked.

Magic, Hyunjin thought. His hand gripped the strap of his backpack a little tighter as he tried not to look back.

"Hyunjin, wait..."

His hopes lifted suddenly and he turned back, looking at Y/n. He took a careful step towards her, a little pace. She gestured him back awkwardly. Approaching her, he noticed she was holding out a little paper, folded in half.

"Here," she said shyly, not looking him in the eyes.

Hyunjin took it from her gently, their fingertips brushing. He carefully unfolded it, the small weight inside turning out to be four bandaids. His cheeks warmed with affection at her hesitant gesture.

"Thank you," he said gratefully.

Y/n nodded stiffly, whispering a quiet 'bye' as Hyunjin turned and walked away. She watched him go, still registering the whole interaction. Was he lying? Was he faking? Or did he mean it, mean all of it?

Y/n couldn't decide. Her brain logically filtered out conclusions, each thought a brick building up the battlements, but she couldn't deny the butterflies in her stomach. He'd noticed her and she hadn't even needed to reach out first. Despite Hyunjin's apparent amiable nature, she couldn't help but feel that there was still some sort of catch. She made another mental note to keep an eye out for any sign that his interest in her could be fake. Because there was always a chance it was some sick little game.

Having to be cautious all of the time was exhausting but she told herself firmly to keep her guard up around him. After all, he was just another person in her class, another person who could hurt her, another person who could take her heart as soon as she offered it and smash it to pieces on the floor.

Or the could be classmates.

Who talked, or whatever.

taglist (open) : @kozumesphone @bangchansgirlsblog

✨ send a request or DM to be added / removed !

Hello, I really adore your writing and was just wondering what are your WIPs are?

hello my love, that's so sweet of you xx

i thought i'd make all my wips a poll so you guys can decide what you want to see first !!

if you guys want, drop a 'top three' list in the comments so i can decide what to release after the top poll result !

(please do it . . .)

this isn't even all of them omg . . . i have a few more skz prompt list requests and some thank-you messages from my readers .

but yeah! gonna put my taglist here just to speed things up :

ttokki's taglist: @emilywhyyy @galaxy4489 @hyuneskkami @justsomekpopstuff @wavetohannie @strayingawayy @its-stayville-forever @sillyseob @wickedbutlovely @headfirstfortoro @lov3yv4mps @possum-playground @bear8585 @astraystayyh @m-325 @gnabnahcbby @mbioooo0000 @akindaflora @tsunderelino @hhwangsmoon @crazyforthatbangchandude @bluebellsringinghereandthere @ladylexis @tillaboo @geni-627 @jsngprk-vhs

oh my god I’m stupid I requested 8, 9, and 39 for the SKZ prompt list but I forgot to ask for which member. Bangchan pretty please 🥺👉👈

hihi this took so long sorry >< . . . this is a lot more angsty than anticipated but i hope it works. i wrote it a little differently that i normally would, but here you go, love~~

stupidly perfect - (best friend!bang chan x reader)

pairing: best friend!bang chan x reader

summary: chan has never noticed how you feel for him, and one fateful evening, you let it all spill.

genre: angsty as hell, idol!au, reader lowkey enters their villain era, mentions of eating and drinking, overexcited maknaes, chan is kinda oblivious in this fic ngl, supportive felix, itzy mentions (yeji, ryujin, chaeryoung if that counts ig), this is super sad tbh

a/n: this took a while tbh . . . div by @ferretmilkshakezzz

⛓️ prompts: 8. "Take your time. I'm not going anywhere." / 9. "You can rest now." / 39. "I can't keep pretending I'm fine."

skz masterlist | skz prompt list | part two

"Y/n, do you wanna come to that ramen restaurant with us later?" Jisung tugs at your arm, skipping alongside you. "We've been wanting to go for ages, and we all finally have schedules off tonight."

"Yeah, come with us," Jeongin adds. "It'll be fun."

The maknaes are tagging all around you as you walk down the hallway, trying your best to keep a hold on all the papers you're carrying. It's difficult when they're fluttering around you like overexcited birds.

You'd taken the job at JYPE around four months ago; it was decided after a very long period of doubting and worrying that it wouldn't work out after what happened at your last workplace. But your best friend, Chan, had been super supportive throughout the whole thing, even offering to help you move into your little apartment down the road from the company. He'd brought some of his friends to help with the heavy lifting, and from there, you'd pretty much been adopted into the group he'd formed and was the leader of.

Not like you had a choice in the first place.

But you didn't mind; you'd been worried partly because of the fact that you wouldn't have any friends when you'd moved to this part of Korea; Chan had managed to inadvertently solve that issue without trying. Now, the four excitable boys skipped and bickered around you as you set down the papers on your office desk. Wiping the minimal sweat from your forehead, you sighed and pried Seungmin away from the trinkets neatly lining your bookshelf.

"Who else is going?" You ask as Jisung whines about you coming to the restaurant for the umpteenth time.

Seungmin shrugs, interrupting his friend. "All of the members, you, and a couple of the girls from our dance crew."

You feel your heart sink just as your brain tells you to agree; it's been ages since you went out with the guys, and you honestly couldn't wait for a break. Work was always stressful around comeback season, but you'd all settled into the rhythm of it soon enough. Spending an evening out with eight of your best friends eating some soul food sounded like a good idea. A better idea than spending the evening on the couch in your apartment, eating ice cream in complete silence. Alone.

You bite your lip, anticipating. "Which of the dance crew girls?"

Jeongin shrugs from the sofa, swinging his legs over a disgusted Seungmin's lap as he lounges back. "The usuals; Yeji, Ryujin, Young-hee, and Chae. Why?"

"No reason," you say, turning back to the bookshelf to unnecessarily reorganise something, fiddling with the solid fabric spine of one of your books. "I'll let you know if I'm coming. Now, clear out."

Your last comment doesn't bother the maknaes at all; they know you don't like your office being messed up, so they call goodbyes, and Jisung sneakily pokes your side as he filters out the door. Felix, however, remains.

You try to ignore the sinking feeling in your chest and keep a neutral expression as you turn the dark-haired boy. He looks so different from his usual blonde-haired countenance; however, no less beautiful, and not for the first time do you hold yourself back from carding your fingers affectionately through his hair.

You exhale. "Do you need something, Lix?"

He sits down on your chair, swinging it backwards and leaning his forearms across the back. An air of resignation flows around him. "You're not coming tonight, are you?"

You bite your lip. "I'll see."

His voice is quiet. "You've said that since Chae started hanging around us. Is it because of her?"

You scoff, dropping a pen. "No. Why would you think that?"

Felix leans forward on the chair, nosy. "It is because of her, isn't it? Do you not like her? Is it because of Chan-hyung?"

You whip around to face him, exasperated. The explanation bubbles out of you like molten lava from a temperamental volcano. "Okay, fine! I just- I can't stand seeing her around him. They're so close, and they always seem so wrapped up in each other-"

You cut yourself off then, not wanting to say anything you might regret. Chae is nice enough; she's never done anything explicitly hurtful towards you, though you secretly have suspicions that she doesn't like you at all. But you stay quiet, trying to dissipate the rising frustration blooming in your chest.

Felix is quiet.

You know he knows; he's known for ages about your little crush on his leader. You were afraid to tell him, once upon a time; but all you got in response from the affectionate chicken boy was a hushed giggle and a gentle encouragement to tell Chan how you feel. He hasn't told anyone else about your feelings, and you know he would continue to keep his mouth shut. But you wish, even just a little, that someone else would notice and find a way to get Chae away from your best friend.

"No wonder she likes him too," you say quietly to yourself, sinking into your office chair.

And it isn't a wonder, really. Chan is sweet, and gentle, and kind, and so, so, supportive and admirable. There's not a single flaw about him, except perhaps his slight dislike towards himself and his irritation when it comes to those soft, dark curls that frame his perfect face so perfectly-

You shake yourself out of it. Felix is still looking at you quietly, his head tilted in thought.

"You do know," he says carefully, "that you're closer with Chan that Chae is?"

"But still," you groan. "He always seems so much happier around her, and he always only talks to her when you all go out-"

"How would you know?" Felix cries, throwing his hands up. "You're not even there half the time, and Chan only talks to her because you're not there for him to talk to. He has to settle for her because he's fed up of us, and he's not close with Yeji, Ryujin, or Young-hee."

You sigh and hop up onto the desk, swinging your legs over the side. "I just can't stand it, Lix. Seeing them together..."

His expression softens. "I know, Y/n, and I know how frustrated you get when they're all over each other, but you have to at least try. Come with us. If not for him, then for us. We miss you."

"I'm right here."

Felix sighs softly. "That's not what I meant."

You rub two fingers along the bridge of your nose, trying to think straight. You can't get the images out of your mind; Chan and Chae giggling to each other, her touching his arm, him reciprocating the affection... no one said it would hurt this bad when you watch your best friend fall for someone else.

No one said it would hurt this much when you realise that you're in love with said best friend either.

"I can't keep pretending I'm fine," you say, so softly you're not sure Felix hears it. But he does.

"Then don't pretend," he urges gently. "Get him to fall for you. You're halfway there already, I'm pretty sure. But it's not gonna happen if you're always at a distance from him."

He has a point, you think. But, being as stubborn as you are, there's still that nagging doubt in the back of your mind that Chan will never feel the same way that you do, whether you're with him or not-

"Y/n," Felix says, a little more firmly.

You know exactly what he's thinking; sighing, and then bending down to pick up the pen you dropped earlier, you slot it back into the holder on the desk.

"Fine," you say quietly, trying and failing to hide the tiny smile twitching at the corners of your mouth. "I'll come."

Felix lets out a whoop.

.

You pull your jacket a little closer around yourself as you head round the corner, the evening wind whipping your hair into a state of extreme disarray. Sighing and then spluttering as you pull strands of it out of your mouth and eyes, you duck around people and head to the restaurant, its warm, golden light drawing you in like a moth to a flame.

You're not late, so to speak; you spot the group sitting at a large corner booth with comfy seats, mingling and chattering, and you notice Felix immediately. His face lights up when he sees you, half with relief and half with something else you can't quite decipher. He makes to get up before you're almost tackled to the floor by Jisung and Jeongin, who are pretty much hollering at the top of their lungs.

Minho shushes them insistently as he tugs them off you, bowing before shoving both maknaes back into their seats.

"Y/n," Jeongin says happily. "We didn't think you'd come."

You chuckle awkwardly and settle into the spot next to Felix, trying not to look around for Chan like you always do. "Yeah, I needed a break. Besides, you two would have come for my throat if I turned the invitation down one more time."

"Damn right," Jisung interjects, all three of you dissolving into giggles.

You look around then; not everyone is here. Hyunjin and Yeji are still missing, both Hwangs late as per usual, and you know Changbin will come by a little later, having decided to work out before treating himself for the evening. You make a mental note to stick to your work ethic as well as he does, but it's interrupted by the familiar tone of someone speaking your name.

"You look nice, Y/n," Chan says from next to Felix, who is sitting in between both of you.

Chae is sitting next to Chan, you notice with some sadness and displeasure; her long, pinky-blonde hair is straight and neat, long acrylic nails coming up to brush strands of it off her perfect porcelain cheeks, flushed with the cold. At least, you hope it's the cold and not the effect of Chan's probably flirting before you arrived.

Despite the indignance rising in your stomach, you can't help but notice how Chan looks tonight; his hair is slightly damp from the chilly weather outside, the adorably messy strands of it curling against his temples and nape. His eyes are crescents as he gazes into yours, and you fight the urge to reach over and wipe the faint remainder of strawberry milk off the curve of his plush bottom lip.

You know exactly where he'd bought the little drink carton of it from; there's a vending machine just down the street, one that the boys always buy drinks from before eating out. It was their tradition, and one that you gladly partook in, that is before you became too shy to be around the boys.

Because of Chan and his stupid perfectness.

You suddenly come back down to earth and realise that Chan is still gazing at you; Chae is laughing obnoxiously loud in the background behind him, no doubt to recapture his attention, but all you can focus on is the fact that you're locking eyes with the most beautiful person on earth. And also the fact that you haven't replied to his little indirect compliment, so you just nod and turn back to the table to fiddle with the menu in front of you.

Felix exhales discreetly and you fight a grin, watching as he unpeels himself from the corner of the table. He'd been bending over it so you could lean back to talk to Chan, and he pokes you affectionately in the side as you thank him quietly, clearing your throat in an attempt to get rid of the flush painting your cheeks.

"Could've warned me about how pretty he looks," you mutter to Felix under your breath. He just chuckles and touches your knee as everyone begins to order.

The food arrives just as Hyunjin, Yeji, and Changbin make their dramatically late entrance; they clatter noisily into their seats, and you bump fists with Yeji just as everyone begins to dig in.

There's brief silence as everyone begins to fill their stomachs with soul food, and then the chatter eventually rises again as the members turn to each other to bicker and laugh. You almost snort a noodle out of your mouth as you watch Hyunjin take a hairclip out of his bag to clip his hair back, before realising it's not there. Seungmin, sitting next to him, runs his hand through the boy's kiwi-like hair before turning back to his ramen.

You almost start to enjoy yourself, but there's still that lingering tension that you feel rests in the air between you and Chan; if anyone else has noticed it, they're not saying anything. Felix, noticing your quietness, tries to fill the space between you with small talk and jokes, but it doesn't seem to help. Once or twice, he even brings Chan into the conversation in a bid to try and get you two to converse, but Chae interjects more and more frequently until you quietly tell Felix to stop.

You feel bad because of it; you know he's just trying to help, but it isn't working. And it's beginning to make you feel worse, the fact that it seems not even the dark-haired sunshine boy can get his leader to try and talk to you. And you realise, all of a sudden, that maybe it's not Chan that's the problem.

There are two possible reasons that Chan doesn't seem to want to talk to you; you thought maybe he would talk more with you tonight, considering it's been so long since you've been out with them, but you're crestfallen as you realise that not more than a few words have been exchanged between the two of you tonight.

And it strangely breaks your heart.

The other reason is that Chae might have been badmouthing you behind your back to Chan, or it could be because of the fact that Chan genuinely likes her. You're not sure, but that belief is confirmed as you look across to see Chan holding out his chopsticks to her, bringing a piece of tempura to her perfect, pink lips.

Watching in horror and completely forgetting about the cooling ramen in front of you, you watch as Chae accepts the tempura with a little giggle, batting her lashes at Chan as he reaches up to wipe a crumb off her lip. The sight is so equally disgusting and upsetting that you immediately stand up, moving out of the booth as tears blur your eyes.

"Where are you going?" Jisung calls after you, Felix looking up from his food.

"Bathroom," you call over your shoulder, your voice surprisingly strong considering the fact that tears and beginning to stream down your cheeks.

Not wanting to make a fuss or arouse suspicion from the group, you do actually head to the bathrooms, locking the cubicle door behind you and sinking down against the door. You couldn't care less if it's dirty right now, the only thought in your head the mental image of your best friend and Chae giggling and flirting all over each other, blissfully unaware of your misery.

It's not fair.

"Maybe it's me," you whisper to yourself, sniffling as you rip off a piece of toilet paper, scrubbing at your face. You feel so pathetic and unworthy; what kind of person hides out in the bathroom crying over a guy who probably doesn't even care about them?

Standing up and checking you have your phone and wallet, you sigh as you feel the weight of them in your pockets. Good. You can just leave without having to go back to the table. The last thing you want right now is to talk to anyone, or have to put up a fake cheerful front.

Heading to the back of the restaurant, the once-inviting golden lights now feeling like a spotlight, you emerge out into the street, the cold wind soothing the hot, sticky tear irritation on your cheeks. You head to the parking garage down the street and try to walk as quickly as you can past the opening of the ramen restaurant, lest any of the group notice you walking away.

And they don't, not least until you cross the street and head down the dimly light footpath.

Someone grabs your wrist suddenly and you cry out, whipping your head back so fast to see who it is you think you might have whiplash.

Chan is standing there, his hand solid and warm around your wrist, the wind ruffling his dark hair back from his bare face. You can see the glint of his silver earrings under the streetlights.

"Wait," he pants. "Where are you going?"

You can't fight the hot, wet tear rolling down your cheek and inwardly curse it for escaping. "Home."

"Why?" He asks, concern and worry painting his expression. "Are you not feeling well?"

You fight the urge to slap him; it wouldn't be fair, however much you want to do it. He just doesn't understand. He doesn't understand any of it. And you want nothing more to run into his arms and spill all your thoughts and feelings like you have so many times before, but you can't.

Not this time.

You can't tell Chan that you've loved him since who knows how long; that seeing him makes your heart feel lighter, the way a high schooler might feel seeing their crush in the sunny hallways. You can't tell him how many times you styled your hair to look a little like his, hoping the curls that make him look so handsome might make you a little more attractive too. You can't tell him how many times you ran late for schedules just because you took a detour to his studio to talk with him, even if it was just for a minute.

Even if all of it was a waste in the end. Because he likes someone else, and that someone else isn't you.

So you just shake your head as the tears come streaming down, and rip your wrist out of his grip before turning and walking away. The earth feels like it's shattering around you.

Or maybe that's just your heart.

But Chan doesn't give up; you hear his footsteps continue behind you, hurried and irregular, like he's trying to decide whether to let you go or make you stay.

"Y/n," he pants. "Wait, just- will you stop walking so fast? Please, wait, slow down- What's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong!" You cry out, turning to face him as you throw your hands up. A sob rips through your lungs, face contorting with the force of your tears. "Okay? Everything's wrong."

Chan is silent, one hand out in an unsteady attempt to calm you. "What are you talking about? You're worrying me."

You scoff and kick a stone across the footpath, harshly rubbing a hand across your cheekbone.

"Y/n, please," he pleads, his voice quieter. "Felix noticed you were gone for too long earlier, and I saw you walking out of the restaurant. Please, tell me what's wrong. You look so upset."

"Then stop looking."

He recoils, looking slightly hurt, before it's overtaken by a look of determination. You know that look; it either results in an all-nighter to finish a song track, an attempt to wrangle seven naughty kids, or a hard-to-have conversation. You know it's the last one.

"Please," he says, even quieter. "Tell me what's wrong. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

"It's you," you say, broken with utter resignation.

He takes a step forward. "What?"

"It's you," you repeat, looking away as another hysterical sob brings the wind inside your body. It's sharp and biting, and it brings back some of your courage. But only some.

You raise your eyes to look at him. Maybe this is the last conversation you'll have with Chan, before he decides he doesn't want to be around someone who's in a one-way love story with him. Even if that person is his best friend.

"You don't realise, do you?" You whisper brokenly. "You never realised I was in love with you, Chan. But that's just who you are. You may be kind and compassionate and intuitive, but you never realised why I do what I do, or why I act the way I act around you."

His face is contorted in utter disbelief; whether it's from shock or disgust, you don't want to know.

"I realised around the time you helped me move in," you continue. Might as well get all of it out now. "I looked at you differently after a while. I didn't see my best friend anymore. I saw someone else, someone stronger and more clever and more dedicated and more perfect and flawless. And it was strange, because I realised that you changed so much. Maybe I changed too, but it was different seeing you walking around at the company and going about your schedules, because I felt different about it all. I felt different about you. And I couldn't let it go, not least when we actually talked. I used to be late for most of my meetings and events because I would take detours to see you. Some days I would think about canceling my schedules just so I could be around you more.

"And I love the boys, I do, Chan. So much. But I have to admit, I wouldn't be around them half as much if you weren't there. I felt so drawn to you, not like the way I did when we were friends. I figured that if I didn't want to lose you, I would have to discipline myself. So I did.

"I threw myself into my work; I gave myself so much to do, partially to distract myself, partially to use work as an excuse whenever I was invited out, like tonight. Just because I knew you would be there, and I didn't want to end up spilling it all to you, because I knew it would ruin everything between us. Forever.

"And when Chae started hanging around us, I didn't mind at first; I sort of liked her. But I started hating her because of how close she would get to you, how much you two would secretly talk between yourselves, and it made me upset. So I ended up spending much more time by myself so that I would be able to forget she existed. So that I could forget that she ever entered the picture, and that it was just me and my secret that I kept from you. For so long, Chan. You have no idea how much I had to hold myself back from you.

"Did you assume that I never wanted to go out with you guys? That I never wanted to buy drinks from that vending machine the members always go to before eating out, or that I didn't want to spend time with you? Because I did, Chan. But I forced myself not to, because I couldn't bear to see you, and most of the time I didn't know if Chae was going to be there. I told myself I wasn't going to sit there and watch you be with her, not while I felt so invisible and unseen around you.

"Let me tell you something, Chan," you choke through sobs at him, pointing a finger at his chest as though it were a gun. "Every time Jisung or Jeongin or one of the boys invited me out, I did actually show up. Even if you never saw me. I would watch from a distance to see if Chae was with you; if she was, I would turn around and leave, and go home. If not, I would smile from around the corner as the maknaes begged you for money to buy drinks from that vending machine. And then I would turn around and go home anyway.

"I know every single one of their preferences; even if you didn't know I was there to observe them bickering and choosing, faces lit by streetlight. I would go around to the vending machines at the company and randomly buy their favourites for them, even if you didn't know how I knew. I would buy them for you too, and debate leaving a little note for you telling you how I felt alongside it, and I never did.

"Because, despite all of that, it was all a waste," you snap at him. You're not sure why you're angry; you suppose it's the result of feeling unheard for so long. "It was a waste, Chan. Because you never even noticed how I felt. So don't come chasing after me in the night like this like you care, because it was Felix who told you to come after me, Felix who noticed I had been gone for too long, not you of your own accord. And don't look worried or concerned either, because I've told you what's wrong, Chan, just as you asked. You can rest now."

You can barely see him through the blur of your tears.

"Y/n," he whispers, broken as you feel. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't care," you cry out at him, turning and storming in the other direction. And this time, he doesn't follow, still standing under the streetlight with his hand out, though you're not there to take it.

You sob bitterly as you almost flee around the corner, breaking out into a full-on run, like sprinting can fix the problem, fix your heart and your tears. It doesn't, however, and you feel worse as you bolt pass the crossing light, not caring about its colour. Later you will realise that running with blurry vision and a hysterical, heartbroken mindset was not the wisest idea.

You don't see the car speeding towards you until it's too late.

a/n: *laughs in writer*