I Have 5 1/3 Days Left For My Master's Entrance 1 And 11 1/3 Days For Master's Entrance 2. I Remember

Productivity Day 1/90

11 Jan 2024

Mood: Anxious 😰

Slept in today. Started the python course on replit.

It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

on june

emily dickinson complete poems of emily dickinson: “all these my banners be” (via @soracities​) \ annette wynne why was june made? \ pablo neruda one hundred sonnets \ virginia woolf the waves \ l.m. montgomery anne of the island (via @metamorphesque​) \ sylvia plath the unabridged journals of sylvia plath, 1950-1962 \ mahmoud darwish a river dies of thirst \ emily dickinson complete poems of emily dickinson: “ourselves were wed one summer–dear–” (via @soracities​) \ philip larking cut grass \ morgan parker magical negro: “the black saint & the sinner lady & the dead & the truth”

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fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

Everyonce often I find myself in the game of comparison. The game is mostly self perceived and hence I'm always the looser. Lately I've been feeling like I am running out of time, I am not enough and I would never be enough. Doing anything else is just wasting my time, and I even sit and wonder what do I do then? Where do I start ?

― Albert Camus, Notebooks: 1935-1951

I am happy and lazy most days. Less sad days but when day come , they are here to stay longer. Recently I have been wondering if my sad days are meant to last

A bittersweet confusing thought : My friends and I are growing now , I wonder if we will remain friends or just fall apart. But right now as I have an exam tomorrow, I am feeling a big anxiety thingy but also happy.

I get really quiet, when my mind is too loud.