This. Actually. No Cap.

Today, November 20, is the Trans Day of Remembrance, a day to memorialize those who have been murdered as a result of transphobia.

We honor those who found the courage to be true to themselves in the face of transphobia.

Although I am not trans myself, day in and day out, your stories have given me the courage to live life to the fullest and not let adversity and homophobia be my downfall.

Those whose lives were taken shall never be forgotten for they are still among us. They are the very foundation of our community. We are not just a collection of random queer individuals. We have come together with a purpose. There is still a long way to go. We must look up to our trans siblings who were true to themselves despite being condemned, hated on, and taken away from us, and draw courage from them.

Violence and transphobia will never win. Community, truth, and acceptance shall prevail.

In your footsteps of truth and courage I shall follow. Now and always.

Thank you.

Rest in peace.

When Adam bit the apple he did it because he trusted Eve. Because he loved her. Adam bit into the apple because the woman he loved told him to, no matter what God said. No matter the rules of heaven. What’s heaven to a woman’s love anyway? What’s God to your wife? The first sins of humanity, were trusting others. Eve trusted a snake, Adam trusted Eve, and I trust you. Maybe that’s a sin, just like the first couple. Maybe everyone’s right about us and we’re sinners and we offend God. But like I said, what’s God to a woman’s love anyway? What has heaven got that I can’t find sitting next to you on a cool autumn morning?

you know what doesn’t get talked about enough in writing circles

completed story grief

That feeling you are left with when you have finished a long project - whether it is long because it contains a lot of words, or long because it took you a long time to write, or long because it took you a long time to start writing it - when you’re happy because you finished it but empty because it is finished. You took out all of the words that were inside of you, at least all of the ones that pertain to that story, and the relief that follows such an action can be devastatingly exhausting.

On top of just the empty feeling, there follows that bittersweet sense of understanding that this thing which has for so long been your companion is no longer just your companion, and that you have in some ways severed the ties with it, because you will not be writing it anymore. You might write other stories related to it. You might write stories in the same world. Or stories with the same characters. But THAT story is finished. That story has been taken out of you and put where it can be a part of everyone that reads it. That is unimaginably happy and sad at the same time.

So I just want to say, I guess, be nice to yourself after you finish a story. Yes it’s happy, yes it feels good. But if you also feel a little like you’ve just lost something, give yourself some time to process that, because in a way you did. It’s a happy loss, the sort of loss wildlife rescuers feel when an animal they saved is able to go back and be wild again. It’s a good, happy thing, but it’s also okay to take a little time to be sad and take care of yourself.

about time for a new one of these…one that has a proper explanation of where I am, and how things are going.

tl;dr: my name is Seth, I’m a queer trans dude with a laundry list of disabilities. I live with a super conservative family that is kind of forcing me back into the closet, despite me being Out of it for nearly 15 years, among worse things. I moved here from an even worse situation, and am hoping to someday move from here to a more stable and happy place with my best friend who lives across the country. I super need help for that to happen while I wait on disability to pull through, which could be any day now, but also could be several years from now, from what I understand of the system.

longer story is basically, I moved from an emotionally volatile home where we constantly struggled to feed ourselves and argued and screamed constantly, to here. I eat much more reliably, and there isn’t shouting, but I am also consistently told I am just not trying when my disabilities prevent me from doing things, am pushed to go back into the closet because family members ‘don’t understand’ and ‘struggle to adapt’ to things like my name change and using words like ‘he’ in reference to me. my stepdad, after knowing full well that I am disabled and struggle to take care of myself by doing basic tasks many days, has expressed frustration with my inability to do basic people or adult things on a reliable basis. my grandfather no longer speaks to me beyond short responses, often ignoring me unless specifically prompted to respond by my mother. and my mother is fond of ‘jokingly’ suggesting that I go without dinner, go back to my room so they don’t have to deal with me, and telling me that I am ‘expensive’ while going out of her way to do anything for me, like pick up meds or buy hair dye that I expressed an interest in obtaining someday after I have money to do so on my own. they’re all strong supporters of Trump, as well.

I’m struggling to feel hopeful for the future pretty often here. I want to leave, but I have nowhere near enough funds to do so, considering I have half of my belongings across the state still, and the place I want to move is all the way across the country, as well as needing funding to get into a place to start. my best friend, Kat, is willing to move in with me somehow. Kat has work, and we’re hoping to get into a house, we’re looking at a few of them, but we kind of need a lot of help, both to get things started on that end, and also to get me from Oregon to Florida. 

at this point, we have a few options, and we’re not sure which is more cost effective because everything wants to know how much you have, when you’ll be leaving, etc. etc. and we’re just looking for quotes to aim for at the moment. I’ll need assistance in getting my things packed and moved, so a moving service is likely going to be required, and then I’ll need to get over there, which likely means a plane or train ticket if we have movers take my things all the way there. on the other hand, there’s things like a uhaul, and Kat driving us all that way, which is difficult and stressful, but also means we can stop places along the way and decompress a little bit. there are those storage container things they ship across the country as well, which would also require some kind of transit for me to get there too…

first things first though, we need funds to get a place. it’s super cheaper to buy a two bedroom house and deal with the mortgage than it is to pay rent, where we’re looking. average two bedroom place with the accommodations I need is about $600-800 per month on a mortgage, rather than $950-1500 per month in rent. both are around the same initial cost with a down payment, versus first and last month’s rent, deposits, fees, etc. we’re assuming around $5,000 for a down payment.

even if you can’t donate, you can help by reblogging this, sharing elsewhere, waving down family members with money, @ celebrities, any of that. as for links…

my paypal (has my deadname): https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/seththemuse my gofundme, which I can’t update fully with all of this information because my family has the page’s URL: https://www.gofundme.com/f/moving-fund-assistance

how other people see my enthusiasm in writing fics: passion

how it really is:

i never check my email because then i will have to reply to some of them and that is how you get more emails

you do know that when jewish and romani people say “never forget” we mean “learn about the holocaust so you can recognize the warning signs of facism and genocide” not “repeatedly bring up the holocaust whenever anything bad happens and exploit our pain and trauma to make people care about your cause” and when we say “never again” we mean “take action to prevent any stage of genocide on any scale by any means, hold collaborators responsible and don’t be complicit” not “only care about genocide when it’s too late”, right? or did you think it was just a fun catchphrase?

MANIFESTING

that the armorer returns season 3

i miss her

hey yea im back and i’m alive and i’m here to tell you that i am hyperfixating on The Mandalorian 

i am writing. i am writing about what i promised. but i am also writing about the Mandalorian. you can read what i wrote, but im also writing more. its just a sorta continuation of that fic.

can we please take a million steps back and address the whole ‘bee-fucking-beekeeper’ thing-

I saw the future. There were so few bees left that they cross-bred beekeepers with them so they could better connect with them.

I was taking a test to identify plants (I won because some dude thought pineapples were berries) and after that I met a beekeeper who worked inside of a giant glass beehive and had little antennas and a dope ass beard.