I’ve Been Inexcusably Lazy This Week. I’ve Written Nothing This Week Save For What You’re Now Reading.
I’ve been inexcusably lazy this week. I’ve written nothing this week save for what you’re now reading.
Laziness and boredom have been the order of the day. It’s a bit excruciating to even sit down and attempt to write this. I know that I’ve got to try though.
I come from a fairly conservative background. I grew up in the suburbs. The suburbs are tough for me to endure now. There ain’t much in the way of soul there. It’s all Neighborhood Watch and I’d like to talk to your manager. It’s wine moms and religion that consists of nothing but not making Jesus cry over what you may or may not be doing with your genitalia. I’ve changed. Maybe you can say that I’ve evolved into whatever it is that I am now. Whatever it is? C’mon. I guess I can label. Wishy washy agnostic socialist writer who can be pretty god damn angry sometimes.
Anger.
I woke up from a nap Saturday evening. I see I have a notification on Twitter. It’s someone that went to my high school who I used to be friendly with. They tell me that I’m being a typical irrational lefty and labeling people fascists who disagree with me. The last sentence of his insightful commentary tells me that ANTIFA are the modern day fascists. Call me pathetic, call me crazy, but if you ask me it’s crazy, this pretty much ruined my Saturday night. I fired off a multi-tweet reply. I never heard a word back in response. It took a lot of effort not to just attack him personally (Although there was a bit of that. Sue me. I’m no debate team nerd here. I’m not above ad hominem attacks.) but I have to say that I’m a bit in awe of a person who thinks exactly the same way that they did when they were a “porn addicted” pimply-faced teenager. There really has not been too much in the way of appreciable evolution. This is a guy with a well-paying job in tech, a wife and an investment portfolio. I guess you can’t blame him in a way, this is a guy who has a lot invested in keeping things exactly the way that they are now.
ANTIFA engage in violence. Thing is though, I can’t fault them for that. They are putting their bodies on the line to defend people who are not white, not Christian, not straight against fascists who are very openly calling for their forcible removal from society. I told the guy on Twitter who I used to be friendly with that it was very clear that he didn’t care. He doesn’t care. Even if this country gets even more horrifyingly authoritarian, they are never coming for him.
More Posts from Mistahsojourner and Others
You’re Already Vastly More Valuable to Society Than a Capitalist Could Ever be.
Sometimes the sun shines
and somehow I’m okay with that
The wind tickles me like it does
and I really can’t protest
even if I got no clue
what the sweat and the tears
were for.
It’s so cheesy
cheesy like the orange fingers
on a dateless wonder
but if I call you brother
I mean it
desperately
like a cardboard sign SOS
spotted on a freeway off-ramp.
In the night
when the breeze is gentle
can I tell ya how terribly strange
this all is to me?
can I tell ya how scared I was
trippin’ on shrooms and that it was your
voice that brought me back?
Will ya come to me in the midnight hour
with the knots you can’t untie? Will ya?
At 11 AM, the pledge will be recited
Call the number on your screen to report
anybody who ain’t sufficiently excited
about being free to do what the fuck we tell you
while the red, white and the blue
fly above
and burst your hearts with love
God, guts and glory
goes the story
of a nation that kicked ass and looked good doin’ it
Light from the Lord God spread to the world
by us
Evil and darkness flee
Get your WWIII commemorative pin today
to trigger the snowflakes and the pussies
on your way to church
to hear the padre preach about how Jesus woulda dimed his neighbors out to ICE
cuz it’s the law
If there was anything that Jesus was about, it was the law.
Bless the nightsticks and the guns
Bless the kevlar and the riot shields
Bless the blood in the streets and bless that liquor to forget all that shit
or to get nutted up to lie under oath about it
or to just live here
in the land of the free, the home of the brave
one nation
that got the goods on all of us
Maybe I should have more swagger, more attitude.
Boy, you just high.
There is this .gif of Margot Robbie looping over and over mashed up with Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. I keep stealing glances at it. It’s cool. Kinda hot too. In that Hollywood Kinda Way. In that bullshit kinda way. That way that don’t actually exist. Sugar for the soul. Too much sugar puts holes in your soul.
I should fake confidence more. Sell that shit. Just for fun. Only reason.
Boy, you are so high.
Maybe I am.
I ain’t so bad at this. Fuck. I sound cool, right?
I’m not cool. I got no fucking clue what I’m doing. I might be going to hell. I don’t think I ever grew the fuck up. I don’t got people. I ain’t ever had that moment where I thought,”These are my people.” I say I love the world and the people I’m on this trip with but god damn it, who do I really love? Who do I choose to love? Like really? Sincerely?
I’m sorry about all the bullshit I’ve written in this space. I’m sorry for every time that I did not honestly bear witness.
Yeah. I’m a bit on the high side. That isn’t an excuse though. I stand by every word.
Hi.
I'm the voice in the wildnerness.
I'm smart gone crazy.
I'm the prophet that's gonna pay
with his life
that lives in the hearts of those who wanted to live instead.
So a friend of mine told me how yesterday his coworker died on the way to work due to speeding and crossed a red light (she was late for the third time, so I’m guessing she was trying to avoid a write up). As soon as she crossed the light she was hit on the drivers side by a semi. The messed up part is that in less than an hour her table was cleared for a new worker. In less than 4 hours they had sent out the news that they are hiring. By the end of the day the hiring manager had contacted 4 people for an interview. Moral of the story is, these jobs don’t care about your ass. They will replace you in a snap. Don’t risk or waste your life trying to go above and beyond for a job that could care less about your wellbeing.
Red Pills
Every red pill I ever swallowed
was barely a placebo
dime store salvation
dolled up like nirvana
to get me through the day
to get me through the day
to get me through the day
and some days I came out something like alive
and thought I’m free of the dread
in this dream
none of us chose
but nah
and I’m never getting a refund
for any of those pills
the twisted man
from the internet sold me
so I’ve got a live with it
Improvised trek
into the coldest
and maddest parts
of you and me
and I hope you’ll come with me
into the setting sun
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I had nothing so I typed the same word over and over and over again. That really didn’t get me anywhere. Seriously, all I accomplished was typing the word ‘fuck’ over and over again. That is all I have to show for it. Maybe that’s all I have to show for this entire day. A single word.
Fuck.
A word uttered when shit gets real.
A word uttered just because.
A word she whispers when you’re doing it right.
The last word before a sudden fade to black.
A word when you got nothin’ but the rain, your sweat or your bones.
A word that’s just way too motherfuckin’ honest
for some people.
Wanted:
The people I can use it liberally with.
---
Fuck. That was kinda lazy.
Yo. I didn’t get too much of an intermission between crises. Sick dog and then corporate office warfare. Johnny on the spot with the duct tape, the kind words and the bullshit.
White fear weaponized runs the machine.
