Random Embarrassing Fact #2
Random embarrassing fact #2
I don't know that this really qualifies as embarrassing but it might be. I try to cry at least once a week. Basically, I sequester myself and either think about something that makes me sad or touches me and just let the flood gates open. Why the fuck do I do that? That's a good question. It's not something that I entirely understand but I think the reason I do it is to re-connect with my humanity. That's not to say I'm like a fucking Vulcan most of the time but the world we got can be de-humanizing as fuck. It re-connects me with something pure. Like, that which animates the forces that liberate. And fuck, sometimes I gotta cry, ya dig? Okay. I guess also it's solidarity with people who have a reason to cry. Shit. That is cheesy as fuck but that's what's in my heart, I think.
More Posts from Mistahsojourner and Others
Kinda tempted to make an NSFW blog. Yeah. Be more open about my freaky side.
I can’t concentrate.
I just want to sit for a spell.
I want to be high and not dread tomorrow.
I want to be sexy and brave.
I want to show someone the way.
Tell me every way that you’d like me to fuck you
and I’ll do it.
I think I’m slowly getting over myself. The operative word is slowly.
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.
I wish that line was mine.
Thing is though. It doesn’t matter that it isn’t.
Sometimes I wanna scream
cuz I’m wise to the game.
I know the game is rigged
but I ain’t wise to all the ways the game got put in me
without my consent.
I catch myself playin’.
Hate myself for the size of my wages
and the fact that my words ain’t commercial
won’t pay my bills
won’t free me from dreadin’ the first day of the week
and from feelin’ all Shawshank on the last day of it.
I sit down and think that I want to write a bit. I turn on some music and notice that I’m not getting any sound. God damn it. What the fuck is going on? Check volume in Windows. Check that the right playback device is selected. Test playback device. Nothing. God damn it! I then realize that the TV my computer is plugged into has the sound turned all the way down.
I’m angry today.
Fuck CEOs. Fuck you if you are a CEO.
Fuck the carceral state.
Fuck The Supreme Court.
Fuck Tucker Carlson.
Fuck white nationalism.
Fuck white supremacy.
Fuck capitalism.
Fuck Jeff Sessions.
Fuck the War on Drugs.
Fuck the lawyers who fix shit for rich motherfuckers who do bad shit.
Fuck Goldman Sachs.
Fuck Chase bank.
Fuck Capital One.
Fuck Netflix.
Fuck the Democratic Party.
Fuck the Republican Party.
Fuck fascism.
Fuck fascist superheroes.
Fuck the state of Israel.
Fuck SWAT teams.
Fuck the NFL.
Fuck the New England Patriots.
Fuck Tom Brady.
Fuck Robert Mueller.
Fuck James Comey.
Fuck the entire Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Fuck welfare reform.
Fuck Bill Clinton for welfare reform.
Fuck Bill O’Reilly.
Fuck Paul Ryan.
Aight. That went on long enough.
I wrote nothing on Monday or Tuesday and that frankly is unacceptable.
Are you still reading? I don’t really care if you are but it’s nice if you are. Thank you.
Saturday and some stuff and things
The words written the night before (See post entitled “What the fuck do I call this?” I think that’s what I called it.) were what they were. That was an experiment. If you surmised that those words were the product of an altered state, you are correct. It’s fair to say that I do have a relationship with cannabis. It’s been an off and on thing for about 3 years but mostly on. I despise a lot of the culture around this drug. A lot of it makes me cringe. That said, I do find it a valuable exercise at times to write while under the influence of it.
That can be easier said than done. The temptation is to just chill and listen to some music until I just get drowsy or to play some Rocket League. Rocket League while high can be quite the trippy, beautiful experience. That’s often when I can enter ‘the zone’ when it comes to that game. I know when to challenge for the ball, I somehow make decisions that seem to make sense without really thinking, I seem to react automatically and I’m okay trying something crazy to see if it works and it seems like I learn how to make “crazy” work.
A soccer game with rocket powered cars while stoned as fuck is only so satisfying so at some point I’ve got to pry myself away and look at the page. I’ve got to ride the green dragon and take it where I want to go.
I’m less judgmental of my thoughts. The flow is easier. There is a danger there. If you’re high as fuck, you can be really satisfied with mediocre or lazy ideas so you find yourself in the position of trying to figure out whether you are onto something or if you are just being silly. If you can tell the difference (even sort of) then you are getting to be dangerous.
This track always goes right to my heart for some reason.
“The borders should be illegal instead of the people / That were here before the Bible and all of its sequels.”
You gotta know why you're doing something, don't you?
Due to a mix-up that is too stupid to explain, my appointment never happened.
