Aquamarine Hoshino “Aqua” (星野 愛久愛海) - “Oshi No Ko” - Episode 2

♡ ALBEDO ♡

-You play a stripping game with Aventurine! See how much you can win?

cw: yandere, dub-con, manipulative behavior, naive, drunk reader, reader has female reproductive system, creampie, getting stripped naked after playing games

"What? Did that customer really say that? This is so silly!" You held a wine glass with ice in one hand and giggled drunkenly. And Aventurine is sitting next to you now. He confirmed your question, causing you to snicker again. He adds the sweet golden liquid to your cup. "That's right - I always advised them not to… Who would have thought that that business would become so exaggerated?"

"Hmm, that's enough, that's enough…" You took another sip of wine, leaned on his table, turned your head, smiled, and looked at the outline of his face. It's been weeks since you talked to Aventurine like this, in his villa. But once you meet him, there is an endless stream of things to say, maybe this is the precious friendship.

"Anyway, how about playing a game when you have free time?" he suggested.

You got interested and asked him what his game was. Aventurine held up your palm and explained the rules to you several times. You nodded, but you didn't really understand. "Okay, okay, how many credits should we bet?"

"It's vulgar to talk about money all the time, my friend." He smiled and held up a finger. "How about taking off one piece of clothing after losing a round?"

"Take off… clothes?" You tilted your head… closed your eyes and shook your head. "ah?"

Aventurine said in surprise. "It's a popular game. Didn't you know?"

"I-Of course I know!!" You raised your voice, pretending you already knew everything. Thinking of the value of his outfit… "Hmph, I can take away your hundreds of thousands of outfits soon."

"1, 6, 2!"

"6, 6, 6!"

"It's time to take off your clothes." He raised his chin and reminded. You snorted, removing a jacket and throwing it on his couch.

"4, 5, 6!"

"6, 6, 6!"

"What?" You picked up the three dice, checked and struck them from different angles, but there was nothing strange about them. "Did you cheat? Why are the results always so incredible?" Aventurine chuckled and shrugged. "I told you before that I'm very lucky, don't you believe me?"

"Ah, okay…" You reluctantly stared at his exquisite attire, which he had never taken off, and then looked down at your own graphic t-shirt and shorts, which were pulled up so that the bra and the breasts wrapped inside were exposed to the air. Embarrassment tugs at your heart and you try to fight back. "Next round! I don't believe you can beat me!"

2, 1, 1.

6, 6, 6.

If question marks could pop up in reality, a thousand question marks would have popped up above your head. You stare at the results in disbelief. How could Aventurine be so lucky? You can't even take one of his watches or rings? And are you so defeated now that you have to take off either your bra or panties?

"I-I won't play anymore. Boring game!" You bluffed, asking to get your clothes back, but Aventurine raised his eyebrow. "Awwww, it seems there is a coward here…"

"Who are you calling a coward?"

"You didn't keep your bet."

You are not a coward! You took back the hand holding the clothes and tremblingly touched your underwear and bra. Which one should you take off? If you lose again, will you really be completely naked? How do you get home? In the midst of your thoughts and drunkenness, you settled on a bra, but then covered your bare breasts with your hands. "Humph, now is the beginning of my victory!"

Victory? Aventurine almost laughed out loud, holding back the ridicule rising in her throat, knowing that you might leave in a huff, and all the previous arrangements would be ineffective. You open a dice simulator from the Internet to avoid possible cheating from Aventurine.

5, 1, 3.

6, 6, 6.

…It’s really…BEYOND WEIRD. How on earth is this possible? Is Aventurine walking on some lucky path you don't know and being protected by the lucky Aeon? But anyway, now you have to take off your panties and keep your promise. Now you were completely naked, in his villa, in front of your friend.

"Hey! You... don't have to do this... " You watched as Aventurine put them all in a box and locked it up. These clothes…are no longer your property. "There's no way I'm going home naked!"

"Didn't someone just say they were going to take my clothes away? I thought you were serious?" He chuckled, pulled your arm, and guided you onto his lap. With your brain like a drunken fog and embarrassment, you knelt on the sofa in confusion, your legs spread apart, and the luxurious sofa sank. A gentle kiss. Bring some hot air. Like an electric shock. "Umm…"

"Too bad your clothes won't come back, but you can win a new set by…"

Aventurine's thumb rubbed against your hot cheek for half a minute before he reluctantly unbuttoned his pants and took out his long, swollen and erect cock, the glans teasing your slit. You whimpered, placing your hands on his chest, and the glans stretched your folds and the warm inside of your vagina. "I…"

This is really more incredible than these rounds of dice. You were bouncing on his cock, moaning and sobbing in ecstasy. His hand cupped your ass, occasionally slapping it in exchange for you squeezing his cock unconsciously, while rubbing your clit with his other hand.

As the cream spurts into your body, ecstatic bliss fills you. You tighten your limbs, your butt trembles, and you wrap your hands around his neck, gasping for air.

"You win. I'll give you a new set when you wake up, okay?"

goin home to be ugly in peace is one of my fav things to do

AQUA ✶ AI ✶ RUBY

Vigil ✤ Kazuha

V i g i l

A/N: Here is the Kazuha angst, sweeties :')) I wrote this with my prepared angsty playlist hehe- I.. well, my heart cracked..

✤ She/her

Words: 3.9k

"Text in this format means dialogue in flashback!"

≿————- ❈ ————-≾

The memory of peering into the crib with excited blabbers remains fresh, untarnished with the passing of time.

It feels like it’s just yesterday when your mother reached for the wailing baby laying inside to hand him in your caring touch.

“This is your little brother, [Name].” you squealed when the boy clung unto your finger, “His name is Kazuha. Be a good sister for him, understand?”

“Yes!”

Ah, that did feel as if it was just yesterday.

“Nee-chan!”

Dropping the basket of laundry, you frantically looked around.

“Nee-chan!”

“Kazuha-!?”

He was sprinting, arms flailing as tears spilled past his eyes and panicked exclaims left his lips. His friend was chasing him from behind, laughing as he waved an undercooked fish—your brother’s worst nightmare.

Comedic but understandable.

“Tomo’s making me eat it!” your younger brother mumbled behind you, pointing accusingly towards his friend who sheepishly spluttered excuses at your stern gaze.

Taking the skewered fish in Tomo’s hands, you hummed, patting his and Kazuha’s heads.

“How about I cook something for the both of you, instead? How’s that sound?”

“Yes, please! Nee-chan’s cooking is the best!”

You can never get tired of cooking for the two of them, even if your sibling eventually asked to be taught, you find yourself still taking over cooking duty. Lovingly whipping up dishes is your forte.

It stuck around when the household eventually lost the attending servants following the fall of the Kaedehara clan. It even stuck through the grim times of your parents’ passing.

Kazuha had went through so much at a young age, changed little by little—and you aren’t oblivious to it. With his growth, you are a witness to his budding shell of maturity.

Single years fold into a decade and all of a sudden, the mirthful silverette who doesn’t last a day without calling you ‘big sister’ has grown up.

Far too quickly, to be honest, but who are you to hold him back?

“You don’t call me ‘nee-san’ nowadays,” you laugh jokingly, “My, you’ve grown so much, Kazu!”

He stares at the plates of food you set on the dining table, his sigh small and feeble as you continue gushing. Albeit he has a smile on his face, it appears tight. Forced.

But you turn a blind eye to that—you’ve always been doing it.

Now, however, it seems that your brother has grown tired of humoring you. It has been going on for too long.

“I’m not some child anymore..” his monotonous voice is so unlike him—it’s as if he no longer is the person you grew up with.

Having him address it bluntly prompts you to pause, the only sound being the sizzling of unagi meat, frying to perfection. The richness of its color, however, dulls when you process what your sibling has mentioned.

As if its vividness is an illusion meant to shield you from present-day reality.

Still, you shake it away, keeping the smile on your face as you set the fried meat on a new plate, turning to put it down on the table beside the other dishes.

“Oh, Ka-“ you stop, seeing the look in his eyes.

The way his carmine optics bore against your [c]s is foreign.

It’s scary.

It’s different. It’s new.

You sit down in front of him, trying not to show how restless you’ve become. Such an attempt is futile, of course, since you’re in front of the person you’ve been with for years.

“Kazu-“

Thud!

Silence zips your lips when he lays his chopsticks down. It isn’t by any means a slam—but someone like Kazuha doesn’t need to be outright with anything in order to express a negative opinion.

“So please refrain from initiating unnecessary coddling,” he cuts you off with a swivel as he leaves for the door. “I have grown up now, sister. I... need you less.”

What?

A multitude of emotions hit you at once, all coming from his sudden statement that feels like it can tear you apart. But oh—who were you kidding?

You know that this will eventually come.

The very day where he admits that he is capable of being alone. Without you.

The opening of the door causes you to stand from your chair, “Wait!”

He does as you said but doesn’t look back. His hand remains on the handle of the knob, unchanging of his decision to leave.

You tug the black and red scarf from your neck, inching close to the man so you can wrap it around his neck. “It’s cold outside.. won’t you at least eat something?”

It takes him a moment to respond—but his decision does not change.

He detangles the fabric on his neck and, without looking you in the eye, sets it in your hand, rejecting your offer.

“Later.”

And he’s gone.

≿————- ❈ ————-≾

Nothing changed much after he left with that declaration.

Often times he still returns in the dead of night, a smile on his face. It will only ever droop when you come in the room greeting him a lovely evening, and he will sigh.

“I told you not to wait up for me.”

He will depart for his room before he can hear your explanation.

It leaves you hanging, hollow with bitter hope and refusal to believe that you both have reached that time in life where he doesn’t need you as much.

Each time he turns his back, you are filled to the brim with sorrow you didn’t know you’re capable of holding.

Retreating to the upper floor of your home, you will stay at the balcony sighing your concerns away to the stars. To the place where you believe your parents are staying, listening to your bouts of frustration and worry.

“Was I a good sibling for him, mother? Father?” you’ll sometimes mutter as you play with your silver locks, the only thing you share with your sibling other than the forgotten name of a once esteemed clan.

And as you vent all these to the stars, you remain oblivious to the lone figure hiding by the shadows in the adjacent room. His frown is tiny. Sad, but not guilty.

Kazuha will leave once again before he’ll hear his sister’s frustrated cries.

Sometimes, he will chew over it when he is wandering Inazuma—thinking, pondering if perhaps there could’ve been a way to say it without hurting his sibling. But as he contemplates over and over, he finds that there is no easy method to admitting the truth.

His friend Tomo, albeit not being told anything, is naturally cognizant of the things revolving around the silver-haired siblings. The older sister’s presence has been diminishing and he can count her appearances at Kazuha’s side getting less.

He has implied several times to make up with the female even if they had no outright argument, and when faced with a baffled question of ‘why’, Tomo only smiles.

“Because you’re family.”

So simple and yet—when Kazuha thinks of the matter a minute longer, the taste in his tongue becomes acrid.

“What upsets you?” his friend questions as he coos over his white feline, “You’re not the Kazuha who’s always crying for big sister, heh.”

The silverette cannot even find it within him to send a retort. His silence, to others, is a message that typifies a want to be alone—but to Tomo, who has known him since they’re both children, that silence is different.

With a hum, he stretches his limbs, yawning as his cat rolls around the grass.

“You know, [Name] won’t hate you for wanting it,” he starts, “You want to wander, don’t you? But you feel like you’re tied down. You’re grounded—because [Name] is here.”

Kazuha flinches and his friend snickers.

Spot on.

“I’m just going to repeat what I said because I meant it, Kazuha. Tell her the truth. She’s literally the most understanding person I know—it’s not like she’s going to despise you for wanting something.”

“… I’ll think about it.”

Tomo sighs. It’s not what I was hoping for but it’s a start.

Remembering something that moment, Tomo lets out a loud scream that nearly sent his friend toppling in the nearby stream of water. Kazuha looks on with slightly wide eyes as the other man jumps to his feet, violet eyes gleaming.

“Oh, right! I plan to initiate another challenge!”

Another challenge…

Kazuha closes his eyes with a hum, “I do hope you’ll last another. You’ve been faced with the worst of the worst.”

The chuckles that leave his friend’s lips are excited and sort of expectant.

“It’s going to be the ultimate one of all! So if you’ll excuse me~”

≿————- ❈ ————-≾

Perhaps a talk with your brother will do you both good.

You’ve both been acting like strangers walking on eggshells underneath the same house and it is driving you insane. He’s not even looking you in the eye anymore!

Given his quiet personality, confrontation will be difficult, but he’s a cooperative person. Besides, he always hears you out.

There isn’t any reason for him not to when he knows that this will be done only for the betterment of the future.

So, with a nervous disposition but eager heart to settle things right, you lift the basket from its place with plans to head over to the market. It’s an hour or two before dusk, just the perfect time to shop for dinner.

“Mm.. some dry-braised salted fish for tonight sounds lovely.” You muse, remembering how the dish is your brother’s favorite.

Ah, the number of tries he takes to perfect and stylish it into his own can’t be forgotten.

It doesn’t take too long to cook it, but you’ll be making tons of other side dishes and dessert, so it’s best to start early!

You exit the abode, the smile on your face present as ever even when you’re greeted outside by a couple of Shogunate Soldiers. Their features appear sterner, their hold on their naginata rock solid.

“Are you Kaedehara [Name]?”

Hm?

“Yes. Can I help you?”

The soldiers lunge forward, spears falling to a position pointing at you from all possible angles, cutting any means of escape as you furrow your brows. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“Your brother has defied the Decree of the Shogun and was hereby declared a criminal. Going against an Imperial Decree results in punishment inclusive to his immediate family.”

Your basket falls to the ground.

Thud!

Kazuha’s feet create a loud sound following his landing, a breath of panic expelling past as he rushes away.

The warmth in his hand escalates to a scalding degree, burning and searing like the fading power of Electro held within the golden casing.

To think that that was what Tomo meant.. !

He does not feel anger, no, just the burn of desperation and want to hide his friend’s Vision because he doesn’t want it to be taken away—to be placed in that statue that displays the lost ambitions of many others.

He’ll be damned before the Shogunate can take it… !

The criminal evades those at his tail, making swift maneuvers on rooftops and alleys without a second thought. His limbs are answering his every command, be it to duck, to jump—or to even draw his blade.

He is still ways away from the port but getting there won’t prove to be too complex for someone like him. He’s cut down plenty of the samurai in his escape from Tenshukaku,

Tomo…

“You’re family. Tell her.”

Family—

“This is the first one in a long time I’ve heard of it being extended-! To whom again? The clan that has lost its prestige a decade ago, right?” he almost trips in his sprinting, darting to an alleyway so he can further eavesdrop.

Did I hear that correctly?

A relieved sigh escapes when those chasing him run past his hiding spot.

Sucking in his breath, the silverette tightens his grip on the faded Vision of his best friend as he listens in the hushed conversation.

“Be quiet!” someone hisses, “If someone overhears us, what next? Still, I do feel bad.. they lost so much already. I can’t believe they’d drag an innocent person into it, too..”

“Well, there’s nothing we can do. The Shogun issued the penalty to immediate families, right? As far as I know, there are only two Kaedeharas left—”

Kazuha feels his heart stopping. Kaede..hara?

There’s no mistaking it.

But why—?

Why would a punishment meant for him extend to her?

She’s innocent!

Going off-course, he sprints in the direction of his house. The house that he lives in with his sister who takes great care of him—the same sister he’s willing to leave in favor of chasing what he wants in life.

He’s willing to, but he doesn’t.

Because perhaps—perhaps if he stayed and buried his desire, then he will amount to the same greatness she has done for him. But he cannot stand it, either. As patient as he is, as kind and ‘gentle’, [Name] can always see through his face.

He’s always been antsy—always itching to wander and he’s stumped that his sister is well-aware of that fact. Still, she’s always playing the ignorant one, pretending not to care- still coddling him as if he’s little and he’s had… enough of it.

But now that the situation has pinned this misfortune upon them, the ronin realizes that she’s only pretending for his sake, as well.

“Cut that out, I don’t need it. I fear that.. you will only embarrass yourself.”

Wasn’t it him who refused to tell her of his want to roam free in the first place?

“I understand that I am your brother—but there is no need to worry over me all the time. I can look after myself, [Name]. Do worry about something else, instead.”

Wasn’t it him who stuck around, still?

The bitterness in his tongue increases with each leap of his feet. He doesn’t even process the race of his heart as he’s carried through the same path that leads him home. To his family—to his only sister.

Everything seems to pass by slowly, in a blur, like the specks that decorate his vision the more his mind throws stacks and stacks of memories. This is madness.

Complete and utter madness.

He rounds the corner to see the figure of his only sibling, her back turned to him—she cannot see him, but he can see the armed soldiers flanking around her.

His throat tightens and certainly, he wouldn’t have been able to utter a word due to how it feels like his throat has been crushed.

“[Name]!”

Yet, the furious scream that tears past his lips denies all kinds of ‘impossibility’ the instant he sees the female falling to the ground, the sight of red splatter making him draw his blade.

Whoosh!

The summoned wind is opposingly gentle to the brewing storm in someone’s beautiful carmine eyes.

“[Name]-.. !”

That voice.. Kazuha?

Sometimes, the depth of emotion in Kazuha’s eyes is too deep for you to understand. Despite being so silent, he’s so, so expressive with his stares.

That even when he isn’t trembling when he lifts your torso, you know how much he’s quaking from within.

“What are you.. doing here? You have to go,” you cough red when he adjusts you in his arms, the sight of the fallen soldiers reminding you of the situation at hand. “Quick—before they.. catch you.”

He shakes his head,

“I’m taking you with me, I have a boat prepared, come, let’s—”

“Don’t lie to me, Kazuha.”

He pauses, flitting his gaze down to meet yours. You hate how you can’t seem to focus on him, though. Your sight is blurring in and out, only providing small intervals of clarity where you can see the panic in his features.

A sight you didn’t think you’d see on him until now.

“I know you made it for yourself. You’ve been planning to leave home, weren’t you? I’m not..” you’re not oblivious to his wish, “I’m not mad. I was only holding you back, wasn’t I?”

He sucks in a breath.

“I-I-“

What was he supposed to say?

Weakly tapping his arm, you start taking quick breaths—just to take in all the air you can while tolerating the gaping wound from being impaled.

It hurts. You want to scream. It hurts.

But you don’t—because you do not want to appear weak to your brother.

You promised mother and father that you will not cry when faced with problems—he mustn’t see, Kazuha mustn’t see. But at this moment, you just want to break apart. Disbelief is kicking in, you can’t believe this is happening.

When—where did everything go wrong?

“Besides, I’m not of use to you anymore. As if I’ll last the journey to Liyue-“

“Don’t say that!”

You blink owlishly, gasping out in pain when his hand presses against your wound, futilely attempting to hold back the bleeding.

“K-Kazuha?”

Your own hand shakily plants itself atop his own, helping him press—as if his hand isn’t heavy enough to stop the flow—it down. It will hurt, but you can’t say for sure. You’ve already grown numb and your head is swimming.

Still, you focus on him.

Still, you help him apply pressure even if you know—even if he knows—that it’s too late.

“Don’t say that. You’ve..” his voice cracks, “You’ve done so much, [Name], you-“

You took over the clan household when our parents died. You struggled to make ends meet for both of us. And yet.. all I do.. all I do is… !

Kazuha angrily bites on his lip, his hold on his composure beginning to slip as his mind throws in a reel of olden days.

“I’m leaving, [Name]. Please don’t wait up, I may take longer.”

“I’m grateful, but I don’t need that anymore.”

“Stop that, already.”

He dips his head with a muffled cry. All I do is wander and desire for a future where I can roam freely. I haven’t even thought of you..!

“You’ve grown, Kazuha,” he snaps back into this harsh reality when he feels the hand atop his disappear, presently moving to brush his messy locks.

He doesn’t know why all of a sudden his sight is becoming misty, but perhaps—perhaps it is because he remembers when his sister used to brush his hair the same way with a loving smile.

It is the same touch he flees from nowadays.

The same touch now—the same loving smile.

“As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right—you’ve grown so much.. and I’m still clinging onto the past.”

So lively, so beautiful and yet—

“You’re strong now..”

Yet it’s dying.

He presses harder on his sibling’s wound, almost sadistically—as if he’s hoping that it’ll ignite a painful reaction. “[Name], please, let me-“

Because if it hurt—then it means she’s still okay. She’s still responding.

“So capable.. so independent, you are.”

So why—? He almost chokes out a sob. Why are you not reacting to it!?

“Mother and father would be so proud of you. I am sorry if I was lacking in any way.”

“Please, [Name], you can’t do this.” He trembles, the composure he created so, so close to breaking as he gives up on endeavors that are pointless, to begin with. Instead, he tilts his head up, wishing to curse the heavens above.

For everything.

“I’m happy to be your sister, and.. I’m proud of you… Kazu..”

“Wait-“ he stumbles over his words, catching the falling hand of his sibling and registering how deathly pale she has gotten in a matter of seconds. “Wait, please—I-“

As much as he wants to voice out he’s sorry. For many things; for turning his back on her, for being distant when all they have is each other, he’s unable to find his voice when he sees the tears dripping out of his sister’s [c] eyes.

His strong older sister—weeping. It’s the first time he has seen her cry.

Her smile trembles—

“I love you. My nice.. little.. brother.”

—And her [c]s are then hidden forever.

The way she endearingly called him in her dying breath has him freezing, his heart pausing as if he had died along with her. But then the spark of pain welcomes him back to reality—to life.

And then he is leaning over her.

“[Name]..” breathless whispers escalate into panicked murmurs. “[Name]?”

His heart is pounding in his chest as he tries to shake her awake, like when he’d do when he’s eight and awake from an awful dream.

“Nee-san.. can I sleep by your side tonight?”

And although her [c] eyes are tired, she will still smile. “Okay.”

And she’d keep watch over him the whole night.

He’s reminded of it when he hopelessly shakes her awake, to no obvious avail. But he keeps grasping her arms, anyway, like he used to many years ago.

But things are different now.

“[Name]—[N-Name]!?”

He said it himself—he’s no longer a child.

“Please, don’t leave me- I- you’re all I have left!” The ronin’s composure finally breaks loose and his tears begin landing like a profuse waterfall. His uncontained sobs remain unheard.

This time, there is no one to wake him up from his nightmares.

“No—no, no- no, please..!” Kazuha weeps as he holds his sister’s cold hand, shakily pressing it to his forehead, imitating the sweet action she has always given him. A hand on his head, on his shoulder—or on his cheek if he’s tearful. “You can’t!”

She’ll tell him not to be sad because it’ll make her sad, too.

And he’ll hurriedly wipe his tears because ‘no! big sister mustn’t feel sad because of me!’.

Then [Name] will muster a smile as bright as the sun and hold his face in her warm hands, and press a kiss on his forehead. He’ll get red and thrash around, whining, ‘onee-san!’. And about how embarrassing it is so she mustn’t do it anymore.

Now, he is holding her hand in his own, trying to remember the same warmth it emitted just a day ago. Just a few hours ago. How long has it been?

And when he doesn’t feel the warmth—when he doesn’t remember the warmth, when all he feels is the cold and the obvious lack of love, Kazuha breaks apart.

His heart squeezes and his tears spill more, his lips parting to release the honorific he has dropped a long, long time ago. “Nee-san!”

“You don’t call me ‘nee-san’ nowadays,”

“Onee-san!”

“My, you’ve grown so much, Kazu!”

“Onee-san!”

I’m calling you. He cries, like a picture of misery. So why aren’t you waking up? Sister! He cries, like a heartbroken child.

The winds around him pick up, warning him of incoming men sent to apprehend and penalize him the same way they did to his sibling. It’s suffocating—maddening, even, and he wants to tear them all down himself.

But [Name] wouldn’t like that.

So, with a muted cry and bolster of willpower, he tears himself from the body of his kin, trembling.

He can hear the thundering steps of the samurai as he hurries to untangle the same black and red scarf [Name] has once attempted to give him. The same fabric he has rejected.

“I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.” he hugs her with all his might, with his soul, and with his heart before he’s back up on his feet and running. I love you, too, nee-san.

“Get him!” someone roars from behind.

And although he wishes to turn and slice them away, he couldn’t—because he’d be seeing the fallen figure of the same person he had neglected to cherish. So, instead, he nestles the scarf around his neck whilst clutching onto the Vision of his friend.

Down the path, he runs.

Years ago, he will be accompanied by the people he loves, chasing a faraway future.

Now he is running on the same path alone, running after a dream that can now be turned into reality.

Far from Inazuma.

Far from home.

≿————-　❈　————-≾

a/n: did it hurt-

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　Return to the Scrying Glass　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

≿————-　taglist　————-≾

@lehra @melkxsh

You and me. Us.

pairing. Aventurine x fem!reader cw/genre. angst, confused thoughts and feelings, insecurity. synopsis. You didn't feel right, so after keeping it to yourself, you decided to talk it over with him. masterlist

Despite him being a loving and attentive boyfriend, something was troubling him internally.

It could be his senses telling him that something "bad" was happening, like a premonition.

For your part, there was no change, you were still stuck to him, as always.

So after about 2 months, he decided to ignore that strange worried feeling inside him.

However, one night you saw him pacing back and forth, muttering some words under his breath.

When he seemed to notice you, he stopped what he was doing and approached you.

"I can't stop thinking about it.. something's going to go wrong, I just feel it. Maybe I'm being paranoid."

It was unlike you to see him with this sort of anxious energy.

You reached out to him, squeezing his hand gently. He looked up at you and gave a smile of appreciation, but the tension in his eyes persisted.

"You know it's normal to get tense, right?" You tried to make your words comforting and soft. "Everything is going to be okay, honey."

Despite not knowing his thoughts in detail or being able to put yourself in his place at that moment, you tried to comfort him.

He let out a sigh that seemed to expel all of his worries. His grip on your hand was tight enough for you to be able to sense his anxiety.

He pressed his forehead towards yours, his eyes closed tight.

You wondered what was going through his mind.

He couldn't bring himself to look at you during this moment.

His thumb gently brushed your hand, his eyes slightly clenched as he was about to tell you something, but hesitated.

It seems to be hard for him to get out what he was trying to say.

So he opted to squeeze your hand and bury his face into your chest.

You let a smile grace your face, despite his tense aura.

You understood him enough to know that whatever he was going through right now was something beyond your knowledge.

You comforted and supported him by wrapping your arms around him, kissing his head, and rubbing his back.

He looked grateful as your tender words of comfort helped him relax.

It was a nice moment of intimacy. It wasn't always a situation like this between the two of them, but there was never a problem comforting each other.

The affection and love that both had for each other was very enviable, they fit together so well in any situation.

Your fingers found their way onto his chin, gently lifting his head up so that he could meet your gaze.

His face was soft and expressive even when feeling down.

Even in the midst of trouble, he could always find a ray of hope with you.

He didn't say a word, but the feeling of your thumb rubbing his chin could be interpreted as "everything will be alright".

You both stayed close throughout the rest of the night.

It was an unproblematic night of rest for the both of you, he slept comfortably next to you, and you watched over him, feeling safe.

As the weeks went by, the one who started to feel bad was you.

Physically bad.

First came the nausea and dizziness, which you managed to hide perfectly from Aventurine.

At one point you thought you were sick and that these symptoms would eventually go away. However, that didn't happen, the symptoms remained, which worried you.

"…" From the way you felt, you suspected it from the first moment.

You sat on the bed, your legs a little weak from the shock, staring at the pregnancy test.

The minutes of waiting felt like hours. The intrigue was killing you.

Until finally you could see for yourself, your suspicions were right. You were pregnant.

You didn't know how to feel, you didn't know whether to be excited or worried.

However, a smile grew on your face, and you hugged the test closer to yourself.

So what if you weren't ready? For you this was something to be happy about.

But all you could think about was the moment you'd tell him.

He would be happy with this news, right?

Despite the pregnancy, life carried on, and so did you.

The symptoms you've been experiencing were unpleasant but tolerable. The nausea was still there, and you still felt dizzy, but you did your best to get through it.

As for the pregnancy, you tried to tell Aventurine once or twice. But you just… didn't feel ready yet. You wanted the perfect moment to drop that bomb on him, but that perfect moment felt like it never came.

You looked at Aventurine's sleeping form.

Should you tell him the news?

He looked so peaceful.

Perhaps you should wait for the right moment, the right time.

You laid there, not wanting to wake him, feeling a sense of anticipation inside. Even after the physical symptoms subsided slightly, your mind was full of worries.

"What if he doesn't want children now?"

"What if he thinks we're not ready?"

"He wouldn't leave me, would he?"

You wanted to push these worries aside and focus on the good things, but your mind wandered.

You didn't realise when it was that he had already woken up and was looking at you for a while.

You came out of your thoughts when you felt his hands caressing your face.

"Darling, what's wrong?" His voice was soft, not wanting to scare you.

For your part, you felt relaxed at his touch.

He continued to stroke your face, his hands eventually finding their way into your hair and gently combing it as he spoke,

"… Are you okay…?"

He sounded slightly worried.

"Mhm." After making a sound of affirmation, you clung to him, keeping your head buried to his chest.

"…" Once you were close to him, he continued to stroke your hair gently, not speaking, just wanting to listen to your breathing for a moment.

He rubbed your back in an attempt to soothe you, despite not knowing what was wrong. After a moment of silence, you broke it by speaking.

"I'm pregnant…" You blurted out. Your words were somewhat muffled by the fact that your face was in his chest.

His body tensed as soon as the words left your mouth.

"You're… pregnant?"

His hands stopped moving as an overwhelming sense of shock and fear came over him.

You thought he would be happy with that type of news but what you got was something different.

"…" Your boyfriend couldn't get his mind to respond, his face expressionless as he processed your words.

You let out a sigh as you waited for his words of response. He slowly pulled you away from his chest and stared straight into your eyes, almost as if studying your expression.

After another long pause, he spoke.

"You're… you're sure…?"

Your response was a confident nod.

He was quiet for a while.

"…" He could barely process what you'd just told him.

This was not the response you were expecting.

However, he still didn't move, not even a slight twitch of emotion on his face.

Silence.

His eyes wandered away from you, looking at the ceiling.

He was deep in internal crisis, feeling overwhelmed with all sorts of different thoughts.

At this moment, anxiety and nervousness flooded your system. The situation that had gone quiet too long was something that made you uncomfortable.

You waited.

He still wasn't speaking.

After another few minutes of staring at the ceiling, he finally opened his mouth.

"… I need time to think about this, dear" He said, his voice as serious as you had ever heard it before.

Before he got up, he ruffled your hair gently. Then he got out of the bed and went to the bathroom without another word or a glance thrown in your direction.

A feeling of rejection began to fill your heart as the bathroom door closed, leaving you all alone.

Your stomach dropped at the unexpected response. The fact that he requested time to digest what you had just told him made you increasingly anxious. Your fingers fiddled with the bedsheet, you were thinking too.

Is he angry with you for getting pregnant?

Is he just scared?

Why did he react like that instead of showing happiness like you thought he would?

The questions were countless, each one creating an increasing sense of insecurity within you.

But not only insecurity, but also sadness.

You couldn't help but think that this would be the breakup of your relationship, also due to the fact that you would have to raise your child alone.

It was a little too much for you to make those kinds of ideas and thoughts.

From one moment to the next you felt your cheeks wet. You didn't bother to dry them, you stayed leaning on the pillow, trying to disappear at that moment.

Your emotions were not very rational, being 4 months pregnant was hard.

On the other hand, Aventurine was locked in the bathroom.

He had a range of emotions inside of him.

Fear, anxiety, frustration, worry.

He took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror.

You were the love of his life, so he knew that there was no way he would leave you. But that didn't change the fact that he was terrified right now.

After a while of crying and waiting, you finally noticed the bathroom door slightly open.

Aventurine was still very far from calm. His face seemed still tense, but he was much more relaxed than before.

"Honey…" His voice was gentle, he came to sit next to you and started running his hand down your back again, trying to soothe you.

You were with your head buried in the pillow and with the blanket covering your entire body.

His touch gave you comfort, his presence reassured you.

"Please look at me, darling." he insisted, his thumb tracing the outline of your face.

You did as he said, you slowly turned your head and looked at him, he was smiling slightly, which surprised you.

"Come here." he took you in his arms, placing you on top of his lap.

Your eyes slowly closed, you let out a small sigh as you began to relax, and your mind started to settle.

While you sat on his lap, he brushed his hand through your hair, not speaking.

You buried your face into his shoulder and let him do his thing, it was calming.

"I'm sorry." His voice was soft as he continued to comb through your hair.

"It was stupid of me to react like that." He said, letting out a tired sigh.

His words soothed you.

You kept quiet for a moment, not knowing if you should answer him or not.

By the time you were going to answer him, Aventurine spoke again.

"I'm just…scared." As he spoke, his voice cut off at the end. His arms wrapped around you as if you were going to slip away from his grasp at that moment.

After a while, you broke away from his grip, you lifted your head off his shoulder and went to grab his face, placing it in your hands. You looked into his eyes and tried to get a glimpse of what was going on inside of him, but it was hard to read.

Your face was worried, no matter how much you tried to get an idea of what was going on in his head, you couldn't figure it out.

In his eyes there was a hint of tears beginning to fill little by little. Not to mention the expression he had on his face, it was something that surprised you, you had rarely seen him like that.

"Can I ask why, darling?" You tried to sound as cautious and gentle as possible, your thumbs caressing his cheeks.

His eyes closed as soon as you touched him.

When you asked your question, he was silent for a few seconds before speaking very softly.

It was like he was fighting to hold himself together to keep himself from breaking from the flood of emotions.

"You know what my childhood was like, how they killed all of my race, I—" He took some time to stop his voice from breaking up again.

You, with the greatest delicacy in the world, wiped away the fine tears that fell from his eyes. You didn't rush him to speak, you simply listened to him, letting him know you were there.

"I don't want this baby to suffer. Who knows what they life will be like when they grows up? We don't know if they could have the same luck that I had…" His voice faded into a silent murmur, unable to continue talking.

He was trembling slighty, his body seemed to be unable to hold all of the distress that was eating at his mind.

After he spoke, you held him close to you, your arms embraced him tightly, so he could cry, if he needed it, without feeling uncomfortable.

You rubbed his back gently to keep him calm, you knew that the moment that you were in was very delicate and that he needed your attention and support.

You let him get his thoughts out of his system.

His insecurities were very understandable.

It did not seem to be a problem of not wanting the baby, but rather a problem of fear and anxiety about what life the child might have.

You understood him perfectly, he had lived through a lot in his life and did not want to put that on his baby.

In front of you, you could see the man who was so confident, crumble into a pile of fears and insecurities. Insecurities that he don't let other people see.

"Mhm, you're right, my love. We don't know what will become of they future." Your voice was quiet, as if it were a lullaby to calm him down.

"I also know that that you are very afraid that they will go through the same thing as you. There, unfortunately you were alone…but now you have me." You could almost hear him holding back his sobs.

"The baby will have you and me. And I know we will make sure this child was the happiest and most protected by us."

With that, he stopped holding back his sobs, letting them out. As he clung to your chest, finding the comfort he longed for.

All he heard were your words, words that calmed him down like the sound of a song.

You held him close and comforted him, as if he was a child needing a gentle voice to help him fall asleep.

His head rested on your chest while your arms were wrapped around him.

"…" His breathing started to slow down, the tension was slowly being drained out of his body.

You could feel the softness of his body and his soft hiccups.

"Mhm.." He let out a sound, while with one of his hands, he wiped his wet cheeks.

You continued to stroke his hair and comfort him.

Love and affection.

"I love you." he spoke, his voice still trembling, but not with anxiety this time. "I love you so much."

The weight that seemed to be on his shoulders lifted, even if just a little, as the fear that had been tormenting him was starting to melt away.

He broke away from your grip a little and turned to face you, then he looked at you.

"I love you both." He said as he placed a hand on your belly.

The love he had in his gaze was undeniable. With his hand on your belly, the reality you were living felt much more real.

You smiled at him, and placed your hand over his, keeping it placed against your belly.

"We love you too, my dear."

©cherrylovelycherry do not repost, copy, translate, modify

Stories

Kaedehara Kazuha/f!Reader

A/N: aah i’ve been working on this one for a while! i really hoped to get it posted today, so i’m sorry if it sounds rushed;; there are some intense scenes later in the story so please be aware if you’re sensitive towards that! i tried to write an inazuma setting so i hope i used accurate terms. it’s heavily inspired by teapot dialogue and kazuha’s character stories// the bake-danuki mentioned are the little tanuki who prank people and dance

warnings: swearing, light blood, violence, break-in, intense scene, ooc, reader mentioned to be smaller than kazuha

SFW

word count: 5.8k

summary: You live in a forest far from the city. When someone knocks on your door during a storm, will you regret opening it to greet them?

-

Crash!

Lightning struck nearby, its booming echo piercing through the dense rain. The night sky was pitch black, visible only when another flash of lightning sparked life into the thunder clouds. The intensity of Inazuma’s storms had been slowly increasing as of late.

Keep reading

absentminded musings.

“can’t stop staring at you, it’s like i forgot that staring is rude.”

(in which he either succors you back to disciplined focus…or simply makes for an attractive and infuriatingly worse distraction.)

characters: albedo, ayato, childe, diluc, itto, kazuha, scaramouche, thoma, xiao

“the fuck are you looking at?” scaramouche sneers at your dazed expression, snapping you out of your temporary trance. you must have lost track during your daily dose of his colorful reproaches and stubborn chiding, at some later point…which wasn’t exactly very difficult to distract yourself with. after all, his face seemed to be a much more interesting subject, and posed for a hundred rather curious questions — starting with how an attractive boy like that just so happened to have one of the shittiest personalities in the world. “…oi, you idiot. you’re doing it again.”

you’re about to plainly retort that you were simply being wrongfully accused once more, but you bite the words between your teeth when he suddenly draws his face closer towards yours, eyebrows scrunched in irritation and a bratty frown pursed on his lips. you feel your breath catch in bewilderment, and find yourself instinctively shying away from the eerily close proximity. besides, scaramouche isn’t particularly adept in the scope of feelings either, but one look at your oddly timid disposition and he knows you’re flustered because you’ve been busy staring at his face. he wonders if you’ve noticed how long he’s been quietly staring at yours too.

“archons, it’s like you lost your manners.” xiao snorts at the dazed look glazed on your features, only rolling his eyes at you when you suddenly meet his piercing gaze with an awkward and surprised expression contorting across your face. you feel yourself scramble to apologize with reddened cheeks for not paying attention to his words…and you felt even more embarrassed when you see his features quirk into disappointment, for you knew deep down that you had covertly spent the last few minutes staring at him instead of actually trying to hear his statements. “honestly, mortals are so damn annoying. maybe this will help you listen better.

you let out an abrupt gasp when you feel him suddenly pin you on the rail of the balcony, caught between his chest and the wood, and his slanted amber irises reflecting the enchanting sunset behind you. you swallow the thick lump forming in your throat, and wait for him to continue speaking where he had left off in the previous conversation. and this time you decide to hear him out, and hope that the sound of his low and comforting voice slowly drowns out the incessant noises that foster quietly inside the depths of your chest.

“see something you like?” ayato smiles, tilting his head curiously at you. halfway through the chess game, you had already decided it was best for you to give up and think about something else to soothe the depressing sense of defeat. ayato was undeniably brilliant, and it could be perceived within each one of his move-sets during the stretch of the game. he was also…infuriatingly pretty, you couldn’t help noticing the way his pearl white hair shone beneath morning sunbeams. you sigh to yourself, muttering an apology and shifting your gaze back down to the board, ready to accept your imminent and rather upsetting fate…when you notice how your queen just so happened to be within the range of ayato’s king on the field. “your move, y/n.”

you can’t seem to hide the joy that begins to spill across your face when you hurriedly make a move with your queen piece to the other end of the board, unable to control the shriek of victory as you jump up from your seating position and raise your arms in excitement — after all these dreadful years, you had finally won a single chess game against ayato! and you’re too engrossed in your unexpected triumph against the boy to recognize how ayato sinks his head in his hand to admire the smile glowing on your face. there’s not many people he can honestly say he doesn’t mind losing to, but he figures getting distracted by you mid-game and subconsciously allowing you to win…makes him feel happier rather than defeated at the astonishing notion of it.

“…are you still listening to me?” albedo muses, an eyebrow raised at your stupor expression after listening to him talk about his experiment for a few hours. which you didn’t actually find boring — in fact, it was rather interesting at first…but then you started wondering about the curious shade of blue in his effervescent eyes, and how his locks of blonde hair began to look oddly similar to a golden aureole. and before you knew it, you were dozing off as you stared at his lips, and albedo was already getting up in your face out of instinctive concern. “apologies. that was probably boring for you, wasn’t it?”

you shake your head with a smile, apologizing to him for distracting yourself with some pre-occupied thoughts. but albedo knows you’ve simply been busy staring at him for the past few minutes, and yet chooses not to mention it aloud to perhaps spare you the vocalized embarrassment. besides, who was he to call you out on the endearing gesture when he had often found himself occasionally staring at you too?

“staring is rude, sweetheart.” kazuha smirks, raising his bandaged hand to gently caress the side of your face, consequently tugging you out of your little daydream. you blink at him in confusion, avoiding his playful and accusatory gaze, while also boldly claiming you had listened to his words loud and clear. when you’re about to move forward from the awkward point of the conversation, he suddenly inches closer towards your body and shifts his fingers to skim over your lips, a sly smile quirking across his mouth as he sees the way your eyes widen at the unexpected action. “that’s real cute, darling. why don’t we hear you repeat what i said again this time, okay?”

and you absolutely loathe the way kazuha coyly simpers when he witnesses you utterly caught in your words, still busy poking and blatantly staring at your lips while you try (and unfortunately, fail) to form the proper sentences to say beneath his animalistic gaze.

“quit dozing off.” diluc sighs for the umpteenth time, snapping his fingers in front of your face. your glazed eyes flicker over to meet his intense scarlet gaze, and you merely smile in apology for allowing yourself to be distracted. but lately, you can’t really seem to help it — despite wanting to truly learn the art of winery, it’s already difficult enough to end up getting tutored and trying to concentrate with your boyfriend’s attractive face in your line of sight. “…did you write that down?”

you hum softly in assent, busy skimming through the entirety of what you had just written based on what he talked about for the last thirty minutes. however, what you’ll eventually fail to notice is how the tables have astonishingly turned — and for the ensuing ten solemn minutes of your diligent review, diluc’s attention becomes completely enraptured and foolishly dead-set on you.

“um, is there something on my face?” thoma awkwardly chimes, scratching his cheek in embarrassment when you finally realize you’ve been staring at him for…clearly way too long. which wasn’t entirely your fault! you were just never consciously aware of how attractive a man could look while passionately chattering about housekeeping, especially when it came to the courteous boy standing in front of you. “sorry, perhaps the concept was a bit confusing. why don’t i say that for you again?”

you hope he assumes it’s just that, to spare yourselves the imminent awkwardness upon realizing that you were actually secretly admiring his face. but when he turns around and you barely perceive the light flush of pink that clouds on his fair cheeks, you think to yourself that…you’re probably fucked, and you’re almost a hundred percent sure he just caught you openly gawking at him. but for some reason, something in his throaty cough and his inability to meet your unwavering gaze, makes it seems as though the feeling is mutual and oddly reciprocated anyway.

“maybe consider taking a photo, darling. it lasts longer.” childe snickers lightly when he sees you scoff at him with flushed cheeks. so sure, the cruel asshole was stupidly attractive and he clearly knew it. and sure, you may have stared at him for a tad too long this time…still! you could admit he was handsome, but you couldn’t bear to accept the fact that you were somehow, and perhaps almost impossibly, in love with such an arrogant and deceitful man. “i was kidding! jeez, don’t get all sensitive on me again. anyways, where were we…”

but you’ve probably never considered the fact that perhaps the reason why childe was so intent on flirting with you, was due to the fact that he had accidentally harbored some romantic emotions towards you as well. he’s normally good at getting to know girls and forming relationships with them, since you had always been more challenging than the rest, as well as difficult to get to open up. and although you’ve made it perfectly clear in your intentions that you would never even think about dating an utter jerk like him, he likes to think that the brief moment of vulnerability in your previously flustered state, gives him at least a sliver of a chance.

“you’re staring awfully hard, shrimp. it’s like you’re in love with me or something.” itto winks in a cheesy manner when he sees you come back to your senses — because the thought that pops in your mind processes as a concept that’s outrageous and utterly absurd. him? please. you’d be insane to want someone as terribly reckless and brute as him. but his horns are adorable, his face is oddly endearing, and deep down he’s actually some kind of silly, big and caring baby towards the people he cares about, including you… “you’re staring again.”

you’re not staring, you emphasize it to him again. you can still hear him right now, how he’s busy rambling about the irodori festival, and you’re too pre-occupied with drowning in his apricot-hued irises to discern how he slyly asks you to accompany him while visiting the merriment held in ritou. all you could do was nod at his request in stupor — and end up chastising yourself over and over later in the night, for carelessly falling for glazed orange eyes and that boisterous man who had walked you home with that stupidly victorious grin that evening.

COULDA, SHOULDA, WOULDA, DIDN'T.

➳ synopsis: aventurine has never lost. that's what he tells people when he makes bets and in passing conversation about gambling. but every night when he lays in bed, he will always think about the day he lost you.

➳ character/s: aventurine

➳ warnings: 2.1 spoilers, aventurine backstory spoilers, aventurine real name spoilers, death, slavery (it's not romanticised, you're safe-), mentions of torture, hurt/no comfort, aventurine with some passive suicidal ideation, mention of family, mention of marriage

➳ word count: 0.8k

➳ notes: i wrote that concept for the people and myself because i need to practice fics again ._. it's not really the best i think i could've done, but it's something. also wrote this to 'i found' by amber run so take that how you will LOL

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 / 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭  / 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 / 𝐰𝐢𝐩 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

his reflection disgusts him. each time he gazes into his hideous eyes and catches a glance at the branding on his neck, a shiver runs up his spine and rage bubbles in his chest. aventurine finds himself avoiding mirrors as often as possible nowadays. sometimes when he runs his fingertips over the branding, he can still feel the searing pain and his own screams in his eardrums. when he dresses and undresses himself each morning and night, he swears he can feel the sting of knives against his once soft skin, free of lacerations that struggled to heal for months.

sometimes, he thinks he can feel your warm breath on his neck as you lay on cold concrete. truthfully, that may be the only time he's ever felt warmth; within your arms and blanketed with an unspoken oath to stay together as long as life allows.

the security underneath the duvet that covers his bed feels uncomfortable. aventurine would never admit that he suffers from a severe case of imposter syndrome when it comes to his safety on occasion. he knows he has himself and himself only to credit for his freedom and success, but when he occupies his cushy king bed night after night, he wonders if he deserves it if you're not there to share it.

he dreams of your first meeting on a regular basis. you were only kids back then, no older than 8 perhaps. he remembers the fear you and his sister felt when you were running from danger each day, never getting enough sleep in lieu of escaping. even with ragged clothes and dirt staining your skin, he thought you were perfect. the first time he saw you cry, he pulled you in for a hug. it was that day as a mere 9 year old that he realised he wanted you beside him for eternity and maybe even a little more than that. the way your head slotted under his chin like a piece to a missing puzzle gave his empty heart something to yearn for that wasn't a basic human necessity.

aventurine will never forgive himself for letting you get caught alongside him. the day he became a serial number rather than kakavasha was the first day he felt true failure as he witnessed you be stripped of the identity he had come to love so dearly.

the first time you were ever harmed has been burnt into his brain. he thinks you look gorgeous in red, but never when it's your blood that decorates your skin. your cries and howls of pain make a haunting alarm when he awakens from his slumber each morning. the brand on the back of your nape was one he found horrifically beautiful, though it served as a reminder of his failure to protect you. when he was sent on his first 'assignment', he looked back at you with an uncharacteristic determination. he'll get you out of here.

as aventurine slides his rings on over top his gloves, he scoffs to himself. you did manage to escape, but not to stand beside him. not to sleep in his arms and experience a life of luxury like you always dreamt of. the day he bought the ring he planned to propose to you with, he'd found out the organisation you were enslaved under was still under operation. he'd pulled some strings and gotten some ipc lackeys to check it out and locate you, but when they brought back your corpse, a crushing weight befell his heart.

that night, he'd spent hours sobbing and attempting cpr. he'd pinch himself to forcefully wake from this nightmare he now called reality and he'd hold your hand expecting a sliver of warmth, but it was now reminiscent of the concrete floors you would lay on.

when sunday placed a curse upon aventurine, he secretly hoped he wouldn't make the deadline. maybe then he could've seen you again. maybe then he could see you as you were meant to be. standing tall, unscarred skin and a glimmer in your eyes that he can only imagine, for he had never seen such a thing. luring out acheron in hindsight might have also been an attempt to see you again.

he never spoke about you. he never felt he had the right to do so anymore. you'd died merely days before he could come to you and he would forever drown in the guilt that he should've been faster. he would've brought you into his arms and caressed your sunken cheeks as he reassured you that you were finally free. he could've married you and had a family, treating his child the way he wished for many years ago. he should've been able to live with you in his life in peace, living each day as they pass and enjoying the little things like the sunset or trees that looked like they had faces. he would've made sure you felt valued and showed you all his love over the almost decade since he last saw you alive.

he didn't.

taglist (just taken from comments of the thought post):

@lunagalaa, @persipeoni, @lunavixia, @mostsaneptvfan, @kuureii, @shehrazadekey

if you're in bold, i couldn't tag you ;v;

your big brother kazuha hcs were so cute 😭 i was wondering if you could also do hcs for either kaeya and diluc as big brothers

autophobia.

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kaeya, diluc, crepus

# — summary: “in family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” –friedrich nietzsche

# — warnings: mentions of death, fighting, panic attacks, anxiety

# — tags: hc/drabble format, slight canon divergence, hurt/comfort, LOTS of fluff, but also LOTS of angst, found family, implied (romantic) albedo x reader

# — notes: i know you liked the kazuha one because it was cute but because this concept with kaeya and diluc specifically actually crosses my mind a lot.. like a LOT a lot, this is a long one, so buckle up! as always, reblogs and reactions are appreciated, and i really really hope you enjoy!

# — tag list: @marius-z @the-gayest-sky-kid @kkiryus @keiq0 @favonious-captain

wanna join the tag list?

✧ — ❄ +🔥 — ✧

so i'm assuming you meant diluc and kaeya separately, buuuut... it's hard to put them separate when they are brother, though they behave otherwise

so let's say, for the sake of this post, you are their adopted younger sibling!

crepus took you in along with kaeya since you two were abandoned in the same place at the same time

however, you two were abandoned by completely different people, so no, you have no ties to khaenri'ah

(but, if you want smth that's like.. kaeya and the reader being sibling spies for khaenri'ah, i can make a whole 'nother post. i digress.)

as children...

you three were inseparable

kaeya and diluc bonded well to begin with, but with you added to the mixture, they may as well have been joined at the hip

diluc is the oldest amongst the three of you, and sort of gets saddled with caring for you and kaeya in subtle ways, even if crepus is present in your lives

he's kind of like the "leader" if that makes sense? he's fine with you and kaeya having opinions or dictating what activities you do for the day

but neither you nor kaeya can refuse diluc whenever he asks for something or makes a demand

(he will deny, as an adult, that he ever made demands as a boy. it's true that he didn't, but you and kaeya will sometimes tease him about it anyways.)

"kaeya, can you stop spinning them around like that? you two might break something and dad would have a heart attack if either of you got hurt." a young diluc peers over the top of his book at you and kaeya, who have been horsing around while he reads something about knighthood.

he's been taking his studies seriously these days in order to fulfill your father's dreams of becoming an esteemed knight of favonius. since crepus couldn't do it himself, diluc took it upon himself to do it in his stead. he's an overachiever in every sense of the word, and you thought he was the coolest brother in all of teyvat.

kaeya sets you down on the ground gently. "yes sir!" he salutes his brother, snickering when you copy his actions.

diluc snorts and rolls his eyes. "that's not even how the knights salute, kaeya. you'd know that if you studied more."

kaeya scrunches his nose. "hey, i take my studies very seriously, thank you very much. i just gotta make time for my siblings, unlike some people." he leans over and uses your head as an arm rest, not budging when you try to shake him off. "it's called time management, diluc. look it up."

your brothers bickered like this rather often, but there was never any bite to their words. you could always see them fighting back smiles as they went back and forth, trying to keep the upper hand on the other. a lot of the time, you were caught in the crossfire, be it physically or verbally. you didn't mind much, but sometimes they would get annoying.

you manage to shove kaeya's arm off your head. "for the record, neither of you are good at managing your time." you grumble. "diluc studies too much and kaeya studies too little."

"what, are you supposed to be goldilocks, then?" diluc closes his book, smirking at you. "are you supposed to be the perfect kid?"

you cross your arms over your chest. "well, duh. i studied for a little while today, and i'm playing with kaeya now. i'll study some more later. that's how you do it."

your brothers share a look of defeat and then turn their eyes back to you. kaeya ruffles your hair. "ah, our youngest is growing up so fast," he muses, "soon, they'll be the grand master of the knights and we'll have to follow their every command."

you sputter and try to push kaeya off of you again. when you fail, your struggling turns into an all-out wrestling match, with kaeya beating you in record time thanks to his longer limbs. "on second thought," your brother pants, "maybe i'd make a better grand master? what do you think, diluc?"

"sure, kaeya." diluc answers dismissively. "you'd be the greatest."

it's a respect thing, mostly.

never once has diluc lorded his title as eldest over the two of you, so you and kaeya came to respect and love him naturally.

diluc takes after crepus in more than just appearance.

even as kids, he was mature and responsible, but still maintained his boyish behaviors whenever you or kaeya were involved.

he's the older brother you ran to during stormy nights, since you knew for a fact that he would be awake anyways.

he's the older brother you went to for silent comfort

if you had a nightmare, diluc was the brother you went to.

(kaeya can pout about it all he wants.)

if you wanted to cry, diluc was the brother who would hug you silently until you've let it all out. he won't ask questions or push you for answers; he'll just sit there and be your rock.

i suppose in a literal sense, he's the warmth of your childhood. diluc is the sturdy, resilient, ever-burning flame that you use for comfort in times of need.

also, don't tell anyone, but diluc was definitely a hugger. a HUGE teddy bear.

kaeya was definitely the more tactile sibling

but if you denied diluc a hug or went to kaeya instead of him, he'd get all mopey and then deny it until you cuddled with him.

"you were pouting earlier."

"i don't pout. can you get out my room?"

you giggle. "i came to give you a hug, since i didn't give you one earlier."

diluc sits up with a groan, his hair wild. "is that why you're here at..." he peeks at the clock on the wall. "two in the morning?"

he sounds exhausted, but you can tell he's not going to reject you. he never does. you don't say anything -- you just stand there and wait for diluc to ask for what he clearly wants.

"you're gonna make me say it, aren't you?"

you nod.

diluc sighs and scoots over in his bed. "get over here, you brat. i'm sleepy." when you climb in beside him, he tosses the comforter over you and hugs you close. he smells like cinnamon and you sigh contently. "can't believe you woke me up for this." he grumbles.

you snicker. "love you too, 'luc."

"whatever."

as the resident middle child, kaeya took it upon himself to balance being a big brother and a little brother all at once

i know it may sound easy to people without siblings, and maybe even some actual middle children may say that it's not that hard

but middle child syndrome is very real, and when you step back and think about it, it's really hard when you're kind of overshadowed by your older and younger siblings.

he doesn't feel any sort of negative way about it, but kaeya is a smart boy -- he knows that he put himself in a difficult position by behaving the way he does

he babies you, even though the age gap between you two isn't very large.

kaeya is the older brother who seeks you out instead of the other way around.

and for some reason he never makes noise when he moves?

(is it related to his mission? find out next time on the next episode dragon ball z)

it's something he LOVES using to his advantage, by the way.

"shit!"

kaeya makes an accusatory noise. "what would father say if he heard you say something like that?" he leans on the doorway, a playful smirk on his lips. "did i really scare you that badly?"

you clutch at your chest in an attempt to slow your racing heart. "would it kill you to make a little noise when you move? for barbatos' sake, i could have died just now."

kaeya's expression falters for a moment, but he glosses it over so quickly, you think you may have seen incorrectly. "dramatic as always. anyways," he extends a hand out for you to take, "our dearest older brother is heading into the city and wants us to come with."

"it's not a request, is it," you ask, taking your brother's hand. you roll your eyes when kaeya tells you that no, diluc actually did ask. but because neither you nor kaeya can say no to him, you two were already going along. "figured as much." you sigh.

i'd like to think that by the time kaeya was in his late teens, he had adopted a particular manner of speech

specifically, the one he uses as an adult

it's corny to you, but you secretly think it makes him even cooler than he already is

because kaeya is exactly the kind of cool protagonist-like boy you read about in stories

he's always had his eye covered ever since you two met, and he's always carried himself with grace

now that you're an adult who knows of his past, it makes sense

but little you just wanted to be like their big brother

and honestly, kaeya did what he could to mold you in his image

not to say he told you his secrets, but whenever he saw his habits in you, it made his heart break and swell at the same time

truly, the most painful parts of his childhood was realizing how much he loved you and diluc

"...why are you wearing an eyepatch?" diluc raises a brow at you. "is there a secret costume party in the mansion that i don't know about or something?"

just as you're about to explain why you're wearing it, kaeya comes stumbling into the room, his hand covering his right eye. "there you are!" he yells.

diluc snorts so loud he has to cover his mouth. so that's why you had an eyepatch on -- you took it from kaeya. from the frantic look in his eye, diluc thinks you may have just taken it off of kaeya in his sleep or something.

you shriek and duck behind diluc, who's failing at masking his laughter. "don't hurt me!" you yell from behind your brother. "i just thought it looked cool!"

kaeya growls. "then you should have just asked to try it on, you dirty thief! who takes shit off someone's face like that?!"

diluc actually barks out a laugh and kaeya fixes him with a glare capable of freezing over anything. "sorry, sorry." he tries to apologize as he makes a face in an attempt to school his expression. "it's not funny, i'm sorry."

"you're still smiling." kaeya deadpans.

"to be fair," diluc snickers, "you've got sticky fingers as well."

it's true; kaeya definitely has a habit of taking the belongings of others -- yours in particular, actually -- and hiding them in the most absurd places. he must have never thought someone would return the favor like this. he sighs, the fight and frustration leaving him.

now that he's looking at you from behind diluc, kaeya can't help but feel proud of the fact that you're acting like him. it was an amateur heist on your part, but with some more practice, you could be just like him someday. he sighs fondly at the thought of it.

"fine, you got me." he concedes. "but can you give it back now? i kinda need that."

kaeya will forever be grateful to have you and diluc as siblings, because even though you were all young and curious, neither of you asked why he wore an eyepatch -- or at the very least why he worked so hard to keep it hidden from view. you step out from behind diluc, the cloth still over your eye, and kaeya feels his heart stop for just a moment. he loves you so dearly, his precious little sibling, but...

remember your purpose, something hisses at him. don't get too attached.

it's too late for that, he thinks. kaeya hold out his other hand, thanking you when you place the eyepatch in his hand. "don't do that again, yeah?" he says softly.

surprisingly, kaeya's gentle tone makes you feel scolded -- mostly because he doesn't speak like that often. you duck your head and murmur an apology.

"hey." kaeya flicks your forehead. he's wearing his eyepatch again, and that warm, brotherly smile that makes you feel safe. "it's okay. i'm not mad at you; never have been, never will be. it's okay."

you nod shyly. if kaeya says it's okay, you think, then surely, everything will be as he says.

to you, kaeya was the brother that helped you with everything

for example:

while diluc helped you master your swordsmanship, it was kaeya who taught you the basics

from stances to defensive maneuvers, kaeya covered everything

he even taught you the basics of other weapons as well -- somehow he was adept with all of them, and he didn't hesitate to share his knowledge with you

it's kaeya who uses you as an arm rest and uses his height to keep things away from you

it's kaeya who steals from your plate when you aren't looking

it's kaeya who teaches you how to swear

but it's also kaeya who stays up all night whenever you say you feel unsafe

it's kaeya who doesn't judge you when you ask him to check under your bed or in your closet for intruders or hilichurls

it's kaeya who shares everything with you and diluc

it's kaeya who helps you catch and bottle crystalflies in the vineyard during sleepless nights.

it's kaeya who braids crystalflies into your hair, and let's you do the same to his as gets longer.

(it's also kaeya who manages to rope diluc into these crystalfly braiding sessions.)

it's kaeya who comes to you when he's having a bad day -- kaeya who asks you to just hold his hand and say nothing while he calms down

"having another moment?" you ask quietly. you were in the middle of painting something for adelinde's birthday when kaeya suddenly walked in and sat beside you, dropping his head on your shoulder.

you never knew what it was that tormented him so much. you hated whatever it was that turned your brother into a shadow of himself, but no matter how much you wanted to fix all of his problems, you couldn't. kaeya wouldn't talk about it, and you knew better than to pry.

so, you did what you could.

kaeya nods silently. you can feel him shaking ever so slightly. you move to put the paintbrush down so you can hug him, but he shakes his head.

"don't mind me," he chuckles despite himself. he sounds fine, but you know better. he takes your free hand in his, tangling your fingers together. "do what you're doing. i'll be fine soon."

every time. every single time kaeya has his moments, he pretends like it's nothing or like it's bothering someone. you have to swallow back the comforting words.

kaeya's always preferred physical comfort, anyhow.

you give his hand a light squeeze and keep painting. "remember the breathing exercise diluc taught you." you murmur. when you feel kaeya nod again, you hum.

your brother dozes off on your shoulder after half an hour. at least he's calm for now. you glance down at your fingers.

even in his sleep, his grip is still tight.

so... what changed?

you all know what happened the day crepus died.

if you don't, allow me to paraphrase:

when your father died, your brothers' respective personalities took a hard left.

diluc, having watched crepus' life come to an end right before his eyes, became vengeful after the knights of favonius instructed him to hide the truth.

as for kaeya, it was as if all of the traits that you admired so much in him became amplified in all the wrong ways.

you always knew he was keeping a part of himself locked away, but you didn't realize just how much until he came clean about it.

and you... well.

kaeya and diluc weren't the only ones to receive their visions that night.

but, for the sake of brevity (and accuracy), allow me to share some of kaeya's lore with you:

and this is verbatim, mind you.

"if khaenri'ah and mondstadt went to war, which side should he support? to whom should he offer his assistance: his birth father, who had ruthlessly abandoned him? or his adoptive father, who loved him and raised him?

"for the longest time, kaeya had agonized over these impossible questions, caught between the opposing demands of loyalty and duty, faced with an impossible choice between truth and happiness.

"but now, crepus' death upset this delicate balance. he felt liberated, but also ashamed of how selfishly he was responding.

"as an adopted son, he should have saved crepus, but he had arrived moments too late. as a brother, he should have shared in diluc's grief, and yet as their father lay dying on the ground he had hung back behind his brother, that ancient plot running through his mind."

- kaeya's vision lore.

so where do you fit into all of this?

you were somewhat like kaeya -- a child ruthlessly abandoned by their parents during a stormy night to fend for themself

unlike your brother however, you had no internal strife. you had no attachment to a destroyed nation -- no questions of loyalty to follow through your adolescent years into early adulthood.

you were just... you. another grieving child of the ragnvindr family.

but because you weren't like kaeya -- because all you knew was the dawn winery, diluc, kaeya, and crepus -- it might have been you who felt the fight between your brothers the most

you shouldered most of the pain from their separation, probably even more so than your brothers would ever admit out loud

because they were your only family. you may have been too young to understand the concept of abandonment when it happened, but as you grew older, the fear only grew with you

you fought so hard to keep your brothers and father close to you -- to keep your family intact

what you fear most isn't hilichurls or abyss mages or even the fatui

it's abandonment.

i'm sure you've asked this at some point, but what does the title of this request even mean?

autophobia (n.) - the fear of being alone.

your knowledge of khaenri'ah isn't very expansive.

all you know of the fallen nation is what's been taught to you through history books, but even then, there wasn't much to cover. as kaeya speaks, you try to remember all that you could from your history lessons as quickly as you can.

khaenri'ah, as you recall, was godless nation. not because they were abandoned by one, but because they had no need for one. the nation was thrown into ruin by monsters and gods alike, and as far as you knew, there was nothing left of it.

so, at first, you reach out to kaeya to comfort him for his loss. he's lost so much in his life, hasn't he? but as you're reaching for his arm, he jerks away from you, regret and shame pooling in his eyes. "kaeya..?" you whisper brokenly.

your brother's expression is pained as he tells his story to you and diluc.

none of it makes sense to you. you can't seem to wrap your head around the idea that your brother was sent to destroy mondstadt from the inside out. he would never do that -- he couldn't. as tough as he seemed, kaeya was just a big ball of fluff on the inside. the boy you grew up with wasn't capable of being a--

"traitor." diluc's voice is hoarse and low, coming out as a growl. you snap your eyes over to your brother, glaring at him to shut him up, but he pays you no mind. he looks furious enough to kill, and all three of you can feel the hostility that rolls off of him in waves.

kaeya doesn't help the situation as he opts to provoke diluc. gone is the remorse he once had written all over his face; in its place is a false sense of amusement. you'd think he was seriously enjoying diluc's anger if you didn't know him any better. kaeya shrugs nonchalantly. "if that's what you wanna call me, so be it." he says.

diluc's hackles rise and you instinctively place yourself between your brothers. "you lied to us," he seethes, "for decades, you've been lying! to me, to our family, to-- to mondstadt!"

kaeya has the gall to chuckle. you feel diluc surge forward, but you force him back. "honestly," he tsks, "our poor father is dead and that's what's got you upset? you really do take your job as cavalry captain seriously, don't you?"

you feel your jaw drop. this entire time, you've been trying to convince yourself that this conversation wasn't actually happening -- that kaeya was just playing a really poorly timed joke to lift your spirits. but the longer it goes on and the angrier diluc gets, the more it sinks in that this... this isn't a joke.

your father wasn't the only one to die that stormy night.

diluc shoves you to the side seemingly with all his strength as he lunges for kaeya, his weapon materializing his hands. you crash into the wall hard, but when you groan, disoriented by the impact, neither of your brothers stop to help you. you're strong enough to handle pain like that on your own, but kaeya and diluc vowed to never harm you -- or each other -- on purpose many years ago.

you're forced to watch as the vow dissolves into nothingness as diluc stabs the floor where kaeya had fallen.

"is that the best you've got, captain?!" kaeya taunts. he's light on his feet and his eyepatch is missing, allowing you and diluc to see what he's been hiding since he was a boy. his right eye glows an ethereal shade of yellow in the dim lighting of the hallway. he looks unhinged and hysterical, a wild, carefree grin marring his once gentle features. "you won't be able to stop me like that!"

"stop it!" you scream. "please, don't do this!" the words come out so loud, they manage to rip your throat raw in an instant. your brothers pay you no mind as they mercilessly attack each other; if someone didn't know they were brothers, they'd think they were fighting to the death. belatedly, you realize that they are.

"we took you in," diluc shouts as he parries kaeya's blade, "fed you, cared for you, loved you, only for you to stab us in the back?!"

"to be fair," kaeya grunts in response, "i haven't stabbed you in the back just yet. stay still, though, and i will."

you watch helplessly from the side as your family crumbles before your eyes. you give up on trying to stop your brothers. in terms of strength, they've got you beat; if you were to try to insert yourself in this battle, they'd likely do more than just injure you. the very thought of them accidentally killing you instead of each other makes you gag.

your childhood shatters with every clash of the swords that you hear. with every clang, another part of your relationships dies. all at once, your lungs stop functioning. you can't breathe -- it's as though someone is stepping on your chest with no intent of letting up. your stomach is about ready to rid itself of its contents as one thought becomes clear.

you're going to be left all alone again. left to fend for yourself in the same storm you were abandoned in all those years ago.

suddenly, a searing heat and a biting chill overtakes your senses, forcing you to take a deep breath. the shock of the temperature change makes you look back at kaeya and diluc, whose weapons are now encased in cryo and pyro elemental energies respectively.

you're struck with a sinking feeling of dread as their swords press against each other with diluc's flaming claymore starting to overtake kaeya's broadsword. kaeya's fingers are slowly being frosted over as his elemental energy spirals out of control, and you see diluc's hands starting to blister and peel with the heat of his pyro.

at this rate, they're likely going to kill themselves.

you're on your feet and holding your own weapon before you can even stop and contemplate the consequences. you understand that diluc and kaeya have you beat in terms of strength.

but your strength, however, comes from your speed.

your brothers are blown off their feet in opposite directions with the force of your slash. the three of you remain motionless for a moment, each of you panting with exertion and emotion. you stare down at your trembling hands, amazed by the power you had, and nearly faint at the sight of an anemo vision resting comfortably in your palm.

you'll process this later, you decide. right now, your brothers were more important.

"enough!" you cry. "that's fucking enough!"

diluc scowls at you, but it's weak. he must be exhausted from having burnt out so much energy so quickly due to the vision activating on its own. "you heard that asshole," he growls at you. "he would've killed us all a long time ago! and now you're stopping me from killing him?"

"the cavalry captain of the knights of favonius doesn't kill people, diluc." your words are punctuated by embarrassing sobs, but you don't care. "especially not their siblings. can we just--"

diluc spits out some blood, interrupting you. "if you're going to stand here and preach to me the value of a family that no longer exists," he pushes himself to his feet with the help of his weapon, "then we're done here."

"diluc fucking ragnvindr, don't you dare walk away from this." you try to threaten him, but it doesn't work. diluc starts walking and you swing your sword in his direction, leaving a clean slice in the wall he was leaving on. your anemo energy is unstable and volatile, but you have enough control over it to use it at will. you hate that that is what gets your brother to stop and listen to you.

"look," you pant, "we're all hurt in more ways than one. c-can we just... i don't know... try to heal together? please, i-- diluc, you never explained what happened to father, a-and," you turn to kaeya with tears on your cheeks, "you were there. you never explained either! why?!"

for a second -- for just a split second -- you see the kaeya you grew up with. "i..." kaeya catches himself, ridding himself of any vulnerabilities. his face darkens, and your stomach twists at the sight of this stranger wearing your brother's face.

"i don't owe you any more explanations." he says. he jumps to his feet with ease, but it's obvious that he's in excruciating pain. "i told you everything you needed to know. do with that information what you will." kaeya's voice is so distant.

on the other side of the hallway, diluc glares murderous daggers at kaeya. "i'll handle you someday. mark my fucking words."

you don't think you can take much more of this. "diluc," you try, "we're siblings! could you just--"

"i have no siblings."

you go completely still. every part of your body halts and stumbles as it tries to start again. you let your weapon dissolve as your lips begin to tremble. "w-what?"

"are you deaf?" diluc's crimson eyes burn right through you. this isn't the man you grew up with. you're not sure who you're looking at. "i said i have no siblings." he groans as he stumbles away. "whatever. i need to prepare for my father's funeral."

you don't put up a fight as you watch diluc hobble away. you turn to kaeya, still unsure if you heard correctly. maybe you were so overloaded that you were having auditory hallucinations. "k-kaeya," you stammer desperately. you don't even know what to say to him. "please."

the last glimmer of hope is extinguished as kaeya turns on his heel and walks away without a word.

for the second time in your life, you are abandoned.

this time, though, you know you will never forget it.

so... what happened? what now?

diluc buried himself in work and set off to travel the nations in search of answers for crepus' death

and a few years after that... well, we all know the tale of mondstadt's beloved "darknight hero".

you ran away from home about two days after the fight, joining the adventurer's guild and wandering the nations at a leisurely pace

which meant that diluc had the dawn winery to himself.

kaeya went on to become cavalry captain of the knights of favonius. diluc never did rat him out.

he's notorious for his reckless, yet clever and cunning behavior, his charm, and his super high alcohol tolerance

you make a point to avoid the city of mondstadt at all costs. there's no point.

there's nothing there for you anyways.

but the story doesn't exactly end there.

things don't get better as the years go by, but your brothers do mature.

they're... cordial with each other. sort of. enough so that they can hold conversations with each other, even if they do escalate into super passive aggressive arguments

they each hold enough regret to fill an ocean about the night you all separated.

kaeya is less conflicted about his choice between mondstadt and khaenri'ah, but he wishes he chose a better time to say it all.

he regrets brushing you off when you tried to unify them when you needed each other the most.

diluc lies awake at night thinking about how crushed you looked when he denied having siblings at all. your face haunts him well into his adult years.

he wishes he had listened to you -- if only he just listened.

as for you... you don't hate them.

at least you don't think you do. you haven't seen your...

you haven't seen kaeya or diluc in years. you don't know how you'll act if you ever come across them again.

you've mastered your vision and perfected a style of swordsmanship that you created based off of what kaeya and diluc taught you all those years ago

maybe someday, you'll be able to show them how much you've grown.

you wonder if they'll be proud of you the way they used to be.

will you ever see each other again?

inevitably, all roads lead back home.

after completing a difficult bounty in dragonspine, you make your way into the city of mondstadt for some much needed rest and relaxtion without much thought. it's a lot more... desolate than you remenber it to be. perhaps the quiet will do you some good; you just want to relax for a while, anyways.

after collecting your rewards and locating an inn to stay in during your time here, you decide to wander the streets. mondstadt is certainly less lively than you remember, but there are a few new and familiar faces that you come across during your stroll.

you run into aether, the blonde traveler who took a liking to you when you met in inazuma. he felt indebted fo you since you were the only person in inazuma who made a genuine effort to get him connected to the raiden shogun without trying to involve him in internal political affairs.

"not my home, not my business," you told him with a shrug. "the same goes for you. you're an outsider and people love to remind you of that, so use that to your advantage."

paimon tells you with a mouthful of food that aether started running into more trouble since he took your advice, but that he's stronger because of it.

"if you ever need my help again, you know you can commission me, right?" you nudge aether before you two part ways.

the traveler raises a brow at you. "are you asking me to pay to hang out with you?"

you whistle quietly. the aether you met in inazuma wasn't this brazen. you laugh, impressed. "i gotta make a living somehow." aether punches your shoulder lightly and you wince jokingly. "okay, okay! your presence is payment enough. happy?"

"extremely so." the traveler grins. you two part ways after that, with you laughing at paimon's enthusiastic waving. you continue your trip down memory lane as you walk the streets of mondstadt.

you come across amber, eula, and lisa, who you've met in passing before that day; you greet jean, who welcomes you with open arms; you even happen across albedo, who actually hesitates to speak to you.

you stayed with the chief alchemist for a few weeks up in dragonspine, basically helping him clear out any dangerous spots so he could conduct some research. during that time, you two grew quite close, and only three days before your departure did you two realize that there was something more than just snow in the air.

eventually, your trip ends at the angel's share. you're not much of a drinker, but something light wouldn't hurt, would it?

it would, you realize once you step inside. most of the patrons are off to the side, far away from the stools. but, there's a knight with long, blue hair sitting on the stool teasing the red-haired bartender on duty.

"welcome to the angel's share," the bartender sighs, seemingly on auto-pilot. "can i... oh."

"yeah. oh." you shoot back on impulse. too many years have passed for your biting tone to be interpreted as a joke, because both diluc and kaeya flinch.

what were you thinking, coming in here?! you knew you weren't a drinker, but you just had to pick now to try and start?

you weren't mentally prepared to look these two in the face -- not after what happened. you tried your hardest not to blame them, but no matter how many times you looked at it, they were in the wrong every time. bitterness grew old and sour deep inside you -- it was the main reason why you and albedo were stagnant at the moment; your fear of abandonment was too strong for you to commit to something like a relationship.

the chattering of the bar patrons continues in the background, but as the three of you stare at each other, it all seems to fade into silence.

"you're home," diluc speaks after a long pause. he's a lot bigger than you remember him. if you weren't so pissed at yourself, you'd tease him about when he was a scrawny boy. he looks almost relieved to see you -- did he think you were dead or something? "it's... been a long time."

you blink at him and hold your tongue. if you speak, you fear you may say something you regret.

"you're all grown up now." kaeya speaks next. you see the same regret start to swim in his blue eye, only this time, it's been amplified by time. he sounds so fond and proud -- he sounds like a brother. "i see you've got control of your vision."

you hiss internally. all three of you are in control of your visions. why did he feel the need to bring that up? and why did he sound like that? the time for praising one another has long since passed.

"are you two done pretending like you care?" you snap. diluc and kaeya wince, but don't answer. you march over to a table in the furthest corner of the bar and put your head on the wooden surface.

all the enegy you thought you had for the rest of the night pretty much bleeds right out of you after that. you don't have what it takes to face them, and you certainly don't have what it takes to walk anymore. you doze off, exhausted by your thoughts.

when you come to, you're in a familiar bed. the panic that rises doesn't last very long. you know exactly where you are, and you have a pretty good feeling you know who brought you here.

the sun is pouring through the floor-to-ceiling windows, filling your room with its light. judging by its height, you'd estimate that it's about midday. were you really that tired? you bury your face in your hands and groan loudly. if your hunch was correct and diluc and kaeya brought you here -- brought you home -- last night, then that meant they were planning on talking to you today.

either they were going to talk to you when you left the room, or they would come to you.

the latter ends up being true when you hear knuckles rap an old rhythm on your door. bitter as you may be, you can't help the smile that crosses your face. that was your code when you were kids. "what's the magic phrase?" you manage to say after a while.

kaeya's voice comes through the door. "would you believe me if i said i forgot?" he cracks it open and sticks his head inside. "it's been so many years, you can't blame me."

you shake your head fondly. "get your ass in here before you piss me off." kaeya slips through the door but doesn't close it. you raise a brow. "diluc, i know you're out there. weirdo."

your eldest brother pushes open the door and strides inside. neither of you speak for what feels like forever. the two of them have spoken to each other over the years, but with you back in the loop, they feel as though they're back where they started. you fix your eyes on your hands as you try to organize everything that's flooding your brain.

"i'm sorry." diluc finally says. he's sitting on one side of your bed and kaeya's sitting on the other, and both of them are looking at you with so much sincerity that it makes your chest tighten.

you narrow your eyes. "do you even remember what you're sorry for?"

diluc swallows thickly. "how could i forget? it's only been in my nightmares for about five years."

nightmares? you look away, suddenly ashamed by your callousness. "is that so." you mutter.

"i think it goes without saying that i'm sorry too," kaeya says next. "to both of you. i don't.. i don't think any of us would be in this position if it weren't for me."

neither you nor diluc answer right away because in a way, he's right. if kaeya had just waited a little longer, or delivered the news a little more delicately, things may have played out a little differently. you sigh through your nose.

"it's... not okay." you answer bluntly. you could never lie to them -- not then, not now. "it's never going to be okay."

"i understand." diluc nods stiffly, his voice tight. "truthfully, i don't know how to apologize properly. for years, i thought about how i'd reconcile with you two, but.. nothing ever came to mind."

"i wasn't finished." you level your brother with a glare. "it's never going to be okay, but... i don't mind talking to you guys." your brothers start to look hopeful for a second, but you shake your head. "it'll take a very long time to forgive you, and even longer to trust you again, assuming that i choose to do that at all."

kaeya reaches for your hand slowly, tapping his fingers on yours experimentally. when you don't pull away, he intertwines your fingers with his the way he used to when you were kids. a fresh, unwelcome set of tears rushes to your eyes. you hate it -- hate being so emotional after all this time, but...

sitting here before your brothers makes you feel like a kid again. you feel smothered by the amount of love you once received and gave them in return. you curl your fingers, tightening your grip on kaeya's hand. he's so much colder than you remember, but there's an unmistakable warm that's seeping through.

"i could never handle you crying," he chuckles shakily, reaching over to wipe the tears that escape. "especially if i was the one who made you cry."

diluc grabs your other hand. he doesn't say anything; when you look at him, you see that he's got his other hand covering his face. "i don't even know what to say to you." he says, his voice muffled. "you shouldn't even be giving me the time of day -- not after what i said."

you sniff. "you're right, i shouldn't. but," you squeeze his hand twice. "at the end of the day..."

at the end of the day, you were still siblings, whether diluc believed it or not. your experiences together were too real, too fresh in your mind, even now, to be fake.

"at the end of the day, we're family." you sigh.

you were going to need time -- a lot of time -- to heal and to forgive. it was going to be a slow, painful process as you try to heal a wound that's long since scarred over, but you were still willing to do it. you weren't going to let this final glimmer of hope slip away from you -- not again. and neither were your brothers. deep down, you still trusted and loved them, and they, you.

clinging to that faith, no matter how small, you decide to take the first step.

✧ three hours.. no proofreading (nothing is ever proofread on this blog LOL)... im going to bed now, gn <3