I Always Thought You Were A Quiet One.  I Am Not Quiet It Is Simply That My Husband Is Loud. 

Veronica Webb at Cynthia Rowley, 1990s

Untitled (Head of on African American Woman), 1939 by William Artis

Harsh truths we need to accept to move forward?

It doesn't take much to reach the top.

If you decide to get on your floor right now and do 10 push-ups, you will have done what 80% of women will refuse to do. If you turn off your phone 20 minutes before bed tonight, you will have done what 90% of young people in the modern world refuse to do. Most people are addicted to self-sabotaging behavior. We all know that eating crap and not exercising is bad for our bodies. We all know that scrolling on social media for hours each day is bad for our mental health. We all know that buying items we don't need isn't going to make us truly happy. Yet we choose to continue these habits because we don't want to feel uncomfortable. And there's actually a neurological reason for this: when we try to break a habit we've grown used to, our brain literally does everything in its power to stop us as a self-protective measure. So we have to work really hard to do what we know is good for us.

It's harrowing to understand that most people are willingly ruining their chances of success and happiness, but it's also a powerful realization. Why? Because you can use that knowledge to your advantage. If you commit to making really small changes every day to become just 1% better than you were last week, you will propel yourself MILES ahead of the curve. Stop trying to force yourself to change your entire life today. It's not going to work because your brain will reject it and you will be left feeling distraught. Instead, try to implement a single change into your life every week. It can be turning off your phone 5 minutes before going to bed instead of scrolling through reels for 30 minutes in the dark. It can be watching a 3-minute guided meditation every morning. It can be only drinking water instead of soda. Whatever that thing is, just stick with it and trust that by taking really simple and small actions, you will surpass the vast majority of the population.

This is why you're struggling to change your life.

How many times have you seen a video that offered advice that you committed to taking in order to change your life? How many times have you actually followed through and implemented those changes? We live in a world that gives us access to some of the best and most revolutionary information out there. In this day and age, we can go on youtube and learn EXACTLY how to become an entrepreneur, get a six-pack, meet our dream partner, and make millions of dollars. And while we don't have any issue watching these videos and being inspired by them, seldom do we actually make a move. The reason is that, once again, our brains like to play games. We subconsciously accept that if we are cognizant of the things we need to do to change our lives, our lives will magically change without us actually having to do those things.

So just understanding that we need to be in a calorie deficit to lose 15 pounds makes us believe that we have the power to lose 15 pounds. I mean how many times have you heard someone say "I know I have to lose weight, I just have to get started" and subsequently lose no weight at all? How many times have you told yourself you have to start meditating and yet never started or failed to meditate more than a couple of times? It's easy to learn how to change, but it's incredibly difficult to actually do something with that knowledge. But here's the thing: In order to actually change your life, you have got to get off your ass. Just knowing that you have to make a change is not going to cause that change to take place. You have got to take action.

Stop being a victim.

Playing the victim isn't just saying things like "I can't trust men because my father never showed me love", but it's also saying things like "I'm single because the men out there are trash" or "No one takes me seriously because I'm a Black woman." Whenever you say things like this, you're disempowering yourself immensely. And guess what? The world doesn't care that you've had a hard life. The market doesn't care. No one is going to give you an award or a bag of money because your life isn't fair. Yes, many of the men out there are gaslighters and cheaters. That's not the reason you're perpetually single. YOU'RE the reason you're single. Yes, people are racist. That's not the reason you can't find a job. YOU'RE the reason you can't find a job.

The people who can acknowledge their setbacks and move forward regardless are always going to be the ones who win in the end. I know women who are fat, objectively unattractive, and downright unintelligent who STILL ended up with the love of their lives. I know of people who are dyslexic and have incredibly low IQs who STILL ended up becoming CEOs. How did they do it? They stopped making excuses, accepted the fact they would have to work a bit harder than everyone else, and got to work. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and admit that every failure in your life is a result of your actions (or inactions). You need to STOP blaming others. It's you. It's always been you. And you know what? Understanding that is a beautiful thing. After all, the first step to self-improvement is self-awareness.

Lovingly,

Elle

there is no old self to get back to there’s a new u to create n nurture

adut akech

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