Some Moments Cut So Deep They Become Woven Into Who We Are. Choosing To Close The Door On Someone Who
Some moments cut so deep they become woven into who we are. Choosing to close the door on someone who brought so much pain isn’t just a decision; it’s survival. In the quiet spaces of my heart, I still hear the echoes of betrayal, disappointment, and heartbreak. Whenever I think of letting him back in, a wave of loathing rises up, reminding me that stepping back into that pain would mean losing myself all over again.
Let’s be clear: there are people who take and take, leaving nothing but a hollow shell in their wake. He was one of those people. The way he twisted my trust into a weapon against me was nothing short of monstrous. I loathe him, not just for what he did, but for the way he made me feel—small, insignificant, and unworthy of love. He took my vulnerability and used it as a means to manipulate and control, and the sheer audacity of that betrayal is enough to make my blood boil.
The memories haunt me like phantoms in the night. I remember the promises made, the tender words whispered in the dark, and the way they all crumbled like ash in the face of reality. He was a storm that wrecked my peace, and now, the thought of inviting that chaos back into my life makes my stomach churn. I would rather drown in despair than suffer through another chapter of torment that he would bring.
It’s infuriating how someone can waltz in and out of your life, leaving you to pick up the shattered pieces of your heart. I have spent countless nights wrestling with the demons of self-doubt and despair he unleashed upon me. I have fought against the notion that I am somehow responsible for the pain he inflicted. But now, with every ounce of strength within me, I declare that I will not let him back in. I refuse to be a victim of his charm once more, a puppet in his twisted game of manipulation.
The agony of betrayal runs deep, and the scars left behind are reminders of the strength I’ve found within myself. The choice to keep him out is not just about protection; it’s about self-respect. I would rather die than endure the suffering of reliving the torment he caused. The thought of opening that door, of offering him a second chance he does not deserve, fills me with a deep, aching dread.
So, I stand firm. I choose to honor my pain rather than let it fester into something more destructive. I refuse to let him back in, to allow his toxicity to seep into my life once more. Every moment spent apart is a testament to my resilience, a reminder that I have the power to reclaim my life from the wreckage he left behind.
To anyone who finds themselves at a similar crossroads: choose yourself. Choose peace over chaos. The road ahead may be paved with heartache, but it’s also a path toward healing and strength. Embrace the emotions that arise—let the anger and sadness wash over you, but don’t let them define you. You are not a product of someone else’s actions; you are a warrior who has fought and survived.
In the end, my decision is not just about him; it’s about my freedom. I will not suffer the consequences of his choices any longer. I will not allow the ghosts of my past to dictate my future. I close this chapter for good, sealing the door with a promise to myself: I am worthy of better.
More Posts from Maxinenextdoor and Others
Depression is an odd thing. It doesn’t always stem from a single reason, and it’s not something I can just “snap out of.” There’s a common misconception that people are depressed because they’re constantly sad, but that’s not always the case. For me, it feels like a heavy weight that sits on my chest, something that zaps my energy, motivation, and joy—even on days when everything is going okay.
Some days, it’s the little things that pile up: unanswered emails, personal doubts, the pressure of being a parent—especially to a son with autism—and the overwhelming sense that I’m just not doing enough. Other times, it’s bigger, unresolved issues, like dealing with loss, past traumas, or feeling like I’m constantly underperforming in areas of my life, despite my best efforts.
Living with depression also makes relationships tricky. I often feel disconnected from people, even those I love. Sometimes, I withdraw, not because I don’t care but because I just don’t have the energy to keep up. Other times, I overcompensate, trying too hard to be present, only to feel drained afterward.
As a single mother, I’m responsible for more than just myself, and that pressure can be overwhelming. While I love my son deeply, managing life on my own sometimes feels like walking uphill with weights tied to my legs. It’s not about him—it’s about the relentless pressure of trying to be everything for everyone while still battling my own inner demons.
I go to therapy because I know I need help unraveling everything that’s been tangled up inside for years. There are days when I feel a glimmer of hope, when I feel like maybe things are turning around. But there are also days when I just need to ride out the storm, trusting that even though it feels endless, it will eventually pass.
So if I seem distant, tired, or not like myself, it’s not that I’m avoiding anyone. It’s just that I’m doing my best to survive the battle that’s happening inside my own head.
I'm honestly not feeling good lately. These past few days had been a roller coaster ride of emotions and I pushed a lot of people away. I put a barricade. I wanted to be alone.
But despite it all, as Hemingway quoted, “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."
I am still here. I am strong. I made it. I'm standing still.
Writing Prompt #210:
The war has been going on for over a 100 years now. Not that you’ve ever seen it, having been born in a bunker and remained here your entire life. You’ve heard the stories however, of the horrors and dangers out there.
Today, as your family is watching the news, one of the reporters snaps, “I can’t do this anymore. Everything is lie! They’re lying to you! Th-“ and the signal cut out."
In the dim light of the bunker, the flickering screen cast uneasy shadows on the walls. Your family sat in stunned silence, eyes wide as the news anchor's final, frantic words echoed in your ears.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Everything is a lie!"
The room seemed to close in as your mind raced. What could be true if the reports were fabrications? You’d always believed the stories of devastation and endless conflict were real, the stories your family told to keep you safe and to explain why you couldn’t ever go outside.
Your father’s face, usually so composed, was now a mask of worry. "It’s just a breakdown," he said quickly, though his voice betrayed his anxiety. "The reporters are under a lot of pressure. Don’t let this shake you."
But something had shifted. The old walls of your reality felt suddenly fragile, and the idea that the world outside might be different—maybe even safe—had begun to seep into your thoughts. Your mother, who had always warned against the dangers of the outside world, seemed unusually quiet, her eyes darting nervously.
"What if it’s true?" you asked, unable to hide the tremor in your voice.
Your father glanced at the door as if fearing it might burst open at any moment. "Even if it is, we have to stay here. It's too dangerous outside."
The silence that followed was heavy, filled with the weight of unspoken fears and the flickering uncertainty of the old news feed that had just cut out. The bunker, once a sanctuary, now felt more like a cage. As you sat there, you couldn’t help but wonder if there was more to the world than the dark tales you had been told—a world you might never see if you stayed hidden in the shadows.
I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, Ellen, and since he has destroyed mine, I have not power to feel for him.
—Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
What Was the Best Invention of the Last 50 Years?
When it comes to inventions that have completely transformed our lives over the past fifty years, the internet stands out as the best. Its impact on how we communicate, learn, shop, and live our daily lives is unmatched. Before the internet, staying in touch with people far away was a hassle. We had to write letters that took forever to arrive or make expensive long-distance phone calls. The internet changed all that by allowing us to communicate instantly, no matter where we are. Email, social media, and video calls make it easy to keep in touch with friends and family around the world.
The internet is like having the world’s biggest library at our fingertips. Whether we need information for school, want to learn how to fix something, or are looking for the latest news, it’s all online. With just a few clicks, we can find information on almost anything. This has made learning much more accessible for everyone, not just students, but anyone who wants to know more about the world. Online shopping is another game-changer. Instead of going to the mall, we can buy almost anything we need online. Websites like Amazon and eBay offer tons of products, often at better prices than physical stores. Plus, small businesses can sell their products online, reaching customers they never could have before.
Social media has also totally changed how we connect with others. Apps like Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter let us share our lives, keep up with friends, and even meet new people. These platforms have become places where people can come together to support causes, share ideas, and make their voices heard. The internet has also driven innovation by paving the way for new technologies like cloud computing, smart devices, and artificial intelligence. These advancements are changing industries like healthcare, education, and entertainment, making our lives easier and more connected.
Considering all the ways it has improved our lives, the internet is definitely the best invention of the last fifty years. It has brought us closer together, made learning and shopping more convenient, and inspired countless new ideas and technologies. As we move forward, the internet will continue to be a major part of our lives, shaping our future in ways we can’t even imagine yet.
I have peaches in the fridge and I’m gonna eat them now. 🍑
too early to sleep but i have nothing left to do.
I’m kinda scared of being happy for a day, or maybe just for a few minutes. Something may come up and ruin it. 😑
what's on your mind?
Not everyone is meant to be in your future. Some people are just passing through to teach you lessons in life.
Words can’t fully capture how I’m feeling today.
Maybe “shitty” is the closest way to describe it.
Anyway, I have a therapy session tomorrow, and I’ve decided it’ll be my last one with this therapist. I need to transition to a psychiatrist to get a formal diagnosis—my provisional diagnosis still hasn’t been released, and honestly, I just miss my original therapist.
When I was working with her, I felt like I was making real progress. Every session was productive, and I could feel myself growing. With my current therapist, it’s different. I feel unheard, like she’s focusing on things I’ve already moved past or on situations that don’t align with where I’m at mentally right now. Maybe that’s just her approach, but it’s not working for me.
IDK. I’m just ready for clarity and to feel like I’m actually moving forward again.
