Thank You Everyone For All The Birthday Greetings! 💗

I am used to keeping things to myself. I am afraid of telling people about how I feel, or what should I do about it. I’d rather deal with it myself. 

There was a time when I tried to open up to people about some of the things I find a burden to keep to myself but then I am ignored and told that I am just overreacting about situations, or I’m playing with my head. They call me a drama queen. I felt humiliated. I tried to trust someone with what I feel but they just laugh at you and ridicule you, just dismiss it like it doesn’t matter.

On social media, some see people with mental issues as people who just love to create drama to be noticed. Even though how much you try to be understood, others will still think differently. 

Sometimes, if I think I can’t handle the pressure, or the anxiety, I break down. I retreat to my room. Write about it and just try to forget it, at least for a while. I don’t know. As long as it’s off my head I’ll be fine. It will just go away, unless something triggers it. It’s a cycle. Goes on and on and you do not know when it will stop. 

It was 2021, and I had just come out of a relationship with someone who was extremely possessive. It was like I could finally breathe again. For the first time in years, I felt free—free to hold my phone without constantly glancing over my shoulder, free to choose what I wanted to wear, free to spend time with friends, and attend parties without the weight of someone else’s control. It was empowering.

But that freedom didn’t come without its struggles. In the first few months of being on my own, I was hit with a wave of anxiety and uncertainty. I had been so used to someone else dictating my life that I didn’t know how to fully navigate it on my own. It was a strange feeling—after fighting so hard to get out of a relationship that stifled me, I found myself a little lost.

No longer having someone control me was a relief, but it also meant I had to adjust to taking responsibility for everything myself. The simple things I’d once been comfortable letting him handle were now on me. It was daunting, but I reminded myself that I’d fought for this freedom. I wasn’t going to let the discomfort pull me back into old habits.

One of the hardest parts was getting back online and socializing again. I had fallen off the radar for almost two years—no social media posts, no updates, nothing. So when I finally reappeared on Facebook, my friends were shocked. The first messages I received were along the lines of, "Wow, where have you been?!" They were right—two years is a long time to go dark.

Reconnecting wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I struggled to respond to messages and reach out to people. It was like I had forgotten how to socialize after being isolated for so long. I felt out of place, like I didn’t quite belong in the world I’d left behind. I wanted to rekindle friendships, but I was afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of the awkwardness, and afraid of not being the same person they used to know.

But little by little, I’m finding my way back. It hasn’t been smooth or easy, but I’m learning to embrace this new chapter of independence. Every day, I remind myself that this journey is mine to navigate, and no matter how slow the progress, I’m moving forward.

I broke my own heart that day.

He was kind. Nice. And I’m sure he’s a great friend. I saw him for the first time today, and I never thought it would be the last time I’d ever see him.

There was something about the way he smiled, the way his voice carried warmth like a quiet melody. It wasn’t a grand moment—no fireworks or fated encounters—just a fleeting interaction that somehow left its mark on me. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much.

I knew from the beginning that I couldn’t have him, that we were just two strangers passing each other on the street of life. But the heart has a strange way of getting attached to possibilities that never were. It was my own mind weaving stories where none existed, my own emotions building a bridge to nowhere.

And that’s where the heartbreak came. Not from anything he did or said, but from my own actions, my silent hopes. In the end, it was him who chose to walk away, and I, knowing there was no path forward.

But it still stung, that quiet realization: I had broken my own heart, in a moment that no one else would ever know existed.

Hahahaha!

“It was not witches who burned. It was women. Women who were seen as Too beautiful, Too outspoken, Had too much water in the well (yes, seriously), Who had a birthmark, Women who were too skilled with herbal medicine, Too loud, Too quiet, Too much red in her hair, Women who had a strong nature connection, Women who danced, Women who sung, or anything else, really. ANY WOMAN WAS AT RISK BURNING IN THE SIXTEEN HUNDREDS Sisters testified and turned on each other when their babies were held under ice. Children were tortured to confess their experiences with “witches” by being fake executed in ovens. Women were held under water and if they float, they were guilty and executed. If they sunk and drowned they were innocent. Women were thrown off cliffs. Women were put in deep holes in the ground. The start of this madness was years of famine, war between religions and lots of fear. The churches said that witches, demons and the devil did exist and women were nothing but trouble. As we see even today, there is often a scapegoat created, and the chaos escalated in Sweden when the Bible became law and everything that did not line up with what the church said became lethal. The Bible fanaticism killed thousands of women. Everything connected to a women became feared, especially her sexuality. It became labeled as dark and dangerous and was the core of the witch trials through out the world. Why do I write this? Because I think the usage of words are important, especially when we are doing the work to pull these murky, repressed and forgotten about stories to the surface. Because knowing our history is important when we are building the new world. When we are doing the healing work of our lineages and as women. To give the women who were slaughtered a voice, to give them redress and a chance of peace. It was not witches who burned. It was women." ~ Fia Forsström, author

February 16, 2024

I find myself feeling a bit bored and lonely lately. It seems like work has taken over most aspects of my life, and I often crave some time alone to reset and find a sense of peace. Moving on from a heartbreak has proven to be quite challenging, and I genuinely wish no one had to endure the pain that comes with it. It's a difficult emotion to navigate, and sometimes it feels easier to succumb to it rather than fighting against it because it demands to be felt.

Love, as beautiful as it can be, sometimes has an expiration date. There are moments when you're overflowing with love for someone, only to wake up one day realizing that the feelings have changed. It's a tough position to be in, and as one-half of the relationship, letting go becomes the only viable option when it becomes one-sided.

Reflecting on being single, I wonder if it's a stroke of luck. In this state, you can avoid the potential heartache and solely focus on caring for yourself. Enjoying your own company becomes a gift, especially when friends are occupied with their own lives. It's liberating not to worry about upsetting someone just because you didn't get back to their messages. On the other hand, while it can feel lonely at times, I understand that people have their own lives and priorities, and I respect that.

Surprisingly, the highlight of my days is conversing with my therapist. It struck me as amusing that lonely individuals seek solace in paying therapists to listen, and I find myself falling into that category. Loneliness is a challenging emotion, and having someone to talk to about it has become a source of comfort for me.

I’ve been several months away from home living in the cityyyyyy 😭😭😭

I hope it went well. *fingers crossed*

I thought I was ok. Then he suddenly crossed my mind. I kept crying again. So I stood up, looked in the mirror and remembered the way he made me feel—that I wasn't worth the wait.

The Realities of Working as a Virtual Assistant: Pros and Cons

In today's gig economy, the role of a virtual assistant (VA) has gained significant traction. The flexibility and remote nature of the job appeal to many, especially those seeking to balance personal and professional lives. However, like any career path, it has its upsides and downsides. Here's a deep dive into what you can expect when working as a virtual assistant.

The Pros of Being a Virtual Assistant

1. Flexibility

One of the most significant advantages of being a VA is the ability to work from anywhere. As long as you have a reliable internet connection, your office can be a beach in Bali or your cozy living room. This flexibility allows for a better work-life balance and can be especially beneficial for those with family commitments or other personal responsibilities.

2. Diverse Opportunities

Working as a VA often means wearing many hats. You could be managing emails, scheduling meetings, handling social media, or performing market research. This diversity can make the job more engaging and provide a wide range of skills that can be useful in various fields.

3. Cost Savings

Commuting costs, work attire, and lunch expenses can add up. As a VA, these costs are significantly reduced. Additionally, you have the opportunity to take on multiple clients, potentially increasing your income.

4. Personal Growth

The virtual assistant role can be a great platform for personal growth. The nature of the job often requires excellent communication, time management, and organizational skills. Over time, you may find yourself becoming more adept in these areas, which can be beneficial in both personal and professional contexts.

The Cons of Being a Virtual Assistant

1. Job Stability

One of the most challenging aspects of being a VA is the lack of job security. Contracts can be terminated at any time, often with little notice. Clients' needs change, businesses pivot, and budget cuts happen. Without a long-term contract, there’s always a risk of losing your source of income.

2. Isolation

While working from home has its perks, it can also be isolating. Without the social interactions of a traditional office, you might miss out on the camaraderie and networking opportunities that come with being in a team environment.

3. Inconsistent Income

As a virtual assistant, your income can be unpredictable. Some months you might have more work than you can handle, while others might be sparse. This inconsistency can make budgeting and financial planning challenging.

4. Self-Discipline Required

Working remotely requires a high level of self-discipline and motivation. Without a manager looking over your shoulder, it can be easy to procrastinate or become distracted. It’s essential to have strong time management skills and the ability to stay focused on tasks.

Given these pros and cons, it's crucial to have a fallback plan. Here are some strategies to ensure you're prepared for any eventualities:

Build an Emergency Fund: Having a financial cushion can help you weather periods of inconsistent income or job loss.

Continuous Learning: Keep updating your skills and knowledge. The more versatile and skilled you are, the more valuable you become to current and potential clients.

Networking: Join VA communities, attend webinars, and connect with other professionals. Networking can lead to new job opportunities and provide support when needed.

Diversify Your Client Base: Relying on a single client for your income can be risky. Aim to have multiple clients to spread the risk.

Working as a virtual assistant can be incredibly rewarding, offering flexibility and diverse opportunities. However, it comes with its own set of challenges, particularly around job stability and income consistency. By understanding these pros and cons and preparing accordingly, you can make the most of your career as a virtual assistant. Embrace the journey, keep learning, and always have a plan B. *wink*