Something To Keep In Mind.

Note to you “doms”.... Understand the value to your better half when you take responsibilities in the relationship. “No” is not just “No”. It goes further and has greater value to her. Understand your responsibility to the relationship. She will love you all the more for it.

when he says no

I love begging him to extend my bedtime. I love when he says no. 

I love asking if I can buy a sugary latte. I love when he says no.

I love asking if I can skip my workout because laziness. I love when he says no.

I love begging to watch an extra hour of TV on a weeknight. I love when he says no.

I love asking if I can buy that pretty top I saw when I went to return something, even though my credit card bill is ridiculous. I love when he says no.

I don’t ask because I want to be denied. Not really. I ask because I want something I’ve always immediately granted myself. I ask because I have desires and impulses and I need to express them. And even though there’s the teeniest bit of disappointment when he says no, there is also relief and inner peace. I feel taken care of. I feel like I’m becoming a better person with improved habits. I feel healthier, happier and less stressed. No more guilt. It’s gone.

It makes his yeses so rewarding. The latte tastes sweeter. The next episode of that TV show is funnier. The top is prettier and feels worth the money.  With his permission, I can have guilt-free indulgences. I can find joy in things I’d often shamed myself for, the things you’re supposed to enjoy. That was no way to live.

 I said it before it was my reality, and I’ll say it again:

Everything just feels better when you have permission.

Updated Library For Kinksters

I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Topping from the bottom

Though much of this is dated advise, most of the advise is timeless. Consider the areas where you have not done what you think you should have done. Do your part and he will grow to be far beyond the man you desire. Do your part and he will love you more than he imagined he ever could.

Timeless Advice for Wives from Blanche Ebbutt’s “Don'ts for Wives” (1913)

Don’t forget to wish your husband ‘good morning’ when he sets off for the office. He will feel the lack of your good-bye kiss all day.

Don’t be out if you can help it when your husband gets home after his day’s work.

Don’t let him search the house for you. Listen for his latch-key and meet him on the threshold.

Don’t omit the kiss of greeting. It cheers a man when he is tired to feel that his wife is glad to see him home.

Don’t keep your sweetest smiles and best manners for outsiders; let your husband come first.

Don’t choose the very time your husband is at home to ‘see about’ all sorts of things in other parts of the house. Sit with him by the fire; smoke with him if it pleases you and him; read or be read to; sing or play cards with him, or chat with him about anything that interests him. It is your business to keep him amused in the evening.

Don’t talk to your husband about anything of a worrying nature until he has finished his evening meal.

Don’t bother your husband with a stream of senseless chatter if you can see that he is very fatigued. Help him to the tid-bits at dinner; modulate your voice; don’t remark on his silence. If you have any cheery little anecdote to relate, tell it with quiet humor, and by-and-by he will respond. But if you tackle him in the wrong way, the two of you will spend a miserable evening.

Don’t think it beneath you to put your husband’s slippers ready for him. On a cold evening, especially, it makes all the difference to his comfort if the soles are warmed through.

Don’t think your household gods of more importance than your husband’s comfort. Don’t for instance refuse to give him a bedroom fire in cold weather because it makes ‘too much dust.’

Don’t hesitate to inconvenience yourself to give him a den all his own. He’s really a good fellow.

Don’t be careless about the way meals are served when you and your husband are alone. Dainty surroundings do much to make eating an agreeable process, instead of a mere means of keeping oneself alive.

Don’t be afraid of cold meat. A few cookery lessons, or even a good cookery book, with the use of a little intelligence, will make you mistress of delicious ways of serving leftovers.

Don’t persist in having mushrooms on the table when you know they always make your husband ill. They may be your favorite dish, but is it worth it?

Don’t take your husband at his own valuation, but yours. He may be unduly modest, or just a little too cocksure.

Don’t omit to pay your husband a compliment. If he looks nice dressed for the opera, tell him so. If he has been successful with his chickens, or his garden, compliment him.

Don’t try to model your husband on some other woman’s husband. Let him be himself and make the best of him.

Don’t be everlastingly trying to change your husband’s habits, unless they are very bad ones. Take him as you find him, and leave him at peace.

Don’t worry about little faults in your husband which merely amused you in your lover. If they were not important then, they are not important now. Besides, what about yours?

Don’t advise your husband on subjects of which you are, if anything, rather more ignorant than he.

Don’t nag your husband. If he won’t carry out your wishes for love of you, he certainly won’t because you nag him.

Don’t refuse to take an interest in your husband’s hobbies, but don’t let him leave all the tiresome work to you.

Don’t try to excite your husband’s jealousy by flirting with other men. You may succeed better than you want to. It is like playing with tigers and edged tools and volcanoes all in one.

Don’t refuse to run up to town for a couple of days, when your husband has to go on business, on the plea that you have ‘nothing to wear.’ Go in what you’ve got, and have a good time.

Don’t get the idea that all your husband wants is a housekeeper, or a decorative head of the table. He wants a companion and when he is at home he doesn’t want you to be always somewhere else.

Don’t let your husband feel that you are a ‘dear little woman,’ but no good intellectually. If you find yourself getting stale, wake up your brain.

Don’t profess to care nothing about politics. Any man who is worth his salt does care, and many men learn to despise women as a whole because their wives take such an unintelligent attitude.

Don’t become a mere echo of your husband. If you never hold an opinion of your own about anything, life will be dreadfully colorless for both of you, and there will be nothing to talk about.

Don’t expect your husband to want to spend evenings at home if you don’t make home the most comfortable place.

Don’t forget that you have a right to some money to spend as you like; you earn it as wife, and mother, and housekeeper. Very likely you will spend it on the house or children when you get it; but that doesn’t matter - it is yours to spend as you like.

Don’t spend every penny you get, unless it is so little that you absolutely must. Try to put back for the proverbial “rainy day.”

Don’t dress badly, even if your allowance is small.

Don’t be satisfied to let your husband work overtime to earn money for frocks for you. Manage with fewer frocks.

Don’t allow yourself to get into the habit of dressing carelessly when there is 'only’ your husband to see you.

Don’t reject your husband’s advice on matters of dress without reason. Many men have excellent taste and original ideas on the subject.

Don’t open the door yourself when your husband is present. He would open it for a lady guest, let him open it for you. Besides, your boys will not learn the little courtesies that count nearly so well by precept as by example.

Don’t let your husband become merely your children’s father after the arrival of the first baby. You can give him an extra share of love in that capacity, but he won’t want to be any less your husband and chum.

Don’t say you can’t go out with your husband because you can’t leave the children. Make arrangements that will enable you to leave them in satisfactory hands.

Don’t say your husband “looks silly” with a baby in his arms. Let him realize that the youngster is partly his, and that there is nothing derogatory to his dignity in handling him.

Don’t omit to take your husband into your confidence on matters connected with the training of the children. Let him bring his wits to bear on the problems that are troubling you.

Don’t say it’s a waste of time to make marmalade at home when you can get it at the stores. Your husband and children never like any so well as yours, and it is worth the trouble of making it to see how they enjoy eating it.

Don’t allow the children in any way to depose you from your position as Queen of the Home. Insist upon the respect that is due to you. See that the boys open the door for you on every occasion.

Don’t grudge the years you spend child-bearing and child-rearing. Remember you are training future citizens, and it is the most important mission in the world.

Because I do.

"I hope you always remember that I adore you."

Good Girls love doing their hair and makeup everyday.

It’s about being pretty. Wearing makeup is about crafting your look and maximizing your best features, while minimizing flaws. As a woman, you’re going to be chiefly evaluated for your appearance, so make it the best it can be.

Good Girls always strive to look their best.

It’s an art. Your face is a canvas that goes everywhere you do. Display your ever-improving skill at creating impressions and capturing attention.

Good Girls love to be pretty, be sexy, and be noticed.  

It improves your confidence. It returns your focus to maximizing your appearance, and leaves you feeling more confident and put-together. That will carry over to your behavior as well.

Good Girls love doing their hair and makeup everyday

It shapes your mindset. Not feeling sexy? Do your makeup!  It’s well known that when a routine is done regularly in a given mindset, simply doing that routine can begin to cause that mindset.

Good Girls always strive to look their best.

It shows you care.  When you’ve done your makeup, anyone seeing you knows that it‘s important to you to look your best.

Good Girls love to be pretty, be sexy, and be noticed.

10 Reasons I’m a Submissive

(in no particular order)

1. Because his pleasure is my pleasure.

There are lots of things in life that bring me pleasure. A perfectly roasted chicken. Unicorns. Glitter. Tootsie rolls. Fairy lights. Getting an A+. A really good action movie with lots of explosions and guns and violence and goofiness. Debating ridiculous philosophical and political and other stuff with my best friends. Traveling. Getting the perfect messy bun. Literally, the list goes on and on and on.

But nothing brings me pleasure the way that his pleasure does, the way my Dom’s pleasure does. And I’m not just talking about sexual pleasure – I’m talking about all kinds of pleasure. Sucking his cock and taking it all the way down my throat over and over until he feeds me his cum and tells me what a good girl I am for him and getting to revel in the fact that I’ve given him such pleasure that he couldn’t help but cum brings me such tremendous pleasure. But you know what else brings me pleasure? Knowing how pleased he is when I serve him his favorite dinner. Knowing how much it pleases him when I fold his t-shirts the right way. Knowing how much he loves and gets pleasure out of watching me sing along (badly) to my bubblegum pop playlist while I wash the kitchen counters. Watching his face light up when I meet him with a drink and a smile when he gets home from work. Kneeling at his feet and leaning against his leg so he can pet my hair while he reads or watches TV and giving him the comfort of knowing I’m there, knowing I kneel for him, knowing I serve him, knowing I love him, knowing that I’m his with that very simple act.

And when it’s sexual? The way he chuckles when I’m tied to his bed and writhing beneath his touch and whimpering and begging for release? It makes me smile inside. The way it turns him on to deny me? It makes me even wetter. The sick and twisted joy he gets out of ruining an orgasm or denying me one? It makes my girl parts tingle and makes me beg even harder. If he didn’t get pleasure out of the things he did to me? It wouldn’t be the same. I get turned on because of his dirty words and his talented fingers and the way he fucks me until I can’t think straight, sure – but, even more, I get turned on by knowing how much pleasure he gets out of watching me whimper and moan and beg and cry and do what I’m told.

It’s all kinds of pleasure. Any pleasure I give him, any way I please him, any way I make his day better or make him happy or make things just a little bit easier for him brings me pleasure. It pleases me to make him feel good. It makes me happy to know that I’ve made him happy. It makes me feel whole and safe and happy and good to bring him pleasure. It lights me up inside. That’s why I serve him – because pleasing him is what makes me the happiest I can be.

2. Because I crave structure and I crave it from him.

I am a person who craves structure. No, I don’t just crave it – I need it. I do better with rules and limits and a schedule in place.

But here’s the thing – I don’t do well with following the rules and limits and schedule when it’s wholly self-imposed. I can create a structure to follow when I have something to answer to (for example: a job). But when I am wholly left on my own I struggle to maintain that balance and those limits and that structure. I do well with picking one thing to focus on and setting up the structure for that (for example: gym and diet) – but when it comes to creating a structure for my overall life I get overwhelmed and tend to withdraw to a day of procrastinating and ignoring the schedule that I’ve tried to put in place for myself.

I am a person who does better when I know someone else has expectations of me. I have such passion and talent and drive – but I struggle with figuring out where to channel all of that without having something to work toward. And my brain works at such a speed and in such a way that instead of being able to focus in on a few options or possibilities I just see all of the options and end up in a never-ending loop of everything I could do and not knowing which to pick. So having someone to help me wade through that, help me set in place the limits and parameters and structure to figure out how to focus that drive and passion and talent… It makes it easier for me to know how to order my day, for me to plan what to get done when, for me to accomplish things and go to bed feeling like I’ve been productive.

So I crave someone who is willing to take on the very heavy responsibility of helping me create a structure for my life and then holding me accountable when it comes to sticking to it. 

3. Because I don’t always do what’s best for me and when that happens I need someone I can trust to point that out to me.

It’s true. I have a habit of spiraling and, when I do, sometimes I can recognize it and set myself back on track and pull myself out of the hole. But sometimes I make a bad decision. And then I make another. And before I know it I’ve set myself on the path to a cycle of self-destructive behavior.

And then that happens, I need someone who can gently but firmly sit me down and talk me through it and help me set myself back on the right track. I want him to help me set limits. To help me set-up the rules. To, once again, help me create that structure - or alter the structure that’s already in place.

I need him to be my voice of guidance when I can’t guide myself. I want to know that he has my back. And I want to know that he’ll put limits in place for me when I can’t do it for myself. 

4. I need someone to hold me accountable. 

I am a people pleaser. I like to please people. And, true, if my mental health struggles and therapy have taught me anything it’s that you can’t live your life entirely focused on pleasing everyone around you. But having a set person in my life who has agreed to be in a relationship with me where he holds me accountable and gives me rules and structure and sets expectations for what he wants from and requires of me gives me a way to feed that people-pleasing need without going overboard and feeding my anxiety.

But it’s more than just feeding that people-pleasing need. It’s about being held accountable. It’s about knowing that if I say I’m going to do something or if he asks me to do something or if he sets me a task or a rule or what have you – that he’s then going to follow-up to ensure that it’s done and, if it’s not, that there are going to be consequences and those consequences are going to come from him.

It’s part of the structure that I need. And I don’t want to put this on someone who doesn’t want to provide that kind of structure or who doesn’t want to take on that responsibility – I’m looking for someone who gets a sense of fulfillment out of taking on that role. Who enjoys providing me structure, who enjoys holding me accountable, who enjoys leading me. Because knowing that he enjoys that helps me feel pleasure, helps me feel calm, helps me feel at peace.

I need to be held accountable. I need to know that there will be consequences for my actions. And I need to know that that accountability and those consequences will come from the person that I respect and trust most.

5. Because I want a relationship that’s a give and take.

So much of what you see on tumblr has to do with the Dom being responsible and taking on all the control and having to set in place all the rules, limits, and boundaries, and having to be responsible for the welfare of their sub and on and on and on…

But that’s not a real D/s relationship. At least not to me.

A real D/s relationship is about a give and take. Both (or all) parties take on responsibility. Both parties are responsible for watching out for the other, for caring for the other, for protecting and respecting and loving the other. Both parties are agreeing to act like adults, to handle disagreements with maturity and within the parameters set-up, to respect the limits and boundaries and rules put in place. 

Your Dom takes care of you, yes. Your Dom agrees to hold you accountable. Your Dom agrees to lead you and pleasure you and take on responsibility for providing for your needs. But you take care of your Dom as well. I am responsible for watching out for him, for making sure he’s happy, for ensuring that he’s reaching his full potential and that I’m helping him in whatever way I can. I am responsible for talking to him, for telling him what I think and how I feel and for making sure that I share my problems and worries and issues with him. I am responsible for remembering that he can’t read my mind. I am responsible for asking him if he’s okay. I am responsible for listening when he needs to share his problems and worries and issues with me. I am responsible for taking care of him. I am responsible for loving him and respecting him and being the best I can be for him.

Because when he agrees to take on the responsibility of being my Dom – I, at the same time, am agreeing to take on the responsibility of being his sub. Because the responsibility of a D/s relationship doesn’t belong to just one party – it’s shared between both of us. It’s a partnership, a team, a unit. It’s a power exchange. An exchange. Which means there’s give and take. And I want that. I want to give my partner as much as he allows me to take from him. Because that’s the only way that both of us can remain healthy and whole.

6. Serving gives me pleasure.

Serving him gives me pleasure. Making a home not just with him but for him. Making it pretty, making it pleasing, making it a warm and happy place to come back to every night. Making him dinner. Doing his laundry (but not the ironing!). Making sure his shirts are all hung-up in the proper place when they come home from the dry-cleaner. Bringing him his favorite drink at the end of a long day. Washing him in the shower. Worshipping his cock. Keeping our home clean. Making sure I pick up his favorite snacks at the grocery store. Making sure he remembers to grab a water before he leaves the house for the gym. Serving him in so many ways.

Doing the little things (and the big ones!) that makes his life happier and calmer and altogether just a little bit easier – that makes me happy. Knowing that I’m helping him and making it easier for him to go through his day makes me feel complete.

And I know a lot of people will read this and ask what he’s doing to make my life easier and happier and calmer – and the answer is this: he’s doing so much. He’s holding me accountable. He’s providing my structure. He’s giving me a healthy and safe outlet for fulfilling my needs to please people and to serve. He loves me. He helps me make sure that I take care of myself – and takes care of me when I can’t do it. He gives me just as much as I give him. In his way, he serves me too. It’s a different kind of service than I give him. But it’s still service. Like I said, it’s a give and take.

7. Because kneeling for him brings me tremendous peace.

I suppose this could fall under service but it’s such a distinctive act that brings such tremendous fulfillment and peace that I felt like it deserved its own number.

It really is that simple: kneeling for him brings me peace. Kneeling for him makes me feel safe. Kneeling for him is fulfilling. Kneeling for him is a privilege. Kneeling for him is calming and pleasing and a position of both pride and complete and utter joy.

I love kneeling at his feet. I love kneeling in front of him. I love kneeling in the center of the room so he can watch me. I love kneeling simply because it’s where he wants me to be. It’s like meditation and prayer and supplication all rolled into one. I enjoy taking a position of worship on my knees. I enjoy worshiping him. I enjoy bestowing that honor on him time and time again. And I feel so tremendously lucky every time he allows me the privilege of kneeling at his feet. 

It makes me feel safe, it makes me feel whole, and it makes me feel lucky to take my position at his feet. Because it is a physical, positional reminder of who owns me and it gives me the time to reflect on exactly why I picked him.

8. Because I don’t want to be in charge.

It really is that simple. I don’t want to be in charge. I am in charge of so much in my day-to-day life. I take on so much responsibility. I care for my friends, I care for my family, I feed the people I care about, I have tremendous responsibility in work, I am responsible for teaching new hires, I am responsible for providing advice on this blog (and yes, I am aware that is a self-imposed responsibility). And there’s more – so, so much more.

And when I’m done with that I don’t want to make decisions. I don’t want to have to make the rules. I don’t want to have to be responsible for what happens next. I want to be told what to do. I want to be told what is expected. I want to be told how to please someone and how to do it right. I want to submit myself to someone else’s control. I want to hand myself over to him and his decisions and his direction. I want that peace. I want that safety. And I want to end each day with that sense of fulfillment.

9. Sexually, I find far more pleasure in cumming for him than I do in cumming for myself.

Orgasms are great. I love orgasms. I really fucking love to cum.

But cumming for myself just doesn’t give me the overwhelming sense of pleasure (emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually) as cumming for him does. When he tells me how to get there, when he tells me what to say, when he makes me beg and cry and whimper and scream and tell him all of my darkest, dirtiest, most depraved fantasies while I try my hardest not to cum without permission… When he makes me wait for it, makes me edge over and over and over, making me hold off… When he finally tells me to cum. When he finally gives me permission. When he finally tells me to let go… It’s unlike any other feeling. Because I know I have earned that orgasm. Because I know he’s allowing me to have that orgasm because I’ve pleased him so much that I’ve earned the gift of it. 

Orgasms are great. They really, really are. But orgasms are even greater when they’re a gift from him.

10. Because I love being told no.

I do. I love the reminder of who is in charge. Or who I have trusted with my welfare and my care and my pleasure and my safety. I love knowing that he’s paying attention to me. I love knowing that he’s watching what I do. I love knowing that he’s making sure I’m staying within the lines – because it reminds me every single time of how committed he is to me and to our dynamic and to the promises that we’ve made to each other. 

And I love knowing that he’s in charge. And that he knows he’s in charge. And that he wants to remind me he’s in charge. Because it makes me feel safe. And, tbh, it makes me pretty damn wet.

Corsets are always a erotically beautiful accessory of any woman's wardrobe.

Let me know how well this works for you.

How to Ruin Your Life and Become a Mindless Sex Object

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Table of Contents

TRIGGER WARNING

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sex addiction - slave training

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I keep being asked the same question: “If I cannot be trained by a professional, is there anything I can do to turn myself into a mindless sex slave?”  

There are many ways. I don’t recommend any of them. Without proper supervision and a place to go once your training is complete, the girl will most likely end up ruining her life and ending up in the streets.  

So to be clear: DO NOT DO THIS.

But, “for science”, here is a “do it yourself” enslavement program which in a few months should rewire your brain turning you into a mindless sex object. Of course it will not be as effective as having a real trainer working on you, but you can still achieve pretty drastic results on your own. I’d recommend this program to long term couples who are fairly certain they are not going to split, where one partner wants a sex slave, but lacks the knowledge and skills to do the training him/herself. Good luck.

PHASE 1

Week 1: Orgasm every day first thing after you wake up for a week.

Week 2: Add one orgasm a day before sleep.

Week 3: Two orgasms right after waking up and one before sleep.

Week 4: Two orgasm after waking up, two orgasms before sleep.

Week 5: Three orgasms after waking up, three before sleep.

Week 6: Add 2-8 orgasms during the day.

Notes: The time line is not set in stone. Different girls will arrive at different stages at different times. A trainer would adjust things for you. On your own you have to figure it out for yourself.

Wake up always at the same time and go to bed always at the same time (and keep your orgasm schedule as consistent as possible). This helps speed up and cement the conditioning process. Try to give yourself orgasms always at the same time. Train your body to expect it to happen.

Take breaks. Skipping a day or two is not only acceptable, it actually help the training.

Train yourself to orgasm as quickly as possible. The goal is to orgasm on command (and on phase 5 to lose the ability to orgasm without permission), but for now give yourself 5 minutes for each orgasm and gradually make the times shorter. Using a timer is recommended. If you don’t finish in 5 minutes, stop. Try again at the next scheduled time.

PHASE 2

Start replacing your orgasms with edges.

Week 1 Replace one orgasm with one edge. Example: on Monday, the first orgasm after you wake up is now an edge.

Week 2 Replace 4 orgasms for four edges.

Week 3 Replace one day of orgasm with one day of edges.

Week 4 Replace two days of orgasms with two days of edge. One day a week no touch.

Week 5 Four days of edges, one day of orgasms, two days without touching.

Week 6 Five days of edges. Two days no touching. Flip a coin 4 times, if four consecutive tails give yourself as many orgasms as you want for the next hour.

Week 7 Same as week 6, but flip a coin 4 times on the first day. If four heads: no touch the whole week. Performing your edging sessions in your mind, watch pornography, do kegel exercises, use a butt plug, but do not stimulate your clitoris.

Notes: Start masturbating while watching pornography regularly. Find what turns you on, find what you find humiliating. When it is time to orgasm do so while looking at the most humiliating post you saw that day. Masturbate while listening to recordings of other girls having sex and performing humiliating acts. Repeat sex mantras out loud. Extra credit: record yourself moaning and saying the mantras, then say the words out loud while listening to your own recordings.

Around Week 4 Orgasm only when being penetrated. Around week 6 start anal training. Eventually you will not be allowed to orgasm without anal penetration. In the following phases you’ll gradually be taught to lose the ability to orgasm unless ordered to, but that requires an actual trainer.

Normally, with an actual trainer, there would not be “phases”. The training would be tailored to the individual girl and her future owner’s preferences, and various phases would overlap. In general though you can break training down to 5 to 8 phases. Phase 3 begins behavioral modifications. Phase 4 starts mental “restructuring”, where you sabotage the girl’s ability to concentrate and think for herself. Phase 5 is about mental enslavement, imprinting on her Master, dependency, depersonalization, etc. Phases 6 through 8 are optional advanced trainings for special orders, specialized triggers, behaviors, complete personality deletion, amnesia, memory creation, etc. Additionally, there is obviously a fitness regiment and sexual skills training that occurs through out the process, but that’s pretty standard.

I’ll revise this later. There is a lot more to it. Of course this program is nothing compared to being trained by an actual slave trainer but still…

Good luck!

I want you to order my food for me because I have a hard time making choices on a menu. I want you to spank me because I can’t get up and you won’t let me waste the day away in bed. I want you to give me weekly/monthly goals to help better myself and my craft. I want you to make sure I’m eating actual food and not just a cheese stick for breakfast. I want you to take me somewhere new, but hold my hand the whole night because you know how uncomfortable new adventures make me.

I always thought I was some weak, love sick girl because I wanted a guy to guide me and give me direction. I’m glad I know now that I want a man to push me to achieve my goals to become a better me. That’s a small snippet what being submissive means to me.