More Grain Cuz Yes

I was high off my ass last night and had this dream where I was in this dense ass forest and sitting there was a tall woman. She was so tall I couldn’t see her face but she was wearing gold and I was like “uh…hi?” And she said “I made you, do you know that?” And I nodded and she was like “I hear your thoughts. Why do you hate my creation? Why do you try to destroy yourself? I made you perfect as you are. Please don’t break my heart”. Then she started crying and it flooded and I woke up with fucking heart palpitations like what does it Mean™️????

I often analyze the Life Series through a lens of personal agency because I think it's a broadly applicable theme and it's also a theme that matters to me personally, so it's always stuck with me, maybe more than a lot of the fandom, how little agency Grian had in Third Life.

Scar and Grian's deal was in of itself was wildly unhealthy for Grian, I think. Obviously Scar didn't go out of his way try to make things hard for Grian, in fact, a lot of the things Grian did for him because of their deal were things Grian decided himself were his responsibility. But unconditional servitude is a very limiting and possibly even dehumanizing thing to agree to, and it clearly got to Grian. He frequently spoke about being unhappy, about wanting to leave, about how much he hated having to do what Scar says. And while some of that was for show, I also think there was a lot of very real regret over being caged, over giving away so much personal agency in a moment of guilt and obligation.

The first real choice Grian made was to stay with Scar, despite whatever resentment he'd built earlier, despite how much part of him wanted to leave.

This was punished quickly when Scar betrayed him, and possibly in the worst way possible. He tossed out a piece of paper, said whoever catches it lives. Grian couldn't catch it before Bdubs did, Grian couldn't convince his one ally not to help stab him to death, Grian couldn't fight back when it was two against one. He was helpless, in many ways in that moment. Nothing he did meant anything, nothing he did could have stopped it, Grian's first act of personal agency after so long being caged was to choose to stay with Scar, and Scar stabbed him for it while Grian tried (and failed, because nothing he did would have stopped it) to convince him not to.

Scar tried to make up for it (well, depending on whether you view scar's "you may slay me" as genuine or strategy) in a way I think is pretty meaningful all things considered. Scar kneeled, and he gave Grian the power to do what he would, let Grian choose. Which is possibly the best thing Scar could have done, when I see Grian feeling robbed of personal agency as such a big Thing in his Third Life pov.

But it didn't matter in the end. The spectators wanted a fight, and for one reason or another, Grian felt bound to their wishes. Maybe he would have wanted to kill Scar, or maybe he would have wanted to go home together and keep living, or maybe he would have wanted a fight if he could have chosen it. But Grian couldn't, he didn't have a choice. Grian was forced to kill Scar, and then he threw himself off the cliff, because there was no other option, nothing else to do.

I just feel like Grian is robbed of agency at so many turns in Third Life in a way we don't think about all that much.

Start checking your calendars! The official schedule for RTZ: A Rendog Zine has just landed!

On April 11th, we'll be releasing an application form for artists and writers. You can apply for one or both-- do keep in mind, though, that you can only participate as one of these roles!

The goal of this zine is to showcase through art and writing the different parts of Ren's Youtube journey, with the final release date being on his birthday, where we intend to gift him the zine as a show of appreciation for all he's done over the years!

So mark the date down, and get ready!

Bad boys Grian wip

Hyperfixation goes crazyy

I really wanna make a fan comic

@project-lumen

mumbadoobee's debut !!

I wanna draw sumone from my seven deadly sins post (edited here from suggestions btw)

Yall decide who I draw first

Grain doodles cuz art block is starting to hit me with a brick again

Hello again pipols

Got bored

A bit of desert duo fan art cuz I luv them sillies

Still working on the comic au lolololol

School starts this week which sucks so yah less tie to do stuff

Truest

starts manifesting a scott and grian alliance for next life series so they can be the most toxic gay boys ever together