I miss my man that isn’t my man but he knows he’s my man but he don’t wanna be my man but he got no choice to be my man so he’s my man
🤷🏻♀️
Me, waiting for any new fanfic in the Transformers x reader tag. Checking the tag constantly like opening the fridge to look for food after just opening it earlier:
where?
You can do Transformers Earthspark Megatron x Female reader where both were conjux but are divorced, the reader is only with the autobots so as not to be in the cells also that both had a sparkling but who is with the weckers, let's say that the relationship between Megatron and the reader was nice at first but everything changed in the war, Megatron treated the reader and her Sparkling badly, let's say that now the reader doesn't like to be around Megatron especially when she sees how he treats Twich like a daughter, but Megatron still wants to have something with Reader
tw: brief mentions of past trauma, past toxic relationships, guilt. additional tags: Cybertronian!Reader, Femme!Reader word count: ~1,9k a/n: I liked how they handled Starscream and Megatron's dialogue in s1, too bad it was wasted.
You had no right to be angry with the terrans. Born in this strange world, far from the home planet, they had no idea who they were or what their fate would be. To most humans, they were nothing but a threat. To your race, they were the only ray of hope for the future.
So why can't you still look away from them without a twinge of anger deep within your spark? Why is it that every time a small, scarlet terran tries to learn more about you, you throw that sharp, irritated look in her direction?
Another, yet another, long, languid day at the former G.H.O.S.T base, which has received a small rebranding, now completely at the disposal of the Autobots. You are completely focused on the monitor screen in front of your optics, your fingertips gently pressing each key.
You have no desire whatsoever to spend your entire attention on this useless waste of time. You would gladly leave this Primus-damned planet if you could.
And yet, you're happy to forget about everything around you for a second. That constant, loud laughter under your pedes when one of the Malto family runs past you, chasing after one of their siblings. Arcee tried to crack a joke or two whenever you two passed each other. Prime, for some reason, has decided that you need his painfully pathetic speeches about how if you need any help, you can always go to him.
It would seem that only Elita, of all the veterans, could understand you in any way.
You would gladly spend cycles alone with any of them on an island far from civilisation, only if it meant you would never have to see him again.
“Will you teach me some new moves in the air?” Twitch sits on Megatron's shoulder, looking at the older mech with her those big, yellow optics. “That moves with your arm cannon really inspired me!”
The little Terran blatantly thrusts her arm forward, automatically, activating her own weapon. A quiet scoff escaped from Megatron as he watches over the drone, noting her usual excited and very determined expression. Out of all the group, she seems to be taking the leader's role the most.
“If you promise not to shoot anyone here,” he gently reaches for Twitch, using his pointing finger to lower her arm cannon down, a soft smile plastered on his face.
The crimson terran's optics are focusing on Megatron's own, before she quickly glances towards you, the miniature pair of rotor wings bristling in admiration.
“And— we can take (...) with us too! I heard you two were an amazing pair back on Cybertron!” Twitch carefully stands up before starting to circle around in the air.
It's hard not to notice how much the young terran seeks to hold her deep respect for you, despite the clear ignorance you show her every single time she tries to speak with you. That naive childish adoration is cute, in some way, reminding you of the time when your own sparkling was once as bold and trusting as her.
You really shouldn't hold the grudge against her just because you feel that twisted sense of jealousy because of what you dreamed of so much, but never had the chance to get it.
Megatron's red optics track the terran across the room, only to lock onto your frame, once you were mentioned. He felt a pang of regret every single time he saw you. The memories of your shared past never left the impact on his mind, even though he tried so hard to get over it. For both yours and his sake too.
‘It's been countless solar cycles, Megatron. Don't make it harder for her,’ Optimus' words ringing in his mind. If only it was that easy.
He should have just focused on his own job, dealing with what is left of his past troops, the leftover of G.H.O.S.T's impact, but would it actually help him? To dig his own sick guilt and remorse somewhere deep down, in some naive hopes that everything can just magically go back to how it was? To pretend that it's fine to forget and run away from your past mistakes?
No, it wouldn't be fair to himself. Not to mention, everything he did against you was never fair to you in the first place. Shaking his helm, Megatron tries to reach for the terran, tell her that it's not the time now, and later, he will give her all his time and attention to guide the young one in her path.
That was, until Twitch wrapped her tiny servos around your own, looking up at you with those same optics she gave to Megatron, as if hoping she could somehow warm up your cold spark to her, to make you forget of whatever held you down from accepting her.
Poor thing. Thinking she is somehow the core source of your problems, even though she has no idea what exactly she has done, except for just being born in the wrong place and time.
“Please? I promise to listen, ma'am!” Twitch slightly, tightens her hold on your servo, the smile still as innocent as ever.
The tension is palpable. For just a moment, the three of you don't let out a single word. Everyone was focused on you, and only you stood in the center of their attention.
You sigh, looking towards the young terran right next to you. It will pain you to deny her, you think, but it is for the best as you try to reassure yourself once again.
“Twitch, you shouldn't—” Megatron tries to step out towards you and get the terran back away from you, only to be interrupted by your own voice.
“I'm afraid I can't help you with that for now, Twitch,” you say, using this calm, soft motherly voice of yours. “But be aware. Not everyone here deserves your trust.”
That smile slowly drops from Twitch's face as soon as she sees you pulling away from her, her little servos grasping the air, once where you were standing. That look you gave her somehow reminded her of her own mother.
Dot would come back after a long day of work, welcomed by the whole family, and despite how tired and overworked she was, she never dared to let them know about it. Muscles tense, aching and begging for rest, and constant headache from dealing with some people seem to never leave her alone. And yet, she still kept her smile. Still has the strength to use that sweet voice of hers every time she speaks to the young Maltos.
Even then...why did you look with nothing but hatred and disgust towards Megatron?
The quiet shut of the door left only Megatron and Twitch standing in the room. The little one slowly stepped down on the ground, blinking a few times in confusion. She still couldn't take her gaze away from the door, as if hoping that you might come back and join them after all.
“What...what did I do wrong?” she asks quietly, the question hanging in the air.
Megatron clenched his teeth, trying to suppress his own anger— no, he had no right to be angry. That was the truth after all, isn't it? None of the terrans knew what actually happened before, when he was the leader of the Decepticons, the infamous warlord responsible for the deaths of thousands, if not much more, innocent lives.
He deserves to feel that pain; the cold truth will always hurt, no matter how much he tries to numb the harsh, stabbing feeling inside his spark. Hearing it from you, for some reason, always felt the worst.
Slowly, he lowers himself to one knee, looking down at Twitch, as if silently trying to apologize, for what had happened. No one was supposed to be involved in this conflict.
“Don't trouble your mind with these thoughts, little bird,” Megatron gently lifts her chin with a single digit, making the young terran look up at him. “I promise to come back to you as soon as I can.”
If only he had told you the same before and reassured you with the same care he held deep for his mentee.
It was so confusing. Watching every single day, how soft and attentive the ex-warlord can be for a sparkling that were not even his, and yet, abandoning his family for his own cruel ambitions.
Standing outside the autobots' base, you at least had some bits of privacy that was left up to you. No one to judge, no one to stare with these sorry optics, with nothing but pity in them.
Primus seems to be especially disappointed with you today, taking away the only peace and quiet you had for today.
“You can hate and despise me however you want, I would never have held it against you,” the familiar, deep voice is quick to disturb your thoughts, but this time, somehow softer.
Megatron takes a few slow steps, stopping right behind you, but not daring to come any closer. He would be grateful if you even stayed to listen to him without running out the first second you spot him in your proximity.
There is a brief pause between the two of you, followed by nothing but your sinister silence. Not even a single drop of respect for him, as you didn't even look back at your ex-conjunx.
“But please,” the word sounds so foreign coming from him; for a moment, you even amuse yourself thinking he really changed. “Don't take it out on them.”
You feel your right optic twitch at that.
“Is that the only thing you wanted to talk with me about?” you finally speak, turning to face the silver mech who stood tall next to you. “And you have the audacity of asking something from me?”
Such hypocrisy. It doesn't help you feel any better at all once you notice those guilty red optics staring at you, as if reminding you of how small you will look to others, no matter how hard you try to hide behind a mask.
Like you ever needed their pity for you.
The silver mech studies your face. Tired, war-worn, so exhausted, just like his own. You're barely holding back from collapsing from all the responsibilities on your shoulders, both as the ‘autobot’ and the carrier first. He should have never left you alone, but that would be pointless to think about now.
“I won't...try to defend my past mistakes, and I know that there is nothing I can do to erase all the pain I caused to you and to our sparkling,” optics lowered to the ground, expression hardening, trying to gather his own thoughts, before meeting your gaze once again.
“All I want is to let you see how I have changed,” Megatron steps closed, hesitantly, he continues. “Would you give me a chance to make things right for you, my dear?”
A silence.
Megatron feels a flicker of hope in his spark. Lips curled into a small frown, trying to hide his own uncertainty. Cycles before, back in the past, when the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons hadn't struck the Earth, he would have snapped back. He reminded you of your own place underneath him, so you would never even have a single thought of defying him.
But he would never hurt you again, never raise his voice at you— just let him keep you safe from the remnants of the war he once caused; he promises you that. If only you let him show you that.
But then you step back.
“Starscream was right about you,” your voice now, filled with nothing but coldness. “You will always be the same tyrant who once betrayed those who trusted you with their own spark.”
PART 2 | Fernando Alonso x Reader
Summary: You and Fernando always dreamed of the day you'd get into Formula 1. Unfortunately, the competition, the pride and the stubborness, get in the way of a beautiful friendship.
Word count: 7.1k
Tags: female!reader, driver reader, coming of age, ups and downs of a friendship, brocedes coded, very very angsty, cursing, anger, fights, overuse of flavio briatore as a plot device, lots of low blows, sprinkles of romance, kissing, making out, happy ending, not beta read
Relationship: Fernando Alonso x Reader
Note: Someone requested this, with this very detailed request, and it has consumed my every thought for the past week or two. I had to tweak some things from the request here and there, hope it's ok. It's heavily inspired by brocedes. (There is a lot of info that is wrong or inaccurate, I did this on purpose to fit my narrative, if you catch them, please ignore)
I was wondering doing a bonus part about Fernando POV throughout everything (to show he was ALSO miserable), but I don't know if i have the time and energy for it. Let me know if you guys would be interested in it and I'll do it in headcanons/topics.
I'm sorry if it feels rushed, this was taking way too long and I just wanted to follow my heart. Feedback and opinions are appreciated xx
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PART 1 | FERNANDO'S HEADCANONS
You were moping and crying in the living room when the phone started ringing. Looking at the little screen that showed the number that was calling, you knew it was Fernando. You had memorized his number at some point in your lifetime. Your parents weren’t home, so you hesitated. You took so long that his call went to voicemail.
“I know you’re there,” he said, voice sounding tired, low and inpatient, “please pick up the-”
You pulled the phone cable, unplugging the call and silencing him. Wiping your tears, you stared at the unplugged phone on the little side table for what felt like hours, until your parents returned from work, when you got up to plug the phone back and pretend like you didn’t spend the whole day mourning a friendship you always thought would last forever.
After two days ignoring all calls, even Flavio’s, you decided that you’d shield yourself from now on, and you wouldn’t give Fernando any more ammo to hurt you. You met with Flavio at the next race, face heavy with makeup to cover up the sleepless nights you had gone through. You put your bag down and stared at Flavio across the table.
“Good morning. Let’s go back to work,” you said, gently pulling the stack of papers from his grasp. He called your name in that tone, of someone wanting a heart to heart.
“We should talk about the f-” He started but you cut him off.
“No, I don’t want to talk about that,” you said.
“I talked to Fernando and he-”
“I said, I don’t want to talk about it. He’s dead to me.” You repeated slowly, finally looking up at him. Flavio must’ve seen something in your eyes because he let the topic go.
You didn’t see Fernando for two more days, and when the weekend officially started, you avoided him like the plague. Even when you two were in the same place with other drivers, you’d ignore his existence for the most part. Whenever you were in a little circle chatting with other drivers and he arrived, you’d leave immediately. Press conference, you convinced Jenson to switch places with you so you could be as far from Fernando as possible. Even with team debriefs, with Flavio trying to make you talk to Fernando, you refused.
The rest of the season was insane, during team meetings and debriefs you were cold and barely talked to him. He didn’t try to talk to you either, and the silent distance only grew.
You were head to head in a race, you were P2 and Fernando P3 right behind you.
“Switch with Fernando,” your engineer said on the radio.
“He won’t fucking pass me,” you said into the radio, holding your position and pace. He was less than a second behind, and you refused to let him pass.
“I repeat, let him pass,” That was Flavio.
“If he manages to overtake me, he can go.”
He didn’t. You knew you had more pace, but still he insisted, and through the mirrors, you could see him closing in behind you. He tried to overtake but you pushed the car fast, and when he couldn’t anymore, he turned into you, touching his front right tyre to your rear left tyre. You were too fast. The mere touch of his tyre bursted yours. You couldn’t even get angry as you lost control of the car in a millisecond, the speed making your car fly into the air as it hit the gravel. With your car overturning a few times in the air, you watched your sight going ground, sky, ground, sky, ground, sky.
Then you blacked out.
When you woke up, you were on a stretcher being placed carefully inside the ambulance, you tried to get up, dizzy and someone handed you a bag where you threw up inside.
You had an insane headache as they took you to the medical center. Apparently, everything else was alright as you checked your own body for any injuries or problems. The doctor checked you but still made you through a round of tests and injected saline solution diluted with pain medicine in an IV drip. They also decided you’d stay overnight to make sure nothing was wrong.
Your dad, who was watching from the garage, was the first to find you in the medical center, visibly worried and crying. He hugged you for a whole minute, before taking a step back and touching your face to make sure you were really alright.
“I’m ok, Papá. Just passed out when the car was spinning in the air,” You smiled softly, wanting to dissipate his worry.
“When you didn’t answer the radio-” He choked back tears.
“It’s ok, I’m ok now.”
“What are you feeling, darling?” He pressed, holding your hands to look for injuries in your arms.
“I’m all in one piece, Papá. Just a little sore, but that’s normal whenever a racing driver crashes,” you let him know, and he nodded.
“Let me just call your mother. She was so worried she wanted to get into the first flight here,” He told you.
“Tell her I’m alright and I love her,” you whispered and he nodded, going outside.
You sighed as you were left alone, trying to find a comfortable position where you didn’t have to move too much, since your whole body felt like it had been run over by a truck. The door opened and you thought it was Flavio, but you were faced with Fernando, still sweaty and in his overalls. He looked disheveled, but he was full of worry, even his eyes looked a little misty as he stood there a few meters from you.
But you couldn’t look past the anger when the memory of him diving into your car came back. He had gambled with your life, out of pettiness, out of envy, he couldn’t pass you, so he decided the next best thing was to take you out, not even caring about the danger he was putting you through.
“Leave.” You said, with gritted teeth.
“Please,” he begged with his voice softer than you had heard for almost a year, “let me just-”
“Leave! You could’ve gotten me killed, Fernando. Get out!” You said, louder. “Do you have any idea that you could have ruined my life in a moment of anger?! That you could have gotten me seriously injured or worse?! I would have never done that to you!” You pressed your index finger to the nurse button repeatedly, and a few seconds later, a nurse came in, “Ma’am can you escort him out please?”
You could see in his eyes that he was hurt by your words, but in that moment, all you felt was blind rage, for what he did the last time you spoke and because he crashed into you on purpose. You didn’t want to hear any excuses now that he realized he put your life in danger just because his ego couldn’t take a hit.
The next day, after you were discharged, you traveled for a meeting with Flavio at Renault’s headquarters. He met you alone in the meeting room, talking to you about the accident, and after making sure you were physically fine, he went off.
“What you did yesterday was reckless and you went against express orders from the team and from me. This is not happening again, or you will be risking your seat at Renault,” He said, his voice never leaving room for debate, you swallowed and nodded, “When the team orders you to do something, you do. No questioning, and no going against it. Understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Fernando was really worried about you yes-”
“I don’t want to talk about him.” You cut Flavio off.
“You two are best friends, it’s really sad to see you lose all that because of Formula 1” Flavio said, gently.
“He put my life at risk, Flavio. This is not something a friend would do,” you stood up, walking away but you stopped by the door, “Kinda curious how motorsports, the very thing that brought us together, is the same that tore us apart.”
Then you went to meet the engineers for the next race strategies.
That night as you laid down at home, you thought that you’d never compete with Fernando solely because he was Flavio’s favorite. If it ever came to Flavio to decide whether you would win or Fernando would win, he’d always pick Fernando. You could’ve been fighting for the championship this year, he had promised you, instead you were being used as a step in Fernando’s path of glory, when you could be fairly racing him for the championship. You’d always come second to him there. That was also the moment you stopped seeing Flavio as a friend, and confined him back to a position of Team Principal.
You reread the Sauber proposal that came to you that year to start racing for them the next season, tempted to just go and make your name somewhere else. Somewhere where you’d be put first.
But deep down, a sense of indebtedness had rooted into your heart ever since the day Fernando told you the truth. You had to pay Flavio back for his trust and for his money, and the only way you thought you could do it was by becoming world champion under his team.
There was still a little kid inside you, a little kid who aspired to prove Fernando wrong, to become a champion and prove to yourself you’re more than him. More than who he wanted you to be, more than a loser.
You turned down the offer from Sauber.
The rest of the season you went almost robotically. You still gave your all every race, but your mood would always damper when you had to follow team orders.
“Ask if me and Fernando can switch, I’m faster!” You said on the radio. You kept driving, Fernando a little less than two seconds in front of you, but you were getting closer and would catch up to him in two laps.
“Negative, protect his position.”
“There’s a McLaren right behind me! They’ll pass us both!”
“Negative, team orders.”
You swallowed and held your position, trying to maintain your P2 and Fernando P1. But when the McLaren got close to you, they managed to pass you after a brief battle, going for Fernando a couple of laps later.
Later, you stood on the podium, looking ahead knowing that P3 could’ve been a P1 if they had let you fight for it. You didn’t look at Fernando on the other side of the podium, you just stood there, eyes watery. You pretended to take part throwing champagne for a few seconds, forcing a smile knowing that it would look bad not to.
The post race interviews were torture, and you wanted to go home and vent to your parents.
“How has it been to manage your friendship with Fernando outside the track?” A reporter asked, and your smile disappeared from your face.
“We were never really friends,” you shrugged, annoyed, you added “Are there any questions about racing instead of my personal life?” The reporter was silent, visibly taken aback by your responses, you had rarely been hostile toward a journalist before, you knew he would have a field day with just those replies, especially when your PR manager gave you a hard stare, “No? Thank you, see you around.”
You finished P2 in the race Fernando became champion for the second time. When you got out of the car, you watched as Flavio and Fernando hugged, jumping from the ground and celebrating. The number one and your team principal. After the podium ceremony, you didn’t bother to stay to spray champagne, just leaving and going straight out.
You got a couple more proposals from other teams, and you were tempted, until Flavio told you Fernando was leaving for McLaren the next year and offered you an extension. You took it under the condition to become the number one driver now that Fernando was out of the picture.
A part of you mourned the death of the dream, the one you had at fourteen to become teammates with your best friend. So many things had happened in between everything, now you would miss it. Only the good, not the bad and ugly. You wish you could go back in time, redo everything, and never allow yourself to lose your best friend on the way.
The next year you ended up striking an unexpected friendship with Jenson Button, Nico Rosberg and eventually the two rookies Lewis and Sebastian, who had been very vocal about being fans of yours.
You didn’t go back to talking with Fernando. You didn’t try and he didn’t either. It felt like the bridges were too far burned to recover.
One day as you walked out of the garage, you saw Fernando with a girl on the opposite side. She was clinging to his side, whispering. You knew he had his fair share of fun with grid girls but he never invited them to watch the race from his garage. You wondered if he was dating again, after a couple of years being nothing more than a player. You also wonder why it made a pang of pain flare through your chest.
You don’t linger too much. He had no reason to tell you. You weren’t even friends anymore.
You moved on, as much as you could. And eventually, you met Kaka, or Ricardo, as you preferred calling him. He was a footballer, a big name in the sport, playing for a big team in Italy. You actually met him at a gala party, the both of you being silly introverts, bumping into each other when trying to find a way out. You two ended up talking for hours on the balcony, watching the city lights.
He reminded you of Nano before Formula 1.
And you actually wanted to smash your own head against the handrail as you thought that.
After exchanging numbers and calling a couple of times, you managed to convince Ricardo to come to a Grand Prix. His presence was calm, funny without being mean, and so gentle. It was actually the calm between the storm your life and job was.
You were pacing around outside the motorhomes to try and see if he had arrived yet, since the last you had talked to him was when he was on his way. While waiting, your eyes found Fernando’s on the opposite side in front of McLaren, he was sitting down with his girlfriend telling him something. You stared at him for a whole minute, and for a brief moment, the anger left his eyes for something softer, something like-
“Hi, minha linda!” Ricardo showed up out of nowhere, and he hugged you so tight he actually swiped you off your feet.
Once the surprise passed, you hugged him back, your fingers finding their way through his hair. And he laughed, spinning you before putting you down. You talked for a bit, your face lit up as he told you about his day.
Your eyes unconsciously turned to Fernando, because you could feel that he had been staring at you for as long as Ricardo was there. His face was back to anger.
“You want me to give you the grand tour?” You offered, just so you could escape the weight of Fernando’s glare.
You took Ricardo by the hand and showed him all around, even introducing him to part of your team. After that race when you placed third, Ricardo invited you to a date, the first official one. After a couple of months and a few kisses, he asked you to be his girlfriend. You only hesitated for a second before smiling and squealing a yes.
Being the main driver of your team allowed you to live an entirely different season as a racer. You didn’t want to be arrogant, but you had it in the bag. You had the best car, the best engines, and just the perfect amount of boldness. Add insane strategies, and you were unstoppable.
Despite Fernando being your close rival on track, he was way too busy beefing with Lewis, his surprisingly great rookie teammate.
During summer break that year, you were on a trip to Brazil with Ricardo, but still, the night of July 29th, you got up at two a.m., slowly went to the fridge, where you got an ice cream pint. With a spoon, you sat on the handrail in the balcony, and watched the waves breaking on the beach a few meters away.
It was weird keeping the ice cream tradition alone, but you supposed it was even weirder not keeping the tradition. Staring at the stars, you wondered if Fernando had any ice cream to celebrate his birthday that day.
“Hi,” you heard Ricardo behind you, his hands sneaking around your middle and he hugged you from behind, laying his head against your shoulder, “everything ok?”
“Yeah, just wanted a little treat,” you mumbled, closing the lid on the ice cream, because a selfish part of you didn’t want to share the tradition with anyone other than Fernando. It was silly and stupid, and still… you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You put the ice cream back in the freezer and smiled at Ricardo as he pulled you into his arms and carried you back to bed.
You came back from summer break with a renewed sense of focus. Deep down you knew that was your season. Your season to become world champion, and nothing was going to get in the way of that. As you won the first two races after summer, you became first in the standings, this sense of purpose being the one thing motivating you every weekend to give your best.
It was Interlagos that year when you needed only a podium to become World Champion, pretty much the same as Fernando two years before. The race was tough, and it felt like Fernando was out to get you, especially in a moment right in the middle of the race, when you were behind him in P3 and he tried to brake test you again, but this time you were quick to react, avoiding his rear and using his own dirty trick against him, turning sharply to overtake him from outer side, moving past him fast enough to gain some precious couple of seconds.
After that, you managed to smoothly overtake the P1 with a carefully planned pit stop that allowed you to come out first. Later on, you saw a crash, nothing too bad, but you found out it was Fernando and Webber.
“Are they ok?” You asked via radio to your engineer.
“Yes, they are already back on the pitlane.”
You sighed and focused back to your race, keeping your P1 safe, and going smoothly to take the checkered flag.
“Congratulations, Y/N! You’re a Formula One World Champion!”
You felt the tears coming down and dampening your balaclava, as you took one last lap to parc ferme, waving at the crowd that went insane.
It was like a huge weight was lifted from your chest. Because you were now world champion. You were there, and you deserved to be there, among the best. You didn’t need to prove yourself anymore, and you had finally paid Flavio back.
You jumped out of the car straight into your team, jumping with them, and Flavio ran up to you, pulling you into a tight hug. Jenson also found you and hugged you firmly, patting your back and Nico also hugged you, both of them were on the podium with you.
As you looked down from the podium, with a watery, emotional smile, you saw your dad crying like a baby and clapping his hands. Unconsciously, your eyes looked for Fernando, silly hoping it mattered something to him, that at least in the name of your former friendship, he would be there, but he was nowhere to be seen, and you felt like that was another nail in the coffin of your friendship.
Deciding to forget it, you drank champagne straight from the bottle, laughing as both Nico and Jenson paired up to drown you in champagne, looking happy for you.
After talking to your mom on the phone, you stood up, taking your bag and going out to look for your dad. You didn’t make it very far, as you came out in the hallway, you found Fernando, leaning against the wall. You paused, looking up to him while your heartbeat went up.
“I’m happy for you,” he whispered. And you wanted to believe it really badly, but thinking about him brake testing you during the race, trying to take you out, made you roll your eyes at him.
“Sure, you are,” you said sarcastically. He shook his head and clicked his tongue, like he was disappointed you didn’t believe him, “my debt is over now.”
“What?” He frowned, confused.
“I just paid Flavio for his investment,” you explained, “I’m not just here because you asked him to support me, I’m a damn great driver. I’m here because I deserve it, not because you took me out of pity.”
Fernando stared at you completely shocked at your words, something painful stabbing at his chest. He never thought you’d think like that over disgusting words he said in a moment of anger. Words that never meant anything to him, that he didn’t even believe in himself. The hurt in your eyes was the same from the day he said the words, when you cried looking into his eyes and telling him he was dead to you.
You walked past him and away. He wanted to shout that he never meant those words, that you were so much more, so much better. But you just left. Fernando followed you outside, trying to catch you and explain himself, maybe fix things between you, making peace.
But as he got outside, he paused, seeing you jumping in your boyfriend’s arms, laughing at something he whispered to you. Fernando swallowed, closing his fist and jealousy burned through his limbs, with such force that it felt like a fever.
Right after the Brazilian Grand Prix, Ferrari got in touch with you, offering a two year contract to become teammates with Kimi Raikkonen and drive for what was one of, if not the most classic team in Formula 1. After negotiations, it was a no brainer. You didn’t owe Renault anything any more. And that’s what propelled you to meet with Flavio that winter break in a cafeteria in Monaco. When you had called, he said he wanted to talk to you about something, which was convenient.
After pleasantries and small talk, you were ready to start, but Flavio cut you off without noticing.
“I have to tell you something,” he started, carefully, “Fernando is coming back to Renault next year.”
You froze for a second, not wanting to think too much about the implications of that. The fact that Flavio was willing to force you and Fernando to be teammates again even after the catastrophic ending you had before. Sighing, you covered your face for a second.
“I know you have reservations, but I’ve talked with Fernando and he’s willing to-”
“I’m going to Ferrari.”
And Flavio understood, after talking for a while. He knew Ferrari was most drivers' ultimate dream, and you weren’t immune to that either. Unfortunately for you, Fernando released the news he was going back to Renault a week before Ferrari announced you, and the media had a field day with that, tabloids and media outlets doing numbers of articles about you avoiding being teammates with Fernando again, since he was coming back and you were conveniently leaving almost at the same time.
Your races with Fernando kept being dangerous, one always trying to one up the other, dangerous moves and overtakes, close calls of crashing into each other, and more and more jabs publicly. The attacks at each other never stopped, and the media seemed to enjoy it, feeding into it ever so often.
One occasion, you were going for a win, and the only thing between you and that damn P1 was Fernando Alonso. So you kept your P2, biding your time as you tried to close the gap, leaving your chance at overtaking for the last few laps. When a fast turn came, you advanced, overtaking him, Fernando tried to defend his position, but you were getting the lead, and both of you were in high speed. Someone had to back out, otherwise you two would crash. But you were feeding off of anger and hurt, and you didn’t back down well into the turn, but suddenly, Fernando slowed down, giving up defending. You took the P1 and after a few laps, the checkered flag. You knew on the podium that Fernando was seething, his face didn’t hide that. Later, at an interview, someone brought up the dirty move.
“So, a very dangerous move at turn 2 during lap 47, no?” The reporter asked, trying to get a reaction out of you.
“I thought it was a pretty common battle, no?” You said, a condescending tone imitating him.
“Well, it could’ve caused you both to crash.”
“I took a risk, either I would pass and win, or we would both crash and DNF. Alonso was wise and went for the safest option.” I gave the reporter a fake smile.
You knew that answer would piss Fernando off, and a part of you knew he deserved it. Sometimes you acted on pure rage and pettiness, feral and way more aggressive against Fernando on track than you really needed to be. But he just pissed you off. Walking around with his model girlfriend, his attacks at your racing abilities, his pretty eyes that always seemed to find yours at the most inconvenient times.
Then, the race weekend would end, and everything that was left was shame. Your burning shame every time your mom’s eyes shone when she asked about Fernando, hoping you two would have made peace. You, looking away from her face every time you told her you knew nothing about Alonso because you didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes.
Later that year, after your two year anniversary with Ricardo, you accidentally found a ring box in his suitcase. A proposal ring, a beautiful big diamond ring, probably worth a small fortune. And you tried to feel happy about it, but you could only find dread in your heart. Despite loving Ricardo, you knew you didn’t love him as much as you could. And certainly not as much as she loved you. You didn’t love him as much as you loved-
Closing your eyes, you also closed your heart, and after that just like the coward you were, you broke up with Ricardo the kindest way you could. He was confused, because your relationship was tranquil, without many problems. It broke your heart to break his heart, but you couldn’t lead him on, you knew Ricardo was husband material, and the earlier you let him go, the earlier he would find his true happiness.
Ultimately, you decided to only pursue love after your Formula One career. Having a bit of fun here and there, and a couple of casual relationships even with other drivers, but nothing serious or public. When you found out Fernando was single again, a flicker of hope sparked in your chest, but when you saw him go back to his playboy ways… It died down.
Sometimes you would dream of a different life, of one you never lost your best friend… or even better, one that you never had to suppress the love you felt for him. And sometimes it felt too much, like all this love was just filling up your hollow heart, filling up until it overflowed, until you felt like you were drowning in it, because there was nowhere for this love to go. And you wondered, what do I do with this love, there's no one to give it to, there's no recipient to put it. So you would just ground your teeth and bear it, holding onto anger because that much love, that much longing did nothing but cause you pain.
Every time someone mentioned him outside race weeks, you felt ashamed.
Despite being in a top team like Ferrari, you’d only get a few wins, and some podiums here and there, so it wasn’t like you didn’t achieve anything. But you were a woman so it was obviously not enough, and the media started questioning your career and your place in Formula One.
After two years of you driving for Ferrari, Domenicalli, your team principal, sat you down to let you know Fernando Alonso would be joining the team the next year, and you bit the inside of your cheek, considering just retiring. The criticism was getting to you, and the perspective of living hell with Fernando as your teammate was a broken heart all over again.
When an opportunity arose to drive for Red Bull Racing, with a two year contract, you didn’t think twice before accepting. It would be your chance to turn the tide in your career.
It sent the motorsport world into a frenzy when your new team announced you and a week later Ferrari announced Fernando as their future driver. The same narrative of you running away from him was passed ahead. And of course, it got to the paddock. Most drivers that were close to you actually congratulated you, but of course, nothing was ever good for Fernando. And despite not fully talking to him, he was always willing to throw a mean comment at you any given day.
“And people said you’re washed” Fernando said right after the news broke, the second to last race of that season, his voice dripping with venom. You knew it was a backhanded compliment, he always did that when he wanted to get a rise out of you. He smirked, waiting for your feral clapback, as you always had one on the tip of your tongue.
But when he looked back at you, your face was stony, and you were looking ahead with your chin raised. You didn’t even look at Fernando, nor answered his taunting. You pretended he wasn’t there but he noticed your eyes were misty.
That had been a low blow, even for him. He didn’t know shit about your feelings regarding your career, but he knew exactly how the world had been treating it, and it made you burn with shame that he could add insult to injury this easily. You wondered why he would say something like that if, just like you, it had been years since the last time he was champion of the world. Two years pushing yourself to the maximum so you could achieve your second championship.
Fernando had been your best friend for so long, he knew exactly what buttons to push when he wanted to hurt you.
When someone else arrived, greeting you, you cleared your throat briefly before answering and plastering a smile that never reached your eyes.
“Are you running away from me?” Fernando cornered you later that same day.
“What?” You paused.
“I went back to Renault and you left, now I’m going to Ferrari and you’re leaving,” he shrugged. You scoffed.
“I’m not sure if you know, but my life doesn’t revolve around you, Fernando.”
“Well, that’s a weird coincidence, don’t you think?”
“What do you want? Why are you here?”
Fernando paused for a second, his eyes searching yours, he looked vulnerable, open like he hadn’t been in so long. He looked every bit your best friend from years before.
“I miss you, I-” He started, then cleared his throat.
“I miss the old you,” You swallowed a whole bunch of your pride just to be able to say those words.
“Things are different now…” Fernando started, his eyes full of hoping, of longing, “We could- maybe we could-”
“Fernando, we’re too far gone, what we said- what we did…” You muttered, feeling a lump in your throat, “how do one come back from that?”
“We could restart. Try again-”
“You lost me forever that day, Fernando.” You muttered, the tears holding on to your eyelashes. You didn’t need to specify the day, he knew, he had seen in your eyes the moment he lost you, “I spent so long hearing your voice in my head, telling me I wasn’t good enough, I shouldn’t be here, and I- I hated you that day. And I had to hold onto this hate, because the alternative was overwhelming sadness.”
There was a numbing silence for a couple of minutes, as you stared down at your own feet, trying to stop all the feelings you spent years carefully locking away from breaking free. So much had happened, you believed you and Fernando were too far to recover now.
“I’m a woman here, the first and only woman in so long, and the whole world was against me. You have no idea how it felt that my best friend, the person I trusted the most, was also against me,” You shook your head, feeling the tears drop.
“I’m sorry, Nena… I’ve never- I’ve never meant any of that.” He muttered, and you didn’t look at him to see if he was being genuine. You had formed walls around your heart to protect yourself from heartbreak, and you now had a hard time believing him.
“There are some things… that are not meant to be.” You didn’t look back at Fernando after you said that, choosing to walk away with this broken heart feeling ever present.
It was hard to keep going everyday. You had always faced backlash for being a woman in Formula 1, and you were used to it. But the media took a turn over the next few years. When you didn’t win more championships, when years passed and you were still there, along with other champions and future champions. They started to call you old, washed, telling you to retire and placing bets on when you’d lose your seat. It was baffling because it had been six years since your championship, but it had been seven years since Fernando’s, but still, you were the only one whose spot was questioned all the time. It was unfair, and whenever they came up to you talking about it, you’d ask them if they’d ask the same to older drivers or other champions. They would leave you alone for a week and then come back stronger, ready to throw your whole career under the bus.
Finally, you got another chance at the championship in 2013, after an unbelievable start of the season with five consecutive wins. That had put you first in the standings for the championship, and from there on, your team molded the season around you. Smooth sailing through the season, you became world champion in Suzuka, way too far ahead in the championship to anyone be able to catch up to you.
When you stood on the podium that night, you cried happy tears. You had once again proved wrong years of demerit from the world. As you looked down to search for your family, your eyes found Fernando right beside them, a proud, emotional look on his face as he kept a hand over his heart, listening to your national anthem.
He nodded at you with a small smile, and a part of you healed a little bit.
You enjoyed a couple of days of pure bliss after becoming world champion. Parties, celebrations and trips, they were all you did for the next few weeks.
When the FIA Prize Giving ceremony came, you had another bombshell to drop at the world. You were the most stunning you ever felt that year when you arrived at the ceremony, in a beautiful dark blue dress with little crystals all over the bodice, a beautiful hairstyle and even more beautiful makeup. Never in your entire career in Formula 1, you had felt so fulfilled, so happy.
Hearing your name being called as the winner, the number one, was different this time, and had much more weight, and it made your heart burst with happiness. As you walked up the stairs to the stage, receiving your trophy, you stopped by the mic.
“Thank you so much. I’d like to thank my family for supporting me from the beginning, my team for making the perfect season, and the perfect car for me to be able to achieve this. I’d like to thank all my teammates that, in one way or another, taught me some valuable lessons as a racer. Thanks to Flavio for taking a chance on my career when probably no one else would.” You said, with a smile. You took a good look around, all the people in this sport who made Formula 1 the most important category of motorsport, all your peers, all the teams. “I’m announcing my retirement from Formula 1, as of right now.”
There was a wave of shock and loud gasps in the whole room, flashes and flashes bulbing harder than before, journalists scrambling to take notes… But you kept smiling, hand firm around your trophy as you let the news settle down before speaking again.
“In 2007 I wanted to pay Flavio back for giving me the opportunity to be here today. That debt was paid that same year. After that year I wanted to win for myself, to write my name in the history books, and my dream is now realized. I feel like I should move on and make space for new upcoming talents.” Your eyes were wet with unshed tears, but you smiled, the first genuine smile in a few years.
Fernando felt his heart drop at your words. Things weren’t supposed to go like this, you two should be best friends, drive together, retire together. Go down in history together.
“I’m grateful for everything this sport provided me, the adventures, traveling around the world, the people I met and the people I lost,” there was a calm pause, and Fernando wondered if you were talking about him too, “Now it’s time to go and achieve new dreams. Thank you very much.”
You turned around and walked away under the applause.
Later, after the ceremony was done, you were getting ready to leave when Fernando came to find you. He was dressed in a beautiful suit, looking like a million dollar man.
“Nena…”
It made you pause. It had been a while since he called you like that with that specific tone.
“What? Came here to gloat?” You couldn’t help but be defensive, worried.
“What?”
“I knew you’d be one of the happiest when I retired.”
“No, I would not-”
“You would, Fernando. You did. Many times you said I was done, that my prime was over, that I should retire…”
“I never thought you’d easily give up!” He shouted at you, “Like you did in 2006, not competing against me.”
“That’s because they didn’t let me compete! Do you think I couldn’t have competed with you back in ‘06? I could, but every time, they would tell me to back off, to let you pass, to not fight you, to not overtake you-” You threw at his face, because you wouldn’t stand there and let him look down on you like that. You refused to back down now that you were finally free. “Pat threatened my seat if disobeyed team orders.”
“What?! Why did you never tell me that?” Fernando looked shocked. His fighting stance was completely gone now.
“You were going to be World Champion again. I would never take that from you,” You whispered, voice failing.
“Nena…” He said, like he wanted to drop everything. “Please, don’t leave. If Red Bull don’t want you, you can find another spot with another team, we can think of something.”
“Fernando, I’m not leaving because the team doesn't want me. In fact, they offered me a 3 year extension.”
“That’s not how it was supposed to go, remember? We planned that-” His voice was kinder than it had been to you in many years, “We would go down in history together. Win together, retire together.”
“When push comes to shove, only one wins… We learned that the hard way.” I say, with a sad smile, “Life doesn’t always go as planned. And I got everything I could ever want from Formula 1. Now it’s time for new stuff.”
“What new stuff?”
“I want to have a family, Fernando. People don’t stick around long for this lifestyle, you know that-” You shook your head.
With one last look at Fernando, your eyes watered, and you walked away.
Sitting on the porch, you looked up at the sky, thinking of what’s next for you. It had been months since you announced your retirement from Formula 1. The new season had already begun. It was your birthday, a refreshing new one.
You heard steps coming closer and your heartbeat sped up as you saw Fernando walking up to you. He sat down by your side, holding a pint of ice cream and two spoons. He handed one to you and in silence, you started eating ice cream.
“I’ve been looking for you,” he said after a few minutes of silence.
“Was it hard to find me?” You asked, with a tentative smile.
“It only took me my whole life to find you again…” He said, wistfully, his eyes shining under moonlight and you didn’t know if those were unshed tears or not, “my best friend, my nena, my girl…”
“I’ve always been here. Right here.” You said, eyes watering. You weren’t sure you could explain what that here meant, but somehow you knew he would understand.
Fernando took your hand, gently placing it on his chest, right above his heart.
“Right here,” he whispered, pressing his hand above yours, over his beating heart, “you were always here.”
Then, he kissed you. For the first time in more than a decade, for what felt like the first time for both of you. As his other hand pulled you closer, the kiss deepened, like a prayer and a promise. Both of you knew there was a lot of resentment to navigate through, and a lot of feelings you’d both have to unravel and understand. But there was one thing that was always there, through hate, anger and hurt… And it was love, unshaken, steadfast love.
As you broke apart, Fernando pulled you into him, hugging you tight for a few minutes, before pulling away to hold your face with both hands, his eyes looking into yours with so much devotion it melted everything away.
“We will be alright.”
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hi! I just discovered your account, and I’m smitten with wave wave dads!! As a new fan can I get a run down on the kiddos / any lore? Also hehehe they named their kid “Microwave” that’s so silly and adorable-
omg hii sure!! this gives me an excuse to update mics ref sheet and make one for jammer, poor girl ive neglected her (someone please teach him how to hold a baby 😭)
thats all the lore ive been wanting to write down, ill open asks in some time later if someone wants to know anything else :)
GUYSDD SO ON SATURDAY I WENT TO THE GAME MEXICO VS HAITI AND I ALMOST GOT A HEART ATTACK CUX OFMFJSJFJEJ I FINALLY SAW DIEGO LAINEZ AND MEMO OCHOA IN PERSON WELL IT WAS LIKE 100 feet away Pero it still counts but like heheh my delulu ass I swear he wants me cuz he was to shy to look back to where I was sitting like he Fr Fr wants oh and he saw my FUCJING STORY HE SAW IT LIKEM OMFGGG KEKDJEKSJD I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT (I need help Pero I don’t wanna get help) I hope u could spot him on the second pic
I throughly enjoyed your TFO!YAN!Sentinel fic where reader is one of the Primes… Pleeaaase consider doing a part 2, genuinely incredible
tw: unhealthy obsession, slight spoilers if you didn't see TFO, power imbalance, a tiny nsfw at the beginning, yan!Sentinel, slight violence, murder/death, toxic relationship. word count: ~1800. a/n: i feel like the results is not what you wanted, anon-. first part here.
He thought that what you had was special. Special in some sick, cruel way, he still enjoyed to the core of his spark. He hated it, that after everything he had done for them, for you, you had the right to dismiss him as if he was your personal servant. Like he was nothing. He worked day and night just for you to finally notice him, to treat him more than just your advisor.
Perhaps you had some sick pleasure in torturing him like that. Where by the end of the long, tiring day, his presence was always welcomed beside yours. A rare moment when you finally stop putting that stoic leader persona for others. You let yourself be vulnerable in front of him, even though every time he has to try so hard to gain at least a tiny sort of reaction from you. He would gladly stay underneath you forever, with your thighs on either side of his head, as he planted each loving kiss across your body.
His blue optics flicker slightly, as he focuses on your back once again. Focus, Sentinel! Not when you are here, discussing the place of your next attack against the quintessons with your brothers and sisters, just as focused on resolving the problem as you are. Sentinel keeps his arms behind his back, his posture straight yet relaxed.
‘ One of the strongest, mighty, and fierce of the Primes,’ he remembers. Is that really what other bots only think of you? They all seem to love you, despite never knowing you personally, like he did. You are always busy with other concerns, protecting your people, thinking of the future of your race, sleepless days and nights of working. You're a Prime, a hope, and everyone looks up to you. It is a remarkable trait, the one he always brings up to the citizens, so they all would be inspired by you, fond of one of their leaders as much as he is.
There are so many gifts in your name...Cards, stickers, calendars, even figures. Every detail painted so, so thoughtfully and carefully, you can swear that there are no imperfections in it. Why would there be one when he personally made sure to make every single one as a perfect copy of you?
When the meeting ends, Sentinel waits until all the other Primes have left the room until there are only you two inside. Always staying till late at night...how typical of you. Rarely seem to care about your own well-being, instead preferring the cold embrace of solitude. Something he partly so admired and hated about you at the same time.
You were never alone, he thinks, you always had him.
Watching one of the last of your siblings leave, Sentinel can't help but think of a soft ‘Finally’ with a roll of his optics, before pushing away from the wall, to approach you.
Sentinel flashes you with his usual, polite smile, the corner of his mouth turning upwards, as he makes a few slow steps towards your form, hunched over the table. That sly mech just couldn't leave you alone for good, always finding a way to persuade you. You had grown to silently appreciate it, for now.
If you try to remember what you felt when you first met him, it was annoyance. The way he talked during meetings, the way the blue-and-golden mech seemed to make sure the other Primes warmed up to him in such a short time—it all felt so wrong and fake. You thought that maybe all he wanted was fame, money, and a good impression, something a young but already so proud cybertronian would dream about.
You were so attentive to every small detail, but had never realized his genuine need for your approval.
“Now that we're alone, I thought that maybe we can talk privately, if you don't mind, my...” Sentinel's words trail off, his optics following your form as you walk past him and towards the exit of the room.
You put your servo in the air the moment he speaks, a silent sign of “later, now is not the time for it”. He shivers. Another reason to dismiss him. Each time, it was always something new. You're too busy with inventing, with your high guards, with everything but him.
At first, he was surprised. His optics widened slightly before returning to their normal size. It hurt, for some reason. He should have gotten used to it by now because...how many times was it this week? It's not like Sentinel was that unfamiliar with you, was he? No, of course not. After dealing with you and your behavior for cycles, he learns how to take it. Despite everything, it still hurts him.
Sentinel can feel his servos clenching into fists at his sides, and a familiar tightness in his throat. Don't say anything, just smile and leave. Don't say anything stupid, for Primus' sake.
“Last time you said this was a week ago,” he smiles at you through clenched teeth, trying so hard not to let his own irritation to take over. You're a Prime, after all. “You forget about it. Again.”
“If you have something to add about our plans with quintessons, say that now,” you pause, yet don't turn around to look back at him. “Or, tell Zeta about it.”
Sentinel's optic nearly twitch when you say that. Is that all you can tell him now? When he is presenting you his own spark on the silver plate? He wants to ignore that disgusting, desperate feeling that roots inside his spark, the need of just to reach for you and stop from leaving him behind. Can't you see how tirelessly he works for you? Puts up with your every whim and call? What should he do now to make you look at him?
“Did you—Did you just ignore what I'm trying to say? No, a better question,” he frowns, his digits pinching the bridge of his nose. The more you frustrate him, the more he paces around you. How ridiculous this situation is. You're still, as stubborn and ignorant as always, and here he is, nearly losing his mind because of you. “Are you even listening to me?”
He had grown so tired of you, all of you, talking, talking, talking about morality and duty, sometimes even his processor couldn't get it. That attitude you had and your ability to drive him mad with just a few words. Cycles of learning every single small detail about you in a tiny hope of your affection, cycles of being just a witness with no real power, so many cycles of humiliation and that's what he receives in return?
Then, when you finally hit him with your simple “are you done?”, he loses it.
He wonders, sometimes, how iaconians would treat you if it weren't for him building that perfect picture of you for them? A rude, dismissive, and ungrateful piece of scrap, that's who you are. Why does he even bother doing something for you when you act like an ungrateful glitch? He hates you, he hates you so much sometimes.
“You are such an ungrateful and selfish bitch sometimes,” Sentinel spat out as he jabbed his index finger at your chassis. Oh no, now he's far from being done, after all, he has a lot of things to say to you right now. “All these countless hours of speeches, and for what? Just to lose another battle.”
You will listen to everything he thinks of you now, it is only fair after being forced to silently listen to you and other Primes. Maybe then you will understand how he truly, actually feels right now. You kept ignoring him for so long, like every shared moment of intimacy didn't mean anything to you. Even then, he can swear that you love him. You care for him, just don't know how to express it properly. But he's fine with it, he is glad enough to lead you through everything if only you agree.
But the only answer you gave him was a hard slap across his face—so hard, it made him fall back on the cold floor with a loud thud. In the first few seconds, he couldn't hear anything but a harsh ringing in his head, and only after he felt the pain reaching to his processor. Sentinel winced a little, already feeling a trail of energon trickling from his nose.
When Sentinel looks up at you, he meets your own gaze, staring down at him. He holds his face, feeling the burn from your slap. You never hurt him before, never affected by his words, Primus, it's not like you even cared about his presence anyway. Why, why you care now? Why you look straight at him with nothing but hate in your optics the last moment he needed it?
He couldn't even say anything as he watches you leave. The words stuck in his throat, despite how much he just wanted to grab your leg and beg you to forgive him. He would plead on his knees for you, wanting to forgive him, just don't go, don't leave him all alone right now. His own spark felt like it was ripped into two pieces and yet, he stays here, servos tightening onto the floor. If you want him be useful, to tell you something about quintessons, he will give you it.
Thankfully for Sentinel, you never mentioned the last incident to any of the Primes. How kind of you to avoid bringing up this topic as if nothing never happened. But as the meeting goes on, Zeta gives both of you a quiet look, with no words being said, there was a thick tension between one of the Primes and their advisor. If only one of them brought the topic up, would it change something? Would it somehow solve everything that was said and happened? Perhaps, it was already too late for that.
Sentinel wished for it to end differently. If only you hadn't been too stubborn, too idealistic, too full of yourself like all the other Primes. Maybe if he just didn't say anything that day, then— No. It was never his fault, he thinks to himself. Everything that happened, all because of you. He was just your loyal and humble advisor, nothing but kind for you.
What a poor sight to see. Cycles of being looked down and here he is, the one holding you in his servos, while you do nothing but struggle to look up at him, mouth open, ready to curse him, to yell, or maybe...to plead? He can only take guess about what you so desperately want to tell him, until you cough up more energon.
“Don't struggle, just shush,” he coos, placing his digit over your mouth. That soft, awfully satisfied and sweet smirk on his face, as if it wasn't him, stabbing you right into your chest a mere minutes ago. “Don't worry, I'll take a good care over Cybertron after you are gone...you'll never be forgotten, my love.”
He makes sure that your own t-cog will forever be a part of him, so maybe now, he finally has a chance to keep you with him forever.