Latest Posts by marchlilacs - Page 2

my rooster doesn’t crow when the sun rises, he crows when he hears humans wake up, like you can literally just roll over in bed and he’s like “hoLY SHIT THAT’S A PEOPLE THE HUMAN ISAWAKE AHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

when I was 14 I worked in a grocery store and one day I got to bag Stephen King’s groceries and of course, being the little horror fiction nerd I am I was completely starstruck

I think he thought I was gonna ask for an autograph because I was not even lowkey staring I was full on moon-faced and bouncing and he kept looking over at me hesitantly like aw jeez kid fuck off

anyways I finally managed to squeak out that I was a huge fan and asked for advice on writing, “how do I write as well as you do?” in my horrible thick German accent and broken ass English and he gave me the best writing advice I have ever received

“shit kid, stop worrying about how other people do it and just write your story”

14 years later my wife and I nearly hit him with our car because he was jaywalking

Great news everyone. There was a kitten wandering in the drive thru at work and my inner warrior cats kid tried to be a hero and capture him.

I have now suffered multiple puncture wounds and have to go to the emergency room.

little miss awful body temperature regulation is taking his hoodie off again

would you still love me if i was a worm?

I'm glad that people are still having fun on tumblr even after we found out about the frightening ghoul that reblogs posts but doesn't say anything

tips on what to say when someone says they have a seafood allergy:

if you care for them, you can say, "thank you for informing me--i won't have seafood near you"

if you hate them, you can say, "my shrimpathies"

would die for a fresh hot corn on the cob rn

Has anyone ever done a spectrum that classifies anime protagonists by how much they like milk where the two extremes are Edward Elric, who never misses an occasion to voice his visceral hatred for milk, and Mob, who willingly let himself be "tricked" into a fight with a cult leader, who was also an evil spirit in disguise, only because in doing so he could drink three bottles of milk

I once heard a quote by a dude named Alan Watts that went “A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts. So, he loses touch with reality, and lives in a world of illusions” and now when I get trapped in an anxiety spiral that likes to pop in too

2018 tumblr post:

1: why do they call it a boner when theres no bone in it

2: there used to be

3: why does this sound so ominous

2025 tumblr post:

1: forward my shambling soldiers and slay without thinking. let blood flow into every crevice of this rotten land

2: yes my lady

3: yes my lady

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver

i think one of the most important things you learn about making connections with others is that a significant portion of the time people just do not know theyre doing what theyre doing

Me: *stubs my toe* "AH FUCK!"

Mass of quivering flesh that's been growing in my cabinet and slowly feeding off my suffering until it develops sentience: *takes first breath*

My boyfriend just woke up, mostly still asleep and told me “don’t worry, it’s getting better” in a heavy, American accent, which is unusual for an Australian man.

“Why are you American?” I asked, to which I got:

“Sorry, it’s getting better” in a stereotypical posh English accent.

“Why are you English?” I asked, amused.

“What is he normally?” He managed to ask.

“He? You’re not anyone else, you’re you.”

“Ugh, me” was the last thing he said, in a right proper Aussie accent before he fell back into proper sleep.

Sometimes I love the internet, actually. Incomprehensibly huge place but also so small. Saw a video on Instagram where Crayola was announcing they’re coming out with a box with some limited edition previously retired colors, including Dandelion. This video had hundreds of comments and almost all of them where “omg where’s the dandelion crayon girl she’s going to be so happy” and it was such an unimportant thing, but it was just cute

Ocean

go to this random coordinates generator and say in the tags how you would fare if you were dropped where it generates without warning. i’ll go first i’d be dropped in the middle of the fucking south atlantic ocean and perish

😐 ........ (says nothing but the force of my emotion throws everyone backwards 20 feet)

Give me a V!

Reblog this last

Reblog this second

Reblog this first

shit man tomorrow is christmas eve i swear yesterday was June 2010

follow forthefuns for more funny stuff

one CREEPY spider just earned the KISS of a lifetime- turning her back into her original princess form! (larger spider