BRO- LEMME TELL YOU SOMTHIN- LET ME TELLYOUS OMTHING- WHEN I SAW KALDO FRICKING GEHENNA I Became A Fricking

BRO- LEMME TELL YOU SOMTHIN- LET ME TELLYOUS OMTHING- WHEN I SAW KALDO FRICKING GEHENNA i became a fricking mad dog without a leash, SOMEONE PLEASE SEDATE ME-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SWEAR OMGOSH-HE'S SO- MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. anyways i'm so normal about him could i request sum smol hc??:)) please and thank y<3

kaldo gehenna is not a snack.

he's an entire gourmet meal.

i'm taking a different route and writing for him as a big bro bc he just gives a big bro vibe to me <3

reader is fem! reader

ᵗʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵐʸ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰ⁻ ʸᴼᵁᴿ ᴮᴿᴼᵀᴴᴱᴿ ?!

being kaldo's sister includes...

first of all, i'm so sorry you were born from the same womb as him

sucks to suck because he makes your life miserable in the best way possible and you're not even sure if that's physically possible, but somehow he makes it happen.

if you had a nickle for each time someone asked you if you and kaldo were dating because you guys are 1) opposite genders 2) look NOTHING alike and 3) get along fairly well in public, you would not need any inheritance money from your family to be rich.

at this point, kaldo is ready burn whoever asks either of you if you guys are romantically involved, like seriously he's sitting like "i raise this girl from the crib, we share a crib, we have world war five thousand in the same crib, and if i didn't know any better i would think i birthed this gremlin myself-"

you have a love hate relationship with him, take it or leave it.

of course, you guys will love each other and protect each other when it matters, but if it's a random ass tuesday, he'll throw a slice of cheese at your face

imagine the look on your brother's coworkers' faces when you waltz in like "where the hell is the burning pile of trash i need to beat the shit out of him-"

legit the security guards nearly had to sedate you to calm you down

and kaldo over here skipping down the hallway, sees you, goes "tee hee" and skedaddles.

everyone saw that

they don't know how to feel about it

and they have no clue what he did, but they're pretty sure he signed a death warrant with the way you're ready to bite someone's head off

not even orter knows what to do, he's standing there confused out of his mind

by the time they calm you down enough to ask you what happened (kaldo farted and made it look like it was you in front of your crush), no one has the right to be mad at you

honestly, if they were a teen and their sibling pulled some mad shit like that, they'd be upset too

i'm not kidding, i'm pretty sure orter would rip wirth's head off, like i'm sorry but i can't imagine that not happening-

however, kaldo has to deal with you at some point because you live in the same house

there's no avoiding this one for him

he did this to himself

other than the occasional war he starts on his own, kaldo is generally a reliable big brother.

reliable as in he's going to count every single favor you ask from him and make you pay for every single one of them back

and yes, he's fed you honey sashimi and made you eat a whole serving as a dare, and i don't think you can look at honey the same way anymore.

however, regardless of how shitty he is 90% of the time, there will never be a day he leaves you hanging when you're in danger.

oh, someone's stalking you? don't worry, he's already stalking them back. there's been an assassination attempt on you? nah, he already tailing them, and they should be on their deathbed some time soon lmao

doesn't tolerate a single bit of disrespect towards you

it doesn't matter if you did something wrong first (though he highly doubts it because his baby sister is a model citizen and is smart enough to know what the law is).

honestly, it's already going to ring alarm bells in his head if someone starts blaming you the moment they see him because yes, he knows you're a hotheaded person, but you know the difference between what's self-defense and what's down-right harrassment.

and all the times you've been in trouble with the law because you jumped somebody, it was all self-defense.

one time, some guy tried groping you, another time a saleswoman was yelling at you and nearly shaking you by the shoulder when you claimed her goods were fake, and the first time you got in trouble you were a kid giving one of the poorer kids an apple that you were going to pay for... but the vendor called you a thief before you could get your allowance out.

yeah, kaldo doubts you'd cause any serious problems, and he already knows who's going to jail by the look on your face.

like people might think they can get away with messing with you because you're a spoiled little girl from a noble family, but they don't count on the fact your brother will breathe down their neck with murderous intent until they give you an honest apology.

he's the only one who can mess with you and get away with it. not even his own coworkers gets a pass. thankfully, they don't blame you for some illegal shit that happened, but if something happens and kaldo manages to hear what happened, he's going to be side-eyeing them for a while.

the only time normal citizens get to see what his eyes look like is when he's defending you, and honestly, they wish they could be the person they were before then.

i'm so serious that kaldo is HORRIFYING when he's angry, but thankfully, he's not an easy guy to piss off. in most cases, he'll piss someone else off before they get a chance to annoy him.

one time some random noblewoman pretended that you ran into her during a party of sorts and made her spill wine all the way down her dress just to yell at you.

little did she know mr. flame cane was at the party too, and it's no secret that you're a member of the gehenna family, let alone the only sister of kaldo.

honestly, he's onto her like a fucking sleep paralysis demon.

same with anyone else who thinks messing with you is a good idea.

and people who DO know you can clap cheeks as good as your brother can KNOWS not to mess with you.

your coworkers? perfect behavior, never sasses you, has great manners, never raises their voices at you.

your friends? they get some leeway, but only if they're messing with you as a joke. they know more than well not to cross your boundaries.

your lover?

you don't have one.

kaldo made some impossible quiz type thing that basically disqualifies all your possible suitors to be your potential lover.

overprotective, yes, but unless you genuinely love someone and it's obvious to him they love you just as much, if not more, then he won't stop the tomfoolery.